school/young life

Guest_72606525

I'm angry at the moment because of the cliche that I have been told countless times. I have a very major issue with others hating me. I recently found out my 2 best friends of 8 years have been talking bad about me. I've been struggling since Friday, and I feel sick when I think about it. the problem is, I don't care about these people. I don't want to be their friends either. they are toxic and not the kind of people I want in my life. so why am I so affected? I really don't know. I've reached out and have been met with "self love is the first step" and "don't care about what they think, only they can decide what they can think" which is driving me up the wall. it's reminding me of a fitness trainer telling their client that the first step is to just get fit. the thing is HOW. How do I just learn to love myself? I don't enjoy hearing "it's a journey" I just need HOW. the problem is I'm extremely socially anxious and I do TAFE with these two. the whole class does not like me because I'm shy. pulling out is not an option, so stopping being friends with them is not really an option either. it's a hands on TAFE course too so we pair up and whatnot. I have one more year of school left before I can cut them off. the person I was a little closer with talks bad about both of us. the other friend AND me. I've been surviving off of the statement my sister said. "Just live around them. You can't decide what other people think about you, and you're the one giving them a reason to hate you. So let them." I'm really trying, but I just can't let it go. stopping being friends isn't an option, pulling out of tafe isn't an option, and confronting her isn't really an option either. I feel so sick thinking about it. I care so much, and I hate it. I'm asking for advice.

Weaponsofmassdisstortion

If you are at school, then I am guessing you are still quite young. At that age, a break up or losing a friend can feel like the end of the world. But life continues, it dosn't stop for anyone. I think you will learn to 'just move on' with age and experience. As for the whole class situation; Could you drop out and finish the course next semester, would that be an option?

therising

A huge welcome to you 🙂

It can be incredibly tough at times when there can be a whole number of challenges all rolled into one. Some of the challenges will be obvious, such as with feeling what others can be saying about us behind our back, and some will be far from obvious. Personally, I've found the least obvious ones can be full of revelations and those revelations can not only help shed a lot of light on the situation they can also offer a sense of direction when it comes to the way forward.

Being a fairly shy gal myself, who experience degrees of social anxiety, I can relate to the feeling that people don't seem to like me at times. I've discovered the truth can actually involve

They don't really know me, as someone who lacks social confidence and a variety of experience with social challenges. Their 'truth' may be that I'm disinterested in them, which they believe to be the reason I don't talk to them. What they're feeling is not true. On the other hand, if one person in a group that I meet has the ability to bring out the relaxed and chatty aspect of me, they will feel the absolute truth and that is 'I'm someone who easily opens up to people who can bring out the best in me'. It's not my fault that there may be no one like this in a particular group
My challenge may involve finding skills in bringing the socialite in me to life or bringing some empowering and confident sense of self to life. While there can be many many facets that go toward making the the whole of who we are, the socialite is just one of those
I've never been led to the understanding of what self love or self acceptance is. How can I manage what I've never been made conscious of? Speaking of facets, I don't have to love every facet of myself. There are actually some I don't like at all and that's okay and it's also okay if others aren't fans of those facets either. I can still work on managing them, so that they don't impact me and others so much. That's all a part of self understanding, self development and self mastery. It's a process (bringing parts of our self to life bit by bit)
Being a feeler or sensitive comes with its challenges, that's for sure. We can be a natural born sensitive (quite the revelation) who hasn't learned to master their incredible ability to sense. Other people's disconnection from me is something I can feel or sense easily at times. The question at times can be 'How do I stop feeling or sensing that disconnection?'. Sometimes the answer can involve feeling or sensing a connection to something or someone else. Typically we'll feel or sense what or who we're fully focused on. Shift the focus and you shift what or who it is you're getting a feel for. Btw, this works internally too. For example, if I need some part of me to come to life in a situation, I'll try to start getting a feel for that facet of me. At times, I may choose the emotion that's typically going to trigger it to life

As I say, we can have a whole stack of challenges all rolled into one, such as showing up to a certain environment (like a classroom), socialising, dealing with other people's way of thinking, managing our emotions and the list goes on. When doing a deep dive, beyond the tip of the iceberg, a lot more starts to make sense when it comes to exactly why we can be struggling so much at times. Sometimes we can be so hard on ourself without knowing the full story behind our struggles. I should add that sometimes what we can be facing/sensing is another person's challenge that they're not rising to. For example, if someone else it facing the challenge of communicating clearly to us, instead of speaking poorly about us behind our back, we can continue sensing their feelings towards us until the challenge is met and things are finally resolved.