Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

yours_truly Do you have a dysfunctional family? Tell me about it.
  • replies: 1

Dysfunctional family? Constant arguing? Getting nowhere? Crying? Screaming? Giving up? yeah sounds a lot like my fam situation. My parents argue like actual children. I’m wondering how you guys coped with it and how you managed to figure it all out. ... View more

Dysfunctional family? Constant arguing? Getting nowhere? Crying? Screaming? Giving up? yeah sounds a lot like my fam situation. My parents argue like actual children. I’m wondering how you guys coped with it and how you managed to figure it all out. Why can’t adults just grow up, I mean like seriously, what happened to communication?

adamc Mum Doesn't Like Dad Helping Others
  • replies: 4

Some months ago, Dad and I helped out a neighbour by looking after his dog while they went on holiday for 2 weeks and recently has asked us to do it again.Mum was totally against it the first time, saying "You don't even know the dog. Why do you have... View more

Some months ago, Dad and I helped out a neighbour by looking after his dog while they went on holiday for 2 weeks and recently has asked us to do it again.Mum was totally against it the first time, saying "You don't even know the dog. Why do you have to it? Nah, tell them you can't do it."When we returned from his place, after agreeing to feed their dog, Mum said "I thought you said you weren't going to do it."I have no issue with it a second time but Dad is stressed out about it, saying "Do you know how your mother will react if we helped out again? I will get abused and get 'Oh, you'll help with someone else's dog but you don't want to have a dog of your own. No, tell them you can't do it and to get someone else.'" Dad has always got the opinion from Mum that he's only allowed to help out with her brother and not anyone else.

LostPigeon407 Father troubles
  • replies: 11

I hate my Baby Boomer father, His vain and sits behind the T.V., He never cared about his kids needs, happiness, success. He never praised or encouraged anyone, He never was affectionate or socially involved in our lives. He would on rarer times use ... View more

I hate my Baby Boomer father, His vain and sits behind the T.V., He never cared about his kids needs, happiness, success. He never praised or encouraged anyone, He never was affectionate or socially involved in our lives. He would on rarer times use his physique and extroverted social difference to intimidate us into silence to retain authority. He has maybe mild hostile possibilities if we would persist. He used to tell my mother that it was good that we fell over at primary school, He has misogyn & sexism and in ways he views his wife to be a house maid. He is arrogant & ignorant and can't be informed about anything by his immediate family, He has controlling tendencies. He admitted to me in the 1980's he would go looking around to bash homosexuals and he used to claim to be a sharpie. He uses my mental health diagnosis against me, to say that I am disabled or mental and when we argue he tells me to either leave home or that he would ring the police to get me admitted into a hospital, even though he provokes my anger when he sais I'm weak, useless or inept. He has a hegemonic concept to perceive sensitivity and emotional intelligence as being soft. I can't even manage my diabetes because he is in the background looking over me and he tells to not burn the house down when I'm going to cook instant noodles on the stove. His always tried to treat in ways that your a child and never more than 12 or 14 mentally. He makes us to be dumb for not knowing things, He never taught us anything in life, because it's effort, He wouldn't as he just believes were incompetent to learn anything. No one can learn from a crap parent who can't explain more than once and he has a way of speaking that doesn't make sense when explaining things. I can't even talk to my mother if his in the same area, because he doesn't want me talking at all, His definition of a parent is merely a 1940's dysfunctionality to work labor construction, than that the wife does everything else and if you have been kept under his wing until your 18, that his done his part, despite being horrendous with everything else. He even once asked me wither I want to work, making it seem optional that we need money.

Kylie1978 Help
  • replies: 2

I need help in trying to stop my partner from being so negative n b hating on ppl all time for no reason n to stop the anger..I love him so much but never feel comfortable going out

I need help in trying to stop my partner from being so negative n b hating on ppl all time for no reason n to stop the anger..I love him so much but never feel comfortable going out

maisydaisy108 Relationship after abusive relationship
  • replies: 1

Hey guys. I’m 22, I was in an abusive relationship for three years with a much older man that affected every part of my life and me. Before that I was living with my mum who was emotionally abusive. Two years later I’m in a really beautiful relations... View more

Hey guys. I’m 22, I was in an abusive relationship for three years with a much older man that affected every part of my life and me. Before that I was living with my mum who was emotionally abusive. Two years later I’m in a really beautiful relationship and he treats me well. I still always have a feeling of something is happening or going to happen. I know this is just because I haven’t been in a situation where nothing has happened or gone wrong but it’s so hard and even little things I over think and think that it’s going to lead to something big so I start to shut down and feel all the same emotions. I really need some support or anyone who has felt the same to please give me some advice or relate to me.

Yeah_ Drugs
  • replies: 2

My partner is 36 and I’m 29 we have had a lot of arguments and it’s mostly about money he smokes cannabis and cigarettes and he is constantly asking me for money for both of them, he always says he will pay me back but he never does And I’ve now put ... View more

My partner is 36 and I’m 29 we have had a lot of arguments and it’s mostly about money he smokes cannabis and cigarettes and he is constantly asking me for money for both of them, he always says he will pay me back but he never does And I’ve now put my foot down and said no absolutely not I will no longer be doing it anymore no matter the amount, but he constantly gets angry at me when I say no, he always says that he does so much for me and the kids and I never give him anything in return. mind you he is jobless and I pay for mostly everything I'm at a point where I just want to leave. I keep telling him that it is not my responsibility to pay for his habits but he just doesn’t listen I'm just not sure what to do anymore because I'm so tired of the arguments he’s also been pawning things around the house to make the money for drugs

Fluke76 Grieving a relationship
  • replies: 2

I'm a mother of 3 and currently 8m pregnant. I'm here because the father and I have decided to separate and I'm struggling with grieving the relationship. We were together for almost 14 years but there is no trust here and no ability to build it, so ... View more

I'm a mother of 3 and currently 8m pregnant. I'm here because the father and I have decided to separate and I'm struggling with grieving the relationship. We were together for almost 14 years but there is no trust here and no ability to build it, so we both agreed that this is what's best going forward. Anyway, my question is what do I do when I'm struggling. How long is too long to be upset? My thoughts make me sad and angry and I don't know if what's normal. It just recently hit me that I was so loyal in this relationship and looking back on it, it was all for nothing and I'm mad because I feel like it was pointless. I feel like I was lied to, taken advantage of and purposely disrespected the whole time and I still tried to work on it with him. I also feel responsible for my feelings because I was constantly trying to make something work that was clearly not working. I don't know how to manage the emotions I'm going through. I don't have any friends or family to talk to about this and I just need some advice. How do I do this? Do I fall apart or do suck it up?

Dadof77 Family Issues
  • replies: 1

Hey, I'm a dad of 6 (18, 16, 14, 13, 4, 3). My 4 older kids are from my first marriage and the 2 younger are from my current marriage. My biggest issues are that when we got together the older kids were 10,8,6 and 4. The marriage I got out of was a l... View more

Hey, I'm a dad of 6 (18, 16, 14, 13, 4, 3). My 4 older kids are from my first marriage and the 2 younger are from my current marriage. My biggest issues are that when we got together the older kids were 10,8,6 and 4. The marriage I got out of was a lengthy family court battle and I was mentally exhausted. There's a 13 year age gap (me being 46 and her 33) so the differences we had in parenting styles was quite big. It was so apparent until the 2 little ones were born. Her style has always been evidence based (so hard to argue against) where as mine was from how I was brought up (old school) . The hardest hurdle has been while we have been getting couple counselling, because our psychologist has recommended things because when we had our 2 kids she took on the stay at home role. It has been something she has struggled with and so we have implemented tools to help with lessening her mental load, but she's had trouble letting go (control freak) and when she keeps saying that the older kids need consequences if their jobs aren't done (or done to a high standard). I think that we need to adapt the chores to help with the kids load (school, sport, work). But because it's not what the psychologist has said she argues about it(autism undiagnosed), but I have trouble keeping my emotions in check (ADHD). We are working through it, but it's very hard. Am I the only one out there like this. Any help would be great.

Rainb03Donut Am I the problem?
  • replies: 2

I am in a vey on and off again relationship of 5 years. We have recently been to our first couples counselling appointment and things had been going well. My mental health has hit rick bottom the past few weeks and I communicated to my partner that I... View more

I am in a vey on and off again relationship of 5 years. We have recently been to our first couples counselling appointment and things had been going well. My mental health has hit rick bottom the past few weeks and I communicated to my partner that I was struggling to gain the courage to spend time at his place. It didn't feel safe as so much had happened leading up to going to the counsellor. Note, he is not physically abusive and while it does feel verbally or emotionally abusive at times my anxiety about going there is about issues I have with safe spaces and the fact there is some irrational thought there atm due to how I am feeling. I was meant to go there tonight to try get over this hurdle. He had also hurt his back, so I had planned on looking after him. When I got there he was talking to me about something, I responded with general concern about it and he felt as though I was offering advice instead of listening and also lead with judgement instead of curiosity and care. All valid comments. Before he communicated this he said 'do you know a better way of communicating that' this triggered me and I stared him down. I am sick to death of being belittled and spoken down to, he felt this vibe and immediately went to what we learned at counselling and explained how he felt when I reacted the way I did. I felt it was a good and productive discussion. When he finished I said I would take some time to consider what he said and I wanted to think about how I could better turn up for a conversation like this next time. Rather then me spending time explaining to him why I said what I said. Then I wanted to talk about his comment earlier and how i feel belittled and scolded. It all turned to shit here. I was accused of making it about me. I think he was annoyed I kept talking about it when I said I would take time to think about it...... But I don't see me wanting to discuss how a comment affected me as the same discussion. The whole conversation from here felt like me desperately trying to be heard and understood while also trying to stick up for myself.... it's OK for me to talk about my feelings if I have made space for how he feels and considered what he has communicated he can do the same for me, it's not selfish to do this at any time. I dont think it is. Or is it? It just went on and on from there. I was accused or so many horrible things. Including contonuing the argument to make myself feel better so I could bitch to my friends????? I am so isolated from getting emotional support from my friends because he has drilled into me they dont like him because of what i have told them. I am riddled with guilt about this already the last thing I am going to do is talk to them about this. He kept saying I was going on and on about it and then going back to how I wronged him in the conversation. He gave some more context and explination as to how he felt which I still listened to quietly with an open mind and ears. He said he already told me what he said was condescending but I swear that was after it already turned into an argument from him causing issue with me bringing it up in the first place. I feel like I am losing my mind. He cried I never see him cry. He said 'why are you doing this, why do.you keep doing this to me'. I feel like the worst fucking person. Then my gut tells me this is not ok and I am being controlled and manipulated. But that's what he accuses me of. How do i know if it's me or if I need to get away from this? The context of whatever I bring up is always different but the discussion turning toxic and into an argument is always the same. It's a pattern on repeat. He swears black and blue I'm the problem. I don't feel like the problem though. Everytime this happens I apologise and try to reconcile. I left his house he wasn't talking to me I'm worried about his mental health and how he is doing. But I am not doing well myself and I don't know of I just don't contact him. If I contact him and make sure he is OK but I'm honestly worried it will just end in more hurtful comments and discussions that will then cause me to get my back up and then we are arguing all over again. If I just say I don't think we can communicate without hostility atm let's take time and we can talk at our next appointment Monday..... Or if I walk walk away. How do u know if you are in a toxic and unhealthy relationship that isn't being caused by your own behavioir? If this is my fault I want to fix what I am doing wrong. But I'm terrified...... I am allowing my lack of self worth and desperation to accommodate people excuse behaviour that is not ok and instead taking on all the blame myself.

Aria87 Learning not to be so sensitive...
  • replies: 7

Hi guysI am having struggles in dealing with outside opinions and comments and not getting my walls and guard up all the time.I seem to get so defensive and angry if someone simply doesnt hear me out when im upset about something or they ask whats go... View more

Hi guysI am having struggles in dealing with outside opinions and comments and not getting my walls and guard up all the time.I seem to get so defensive and angry if someone simply doesnt hear me out when im upset about something or they ask whats going on, when in return i get the advice i dont want to hear or them telling me what i am doing wrong in their eyes.I had a case this morning of a break down from stress, from my son, it happens.My siblings then took it apon themselves to tell me how i baby my son, i need to do this this and this and this, and then follow up with telling me i dont make enough effort for them and their kids.I feel its like the window is open, so they attack.I have my reasons, past issues, husband has been hurt by them, the list goes on.But i just prefer to be left alone, in alot of ways, they everyone finds the reason of me not doing enough for them as bad as they simply dont get their way.Is it me?I work long early hours with those siblings, and dont have the time for all these family outings etc, or care as sometimes i need my space too, and have commitments. I feel so annoyed and then take it out on the wrong people.