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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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moonnback2009 My girlfriend ended it because she said she needs to work on her mental health
  • replies: 3

So I was with my girlfriend for three years. We are both women and 2 years into the relationship i told my parents about us and came out. my girlfriend was always too anxious to tell her family and come out. I was completely okay with this and suppor... View more

So I was with my girlfriend for three years. We are both women and 2 years into the relationship i told my parents about us and came out. my girlfriend was always too anxious to tell her family and come out. I was completely okay with this and supportive any time she said she wanted to try and tell them but she never did. 6 weeks ago she broke up with because she said she didn't love me and needed to work and her mental health, which she has been struggling with for years and she has said that I helped her when we were younger and i help her a lot with it. she also said she needed to come out to her parents but didn't want to have to tell them about us as it would be too much for them. After we broke up i begged to give us another go and just try and make this work and she refused. I suggested a break and she said no and that we needed to be broken up as she needs to be single and not have me in the back of her mind all the time. She needed to be single in order to work on her mental health and come out. so far she has come out but not told her parents about our 3 year relationship, and she doesn't intend too. She has told me that she wants to be with me but needs to be okay first she said that she loved me but she couldn't show it. But I don't understand how that is possible. I struggle with my mental health a lot too and I always have, I found out that I have a lot of other health issues and I will need multiple surgeries and I will have these conditions for life. Due to this I have been struggling a lot with my own mental health. any time I am not okay she is the one person that has always made me feel okay and better. she said she plans to get back together before the end of the year but it just worries me that she wont come back even though she said she will and she promises that she will nearly every week. I am really torn about it because I love her but I am scared she wont. I also feel horrible for saying this but I don't know if she is being selfish or not. I always felt like we worked through things together and she knows that my own mental health has gotten worse since she broke up with me. I do want her to come back because this is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with and she said the same about me. it kills me to have to wait 3 months, and I just don't know how to support her and get her back.

phaedrus unfriendly people
  • replies: 7

for 40 years i've joined lots of organizations and i've observed that all of them are unfriendly. they don't include newcomers, and they don't offer turns in conversations. in groups, they use a competitive focus. largely these groups only survive by... View more

for 40 years i've joined lots of organizations and i've observed that all of them are unfriendly. they don't include newcomers, and they don't offer turns in conversations. in groups, they use a competitive focus. largely these groups only survive by an intake of new members.in the real world, one occasionally meets one of the rare good people, but of course they have busy lives, so no chance of friendship, but the deep-and-meaningful keeps one's hopes up.i don't blame anyone, it's just our culture.

PsychedelicFur I think I live in a toxic household
  • replies: 12

I think I may live in a toxic household. My Dad is financially dependent on me to pay half of the rent. And If I ever decide to move out eventually he says to me "I've have to find somewhere else to live then." I was never told I was beautiful by him... View more

I think I may live in a toxic household. My Dad is financially dependent on me to pay half of the rent. And If I ever decide to move out eventually he says to me "I've have to find somewhere else to live then." I was never told I was beautiful by him growing up. I think it's important to tell your kids how special, amazing and beautiful they are. He will constantly compliment other people though- if we are out in the car or watching tv. "She's cute." And it irritates me. Because I was never told that I was ever really 'good enough'. I've told him, politely with how uncomfortable and frustrated it makes me feel and yet he keeps doing it. Even before my parents sold their house and divorced, he has been very emotionally dependent on me. When I was four years old I would have to listen to his problems and concerns because my Mother is narcissistic and doesn't care about anyone else other than herself and her needs. I have a lot of internalized anger, sadness and grief. My mother was emotionally abusive towards me and my father is still emotionally dependent on me. I've gone "no contact" with my mother. When I am out with my partner- staying the night at his, my dad will complain about how lonely or depressed he is. It really gets me down.

Liz_ss How to maintain normalcy for children
  • replies: 6

I found out my husband has been cheating emotionally and physically for months if not longer. I am struggling to put one foot in front of the other. I am hurting too much to even think about reconciliation but I don't know if I want to slam the door ... View more

I found out my husband has been cheating emotionally and physically for months if not longer. I am struggling to put one foot in front of the other. I am hurting too much to even think about reconciliation but I don't know if I want to slam the door just yet so I am trying to pretend that everything is ok in front of my child. However I am clearly doing a bad job of it as they can see I am broken and sad and asked me not to leave. It broke my heart and made me feel they will think this is all my fault if we split. Anyhow, my question is, how have people dealt with this? Have you made up an excuse for why you are sad? Or any tips on putting on a brave face? I am doing my best but it is so so hard. The child is a pre teen and pretty intuitive and emphatic. I obviously don't want them to know what their father did

Whichway Can’t stop seeing my ex
  • replies: 5

My ex left me 18 months ago, it was an unhealthy relationship, I’ve got some mental health issues and I was extremely attached to her while I always treated her well, she didn’t treat me that great and tried to fix a lot of my problems. When she left... View more

My ex left me 18 months ago, it was an unhealthy relationship, I’ve got some mental health issues and I was extremely attached to her while I always treated her well, she didn’t treat me that great and tried to fix a lot of my problems. When she left me, I let her go willingly I knew that I wasn’t up to being in a relationship with her at that time, even though I loved her so much… I don’t have a lot of confidence- I’ve not contacted her since but here’s the kicker. I work in three areas - one area is where she lives, where we fostered our relationship she walks past me while I’m working nearly everyday there. Sometimes with new guys. The first year I accepted it - breakups are hard they suck it’s just the way it is it’s going to hurt… I tried to avoid it as best I could, gave my self time to heal.. then I left and went travelling for six months had a great time and didn’t think about her much. now I’m back and see her everyday and I’m still getting the anxiety/panic where I completely shut down and feel like dying and feel horrible and helpless for the rest of the day. It honestly is like PTSD. I see a therapist and live a really healthy life. Im at an odds for what to do, any helpful advice would be appreciated.

jlp11 Unhappy marriage and feel stuck ! :(
  • replies: 4

Hi I would like some advice from others I don’t have many people I can talk to but the stress and unhappiness , loneliness is eating me away I’m a married woman been married for 10 years I’m 36 his 60 we have 2 kids together he works 7 days a week I ... View more

Hi I would like some advice from others I don’t have many people I can talk to but the stress and unhappiness , loneliness is eating me away I’m a married woman been married for 10 years I’m 36 his 60 we have 2 kids together he works 7 days a week I look after the kids full time I also work from home doing dog grooming , do the housework, cut the lawn gardening 10000sqm block , everything as I would do single I can’t ask for help if I’m sick or even when was in hospital he couldn’t get the kids from school I had to leave , he has never helped me or been there for me at the start he was , his so tired after work he comes back has a beer watch tv doesn’t talk to me or the kids doesn’t want to know about the bills finances or anything to tired I have to make sure all is paid on Time , but the problem that’s stressing me out is he went bankrupt awhile ago due to his business issues and he opened a other one put me as the owner of the company yes it goes to my company his work money to pay bills that I feel stuck with it , all he says he pays to provide but won’t help when tax time or even want to know about the company or anything that’s due left it all on me , if he leaves tomorrow I’m screwed I also have a other son older from previous partner that I’m stuck paying child support for as his income has made my income higher , on top of this he puts me down constantly calls me a bad mum your a slut you rubbish your worth nothing that I mainly spend my evenings locked in my room to get away from him , he can’t talk communicate over talks me constantly we don’t get along but we are currently in a rental and I can’t afford to support my kids on my own with the prices of rental at this stage and don’t want to take them on the streets so I stay and the company I will have to sort out all the debts of tax without his money to help anymore, I also pay bills with my income and any extras I use my own . It’s such a lonely life and nothing but arguments every evening his home it’s not good for the kids but i feel stuck and have no where to go Also have few dogs can’t take I don’t no what to do feel neglected unloved if tell him how I feel he sends a laughter emoji or whatever

Jai6 I still love my ex-wife...is there surgery available or magic pills?
  • replies: 2

My wife left me 5 years ago. I divorced her 2 years ago. We settled financially 1 year ago. My son and I haven't seen her in over a year. She flew 1,000km to see our son and 2 cats last week and stayed three nights in our guest room. We did normal fa... View more

My wife left me 5 years ago. I divorced her 2 years ago. We settled financially 1 year ago. My son and I haven't seen her in over a year. She flew 1,000km to see our son and 2 cats last week and stayed three nights in our guest room. We did normal family stuff, went sight-seeing, went out to restaurants, laughed like a 'normal' family. We were not intimate. While she was sleeping in the guest room, I was hoping she'd come and talk to me to either close the door indefinitely or whatever. But she didn't. Instead, she was on What's App all night. Now that she is gone again for another year or two, I feel empty and sad? No, I don't suffer depression and no, I don't really want her back. I'm 60 years old and have freedom. But I miss her. I'm not seeking another mate. Even if I did find some interest in another woman, it would be unfair to pretend she's my new love interest. I'd be deceiving and disingenuous to another woman. My ex and I were a perfect 100% match. At least that what our friends said when they found out that we had split. They used think we'd 'go the distance'. What's wrong with me - or her?

Dylan72 Need advice
  • replies: 4

I have been seeing this girl recently and at first it was friends with benefits but I caught feelings, we had 4 weeks where we saw each another 3-4 times a week for hours and hours it was amazing and we loved each others company but once her uni star... View more

I have been seeing this girl recently and at first it was friends with benefits but I caught feelings, we had 4 weeks where we saw each another 3-4 times a week for hours and hours it was amazing and we loved each others company but once her uni started she shut down and didn’t see me for 2 weeks saying she is unsure and doesn’t know what she wants, she has lots of past trauma with men in her life as well as other trauma and this affects her when it comes to commitment and attachment, she finally saw me on Monday and it was just as friends as that’s how we decided to try she came over and it was all fine until the end where with no intentions from both of us we started kissing it’s was very natural but that was the extent of it and she said it’s fine and promised me, the next day she was all like i can’t do this anymore etc which hurt alot, and I asked if it’s cause she is scared of commitment or affection or even catching feelings and she said probably, I was devastated as I have caught heavy feelings and it turns out that I love her but 2 days pass and we reconnect because I was in a bad spot and today she was talking about how she just doesn’t want a friendship or anything and how it’s hurting her as well to let me go and it makes no sense why she would do that when it hurts, she doesn’t lie she is very honest girl which is a amazing, but she started saying well u can blame it on my issues etc, from what happend t has she maybe caught feelings or something or because naturally we kissed with no intentions she is scared of it turning into more cause of her trauma and that’s why she is saying she has no reason why she wants to go, like she says she had no idea why she feels it when it hurts her, is there any ideas with maybe trauma with me or in general can lead to pushing away as she said to me before that the way I treat her is different and new to her which might be part of why she pushed me away. Any advice would be amazing or people with similar experiences or trauma and have this kind of reaction, I don’t know what to make of this situation, all I know is I love her and it pains me so much. She is known to remove or freak out when people get to close to her etc. kinda like a defence.

Molly2_2 Being pressured into getting married and having children
  • replies: 8

Hello everyone, I’ve been having some trouble with my partner’s mother (partly his father) that has left me feeling upset, angry and anxious. My personal background I believe is strongly linked to this, so I need to mention it. For most of my life, I... View more

Hello everyone, I’ve been having some trouble with my partner’s mother (partly his father) that has left me feeling upset, angry and anxious. My personal background I believe is strongly linked to this, so I need to mention it. For most of my life, I have cared for my mother who has a physical disability, an illness, as well as her own depression. It’s hard, and throughout my adult life I’ve felt torn because it’s so difficult to progress with my education and career while also being there for her. Over the years, I’ve managed to find a way to balance (to a certain degree) these aspects of my life. This year I was so happy and proud to be accepted into a PhD program. I’m doing it part-time due to my circumstances, but I’m still happy about it. Another thing to know about me is that I have never wanted children. I am nearly 30 and consider myself to be childfree. I have no desire to raise a child. Not to mention, with my life circumstances, I don’t think a baby would help. I am very open about this. My partner also doesn’t want children. However, his parents (mostly his mother) are very traditional…and expect us to get married and have children. When I was accepted into my PhD program this year, my partner’s parents proactively discouraged me from enrolling. In the past, his mother has explicitly shoved baby clothes, pictures, etc, in front of me. She’s also made comments like “you’ll change your mind”, “every woman wants a child”, etc. It’s very frustrating, especially as she already has nine grandchildren. It’s not as if she’ll never experience being a grandmother, and most importantly, it’s my life and my body. As a result, I have not seen either his mother or father since the start of the year. Apparently, she did stop mentioning weddings and babies after a second confrontation with my partner. However, knowing her personality, I think this will definitely come up again, especially as I near my late 30s. I don’t know how to deal with her. I feel this anger bubbling up inside whenever I think about it, and I’m worried that I’ll say something horrible. Simultaneously, it makes me very anxious, and I also feel like I’m going to burst out crying.

escher_1999 Finding peace after being hurt during one of the hardest years of my life
  • replies: 2

I'm a doctor and met my ex (both in our early 20s) earlier this yr. He was my direct senior at the time and we'd known each other for a few mths, but were purely work mates at that stage. Then one day I received a call at work that my sister had suff... View more

I'm a doctor and met my ex (both in our early 20s) earlier this yr. He was my direct senior at the time and we'd known each other for a few mths, but were purely work mates at that stage. Then one day I received a call at work that my sister had suffered severe head injuries after attempting suicide. My ex was right next to me when it all unfolded. During the following wks our friendship grew and we became closer over a couple of mths before starting an official relationship. I've continued working full-time, studying part-time and tried to sustain my social life as best as I can since the accident. At this point I felt happy overall, though waves of pain would wash over me occasionally. //My ex is religious and I'm not. We had a few long chats about it and I'm open to exploring religion so we decided to continue dating. He talked to his family a couple of wks into the relationship and they didn't approve. He said his feelings were true and deep, and told me he wanted to fight for us. I trusted him, though I would've respected a decision to end things if he felt that way. Around the same time, his close friend of 4yrs confessed her love to him. He told me she wished him well but had given him an ultimatum that for them, it would either be a relationship or they couldn't stay friends. He affirmed that he wanted to be w/ me and said he'd give her some time to cool off. I didn't pay too much mind at the time. //Fast forward 2wks, he flew interstate for one of his best friend's weddings. She was also there and I trusted that he'd respect boundaries. It was a few days later when I picked him up from the airport that I sensed sth had changed. He said he'd been feeling that sth was missing for the past 2wks and after spending time w/ his friend, he realised that he loved her. He was crying so hard, even hitting himself at one stage as he was breaking up with me. //The pain I felt was excruciating. I loved him, but he knew the extent of my vulnerability at this time and chose not to communicate w/ me when he had doubts. Mb I wouldn't have felt this hurt if I wasn't already trying to process a deeper loss. The day after we broke up, he msged saying he'd wait patiently for my forgiveness, however long it takes. It's been almost 2mths since then and I've blocked him on all platforms to try give myself complete space to heal. I'm exhausted and far from feeling at peace.