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My trio friendship is starting to fall apart

Community Member

I've been friends with A and B since late 2021. At least 3-4 different times in our friendship, this exact thing has happened, but it feels worse this time.


A and B have known each other years longer than they've known me. They share more interests (One piece, genshin, anime in general, they were even in the same classes) with each other than they do with me (drawing, writing, cats. ) We recently had a break from school, 6 weeks, in this time, B contacted me once, this was just a group chat message directed at others we talked to (4-5 people in the group chat, but we're not as close with the other 2.) A contacted me 3-4 times, once for their birthday and 3 other times through discord memes because they were bored.


I learned at the end of the holidays that they spoke nearly every day and even went out of state and to the same location for an actual holiday. This pissed me off a little, because every time I tried to arrange stuff with them, someone always cancelled. This was before, during and after the holidays, best seen when I pushed for us to go see a cat cafe sometime. In September. We organized for the middle of October, and then suddenly everyone else cancelled. I tried to organize again before the new year, but everyone else cancelled. Tried to organize again sometime this year, but everyone is busy. Yet they made time to hang out as a duo.


We're back at school, we have 2 breaks between classes which add up to about 70 minutes. Usually we talk during this time, very often A will talk about A and B's common interests, anime, one piece, genshin. I try to participate but it doesn't work out often because I just don't care about these topics at all. This results in A and B talking whilst I stare at the ground for 70 minutes every day, 5 times a week.


I hate it, I hate listening to them talk while they forget I exist. There's clearly a duo in our trio, and that's A and B. I want to find out why this happened, and go back to normal, but I don't know how. A is so loud and talks about themself and their interests so much and B laughs along, there's no room for my input or discussion about my interests too. They don't even notice when I'm gone.


I hate them but I love them, I'm their friend but also a stranger, I could never yell at them but I just feel like screaming until they understand.

1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. It's never easy to feel left out or forgotten by friends, especially when you care about them and want to spend time with them.


I would also feel upset and frustrated by the situation, and it's important to acknowledge those feelings. It's okay to be angry or hurt, and you have every right to express those emotions.


It can also be helpful to approach the situation by communicate how you feel in a constructive way. Have you tried talking to A and B about how you feel? They may not realize how their behavior is affecting you, and it's possible that they're not intentionally excluding you. 


It's also important to remember that friendships can ebb and flow over time. It's possible that you and A and B are just in different phases of your lives right now, and that's okay. You may find that you drift apart for a while, but that doesn't mean the friendship is over.


You deserve to have friends who value and appreciate you.