Hi all,
I have a bit of an odd situation - l am a 21 y.o and have a pretty bad deep relationship with my mum.
As of late, my relationship with my mum has really taken a turn for the worse. She is always taking what l say to heart (e.g she was discussing how work was bothering her and l made a joke about it which was meant to be funny, but she took it as me mocking her situation). I also decided not to go to her place due to some emotional issues and she took this as me punishing her for something that had happened. I even sent her flowers as a gesture, and she didn't care to appreciate them or my intent. Whenever l come to her place, l feel like l am walking on eggshells and that if l say the wrong thing, she will take offence. She is also HUGE on me not being able to show empathy (l can show it for some situations l have been in, but not so much for her, l don't know why) and berates me for this and chalks it up to me "not caring" about her/it being a lack of care factor. This is absolutely not the case, l just cannot empathise with certain situations.
With my dad, l feel as if l am able to be more free and do/so whatever l like (use sarcasm, be funny, tell jokes that he gets and understands and talk more about my struggles in the neurotypical world than with my mum) and she takes this as me favouring him. She also tries to say that she is autistic since she relates to one or two problems that l mention l face, which is just incredibly annoying to belittle my experience.
This relationship with her has been mostly me bending to her will over the past few years (essentially since l was 7) and has left me feeling quite drained and not happy. We have our happy moments here and there, and l know she does love and care for me, but l don't know if l can continue dealing with her constantly bringing up issues about me (since l am who l am and l don't feel like l need to change anything just to suit one person). When l was a lot younger and after my parents divorce, she would always go out and get drunk and l would have to try to take care of her. She is also dating someone who is NOT good for her own mental health (issues l will not go in to) and displays deep levels of narcissism. Although over the years she has improved, l still feel as if l cannot be my true self around her since she does not appreciate it and thinks my true self is rude or has behavioural issues.
Not exactly sure what l'm asking for here, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!
