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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Teena1__ Marriage problems
  • replies: 10

My husband & I have been together for almost a decade, married for 6 years & we have 3 kids together. I am a SAHM while my husband provides for our family. He's a great father to our kids and also a great Provider. I am thankful. throughout the years... View more

My husband & I have been together for almost a decade, married for 6 years & we have 3 kids together. I am a SAHM while my husband provides for our family. He's a great father to our kids and also a great Provider. I am thankful. throughout the years we've bumped heads cause we don't see eye-to-eye on things. Eg: he gave me an ultimatum to marry him in a courthouse or not marry him at all. He's the one who wanted me to be a SAHM and raise our kids while he works. He'll go through many hoops to lie or makes up excuses as to why he can't attend family events, bdys or special occasions (but if it were his fam he'd have no issues showing up). I have caught him out each time on his big lies. He always says for me to go by myself or take the kids. He had a online relaionship while I was pregnant. He makes no effort whatsoever when it comes to our marriage. It's either his way or the highway. I have to fight him tooth & nail to drag him to family events. he makes a huge deal about going even though he only shows up maybe 3 times out of the year. My family love and respect him, and have been paitent with him in not forcing him to come around if he didn't want too. I'll always be the one to come up with spontaneous dates or outings otherwise we won't go anywhere. I'll always go out of of way to spoil him for his bday, anniversaries, fathers day & Christmas but it is never reciprocated. I also have religious commitments and he supports me aslong as I don't have to include him and that also goes for family things, even if it involves the kids. He doesn't want the kids to have big birthdays where he has to socialise with anyone. He's never actively involved, but will happy drive me and the kids hours away to do our own thing just so we miss out on whatever family events we skipped out on that day. I know he loves me but he doesn't care about things or the people that I love. But he just expects me to care & Love his family. I feel like my husband doesn't value me enough to speak my love language.I take care of our kids 24/7. I clean/cook & clean up everyone otherwise things won't ever get done. I help him pay the bills where I can. I have no friends, socialise with noone. My family all live 2 hours away hence why I would want my family to spend time with them. I'm exhausted and tired of fighting him over the same thing over and over. He's 36 years and I'm turning 30. I have suggested counselling but he doesn't believe we have any issues. My dad is dying and he won't go.

Mohekhan I'm in constant pain and it's making me feel depressed and angry
  • replies: 3

I'm 40 years old and have just been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and it's really starting to take a toll on me I've had to give up working, alcohol and pretty much everything I love to do because of the constant swelling in my joints the pain ... View more

I'm 40 years old and have just been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and it's really starting to take a toll on me I've had to give up working, alcohol and pretty much everything I love to do because of the constant swelling in my joints the pain is literally in unbearable and it's really starting to get me deeply depressed and angry and I've taken my snappy mood out on my partner of 2 an a half years we both said some pretty hurtful things to each other, I apologized for my behaviour as it's not my intention to hurt him because I love him unconditionally and he's the only person I've had in my life in the past 3 years due to 23 years of a violent relationship with my ex so I'm pretty much damaged goods I had major trust issues a fear of being yelled an screamed at as it was the normal thing in my last relationship but my new partner has helped me to overcome these problems and now I have this new problem that I unfortunately can't do anything about as my own body is attacking itself and I'm in constant pain 24/7 swelling an the heat that the swelling produces is insane not to mention from going from extremely active to not being able to do the things that we all take for granted every day is mentally destroying me like showering myself cooking walking the dog going to kickboxing training I feel like a complete burden to my partner now which is all getting me more depressed and angry with myself and now I've taken it out on him he's said that we are over and he's moving out. I'm totally lost I honestly don't know what to do I don't have anyone to turn to for guidance or to help me work out if I'm just a total moody bitch or its literally just the constant strain an struggle on my body that's causing me to snap at my partner. Can someone please help me better understand this so I can try to save my relationship

Mabeli When is enough enough?
  • replies: 3

I have 2 kids and have been married for 24 years. My husband was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, bipolar & traits of borderline personality disorder around 15 years ago. He has stopped all medication (as he says this didn't work for him) a ... View more

I have 2 kids and have been married for 24 years. My husband was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, bipolar & traits of borderline personality disorder around 15 years ago. He has stopped all medication (as he says this didn't work for him) a few years ago. His psychiatrist stopped seeing him as he felt he couldn't help anymore. He self medicates with Cannabis (this is the only thing that helps) which doesn't actually help at all. He is always angry, always feels sick and spends the majority of his time in his room. He punched himself in the face a week ago and yells at me with hate in his eyes. My husband left last night to spend some time with his father and my son said to get the papers ready to get rid of him. He says he hates his father & never wants to see him again. He has had enough of everything being about him and feels that he doesn't care about any of us. I don't know what to do.

Beaser Is giving space to an ex partner the way to go .
  • replies: 6

I have had a recent breakup after 18 months together, i would lie to try and resolve things.. I am being told that giving my partner her space ie no texts ,calls etc. I had been doing this until the last week or so but the last week there has been ph... View more

I have had a recent breakup after 18 months together, i would lie to try and resolve things.. I am being told that giving my partner her space ie no texts ,calls etc. I had been doing this until the last week or so but the last week there has been phone calls and texts . All very friendly and no animosity involved . Im confused do i just back of completely or continue with the contact. Brett

porkchopsss 9 year anniversary is coming up but I have strong feelings for someone else
  • replies: 20

I'm in a long term relationship and engaged since 2020. She is also my first girlfriend. However, I started having feelings for someone that I met before my partner since April 2021. I had expressed my "problem" in October 2021, however, my partner w... View more

I'm in a long term relationship and engaged since 2020. She is also my first girlfriend. However, I started having feelings for someone that I met before my partner since April 2021. I had expressed my "problem" in October 2021, however, my partner was not very supportive and said that it is my fault that my feelings have changed. I attempted to break up 3 times since then, they were all unsuccessful. Since the start of the year, we have been going to counseulling, but I have not expressed how I truly feel about this other person as she told me I like her as a friend. I believe she is in denial. After 1 session together abd 1 session individually each, I feel as if she has changed the way she responds to our problems, she has become more understanding but I am still having issues with my feelings for this other girl. My counseuler suggested that I cut off this other girl and I did. It has been 2 months since we have spoken properly/met up, I still thinkg/dream of her. I burst out in tears maybe twice a week, thinking, I have always been in charge of my life in terms of work and relationships with others, but I am not right now. It kills me inside that I am not doing anything about it and I have told myself I need to do it, but nothing ever gets done. Everytime I think of what I want to do, I worry about my partner more than myself. I have never dealth with my feelings in the past and now I am, I do not know how to take care of myself. I feel so lost. I have no interest in going out, catching up with friends, work. I want to do nothing on a daily basis and hoping this pain will just go away. What do I do....

Trade Getting divorced - overwhelmed but happy
  • replies: 2

Past 3 weeks have decided to finally call it and request divorce. Husband who always promised to be civil suddenly turned nasty. We had 12m counselling -14y Rship several kids several properties -many times trying counselling since just one year in. ... View more

Past 3 weeks have decided to finally call it and request divorce. Husband who always promised to be civil suddenly turned nasty. We had 12m counselling -14y Rship several kids several properties -many times trying counselling since just one year in. being married to him was torture. emotional abuse and neglect. He was always angry with me. Cold. I was very lonely. He hates sex I love it. No sex for 7 years. I’ve only just in the past few days realised I need a lawyer and he’s actually not the “nice guy” I always say he is to people. It’s a hard devastating time —- but I’ll get through it and have a brighter future. im Trying to stop my mind racing. I have definite anxiety as anyone would about to lose not only their marriage and relationship of 14 years — but also their family and their home. im Scared he’ll try to blindside me for kids. I stayed for so long for the kids sake and they are still young. IVF. how Quickly my fear of him and thinking I can’t trust him has come to pass.

Anon2222 How do I support my partner
  • replies: 4

Hi All, I need some advise on how to be there for my partner. My partner is going through a really rough time dealing with financial issues, work and dealing with legal issues with an ex partner and I can see it is really affecting him big time and i... View more

Hi All, I need some advise on how to be there for my partner. My partner is going through a really rough time dealing with financial issues, work and dealing with legal issues with an ex partner and I can see it is really affecting him big time and is getting to the point where he see’s nothing good is going to improve in his life and I’m very concerned that they may led to more intrusive thoughts. I have tried to suggest getting professional help such as speaking to a counsellor and as well as other services to help him with other areas in his life but he said this is something he needs to figure out on his on, I have offered to do things such as getting him food or planning outings just to help him out abit and get his mind of things but I get rejected (which really hurts but I’m trying to not take it personally). Right now I just don’t know what to do other than let him know I’m here for him but as a partner I feel kinda useless because it sucks seeing the person you care and love struggling I’m trying to be positive for the both of us but I just feel like I’m not doing enough.

BobbyOz How to stop being alone
  • replies: 5

Hey I'm 21 and never had a girlfriend. I've asked out 3 girls but been rejected every time. It feels like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I went on a bunch of forums on Reddit but I'm not sure if they have the best advice. What should ... View more

Hey I'm 21 and never had a girlfriend. I've asked out 3 girls but been rejected every time. It feels like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I went on a bunch of forums on Reddit but I'm not sure if they have the best advice. What should I do?

Bryce_10234 I’ve made mistakes in our relationship and tried to make up for them
  • replies: 4

A few years into our relationship I made mistakes that relate to an online chat room. I never thought it was a problem before we were together and when we started dating I stopped doing it but when things got hard and I didn’t know what to do I fell ... View more

A few years into our relationship I made mistakes that relate to an online chat room. I never thought it was a problem before we were together and when we started dating I stopped doing it but when things got hard and I didn’t know what to do I fell back into it on multiple occasions hurting her really bad. I almost destroyed out relationship. since then I’ve tried to improve, I feel like I’ve beaten that addiction I had. I never want to be like that again. And I’ve changed I’ve tried to become a better person. We’re now married and have a beautiful daughter. But since my mistakes she’s had trouble trusting me which I understand but it’s been years and I’ve done some much to make up for my mistakes and earn her trust back but I can’t seem to do it. and Since we’ve been married there have been occasions she’s wanted us to go on breaks. She tells me I don’t make her feel appreciated. Every time these breaks happen she’s talking to other guys cause they make her feel better. I want to do better to make her feel appreciated but I find it hard to emote myself to her when I’m feeling like I’m not enough. why can’t I be enough for her when she’s more than enough for me. I’ve made mistakes and I understand this. I don’t express my feelings the way she wants me to but it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate her it doesn’t mean I don’t love her. my wife isn’t a bad person please don’t think that. We’ve both made mistakes but I don’t know to fix things when neither of us feels enough when that’s all we want from each other.

My_name_is_Jane I am being abusive? Or am I being abused?
  • replies: 4

My partner is suicidal and currently staying in an inpatient mental health clinic. Things have been very difficult leading up to his admission. I had to watch over him for two weeks straight. We has many arguments, which I attributed to the stress of... View more

My partner is suicidal and currently staying in an inpatient mental health clinic. Things have been very difficult leading up to his admission. I had to watch over him for two weeks straight. We has many arguments, which I attributed to the stress of checking in. I have tried not to take it personally, but it gets difficult. I saw him today and he was very quiet and distant. He ended our visit by stating that a lot of his therapy time is “wasted” on our relationship problems and how he doesn’t know how to have conversations with me without me blowing up. He accused me of abusing him and being nasty by screaming at him and slamming doors (which I have never done). This took me my surprise because I always felt it was him that fuels the fire during difficult conversations (i.e., interrupting me, sighing loudly, talking-over me, monologing/not leaving space for me to talk, picking my words). He tends to twist my words and I am often left questioning myself. For example, I have never once screamed at him, nor slammed anything around – but he is so sure I have, and I find this so confusing. I have caught myself raising my voice at him to match his at times. But I have never screamed/slammed things. When he gets like this, I feel like there is nothing I can do but apologise or else he won’t move on. He often recounts events in a way I don’t remember them – usually in a way where I look very bad. Once during an argument leading up to his admission it got too much for me. I didn’t want to say or do anything that might upset him or make things worse. We were arguing on the sofa. I asked him if he could just give me a moment to sit there and think. He kept pushing and not letting me take a breath. I then told him that I need to distance myself - go for a short walk arond the block. I made it clear that I was only going for a 20min walk. The moment I stepped outside he texted me that he was thinking of “making an attempt” on his life and I had to go back. As soon as I got back, he took that chance to jump back into the argument. He told me today I should learn to regulate my emotions/not be so explosive. I feel like there has been times I have tried to take some time to think before I act or get space to gain perspective - but hasn’t allowed it. I feel like I can’t win. I guess I am seeking for advice/validation. Making sure that I am not being abusive, and if so, how to stop that cycle. I just feel like I am questioning myself a lot lately. I hate feeling this way.