Hi.
I'm 24M. Unlike most other people my age I live on my own and have since I was 17/18. This is because my parents, or rather my mother, was incredibly abusive in ways that I won't go into detail here. My father wasn't abusive, but he did nothing to attempt to stop what mum was doing to me.
On one hand, I hate both of them, and wish for nothing more than to never speak to them again. On the other, despite mother denying any of it happening, they treat me very well when I visit them on occasion, which unironically makes me trust them less. On the other, life is hopefully long, and things and people can change. I'm sure part of this is some form of warped attachment. I keep them at arm's length where I can safely disengage.
Secondly, something I am slightly more uncomfortable talking about, is a friendship with a young woman who I actually quite liked. I'll spare the details, but I liked her, and it seemed she liked me, but I was uncomfortable and felt strange with the age gap between us despite us both being adults. She initially claimed to be lesbian, but quickly went back on it, and is now in a relationship with a young man. I was quite upset by this, and I actually wrote her a pretty mediocre love song before I found out she was dating someone.
I am uncertain of what details I can or should post, so I'll say that we have very similar interests, dreams, personalities, etc.
I get that I missed my opportunity, but I know it would really hurt her if I moved on as much as it would hurt me. I've really struggled to find connections, but obviously it is quite torturous seeing someone you like with someone else. I would be giving up a friend first and a romantic interest second.
Either way, at least thought I'd share my thoughts and feelings at the very least, maybe get some advice from more level headed people as I do not have many friends and I am not getting support from the ones I have.
Thanks.
