Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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123Frustratedman Sexless marriage due to past issues
  • replies: 2

Where to start!I am a 67 year old married man.My first marriage was when I was 19. Not sure if I was fully in love or just loved her legs. Our honeymoon night was the start of the downhill relationship as she said she was tired and wanted to sleep. I... View more

Where to start!I am a 67 year old married man.My first marriage was when I was 19. Not sure if I was fully in love or just loved her legs. Our honeymoon night was the start of the downhill relationship as she said she was tired and wanted to sleep. I sat out on the balcony of our hotel on my own drinking. The lack of intimacy lasted throughout the 7 years of our marriage until I left. No one else was involved and I moved in with my parents. After a few relationships I met my now wife of 37 years. The first 2 years of our relationship was amazing in every way, especially in the bedroom. Some 2 months before we married she told me not to expect the honeymoon period to last. I must have been Nieve as I had never heard that expression before. Sure enough our intimacy virtually ended and has since we got married. The only times that she initiated sex was when she wanted to conceive or she was drunk and stoned.during our marriage we experienced problems with her family and she gained an enormous amount of weight to the point that not only was it very unhealthy but I also found her unattractive. I had always been honest with her and told her the few times that a women had flirted or wanted to sleep with me, which I never had as my vows are sacred to me.I admit that I held a grudge towards her from the day that our intimacy declined/ stopped and found it difficult to be as loving as maybe I should have been, but I felt so undesired, un attractive and unwanted.we have on many occasions gone for over a year with no intimacy. We have been and still are going to marriage guidance that has helped me understand that some of the things I said in the past upset her, especially about her weight.She tells me that I have to love her unconditionally and she need me to treat her as my princess. I have asked her to explain unconditionally but she will not.I have changed the way that I treat her, I constantly cuddle her, tell her I love her as well as doing virtually everything around the house as we are both now retired. She has been on anti depressants for over 30 years and I believe that childhood drama has something to do with it.Now whenever she drinks, which is virtually every night she constantly brings up the past. We have gone over the same things to which I have sincerely appoligesed and agreed that I was wrong for saying some of the things that I said.the arguments are getting to the stage where I can no longer deal with them anymore.

Dusicka My mum is a victim of a romance scam and is in denial
  • replies: 8

My mum is currently "in a relationship" with a scammer and is in complete denial of what is happening. She has accused me of some awful things and it's taking every fiber of my being to put this down to the psychologically manipulative situation she ... View more

My mum is currently "in a relationship" with a scammer and is in complete denial of what is happening. She has accused me of some awful things and it's taking every fiber of my being to put this down to the psychologically manipulative situation she is in and try to not let it affect me but it's so incredibly difficult. The seemingly endless rollercoaster of seeing a horrible situation unfold is impacting everything in my life. I'm not sleeping,I'm constantly anxious and I feel utterly helpless. My dad died just over a year ago, and this has been hard enough to deal with, but this scam has been going on for months and she's getting in deeper and deeper. I lost my dad already. I don't want to lose my mum. My brother is handling this even worse. Everyone has always told me how strong I am so I keep trying to hold myself together for the sake of my family but I fear I am shattering inside. I have never sought mental health support before today but I'm desperate and I don't know where to turn. Is there anyone out there with a similar experience who can offer some ideas on what to do? I want to help my mum and family but I know I have to also help myself.

Anicca Contact with relative causing Anxiety and Depression
  • replies: 2

I have had no contact with my siblings and extended family for 30 years. I have major depression, GAD and Cyclothymia. Recently my niece Dxx contacted me via social media. I last saw her 35 years ago. She is now grown with children of her own. I dote... View more

I have had no contact with my siblings and extended family for 30 years. I have major depression, GAD and Cyclothymia. Recently my niece Dxx contacted me via social media. I last saw her 35 years ago. She is now grown with children of her own. I doted on her until my sister stopped me from seeing her. My sister wanted to control me and this was the only way she could do it. I refused to be docile and decided I was better off away from her. We all grew up with my violent alcoholic father so I understand why she was like this. The problem is I am finding it difficult to be in contact with Dxx without remembering all the horrible things my sister did and said to me. It is interfering with my daily life. My niece says her mother would have had her reasons for stopping me seeing her. I am trying not to be negative about her mum to her but she has no idea of the pain she caused me. Dxx sees it as a rejection of her. Has anyone else been through this? How did you cope?

MissJ94 Dealing with a toxic mother
  • replies: 2

How to deal with a toxic mother? Ive been with my partner for just over 3 months now. She knows i have a partner now. She never asks about him (doesnt ask about me or my son either though), has never met him (doesnt even try to see my son or i) and s... View more

How to deal with a toxic mother? Ive been with my partner for just over 3 months now. She knows i have a partner now. She never asks about him (doesnt ask about me or my son either though), has never met him (doesnt even try to see my son or i) and she openly talks sh!t about my partner (and me) to others fully aware that my son (12) knows whats going on and reports it back to me when he sees something. Tonight i had my partner over, the three of us went to have Christmas photos together and went out for dinner too, was a great night! But it was spoiled, for me at least, at the beginning when my son mentioned that my mum was messaging her friend calling my partner, that shes NEVER met, a d!(khead. He says he doesnt care what people say about him, but i do. Especially when its a blood relative saying it, your mother saying it..In the family group chat she openly b!/(hes about how im not cooking for Christmas day this year, simply because i cannot afford to nor do i have the time. Little does she know that ive had multiple mental breakdowns in the last few weeks, have been on workers comp for almost 4 months so not earning my usual wage right now, im stressed about how im going to afford my sons high school stuff which includes a 1700$ laptop! Plus loads more, because she doesnt ask about us. Immediately jumps to "poor me, now im going to have to cook everything myself" or another one she said the other week "poor (my sons name) must feel pushed aside now she has a pr!ck hanging off her hip". I just want to cut her out completely. Pack up and leave Sydney. Adopt a new mum. Ive always wanted a mum who i have a close mother/daughter relationship with but each day, each week, each month, she reminds me of why she will never be that to me.My partners mum has been that more to me in the couple months ive know her than what my mum has ever been.And i guess thats one reason id love more kids, if it was a girl i could potentially have that mother/daughter relationship... Tips on dealing with this? What ive been doing is not replying to most of her texts because i find when i do it just gives her more reason to blow up more about nothing at all. It really does seem as though the only way she will be happy is if she has full control over us..

anonymous1994 My wife left me
  • replies: 2

Hello my name is James, I’m 29 years old. in August ‘23 I got my married to the love of my life. The woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We planned to have children next year some time. Life was great. until about 4 weeks ago she ... View more

Hello my name is James, I’m 29 years old. in August ‘23 I got my married to the love of my life. The woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We planned to have children next year some time. Life was great. until about 4 weeks ago she said she doesn’t love me anymore and she can’t be the person that I need her to be. My whole world got destroyed. I lost my wife, my house, my dogs and my cats. She said maybe in the future we can be civil and maybe even friends. But I don’t think I can do that. I can’t watch her move on from me with potential someone else. I’m already in so much pain I don’t know if my heart can take anymore. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. I’m scared. Lost. And unsure where I go from here.

Stuckinthemiddle431 Supporting younger sister who has gone no contact with mum
  • replies: 2

Hey guys,I don't even know where to start. My mum has been a very challenging woman our whole lives. Numerous things including - exclusion to sudden favoritism and back, causing eating disorders, prioritizing abusive partner and even worse stepdaught... View more

Hey guys,I don't even know where to start. My mum has been a very challenging woman our whole lives. Numerous things including - exclusion to sudden favoritism and back, causing eating disorders, prioritizing abusive partner and even worse stepdaughter. My sister has gone through the ringer. I have basically adopted a mother role for my sister since I was in my early teens. At one point even thanking my mum sarcastically for killing my sister, because at that point, my sister was going through extreme depression and suicidal thoughts, I genuinely thought I was going to lose my sister. Over the years, mum has had her own issues to deal with including an attempt to take her life which ended up with her in a mental health ward for a couple months. She has, in a backwards way, blamed how she treated my sister as the reason for her attempt, which has made my sister feel guilty for not forgiving her. But she also won't admit what she's done. I'm going through my own therapy for C-PTSD due to issues with both parents and other outside causes, but nothing as extreme. I'm low contact with mum and dad. It has come to a point now where my sister, who is now 30, has been low contact for years, is fed up. Shes going no contact with mum and low contact with dad. I know my mum will not accept it, try to put me in the middle, and I believe she will also try take her life again. I don't know how to support my sister through this while also managing my own mental health. I guess I don't know how to shut down mums questioning because she brings up my sister 4 out of 5 conversations. I know i'm going to be in the middle and if mum tries something, her family will come after me.

Chris__D Need help getting over an old flame
  • replies: 3

Hi, As the title states I need some help getting over my last partner. I am a male (27) and I have been separated from my last partner for 8 months or so now. I use the term partner as I never really committed to a relationship with her and thus crea... View more

Hi, As the title states I need some help getting over my last partner. I am a male (27) and I have been separated from my last partner for 8 months or so now. I use the term partner as I never really committed to a relationship with her and thus created more of a situationship rather than a relationship. I believe this was due to me not being ready to settle down (which I now regret not doing) and is possibly due to me not really having any lengthy relationships in the past and thus was scared of the idea of commitment. This led to me distancing myself from intimacy in the latter stages of our time together to the point where I suggested we split as I started to convince myself I was being toxic for her and genuinely believed she deserved better despite her stating that she didn't mind not committing to anything and was happy to continue as we were. In hindsight, I believe my anxious thoughts got the better of me and I convinced myself that I was a problem for her when in reality she really did care for me. 8 months down the track I have finally started to regret my decision as I truly believe I won't find anyone like her again. So, in a hope to repair what we once had I sent a heartfelt message to her and she replied with a picture of who I assume is her new partner holding a puppy obviously to indicate to me that she has moved on. This single picture broke me, and now I'm feeling worse than ever before. I'm now regretting all of my decisions and am left wishing I could somehow go back and change the past which I know is not possible. I want to believe that she will somehow change her mind and we will be able to continue from where we left off but I know that's not going to happen either. I have come to realise now that she was "the one" and I am unsure how to deal with these regrets. Can anyone please offer some insight on the following, it would be more than appreciated. 1. Is it worth keeping optimistic about her possibly changing her mind despite having a new partner? As I believe that she really did care for me based on statements such as "You're not like a lot of guys" and "I appreciate you as a person" 2. At my current age (27) I'm now stressing about will I ever find another person who makes me feel like she did? I certainly don't have high standards but I need someone who can match me on an intellectual level and this is an extremely rare quality to find in a woman these days and thus I am worried I'll never find that type of person again. Thanks,C

Katyonthehamsterwheel Christmas Dread
  • replies: 36

I couldn't decide where to post, but loneliness fits. This is not my first time spending Christmas alone, but for some reason two days out and I feel quite panicky and gross just thinking about it. I really just can't wait until it's over. It doesn't... View more

I couldn't decide where to post, but loneliness fits. This is not my first time spending Christmas alone, but for some reason two days out and I feel quite panicky and gross just thinking about it. I really just can't wait until it's over. It doesn't help that everything stops/closes for a period, contributing to that sense of isolation. I try and tell myself "it's just another day" and it's not even today, or tomorrow, but my body and mind are unconvinced, and I feel rubbish. I'm doing whatever it is I would normally be doing, but not feeling good. And I've ordered some yummy food to eat Christmas Day and bought myself a gift, but just can't shake the grossness and not sure what else to do.

nixxyboo Family won’t believe me.
  • replies: 3

Genuinely got distracted with a phone call and walked out of a store with something.(went back paid it was all fine) but now my family think I have a stealing issue because someone said in the past they think I am (I’d rather go into debt first). But... View more

Genuinely got distracted with a phone call and walked out of a store with something.(went back paid it was all fine) but now my family think I have a stealing issue because someone said in the past they think I am (I’d rather go into debt first). But they don’t believe me and saying I need to get help. I love them but 2 members (the ones this is about) have always been extremely judgy so I’ve never felt comfortable talking to them about well anything deep really. What do I do. I know myself the truth but how do I deal with family that are angry with me and think I have issues