Loved and lost my best friend

[tyrow]

I fell in love with my best friend but the problem is I am already married. I am male and my best friend is female, I have been married for over 10 years now and things between my wife and me have always been good. The thing is when I hang out with my friend I enjoyed life more and was happy. 

About a month ago my friend and I admitted that we had feelings for each other, these got me wanting more and I was starting to want to leave my wife for her instead.

My friend told me bot to leave my wife but there was still flirting and sexual tension between us, which started to mess with my head because I didn't know what she wanted. 

Recently while catching up with my friend we were talking with a little sexual banter and I grabbed her ass, at the time she didn't seem to mind but now she is very angry with me and wants nothing to do with me anymore and throwing away the friendship completely. 

Now I am not sure what to think, I'm extremely depressed and angry at life. I can deal with not being in a sexual relationship with her but I don't want to go on in life without her friendship.

[Croix]

Dear Tyrow~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum. I hope it helps you sort things out.

Maybe it comes back to the concept of friendship, frankly any true freind of mine (and there are not that many as opposed to acquaintances) would have concern for my long-term welfare and happiness, which is not sex, and not even just enjoying each other's company.

I guess it could be that your physical action brought matters to a head. Maybe your friend now realises how far things are going and knows as you are married things are not that likely to work out -even though you said you'd leave your wife, which she told you not to do.

It may be kinder to her to not pursue the matter and leave her the freedom to have a new social life.

Perhaps also neither of you want to hurt your wife, with whom you have had a happy relationship for ten years.

Yes I'm sure you will miss the company you had, do you have any suggestions how to deal with that?

Croix

[tyrow]

Thank you for your reply Croix,

I think you might be right when you said "matters to head" and realising how far things are going. 

At the moment I am giving her the space and yes, I really do miss her. In time I would like to reconnect as just friends but I don't know if that is possible, not because of the physical attraction for one another but because of the history and awkwardness it has brought. 

Only suggestion I can think of is give it time and see what the future brings. 

[Croix]

Dear Tyrow~

Not always do two people see things the same way, while your friend might have seen it as a casual thing you would appear to have taken it deeper. Being told not to divorce your wife and then to have the relationship broken off does not really sound as if she sees it the same way as you do. Maybe hoping for some sort of reconciliation might be bit unrealistic and cause you pain.

I know you said you would wait and see what happens, in the meantime do you think paying more attention to your home life might be a constructive was to cope with things?

Croix