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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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CC24 I'm just confused
  • replies: 1

Does anyone else also struggle with depending a lot on others and having a lot of conflicting back and forth thoughts? Especially when it comes to relationship with themselves and others. Recently, I have started feeling and thinking that other peopl... View more

Does anyone else also struggle with depending a lot on others and having a lot of conflicting back and forth thoughts? Especially when it comes to relationship with themselves and others. Recently, I have started feeling and thinking that other people don't care about me. Especially when it comes to my friends. Or that no one is really putting me first. Because I feel as though most of the time, I am the one that always initiates catch ups and things to do and try my best to give others a good time when we do meet up. I am quite shy though. Despite this, many people don't reach out to me first. I can't ignore the feeling of just being cast aside by others. Or feel so disappointed and let down by others. This makes me feel sad for a few moments but then I start telling myself that its healthy if I don't rely on other people to make me happy. Here is were the back and forth really starts. - I want to be loved and really be shown by others that they love me. - I feel ashamed and hate that I am relying on others when I should make myself happy and not care about others.- We are humans and feeling like this is okay because we thrive on social connections. - But I hate that other people have such control over my emotions and I don't want to feel sad and lonely because of them. Etc. Etc. I have conflicting thoughts writing this post right now - This is nothing compared to some of the serious mental health issues others might be going through. - Even small things like this can affect people a lot so I shouldn't be ashamed about this. - But am I making a big deal out of this? Etc. Etc. I am just confused about my own feelings and thoughts. Which side should I listen to. Distraction helps to snap out of these 'moments'. But it has only worked for so long before it catches up to me again. And over time, it catches up sooner. How to approach and address this? Because I am getting sick of it. I had a lot of breakdowns where I feel down about my personality, feeling like I am not good enough for others or even worse compare myself and feel that I am not as great as others. And I really want to snap out it so I can just enjoy my life. Apart from talking to others, are there any other techniques? Because I don't feel comfortable opening up about these issues to other people even if I am close to them.

icecreamspider Struggling with a good friend
  • replies: 1

I seem to have an issue with friends where when i get close enough to them i start to find myself unable to stand them. I start to get uncomfortable around them and regret doing anything with them. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t want to hate t... View more

I seem to have an issue with friends where when i get close enough to them i start to find myself unable to stand them. I start to get uncomfortable around them and regret doing anything with them. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t want to hate these friends because they’re great but right now i just can’t stand being around them. Every time this happens i either leave whatever chat i’m in to distance myself and stop messaging them for a little while, or the friendship will end altogether. This time around i left the chat but after a week the friend seemed upset and told their mum who told mine who talked to me, so i rejoined the group, and am now unable to leave again for fear of upsetting them. I don’t want to hate this person, i get along with them great usually, but now i’m really uncomfortable around them and i’ve even had multiple nightmares centered around them. I don’t know what to do. Can anyone help me?

Twitchywitchy Stuck and lost
  • replies: 1

I have been dating someone for 7 years and have lived together twice. He recently moved out but we were still together. I recently found out he has been on some hookup websites and doing meth behind my back. He has also done this in previous years. H... View more

I have been dating someone for 7 years and have lived together twice. He recently moved out but we were still together. I recently found out he has been on some hookup websites and doing meth behind my back. He has also done this in previous years. He has done alot in 7 years to upset me and lose trust. I was going to break up with him but I'm stuck feeling like I want him to care and want me. He says it was all a mistake and would never act on it.I'm confused, crying alot. I can't eat, I'm doing the bare minimum to take care of my teen daughter. I'm also stressed about my work losing its funding and my job ending. Plus my daughter has major surgery coming up.I don't know what to do. I don't know who to talk to and I don't know how to function anymore. All I do is sit and cry and not eat. I've had to take time off work.

Guest_1584 How to help my d through things and to get started in life ?
  • replies: 6

Hi bb. My d is 21 and has had what l'd say is fairly mild bp , just going on what l've learned of others over the yrs. But the depression , mainly caused through the terrible runs and heartbreak she's had has been just terrible. And every time she's ... View more

Hi bb. My d is 21 and has had what l'd say is fairly mild bp , just going on what l've learned of others over the yrs. But the depression , mainly caused through the terrible runs and heartbreak she's had has been just terrible. And every time she's picked herself up again mths later, something else happens.lt only started coming out a yr or so after leaving school , before that she'd always been a very intelligent and grounded person. But so much has happened since and Covid came a long as well. Terrible and heartbreaking runs with friends and boys and courses closing through Covid, jobs lined up instead closing and on and on. She's also wanted move out for a long time too but then there's been rental shortages and crazy rents when there was something. She finally found something about an hr away moved over and finding her feet, so beautiful to see. She only wanted to get started there and think about courses, direction and stuff and just find her feet. Then the young guy she was sharing had some problems and she's had to move out and back home. After everything else she's been through,she finally gets a start and was bouncing back but now this. She feels lost and hopeless again and it's also really hurt her yet again too he just turned and asked her to move. Poor thing and after everything else. Her confidence and spirits is totally shot again and she hates having to be home again but just doesn't know what to do. Can't get ahead financially enough either and on and on and Mh is slipping again. On the housing front we've said yaknow, everyone bounces to and from home to start and courses or jobs don't turn out to be what you hoped and stuff,boys, the whole lot. Try not to take it to heart you'll find a new situation and get started again. But after everything she's been through now this, l just dk how to help and we're very worried about her. MH clinic has been useless. Also wondering , are there any numbers or helpline suitable for a 21yr where she could just call and talk or get counsel . Her so called MH team have been useless. They don't even ask anything or talk says the only thing they say is you got a job yet , l just mean wt ??? And that's been the same with the both offices she's been involved with. rx

sarah_jess121 Partner broke up with me because of his mental health. Is it right thing to do?
  • replies: 1

Hello amazing people. My partner (27M) was diagnosed with BPD/trauma disorder three months ago - it was a massive eye-opener and confirmed everything I already knew. Our relationship has been going on for 2.5 years now, with many many ups and down. H... View more

Hello amazing people. My partner (27M) was diagnosed with BPD/trauma disorder three months ago - it was a massive eye-opener and confirmed everything I already knew. Our relationship has been going on for 2.5 years now, with many many ups and down. However, for the past 6 months, it has been at an all time low when he had his first mental breakdown and ever since then, his BPD behaviours have been coming out in extremely harmful ways (binge drinking, going M.I.A on me on a night out, unfaithfulness, verbal abuse, physical violence to objects). Overall, my partner is sick of trying to get help (goes to counselling, seen a psychiatrist and signing up for DBT soon) and then keeps stuffing up. He thinks he needs to go through a hard long process of recovery but doesn't feel like trying anymore and doesn't want to bring me down just because he is no consistent. So we both decided the only thing left to do is break up for good. He also says he sees the impact his BPD is having on my mental health more than ever and can't promise he will be better. He is tired of hurting me and cares about me too much to see me cry again. We love each other so so much and when he is stable, he is the best boyfriend in the world. Unfortunately, no one can live in an inconsistent and painful state. So at the end of the month, I am moving out and we will go strictly no contact. I don't want this to happen and apart of me thinks "why can't he just get the help he needs and work hard now so he can be better for us?" but i know that's not easy. What do I do? How am I supposed to go on when I have to let the one person I have loved more than anything go? I didn't just love him, I loved his soul and I saw his pain and traumas, and loved him even more. It feels like there is this third person in the relationship (the incurable mental illness) and we have no control over it. I am absolutely heartbroken.

Lost-1958 Lost-1958
  • replies: 2

Hi,I'm a 64-year-old male who left a 30-year marriage, because I hadn't had any love or affection from my second wife for 10 years. I only stayed the distance because of the children, work and put family then work before anything I needed; and ended ... View more

Hi,I'm a 64-year-old male who left a 30-year marriage, because I hadn't had any love or affection from my second wife for 10 years. I only stayed the distance because of the children, work and put family then work before anything I needed; and ended up having a breakdown. My two youngest daughters who are both adults are giving me grief about leaving the marriage and I can't move on because the divorce hasn't been finalized yet. One daughter believes that I should not be trying to find affection with another woman but should be staying close by not going overseas and rebuilding a relationship with them. She moved a 4 hour drive away 3 years ago and only communicates by Facebook with me.

steven250 Bpd ex broke up with me need opinions
  • replies: 3

Me and my ex gf been broken up for 4 weeks now. She broke up with me randomly. She told me that morning she loves me and she happy to have me in my life 2 hours later broke up with me. It was messy I was hurt because it was a great relationship and a... View more

Me and my ex gf been broken up for 4 weeks now. She broke up with me randomly. She told me that morning she loves me and she happy to have me in my life 2 hours later broke up with me. It was messy I was hurt because it was a great relationship and also just a perfect person. She has me blocked on everything because she doesn’t want anything to do with me she said to a friend. She loves me but doesn’t care about me. She been out partying and I know this because she’s talking to my mum. Sending mum photos of her out with guys. And she went back to her home and she’s texting my mum a lot more. They don’t talk about me. But yeah it hurts. I told her if we break up block my family and don’t have contact. Dad it annoyed because he believes you don’t not have the boyfriend but get the family. I’m confused as you want nothing to do with me but then talking to my mum more and more frequently. I need help. Does she miss me? Is she thinking about me? I’m going to talk to her this week coming up need advice please help!

bluebrisbane38 Want advice on surviving discovered affair
  • replies: 1

I've been happily (at least I thought so) married for 10yrs & I have four kids with my wife. We moved to Australia early 2022 but something has seemed off for a while. She hasn't wanted to engage in anything sexual for years claiming that she just di... View more

I've been happily (at least I thought so) married for 10yrs & I have four kids with my wife. We moved to Australia early 2022 but something has seemed off for a while. She hasn't wanted to engage in anything sexual for years claiming that she just didn't feel the urge, she didn't want sex and didn't want me to even touch her. To set the stage here, I look young for my age (38), I'm tall, very well endowed and know how to please her on the rare occasion she'll let me. She went back to our original country to visit her parents mid last year while I looked after all the kids and made the mistake of purchasing a Tinder subscription using our shared credit card which alerted me on my phone. I sank into a deep hole of depression and asked her about it when she got back. She claimed it was for a friend who felt embarrassed about using it themselves so she was helping them. I took that as she said it at the time because I trust her and I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. She had trouble making friends here and turned to "Friends" channel on Bumble. I was very uncomfortable with this so I asked her to remove it. She went out dancing with girl friends until the sunrise every second week and then started disappearing during the day almost every day for 4-5hrs at a time. My phone is pretty old and I'd just bought her a new one when we moved here so I asked if I could use her old phone. I plugged it into my computer to make sure all her photos were saved before I wiped it and a message popped up in Instagram from someone she'd been sexting with. I felt like I couldn't breath.I called her and with tears in my eyes begged her not to go through with it and she said she'd come straight home and talk with me. She claimed nothing had happened with that person. She told me she'd been going to an abuse support group all those days she'd been away and was planning on leaving me. I was confused and terrified. I've never abused her. I am guilty of being too focused on work, being stuck in provider mode but that's it. She said that there was a guy there that she went on one date with but they did nothing more than have coffee. I identified areas where I can improve and I make more time for her and have cut work right back. She said the changes are amazing and she's happy. I'll post more in reply comment.

PsychedelicFur I think I am in a co-dependent relationship
  • replies: 11

I believe I am in a codependent relationship. My partner constantly tells me that "if you leave me I will cry and cry and never be happy again." AND "I can't live without you." As you can imagine, these comments would make anyone feel extremely suffo... View more

I believe I am in a codependent relationship. My partner constantly tells me that "if you leave me I will cry and cry and never be happy again." AND "I can't live without you." As you can imagine, these comments would make anyone feel extremely suffocated and uncomfortable. I have told him it makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't like it but he still does it. He says he only does it out of love though. He also says "if you leave me I will never be happy again. You are my reason to be happy." It's A LOT of pressure on me, as you can imagine. He also constantly cries if I try to break things off with him or if I talk to him about other serious issues. I feel like I can't communicate serious issues with him without him getting upset. I feel like I can't evolve as a person. I feel a bit stuck. He also constantly tells me to marry him and move in with him and I tell him NO but he still brings it up. I know.. deep down I am not ready at all for such big and life changing commitments. University is my top priority, it will help me more in the long run. He still calls me his 'wife' in front of friends too.. even when I tell him to not do it.. I love and care about him but he is HEAVILY reliant on me for his happiness. I don't know what to do... I am scared to leave him because then all of his friends, family and even he will probably hate me. I have tried but it's really hard to deal with.

Mortho supportive partner needs a break
  • replies: 2

Hey all, to say i’m exhausted is an understatement, my husband is suffering depression and anxiety he has had a hospital admission in the last 3 months . is it wrong if i suggest one night a week he stays at his mums im thinking a sunday night so i c... View more

Hey all, to say i’m exhausted is an understatement, my husband is suffering depression and anxiety he has had a hospital admission in the last 3 months . is it wrong if i suggest one night a week he stays at his mums im thinking a sunday night so i can have some recharging time before the work week begins .he is constantly obsessive about different things and doesn’t let up, i have set some boundaries and will spend a lot of time redirecting his thoughts. I feel bad for wanting a break but the last few years have taken a toll on me. i’m super supportive but i think it’s to my own demise if that makes sense. just writing this makes me feel extremely sad and emotionally