So very very lonely

[Skary Bill]

Like most people here, I've got a bunch of things going on.. Self improvement. Managing anxiety, financial and physical limitations. But I have a problem that has been steadily forcing it's way to the top of the list. It's having a profound effect on everything else and I'm at risk of getting quite stuck on it.

Quite simply, I have no friends. Family is scattered far and wide and.. well.. Family, as in there is love there. But not mateship. I've been quite active online since I began suffering agoraphobia. But online friendships are often fleeting and lack depth. And recent changes in my accommodation options force me to move back to the bush where I don't even have a phone signal let alone internet.

While I'm a reasonably sociable person who is community spirited. I've never been particularly needy, and so I guess for a while I was happy doing my own thing. But some months ago now, I stood in my shed.. Looked at something I just made, realised I had nobody to share it with and suddenly understood just how very lonely I actually am. Since then, I've been looking. I've been challenging my agoraphobia to get out there and meet people. I've been going along to men's sheds and doing some volunteering. I've been looking around online for people near me with similar interests. And folks, I've struck out completely. Everyone I've encountered has either had a good couple of decades on me and deep into retirement. Or they are younger and wilder, and the ones around my age (early 40's) are for the most part busy with families.

So it seems I've become quite the outsider. And when I go back to the bush. I can go weeks without seeing another human. It's devastating and I can't see the way out from here. I'm thinking about saving up to buy a motorcycle that is suited to touring, locking the remnants of my life in a shipping container and hitting the road. But even then, I'm writing cheques my anxiety probably can't cash lol.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I'm staying with a relative for the weekend. Enjoying the internet. I guess I'm sharing because I just need to talk to someone. 🙂

Cheers,

Bill.

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy and Bill,

Great to read your stories here. My first husband used to pull his motorbike apart in the loungeroom and use the kitchen sink to clean everything.

When he started working on cars, the engines were a bit too heavy to carry inside! He would strip them down and do what he could inside. We did have a perfectly good shed!!!

It sounds excellent to have a passion and a project. Hope it goes well for you Bill. I can imagine streamers coming from the handlebars and a hippy chick on the back! Ha. Ha.

Cheers to you both from Dools

[hope4joy]

Hi Bill, and everyone else that is pottering around this thread

I've really enjoyed reading the exchanges and just wanted to say hello. I was active on this site a few years ago and haven't posted in a very good while but if i'm struggling with mood and feeling isolated I often hop on and have a read... and your heading about being really lonely Bill, grabbed my attention. Somehow when I'm feeling down it helps me to know that its not just me but that other people also feel similar things like loneliness and that we are moving forward together.

I always remember this guy telling me that he was a lone wolf but that he still needed people - and I think that describes me very well. I'm also pretty independent and enjoy making things and doing things on my own, and I don't need many friends. But at present I just have one pretty good friend and that's not enough to keep the social side of me sane. And like you said Bill, its sad not to have someone to share the triumphs and less-triumphunt things with.

Anyhow, I'm just starting to accept that in order to change my situation I need to get out and meet people and reading through what you've been up to with volunteering and men's sheds and buying an amazing sounding bike are very inspiring. Have you collected the bike yet? You sound like such an interesting person and someone who would be a great friend. So thanks for sharing on here.

Kind wishes,

Hope

[blondguy]

Hi Bill

Thank-you again for all the support you provided to new members in the wee hours a few days ago!

Excellent profile pic by the way.....and yes I have looked like that many times too!!

Great to have you as part of the forum family Bill (thumbs up!)

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Guest_1584]

Gday bill.

l didn't realize your place was so isolated reading your plans on the home improve thread. So sorry to hear that if it doesn't agree with you. Go scooting about on that bike up and down all around and see whos about. there's often lots of people ticked away in bushy ares you don't see '. Any towns around ? Also ask around about who's phone pics up and who they're with too you might find another carrier works ok there. Over at my cabin the main mob doesn't pick up at all but some of the others do, just a thought.

trip sounds cool maybe you end up packing a bag anyway eh.

All the best

rx

[Skary Bill]

Hi everyone, thanks heaps for the lovely replies. I'm really surprised to not find one from me in here, because I sat on the back of the ute on the side of a country road and made a post with my phone. It seems like I lost reception or something and it never came through. Please don't think I didn't appreciate everyone's contribution.

Grandy, your list of bikes made me really smile. Some absolute classics in there. I too had a 70's bonny, complete with a leather bag full of spare bolts. And an 80's Duc with it's rattly dry clutch. Such fond memories.

Dools, One of these days, I hope to create the shed/lounge of my dreams. The perfect blend of both worlds 🙂 And yes lol, I think streamers just might be required.

Hope, Hi, thanks for joining in and sorry about the slow reply. Yes, I got the bike 2 days ago now, Rode it for the first time yesterday and managed by the skin of my teeth to get a roadworthy certificate for it. One ride in and I've fallen head over heals in love with it. I've decided she's definitely a girl, and I'm going to paint her red and name her Ruby.. Ruby Red.

Paul, Hi Paul, It's been my pleasure to contribute where I feel I can. I'm a firm believer in the idea that the more you put in to a group, the more you get out. I must say, I take my hat off to you and all the community champion types. Sometimes I look at peoples threads and shy away, afraid to say something wrong. But you folks always know the right thing to say.

RX, Hi again. Yes, it's isolated. But.. It's just so darn beautiful there. And it can be lonely and uncomfortable sure. But it could be a beautiful place to call home nevertheless.. Particularly if I develop some infrastructure. The nearby town is so rural. There's 9 pubs in the main st sort of thing lol. Nobody is online, all the networking is done by bumping into ppl on main st. It's not unwelcoming, but I am a bit of a fringe dweller down there. I sure wish I could get Optus coverage, as I've found a great on-seller for internet data on that network. I get much better telstra coverage but boy are they not cheap. I think my next step is to try some booster kits and weld up a nice tall antenna tower.

[Skary Bill]

A general update to the thread. I got the bike. It was a gamble to think that I would feel any better about getting out on that than I do in the car. But the gamble paid off.. I'd forgotten just how singular one's focus becomes when riding. It's one of those pursuits like taichi where you just can't think about other things while doing it. I used to call it active meditation.

I'm not saying it's for everyone. It's still dangerous when you share roads with cars and trucks. (And wallabys) But at least the fear is REAL lol. I'm just going to pace myself, take it easy.. Get to know this machine and my own limits. But I've already decided that I'd much rather face the reality and fears of riding than hide away in my own little world being afraid of everything and nothing anyway. If nothing else, the riding provides me with some adrenaline lol.

Anyway, I just wanted to share.. Early days, but it feels like I've taken a positive step. There is no way to describe the amount of value I've taken from being able to talk to you all about my journey and hear about yours. My thanks to you all.

Bill.

[Doolhof]

Hi Bill,

Congratulations on getting the bike! Sounds like an excellent decision for you. Just want to let you know I am envious! Maybe you could share more about your rides and the feeling you have while on the bike.

By the way, I have posts that disappear as well, I never know why, maybe I push the wrong button or something. Love to hear from you again.

Back to the bike, one of my girlfriends elderly Mums wanted to go for a ride on a motor bike. Some guy heard of her request and took her out for a ride. She loved it!

You never know what doors your motor bike might open.

I'm sure there are other bike riders who might like to join you in a day trip even.

All the best, cheers from Dools

[Skary Bill]

Hi Dools,

Loving the bike.. Loving being able to leave the house without feeling awful the whole time. Today wasn't overly successful if I'm honest. I got up early and rode off to find a couple of group rides that I read about online.. But nobody seemed to have turned up for either of them. And I got my arms pretty badly sunburned while sitting around waiting lol. (Douh)

Cheers,

Bill.

But early days yet. So I went for a nice ride.. Turns out my cute lil bike is pretty much flat out on a highway. As far as touring goes, it's great for around town 🙂 But I'll get out the tools and see if I can improve on that a little. Anyway, even if I can't change that aspect. I'm still happy, the way it's opened up getting out more easily makes it worth every cent.

[Guest_1584]

Gday Bill

Place sounds lovely and l probably know how it feels and it's potential for such a nice home. l've spent a lot of time in central vic bush areas and looked at a lot of properties back when, still love the feel of them. One l was only mid 20s but l swear l'd still be there if l did buy it, wish l could've to be honest.

l use to ride , been about 19yrs though , had a few nice bikes.l still miss it and thought about getting another one too last few years, who knows haha , could still be on the cards.

Take care and enjoy eh.

rx

[Guest_1584]

ps, Well at least the pubs are still alive right, so many country town pubs close up now down they, real shame l reckon.