Is it wrong to want my done and granddaughter to leave

[Nanny63]

I’m a single women of 60 yrs. My 33 yr old son moved back in with me temporarily 8 months ago after having issues with girlfriend and getting in trouble with law. Approx 5 weeks ago he decided to keep his 19 month baby girl here after a weekend of visiting as her mother also got into trouble with the law. He had decided that he was going to keep her full time. I agreed at the time that it wasn’t good in her mothers home, but the issue is now, I’m so tired and warn down and I want them both out. We both work full time, but I seem to be doing all the duties of a mother. Ie drop off to day carer, pick up, meals, weekends looking after child (as he works). I just want time for myself and of course my other grandchildren. I actually cried this morning as the grandchild was a little naughty and I’m feeling exhausted. Im not sure what to do, because I do fear for the healthy upbringing of my grand daughter, my son says things like no one cares for her, but him, when I say anything. He won’t do anything about looking at other options even when I say he needs to. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

This is one of those situations that is very hard to advise on as you really are in a catch 22 situation.

However, be that as it is, I'll try. Clearly he is not giving you the consideration a lady your age deserves, thinking automatically that you can maintain the changes and endure them- the duties of a much younger spouse. 

You could show him a comparison of how a single parent would cope on their own in their own place working full time with a child. Financially eg paying relevant rent, paying a child carer and all other duties you do. It could backfire and therein lies the problem. So I suggest a relationship counsellor.

If you calmly sit down after baby is asleep and discuss that you would like to pursue a counsellor for the sake of finding avenues to make life easier and you'd like to invite him to join you, his answer will be interesting. Two results of this- agree and join you, disagree and not join you.

I suggest you stop the conversation right there if he wont join you and you proceed and go to those sessions yourself. When you tell him the night you are going to the counsellor it might hit him that you are seriously effected by the situation. When you return I suggest strongly that you dont devulge any details of the meeting, if he is that interested tell him he can attend the next session. This is the most effective way to get through to him that you are not a 30yo wonder woman.

I think its commendable that your son wants to be a sole parent and cares that much for his child. Unfortunately some men automatically think all women fit into the role of a quasi mother and that was his error. That said I think you need to make some progress in changing the current situation with self care.

TonyWK