Tired of being bullied by ex and 15-year-old son

[Strengthtogo4]

Hi everyone, I'm new here.

I have been living a miserable life with my partner, now my ex.  I feel so used by him and have always thought that he is a nice person, well, he was until he naggingly pestered me to take out my superannuation (from another country).  He claimed that he was going to put a downpayment towards buying a house.  He rented the house to tenants.  Unfortunately, he could not keep up with the mortgage as he had to leave his job.  When my mother passed away, he told me that since we were in our 50s, we should use my inheritance to buy a house.  I was miserable as he was constantly harassing me to use the money. Later, he pestered me to take out my superannuation so that he could invest in Bitcoin.  After COVID-19, he lost everything as the company disappeared.

At this point, you must think I am an idiot, gullible and trusting.  Now in my early 60s, I have a 15-year-old son who has been brainwashed by my ex.  Ex and son do not help me around the house to cook and clean.  My son is so brainwashed that he claims since I am home all day, it is my duty.  I am hurt and miserable.  Many a time I thought of ending it all.  I cannot move out as I don't have a deposit and the rent is so high.  I have a few debilitating health issues and find it difficult to work as I am expected to clean up after both my ex and son.  I am expected to drive my son 5 days a week for his activities (another story!).  I told my son that I am finding it difficult to do so every day as I am exhausted and in pain.  There have been so many times my son has called me foul names and shouted at me. Both my ex and son shout so loud that my neighbours can hear.  I am ashamed and embarrassed. I live in the same house and moved to a spare room 4 years ago and felt that since I partly own the house, I should stay until my son leaves school.  Son plans to leave school end of this year.  I feel that my son is cordial towards his father because he is allowed to do whatever he wants, however, there have been occasions where they have had huge quarrels and my son was about to hit his father.  I am the one who stops this from escalating.

I'm not sure what to do as I am not as confident as I was in my younger years and living alone scares me.

Thanks for reading.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Strengthtogo4,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for having the strength to share your story. We’re so sorry to hear what you’re going through but we are glad you could share it here with our community. Firstly, you are not gullible or too trusting, you sound like an incredibly caring mother and partner who has supported your family but has not received the same in return.

We can hear that you are feeling hurt and quite alone in this experience, no one should have to feel like all the household responsiblilties falls on them whilst also dealing with verbal abuse. In a healthy relationship, you should be communicated and treated with respect and appreciation, so it might be worth having a look at the 1800Respect pages on healthy relationships. It sounds like it could be useful to have a chat with one of the lovely people at 1800Respect to discuss how your ex partner and son have been treating you. They're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat.  

You could also speak to Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They also have some great advice on their pages, including on communication in relationships. It sounds like it's having an impact on how you're feeling day to day, so please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online, here.

It's important to be kind to yourself through this, especially considering you also have health issues, it's important to practice self-care whether that be meditation, having a bath or simply sitting outside with a cup of tea.  

We’re sure our warm and kind community will spot your post soon, some of whom may be able to relate to what you’re going through. Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your story here.  

Kind regards,  

Sophie M