Marriage melts

[Guest_93753106]

I found out my husband was dabbling with drugs with my best friend/bridesmaid and partner whilst looking after our kids collectively. 
 

I was mortified but also drank a fair bit so felt voiceless. 
 

my not the husband had an argument with these people which caused me to lose my bridesmaid three weeks before the wedding and all respect for him. 
 

I did t want get married but everything was paid for and I didn’t want to let everyone down. Such a push over. 
 

I hated our wedding. Especially after I carefully curated my vows over months, before these events,  and he spat out the generic crap handed to him. 

the next five years of marriage was just that! 
 

he hurt him self doing pull ups whilst drinking. Six months off and Surgery. 
 

then he got back on drugs. Two years and I was stuck with this during lockdown so I started drinking again. 
 

Finally got him out but I’m such an idiot and let him back. 
 

I went away for one night in. Three frickin years and got a call from my seven year old saying dad’s really hurt. He was drinking on a bike in back yard and completely cracked his sternum. Time off again and so much anger towards him. 
 

then he has internal issues. Granted the procedure to correct is very painful but I am done. I keep thinking when he gets better he will do more. Rubbish!

I want out. I do absolutely everything! From cleaning, cooking, school stuff, medical stuff, finances, showering, homework, basic hygiene, run a business, pay the bills, and the list goes on. 
 

He won't even make breakfast or change nappies! 
 

I may as well be a single mum and not have him to look after. 

[Croix]

Dear new member~

Welcome here to the Forum, a good place to come to get other's perspectives.

You do paint a pretty detailed picture of where everything has gone wrong, from being unfaithful, to excessive drink, to lack of help and the loss of a friend.

My own idea of a marriage is where two people want to be together, love, and are there to look after each other - ease their way though life as the most important thing. Be honest, trustworthy and reliable.

While these are not all attainable all the  itme -we are human after all, your account seems to say your partner never does any of these. So your instinct not to get married might have been right.

Drink and drugs are hard to leave alone, and for it to work the person has to realy realize there is a problem and is determined to get better - which takes specialist assistance and support.

You do mention that you resort to drink on occasions and that is another matter I guess you should look at.

Do you mind if I ask if you have  talked all this through wiht your husband? If so what was his reaction?

May I ask what you wish to do? You say you are basically a single mum, but have to look after your husband after each disaster too. Did you want to separate?

It is a very big step and if young children are involved your relationship wiht you ex continues, with  maintenance, schooling and umpteen other matters to be shared. It can also have a deep effect on children.

May I suggest before deciding anything you see if you and your husband see if couples counceling would help. Perhaps an organization such as Relationships Australia who are very capable. They may have an office near you or suggest another if not.

You are in a very tiring and stressful situation, do you have anyone, a family member or a friend you  can lean on for support, even if it is only to talk with?

I hope you come back and talk some more, facing things alone is very hard

Croix