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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Lolly121 Should I tell him?
  • replies: 9

Hi, So 6 months ago my partner and I of three years had a miscarriage and he wasnt supportive at all. We grew apart for three months after it. I resented him for not being supportive. We live together but hardly talked and didnt get along. i went out... View more

Hi, So 6 months ago my partner and I of three years had a miscarriage and he wasnt supportive at all. We grew apart for three months after it. I resented him for not being supportive. We live together but hardly talked and didnt get along. i went out one night got very very drunk and kissed a random man at the pub who then told me he was married. The man lives 3 hours away and I'll never see him again. He made contact with me to apologise and promised he will never tell a soul and to think of this as a small bump in my road and to learn from it. My partner and I have always said that if we slipped up once in our relationship ship we'd bother rather not know as long as no sex or emotions were involved. So I've respected his wishes, we have mended out relationship the last 3 months and are such a wonderful loving team. We had a second miscarriage this month and I'm an EMOTIONAL wreck. My guilt, shame and angry towards myself is unbearable.. I'm so scared he'll find out and hate me forever. I've loved my partner for 7 years. His my world and I'm so sad I made this mistake. I know if I was to ever do it again I would be open and tell him as twice is not a mistake. But I'm so scared we will get married have children then this will come out in 10/20 years time and destroy absolutely everything I'm so scared and worried. The man said he'd never tell anyone as he is married and for me to move on learn and forget what should I do ;( I'm a horrible person

peonie63 Love 4 weeks ago....disgust now
  • replies: 2

Hi I have been with my partner for 9 years, when I met him he was broken from a bad relationship. I had finally found andnequal liove - ourn motto was a relationship needs to be easy - tick tick. My cup was full and moved states to be with him. He in... View more

Hi I have been with my partner for 9 years, when I met him he was broken from a bad relationship. I had finally found andnequal liove - ourn motto was a relationship needs to be easy - tick tick. My cup was full and moved states to be with him. He initially looked at me with adoration. He always told me that he had it all but wasn't happy. He couldnt handle conflict so any argument would end with - oh so throw it back on me its my fault - which frustrated me no end. He struggled.with the dysfunctionality of his job and he was always the fix it man. He had many moments of job related stress and came out of it and a couple of times he lost it and would iphysically inact situations so he could get his point across. Just before he went away he was drinking alot and sleeping separately, his reasoning - well you always leave from me snoring so i might as well - his face was just blank and I said you seem weird he agreed - fast forward a week and he came back - he said he thinks he has had a breakdown and he didn't want to come home - then he started doing house.choirs like he was ticking boxing - from there he stopped.talking and looked at me with disgust - I have moved out - I sent a text to say I am hoping he is ok - the message I got back was horrific - said it was me not his work and accusations that are completely blown out of proportion - I am now second guessing everything - when he left his wife she changed passwords etc for internet and the first thing he has done - he's thinking I am her- his mum has bipolar and he was beaten as a child - his children have their head in the sand and dont understand the severity, I know what i need to do which is move on, but it all seems surreal.. anyone had similar situations

Sally73 Moving interstate without adult children.
  • replies: 9

Hello, I have a really hard decision to make and it's tearing me apart! I have 3 grown up daughter's 27, 23, 18. The 27year old has moved states, the 23 year old spends 2 days a week with me, the rest of her time with partner, 18year old spends 90%Of... View more

Hello, I have a really hard decision to make and it's tearing me apart! I have 3 grown up daughter's 27, 23, 18. The 27year old has moved states, the 23 year old spends 2 days a week with me, the rest of her time with partner, 18year old spends 90%Of her time with her partner. I'm lonely, so lonely, I've lost a job I adored and feeling very lost. 9 months ago I met an amazing guy who lives in a dif state... we meet up every 2 weeks for a week or more and are totally in love. He is my soul mate. My question is, do I stay for my Adult children or move states to be with a man who loves me and treats me like his princess. I've been a mum since 18 and feel like I'm abandoning them! But I'm so depressed and lonely.

Jolteon_Thunder Sexless Marriage - My husband has no sex drive
  • replies: 12

Since being married (about 2 years) we have had sex around 5-10 times. Most of which was during the honeymoon. I haven't had sex for about a year. He says it's him but it's getting hard to believe.He says he's self-concious. I do everything to reassu... View more

Since being married (about 2 years) we have had sex around 5-10 times. Most of which was during the honeymoon. I haven't had sex for about a year. He says it's him but it's getting hard to believe.He says he's self-concious. I do everything to reassure him. I'm desperately sick of being rejected. I look after myself and am quite fit, but I feel so ugly at this point. I just want to know if there's other women who are facing the same issue.

itsagamble Relationship break up. Am I an abuser? Feeling confused.
  • replies: 24

I don't know what I want from this. I think its just a place to air my feelings and gain perspective.I have been suffering from stress over not being paid by work and bills and rent getting ahead of me. THe past couple of weeks I have expressed frust... View more

I don't know what I want from this. I think its just a place to air my feelings and gain perspective.I have been suffering from stress over not being paid by work and bills and rent getting ahead of me. THe past couple of weeks I have expressed frustration with various things by swearing unnecessarily for instance when I receive another bill, or another message from work demanding more while I still remain unpaid. Anyway, last week on Tuesday (today is thursday week 2) I was at my partners house sitting with her on the couch. She was studying for a jo interview and I was reading my emails. I received a rude email from my property manager and swore under my breath (f'ing c). My partner asked if I wanted to talk about something and I said no babe, its ok. A few minutes later she said she was going to my home to get her jacket for the job interview and could I cook dinner, which I said yeah sure. Not long after she phoned and said I had made her feel unsafe and asked that she be alone tonight so I said OK and left. When I arrived home she had not only taken her jacket but also all of her belongings that she normally leaves here. I messaged her and asked whats up, why have you taken your stuff and apologised for making her feel unsafe. She then followed up with a tirade saying she didnt have to explain herself, she had been in DV situations before and she shouldnt have to make an excuse to leave her home so she could feel safe asking me to go. Now, I am not and was not aggressive at all, I simply swore. I went to call her to talk and she had blocked me. Sent an apology the next morning and she basically said 'not good enough etc'" so i gave her some space that day. That night she blocked me on instagram. I saw that and quickly sent her another lengthier apology explaining I understood how I hurt her etc. Still not good enough so I sent a further one along with an explanation of things I had done for her, defending myself in that I didnt see it as a big thing. She said she was done with the conversation so I left her be Thursday, Friday and on Friday night she posted photos on facebook which I commented on, along with 12 others. She 'loved' all of their comments, but intentioanlly left mine unliked which was upsetting. Next morning I attempted a more in depth apology, she thanked me for my heartfelt apology but it wasnt enough as she was hurt by some of the things I had said.

Marlz17 Emotionally immature partner
  • replies: 3

i'm in a new-ish relationship with a guy who is really great most of the time.I suffer from panic disorder and some anxiety which is mostly under control but can flare up from time to time.Last night was one of those times. We'd spent the day out wit... View more

i'm in a new-ish relationship with a guy who is really great most of the time.I suffer from panic disorder and some anxiety which is mostly under control but can flare up from time to time.Last night was one of those times. We'd spent the day out with his friends and he'd been a bit distant with me (not talking to me much etc) which bothered me a little bit. I ended up going home and I was feeling anxious and things bubbled over and I ended up having a panic attack and feeling pretty awful.I messaged him and told him I'd had a rough night and explained what had happened and his response was "you poor thing. hopefully you feel better tomorrow. i'm going to get some sleep now"He didn't ask why I was upset, didn't call me or offer to come and see me.Like I said, most of the time he's great, but it seems like when I'm having a tough time he doesn't know how to deal with it which in turn leaves me feeling even worse and even less supported. I don't know how to explain to him that I need more support during these times. It can be hard to ask for help. Even just a phone call would have meant a lot. I'm normally pretty good at communicating how I feel and what I need but this guy just doesn't seem to get it sometimes. I'm sure I'll talk to him about it at some point and hopefully we'll sort things out but just writing it down here is good therapy. Thanks for reading.

mof2 Pregnant and break up
  • replies: 3

I’m 5 months pregnant and the relationship has ended. I feel panic. He talked me out of getting a termination earlier, he strung me along and now i feel like I wish I had gone with my gut instinct. Now the relationship has ended. I tried to get an te... View more

I’m 5 months pregnant and the relationship has ended. I feel panic. He talked me out of getting a termination earlier, he strung me along and now i feel like I wish I had gone with my gut instinct. Now the relationship has ended. I tried to get an termination but the hospital has made it very difficult and made me wait 3 weeks I got a pregnant Dr who guilted me about the termination and when I said you have now denied this she was taken aback. I was sure I wanted it. I don’t want this baby. I don’t know how to cope. This is a nightmare. I have a toddler and I’m going through a divorce this is going to impact me and my other child financially. meanwhile I haven’t had any support from this baby father and haven’t heard from him. I can’t sleep.

Anxiousandsleepless Help with Compulsive Lying
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone, I have been bullied most of my life and have lived in poverty for about the same time. I used to lie as a kid and a teen to appear cooler than I was, or to fit in. I knew I was lying and I felt guilty; but never guilty enough to not do i... View more

Hi everyone, I have been bullied most of my life and have lived in poverty for about the same time. I used to lie as a kid and a teen to appear cooler than I was, or to fit in. I knew I was lying and I felt guilty; but never guilty enough to not do it. Then I entered an abusive relationship in my late teens, and I acted so horribly myself that I was terrified of people ever finding out what I did or how I acted.Then I met some lovely people approximately 10 years ago and I became friends with them. These people are adorable and sweet; they are all well off and live the kind of lives we could only dream of. Only problem, they made me feel inadequate. They had money, they travelled, I would get bullied or the side eye when it was made clear I hadn’t travelled anywhere as near as much as them. I was embarrassed. Poverty has had me in the same place for years and I don’t get to travel. So I started lying about where I was born and where I grew up. Also where I went to school (in case any of these people met these bullies). I told these lies and these people were still my friends, they really liked me and thought I was this wonderful and caring person. My parents were poor so I lied about the jobs they did as well. I was bullied as a kid because mum didn’t work. I always felt bad, but again, never enough to stop.My life to them seems way cooler than the drab and sad existence I have lived until now. I often lied about my age to try and fit in when I didn’t need to lie about my age (with different people to these). I have drifted apart from these people because of life these days; and I still love them so much. However, I have hurt them by lying and letting them believe I’m a person I’m not. I’ve also come to the conclusion I MUST STOP LYING. For good. And I need to tell these people. They don’t deserve to be hurt by me anymore. I desperately want to stop lying and live a life free from lies. I met new people last night and I told the truth about my life. They didn’t judge. I know I will lose these friends because of I’ve done. I just don’t know how to do it. I’m too cowardly to do it in person, but I don’t know if a text message is the right way either. I want to stop hurting them. What do I do?

white knight Empathy, the lost art
  • replies: 6

A good percentage of people with mental health conditions have a minimum of expectations from loved ones or workmates with understanding. This is a trap because when we need empathy and don't get it we feel rejection and that adds to our woesHumans v... View more

A good percentage of people with mental health conditions have a minimum of expectations from loved ones or workmates with understanding. This is a trap because when we need empathy and don't get it we feel rejection and that adds to our woesHumans vary so much. Some don't have communication skills, punctuality, work ethics, reasonable morals, restraint, humour and so on. With those deficiencies we think "that's them, it isn't in them". But when we don't get empathy we struggle to accept that quality lacking. Why? They can't SEE the illnessThey have no mental illness knowledge They have low emotionthey are protecting themselves from emotional discussionsOther reasonsWe have options- Respect their lack of capacities Discuss issues with those that can relate and/or that treatLack of display of empathy doesn't mean they have no heartGive empathy for those that cannot offer it, for its an art lost TonyWK

jt123 Transition- separated to divorce
  • replies: 2

Hey team, I want to thank this forum for giving me an opportunity to reach out. Well he it goes. Together 13 years, married 7, children 4 and 6. Our relationship was very strong before children. We were a great team prior to children. Our oldest chil... View more

Hey team, I want to thank this forum for giving me an opportunity to reach out. Well he it goes. Together 13 years, married 7, children 4 and 6. Our relationship was very strong before children. We were a great team prior to children. Our oldest child is does struggle with regulating her emotions. This has been difficult with two different parenting styles. appox 8 months ago she said to me that she wanted a break/ trial separation. This hit me for a six, don’t get me wrong things had been difficult in our relation ship prior to this but much of an eb and flow concept. I didn’t think this would happen( after everything I have read most men don’t). I fell into a unknown hole. I didn’t sleep for the first 3 days and was required to seek medical aid to sleep. We agreed to live 1 week on and 1 week off with the children not leaving the house. This went on for 6 months. During this time admittedly I did marriage courses, psychotherapy, psychology, and hypno therapy. I was determined to keep my family together. During the 6 months she lived as a single women. We did marriage counselling where only one party was really invested. I look back now and see that she was gone at the begging of the trial separation. About two months ago she said she wanted out. It was almost relief as I had spent the last six months almost unable to function. I was single parenting and holding a new job. I look back at this and belief I am a lot stronger than I first thought. my biggest struggle now is moving towards the divorce, negative thought of her with new men which is inevitable. She is now a single and free to do as she pleases. But it still hurts. Also the realisation that the communication is also changed between us. No more sharing cute things about the kids or funny jokes. Any advice on moving forward in a positive manner would really be beneficial. And if you have read this and taken the time to respond I thank you!