Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Meg1977 Bad mother
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I feel like a horrible mother. When I grew up my mother was never emotionally invested in me so when I had children I promised myself to love them unconditionally and do whateva to make them feel good about themselves. I maybe did the last part too m... View more

I feel like a horrible mother. When I grew up my mother was never emotionally invested in me so when I had children I promised myself to love them unconditionally and do whateva to make them feel good about themselves. I maybe did the last part too much because I would always and still do try to fix everything for them from friendship issues to backing them in arguments with their father. My children are 18 and 16 and at times struggle with mental health as I do and I believe I have made these alot worse for them. The three of us are always doom and gloom when upset and go to extremes of depression. A current example is my eldest is struggling to get his license and gets soo down on himself and then I get guilt because I didnt raise my kids right by giving them strategies and coping skills when things dont go right and I struggle cos I cant fix this. I keep telling him to stop crying and itll all be ok but I am in soo much pain watching him suffer. My husband his father just tells us both to suck it up and keep going but I wanna hide and run away.

Mysterious987 Want some feedback please
  • replies: 3

My father in my eyes is a grandiose narcissist, He is highly selfish, He is socially over powering, If something doesn't directly affect him then he doesn't want to know about the problem and it's up to us to solve it. His got misogyn and sexism aspe... View more

My father in my eyes is a grandiose narcissist, He is highly selfish, He is socially over powering, If something doesn't directly affect him then he doesn't want to know about the problem and it's up to us to solve it. His got misogyn and sexism aspects and many years ago in the older generations he committed violent assaults on homosexual men. He once told me I'm disabled when I'm a regular person, He can lower your intelligence and you develop this under confident mute social psychological effects where you lose confidence with communication or hearing yourself speak, and that also is affected by high school bullying I experienced ten years ago from a malignant narcissistic friend . He treats my mother as a stupid un employed useless house maid, He doesn't respect her and he bullies her. He sais my Centrelink pension is a allowance when it's not even given by a immediate family member. He treats anything under appearance wither your fashion or weight or wanting to have a appealing house as you being superficial & vain

teaBee Feeling lonely
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I have a best friend. Well I used to. I’ve put so much energy and tried to reach out so many times. But she never has time for me. Then I see her post 100 pic of her out with so many other friends. But never me. Why do the people I love never make an... View more

I have a best friend. Well I used to. I’ve put so much energy and tried to reach out so many times. But she never has time for me. Then I see her post 100 pic of her out with so many other friends. But never me. Why do the people I love never make any time for me. When we hang out it’s fun and the best because we are so alike. Afterwards she always tells me how much she missed me and how fun it was and we should hang out more. But every time I ask I am forgotten and left out. I’ve even brought this up with her and she apologised and said she’d change. But nothing changed. What should I do here I feel so alone

floydoss girlfriend still friends with guys shes slept with in the past
  • replies: 11

so i know it seems stupid but it really bothers me that my girlfriend is still friends with guys she used to sleep with one is an ex from high school (years ago) and the others are just friends she had casual sex with now and again before we met. i k... View more

so i know it seems stupid but it really bothers me that my girlfriend is still friends with guys she used to sleep with one is an ex from high school (years ago) and the others are just friends she had casual sex with now and again before we met. i know it shouldnt bother me and it seems childish but i really hate that she hangs out with them and talks to them, i was brought up fairly conservative like ive had a few partners but after we break up we you know, break up and go our separate ways. ive never really had to deal with this situation before and i dont want to come off as controlling or crazy but every time i see her friend that she used to sleep with i just want to break his face to bits. btw i do trust her and im pretty sure she is not sleeping with anyone else at all but the fact that she hangs out with them bothers me on some instinctual level like i almost feel like im not a real man if she still feels the need to have them in her life like am i not enough for her? or sometimes i wonder if she thinks about the fact that she used to sleep with them when they hang out, does she get nostalgic sometimes? am i in the wrong here for being really annoyed about it? i convinced her to throw out all the clothes she had of theres from when she was with them because to me wearing another guys hoodies is pretty much him walking onto my lawn and slamming his flag on my property and i hated it. am i just being an asshole or do i have a right to be angry about it all? i need advice

shorti Brother issues
  • replies: 4

Hi all, My 33 year old brother still lives at home with my dad. He has serious anger management issues. When something doesn't go his way he flips and smashes up the house. My dad's tv cabinet has been smashed up, the kitchen sink no longer works, ki... View more

Hi all, My 33 year old brother still lives at home with my dad. He has serious anger management issues. When something doesn't go his way he flips and smashes up the house. My dad's tv cabinet has been smashed up, the kitchen sink no longer works, kitchen cupboards are broken, the list goes on. He has also physically assaulted my dad. I'm so worried but my dad won't do anything like kick him out or call the police. The reason is because he is not street smart. He doesn't know how to save money, so can't rent anywhere. We don't know what he spends it on, and he is always losing his job. Then he doesn't know how to find another one. We have to do everything for him, write resumes etc. When he is unemployed he doesn't apply for Centrelink because it's all too hard. My dad got him a referral to a psychiatrist but he won't go see one. I'm worried about my dad because he is 65 and should be enjoying his life. He works full time still just to get away from my brother. My brother was told his job may have to let him go because there isn't enough work, so he came home and smashed the house up in anger. I don't live at home, but I heard this from my sister who moved to a country town to rent because she can't afford the rent in the city and she just had to leave home. She wanted to stay home to save for a house deposit but she just can't live like that. My brother always had anger management issues even in primary school but mum and dad never got him any help and now he's 33. Could he have ADHD? Whenever we try and give him advice he won't listen and then tells us he is suicidal, but we think he is saying that so we just leave him alone. My uncle gave my dad a number for a CAT team I think it is who are psychiatrists that you can bring to the house when there is an outburst. I don't know why dad doesn't just ring them. Sorry for rambling but I'm worried about my dad. His father died of a heart attack at 67, so my dad is around this age.

Bee1998 My mum is messed up…..
  • replies: 2

My mum has always hated me and I have no idea why….. So, to give you a brief description of what my mum is like… she is very mentally unstable. My whole family is certain she has Bi-polar disorder, borderline personally disorder, and she has been dia... View more

My mum has always hated me and I have no idea why….. So, to give you a brief description of what my mum is like… she is very mentally unstable. My whole family is certain she has Bi-polar disorder, borderline personally disorder, and she has been diagnosed with depression, and had severe post-natal depression, which got worse each time after she gave birth to her four children (me included). I have had a very up and down and unstable relationship with my mum my whole life. Sometimes she’s somewhat pleasant to be around, and other times she’s unbearable and horrible to be around. She goes through periods where she snaps and becomes psychotic and has manic episodes where she is physically and verbally abusive. Since a very young age, my mum has physically, verbally and mentally abused me. And when I say physically abused me, I don’t mean the common smack on the butt. I recently re-read old journals I wrote as a kid (most of the ones left are when I was around 11 years old). There was things in there that my mum had said to me, such as, her calling me fat because I asked for seconds for dinner, her calling me a lesbian at age 11, telling me I was out to ruin her relationship at the time, calling me horrible names (which I probably can’t say on here). There were times when she wouldn’t feed me and I was starving. I still remember when she used to pull my hair before school and swear at me when I was in Grade 2/3, and I would have to walk to school by myself crying. The most recent thing that happened with my mum was, my partner and I had moved in with her temporarily for two months (which was my mum’s idea). Anyway, things were going great for the first couple of weeks, then things started to turn gradually, until finally she snapped. She would complain that we were messy and pick out little ridiculous things (even though my partner and I are extremely tidy individuals). Long story short, she had another manic episode and threw a large box of items at my partner’s head and was close to pushing him down a flight of stairs which would have killed him. The police were called and she was deemed the aggressor and we had a protection order against her. For several days after this incident, my mum was texting me CONSTANTLY, abusing me and saying things like, “You’re dead to me.” “I’m no longer your mother.” Calling me horrible names , telling me I ruined her life etc. It has been 3 months since that all happened, and I haven’t heard a word from her, and she blocked my number. I legitimately did nothing wrong, and she’s treating me like I don’t exist. Don’t know what the hell is wrong with my mum, but I don’t think I’m ever going to forgive her again.

crazymom Need help desperately
  • replies: 1

Yesterday my 11 year old ASD daughter refused to climb on the escalator in the shopping mall. Usually she has no problems in getting on. She would hold her dad’s hand and hop in..Just not sure if it’s her sensory preference or anxiety kicking in!! Ne... View more

Yesterday my 11 year old ASD daughter refused to climb on the escalator in the shopping mall. Usually she has no problems in getting on. She would hold her dad’s hand and hop in..Just not sure if it’s her sensory preference or anxiety kicking in!! Need advice desperately. Any thoughts how to deal with the situation would be helpful

oldmate322 Feeling like my girlfriend deserves better than me
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Hi there, So I’ve not posted in a while, but I’ve recently been dealing with some feelings of inadequacy in my current relationship. My new girlfriend (3+ months) is an incredibly self sufficient, self reliant, and confident person. She is a doctor, ... View more

Hi there, So I’ve not posted in a while, but I’ve recently been dealing with some feelings of inadequacy in my current relationship. My new girlfriend (3+ months) is an incredibly self sufficient, self reliant, and confident person. She is a doctor, and has a highly involved social life. She is regularly involved in multiple events and activities, and seems to have boundless amounts of capacity to do things. She cooks amazingly, writes dnd campaigns, reads, draws, knits, has an active interest in politics, and is a generally well-rounded, somewhat brilliant individual with a thriving social life and a well established self identity. By comparison, whilst I try to make friends and undertake activities, I am often hamstrung by my high levels of anxiety. I find it hard to constantly put myself out there, and struggle to maintain the level of energy/interest in a lot of activities at times. I somewhat believe she genuinely wants to be with me, but I cannot figure out as to why, and I struggle to reconcile how someone of her caliber would find me interesting long term. It’s made me incredibly self conscious last few times we have been together. I often wonder how I fit into her life (if at all) and as we have moved out of the honeymoon phase, I am increasingly insecure around her.

Pizza-Sapion my mum is too overbearing
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Hi thank you for reading this so most of my life I've been coddled because I'm the first born, I had to go through the worst of it and now I'm lashing out because of the standards my mum has set for me, she tells all these stories about her brothers ... View more

Hi thank you for reading this so most of my life I've been coddled because I'm the first born, I had to go through the worst of it and now I'm lashing out because of the standards my mum has set for me, she tells all these stories about her brothers and gives warnings on skipping school (she takes this a little too far such as if I were sick I would still need to go.) this isn't a good thing because I am not vaccinated because she read a "news" article about a boy who died from a vaccine which I doubt actually happened unless he had underlying medical history. she also puts me atop of her medical pedestal because of my immune system being at the level it is at without being vaccinated. she also refuses to get me checked up on when injured an example is currently my left leg is being a little strange like not being able to run properly like it did in year 8 because of a previous accident I will not elaborate on but despite all of that she still manages to hover while also overstepping boundaries even after I tell her to stop. another thing is that whenever I do anything wrong such as skipping school to really get in a good headspace because of her constant criticism she manages to find me and scream at some friends who found me in the horrible spiral I was going through. (I'm 15 by the way and yes I know I need to be 18 but I was desperate for advice at this point) does anyone have suggestions on what I should do about all of this?

David35 highly critical mother
  • replies: 4

I live with my mum who's had cancer for the last 18 months on and off but is now in the clear. I've emotionally suffered with panic attacks which have increased since her treatment/diagnosis. Now that she's okay, I'm struggling to get better. I had v... View more

I live with my mum who's had cancer for the last 18 months on and off but is now in the clear. I've emotionally suffered with panic attacks which have increased since her treatment/diagnosis. Now that she's okay, I'm struggling to get better. I had virtually no support throughout this period and considering I live with her it's taken its toll on me.One minute she will be supporting me, next minute she will be criticising or abusing me. I'm just sick of it. Some days I just wake up with panic attacks, and then she will start breaking down and then saying things like "I hope you're happy now". Or she'll be undermining the therapy that I've been getting, and expects me to be fixed up within a few sessions. I know I have struggles and they rub off on her, but I am seeking help. I just get sick of the abuse, especially when she's been drinking.