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Just not sure what to do

Talitha93
Community Member

hello. I haven’t posted here in a while but I’m back in a little rut and I truly really don’t know what to do….. 

 

I am just feeling really lost an anxious like I don’t know what to do. Someone that I thought was my friend kept something from me but when I asked her about it she denied it until I heard it from someone else. She then said yes I knew but I didn’t want you to not go to the appointment.

I was so hurt by this especially as we have promised each other to always be open and honest no matter what. 
 

I don’t know how I should be feeling. I have spoken to her about it and I’ve told her I was upset but she seems to think I don’t have a reason to be upset. 
 

Am I just being silly or not?

7 Replies 7

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Talitha93~

Welcome back, I do hope the intervening years have been good to you.

 

I guess with you friend an awful lot depends upon what your freind was trying to do. If it was to hurt or harm you then you would view it one way and doubt the depth of the friendship. That in turn would probably  make you associate with her less.

 

If on the other hand she thought  she was doing something that might do you good by withholding information that is rather different.

 

You did say she had said she was trying to get you to go to an appointment. If that appointment was something that might do you good then maybe you might approve her intent, even if not her methods.

 

That could be the basis of an quiet talk about what not to do in the future. If you have a friend that is genuinely looking out for your welfare you are lucky.

 

So can you say more about the circumstances and that appointment?

 

Croix

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Talitha93, no you are not silly at all, you would think that having a close friend would enable the two of you to be honest to each other and because she hasn't, then do you regard her now as being a close friend.

If this happebned to me I would feel exactly the same as you.

Geoff.

Life Member.

Talitha93
Community Member

Hello. My appointment was to do with my health and getting some really hard news regarding treatment. 
she did say she thought she was doing the right things because she wanted me to go. 

but the whole thing with us we have always promised to be honest with each other no matter what! She knew what my doctor was going to talk to me about and I asked her if she knew and she said no 

 

I am sooo lost 

Talitha93
Community Member

Hey, I honestly thought that we were close but I honestly just don’t know anymore. I want to talk to her more about it but I have no idea what to think. I feel like I don’t know how much I can trust her now and it hurts 

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Talitha93~

 

I'm sorry to hear you have bad news on the medical front.

 

I guess this relationship is hard as honesty has great value and one cannot really be close to a person if one is always wondering if they are telling the truth.

 

That being said I would think firstly, as I mentioned before, good intentions can make up for a lot. If your  friend thought you needed to hear what the doctor had to say then trying to ensure you did is not the worst thing in the world - even though the method was wrong and underhanded.

 

Perhaps no friendship is always as one might like, simply because we are all human and prone to mistakes or errors in judgment. I do know my best friend, now sadly passed away, used to annoy me with not thinking first or being what I regarded as selfish. Though at other times was more than generous with the little he had.

 

For me at least it can be a balance, with the only real  necessity care and goodwill.

 

Does that help? if not please say what you think might be better (feel free to disagree, I'd not be offended).

 

Croix

 

Talitha93
Community Member

Hello..

 

No  I completely get what you say and I agree with what your saying… what my doctor said to her was hard for her to hear and she needed time to process it herself and she thought it was best to just get me to go to the hospital to hear it from him, I guess I just took it to heart when her intentions were coming from a good place. 

im sorry to hear about your friend. It’s not a nice feeling loosing a friend that’s for sure. 

I think we might just need to leave it in the past and move past it an hope that from here on in we can just always be honest with each other 

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Talitha93~

I think htat is a wise choice. Going over things wiht your friend may simply back her into a corner, and there really is no need.

 

While honesty is very important genuine caring is too. I guess the balance needs to take into account supporting each other, which may involve complete frankness at times.

 

Croix