So very very lonely

[Skary Bill]

Like most people here, I've got a bunch of things going on.. Self improvement. Managing anxiety, financial and physical limitations. But I have a problem that has been steadily forcing it's way to the top of the list. It's having a profound effect on everything else and I'm at risk of getting quite stuck on it.

Quite simply, I have no friends. Family is scattered far and wide and.. well.. Family, as in there is love there. But not mateship. I've been quite active online since I began suffering agoraphobia. But online friendships are often fleeting and lack depth. And recent changes in my accommodation options force me to move back to the bush where I don't even have a phone signal let alone internet.

While I'm a reasonably sociable person who is community spirited. I've never been particularly needy, and so I guess for a while I was happy doing my own thing. But some months ago now, I stood in my shed.. Looked at something I just made, realised I had nobody to share it with and suddenly understood just how very lonely I actually am. Since then, I've been looking. I've been challenging my agoraphobia to get out there and meet people. I've been going along to men's sheds and doing some volunteering. I've been looking around online for people near me with similar interests. And folks, I've struck out completely. Everyone I've encountered has either had a good couple of decades on me and deep into retirement. Or they are younger and wilder, and the ones around my age (early 40's) are for the most part busy with families.

So it seems I've become quite the outsider. And when I go back to the bush. I can go weeks without seeing another human. It's devastating and I can't see the way out from here. I'm thinking about saving up to buy a motorcycle that is suited to touring, locking the remnants of my life in a shipping container and hitting the road. But even then, I'm writing cheques my anxiety probably can't cash lol.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I'm staying with a relative for the weekend. Enjoying the internet. I guess I'm sharing because I just need to talk to someone. 🙂

Cheers,

Bill.

[Doolhof]

Hi Bill and greetings to all reading,

It is a shame the ride with others didn't work out. I tried catching up with a group activity once...I had the wrong week!

Sounds like you made the most out of the ride anyway, hope the sunburn calms down. Also hope you are able to connect with another group ride in the future. Do you know anyone with a bike who might like to join you for a ride?

You could always go to an old folks home and see if someone wants to join you!

I organised a Harley ride for my Dad when he turned 60 and he loved it!

You certainly can get a feeling of freedom on a motor bike!

Cheers from Dools

[Skary Bill]

Hi all, just having a lol at my messed up previous post.

Does anyone else re-read and edit their posts a lot before hitting submit? I tend to do quite a bit of fine tuning on mine and that one went sideways lol.

Hey Dools, I had a call yesterday afternoon from the lady listed as the contact for one of the main riding groups I've been trying to connect with. Most of them are out of town at a big camp out, so that's why it was so quiet. Anyway, she was very welcoming and will let the group know of my likely attendance at the planned midweek ride on Wed. So I'm looking forward to that. I literally poured soothing gel and sorbolene repeatedly onto my well baked arms and I think by some miracle will avoid major peeling despite the lobsterization that occurred. Sadly, my lil bike only has 1 seat, and about enough power to lug me around. But I already have plans to make it look really sweet before selling it and trading up.

Hi RX, Yeah, I'll stop short of actually recommending a bike.. Because, you know.. it's still a risky life choice. But I think my daily "therapy" sessions are here to stay. I'm in the big smoke at the moment getting some things done, but I can't wait to have the lil bike out on the quiet country roads near the property. It's going to take a lot of stress off the whole, running into town thing.

Hey, when you say central Vic.. What's a town nearby that I can use to get my bearings? I've spent a bit of time in Vic, but mostly South East near towns like Toora, etc..

[Doolhof]

Hi Bill,

That is excellent news that the lady contacted you regarding the bike riding group! Hopefully you will be able to meet up and make some connections with people there.

Don't be at all concerned if you feel like you have messed up a post. I do that quite often. I actually sent a reply to a guy whom I thought was you and suggested he get his frustrations out by chopping wood ready for the winter. I believe that guy actually lives in the city!

Regarding sunburn, sounds like you managed to get yours under control. I have bought some Aloe Vera spray and that works a treat for me. Good thing is when you have accidently roasted yourself, you just spray the stuff on and don't have to rub!

We're having a hot week here in S.A. We could certainly do with some rains, I know many parts of Australia could.

Hey Bill, you mentioned motor bikes are a risk, so are push bikes for me! Ha. Ha.

Cheers to you and all from Dools

[Guest_1584]

Gday Bill

Well there ya go eh you might have some riding company after all , nice goin.

But ahh , don't think l'll be getting another bike any time soon . Money , got a daughter , bla bla. Yeah we were all through the Castlemain to Daylesford areas . lt's all come such a long way over there since back then , every time l go through now just wish l stayed there but anyway.

How's the place goin , winning?. GF and me are going back over to the cabin property next week for about round 5 of still cleaning up after that guy. Few more and it should be back to itself.

Cheers

rx

[Skary Bill]

Hi folks, I just got home from that ride today..

It turned out to be much more than just a quick ride to get coffee lol. My bum stopped talking to me about 3 hours ago 😕 But it was great to get out of my comfort zone and meet some people. So mission accomplished.

RX, I haven't been back down to the block for a week now. Between fixing my ute from the last trip to buying bikes and collecting shed kits etc, I've just not managed to get away. Tomorrow night I'm going to the bigger 'bigsmoke' to go see a well known psychologist who is doing a speaking tour. Honestly, pretty stressed out about it, but I bought the ticket last year and reading this person's book has been really good for me. So I'm going to push myself to venture yet again from my comfort zone. Then come Friday I'm escaping to my fortress of solitude in the bush for a much needed recuperation lol. I can't wait to try out my new Brushcutter and sure hope the weather plays nice. 🙂

Oh.. man.. Round 5 and not done. I shudder to think. Sounds like that guy really let you down pretty badly. I hope you're able to get it sorted without too many more visits. Is it safe to assume it's not rented while you're fixing it up?

Bill.

[Doolhof]

Hi Bill and All,

Hey Bill, sounds like you need to sit on a packet of frozen peas for a while!

Guess it wouldn't look so cool have a fluffy lambs wool cover on your motorbike seat! Maybe a pair of padded cycling pants under jeans might make it a bit more comfortable for you.

When we had a holiday in the Middle East, most of the motor cycles were very decorated, almost with mini carpets on them. Apparently it helped keep the fuel tanks cooler or something like that. Not sure it would catch on in Australia though.

All the best with attending the conference. Hope it goes well.

Cheers from Dools

[Jay55]

Hi Bill. Something you said 'But some months ago now, I stood in my shed… realised I had nobody to share it with…' really struck a chord with me. Hang in there and keep looking - thats what I'm telling myself anyway.

[Skary Bill]

Hiya Jay55,

Yeah, what a weird feeling that is. I'm not sure I was ever actually lonely before, but suddenly standing there in that moment, the realisation struck me that's what that empty feeling was. One thing is for sure, just being able to chat to people who can relate here has been a very good start. Still isolated, sure.. But knowing others are out there looking too means we aren't quite so alone.

Don't hesitate to join in and let us know of your journey. I think my efforts took a solid step forward today. Even if half the muscles in my body disagree lol.

Take care,

Bill.

[Doolhof]

Hi Bill,

Just dropping by to say Hi and to hope you are doing okay.

We are experiencing some cooler weather in our region which certainly helps me feel better about being outside doing things. We have a large garden that needs some attention.

My husband won't let me use the chainsaw and I want some dead bushes and branches chopped up. I tried using a hand saw but I don't have the strength for that! Some of the wood is so tough!

Have you been out for a bike ride with other people?

I'm presently volunteering in a home for the elderly. They have a tinkers shed but no one there to help the old dears with their tinkering which is a shame.

Just thought I would drop by and say Goodaye.

Cheers from Dools

[Hope19]

Hi Bill,

Nice to meet you, I too am in a similar situation. I live in the bush also, in a very clicky little town with very little to do and no support networks or family and after an acrimonious relationship split then became the need for my ex to divide and conquer friends, sadly all of which obviously weren't really friends. I live alone with my children as my hubby moved away for work and quite a distance at that and I am unable to join him due to the nature of his work. It gets very lonely and I often fear for my safety as my ex has mental health issues which means getting on in life seems impossible for him. I only wish I had access to the things you do in your town, for me life has become all about work, work and more work and trying to keep occupied with my thoughts in the hear and now.