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Why am I so angry with my husband?

BC16
Community Member

My husband and I have been married for over 10 years and from the day we got engaged his mum’s behaviour has been horrible to me. I let a lot of it go until I was pregnant when I couldn’t anymore I told my husband about the behaviour and showed him the texts and pages she made about me but nothing was said. Earlier this year he decyto go no contact because she was toxic but still wanted me to keep an open relationship between her and our children. I finally couldn’t do it anymore and thanks to his sister I’m no longer in contact with her (or our kids). I should be relieved but I’m so angry with him , it’s been a week or so and the anger I feel when I’m near him I just can’t explain. He can’t help fix the situation because I can’t even figure out why I’m so angry, everything is just making me angry (dishes not being done, I’m always picking up after him etc) I love him and I want to get rid of this feeling but I don’t know how

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

 

I hope I am following your post correctly. Welcome here BTW.

 

So about the time you both got engaged your MIL has treated you poorly. My first reaction is an assumption that jealousy might play a part, it isnt uncommon. 

 

You then tried for some time until you got pregnant and it all got too much for you. How did you expect your husband to react? So, he said nothing. That could mean a number of reasons but as she is his mother it does place him in a difficult situation dont you think?

 

So eventually, early this year HE decided to go no contact with his mother (as she was toxic). but expected you to remain in contact with her including your children. Re: "I finally couldn’t do it anymore and thanks to his sister I’m no longer in contact with her (or our kids)." This is confusing. I dont understand what his sister has to do with this. I assume you dont allow your kids to see their grandmother anymore?

 

So now you have been angry with his especially the last week. 

 

You mentioned the dishes not done etc but I assume those chores have always been a problem him not doing them but now due to your anger about his mother they are now highlighted more?

 

So, clarification would help but I have a few things to say.

 

When we marry or partners we sometimes have n automatic expectation level we can put under "devotion". This sometimes means total devotion and thats where we get pear shaped. The "triangle" of spouse, family, person is a sensitive one and a hard one to balance. His mum has been there all his life so in adulthood for him to marry and fully remove any part of devotion to her is unrealistic. That means he would be torn between you and her. His display of any devotion to you lacking might spur on your anger. 

 

How about I now wait for you to clarify your post and we can chat further. It must be difficult for you at this time but I'm hopeful we can offer ideas.

 

TonyWK