A real messy situation - advice please

[2xmumma]

I am I need of advice. It's a long one.

I dont even know if anyone can help with insane mess I'm in right now.

Backstory - I started dating my husband 17 yrs ago.

We married 10 years ago.

When we met he had a drug problem but got help and overcame it. After we had our 1st child in 2015 he started acting strange and saw a psychologist who diagnosed him with post-partem depression. I was not aware men could but they can and it's due to the change in a relationship after a baby. He started using drugs again and we seperated. During that time he committed high value theft crimes with some "mates". He was arrested in 2018 and released on bail 3 mths later, I supported him and we gave it another go. He was fantastic throughout his court proceedings saw a psych but ultimately received a sentence of 5yrs with parole after 2.5yrs in 2020. He was devastated as was I and I made the choice to support him having been back on track for so long prior. 

He got parole in July 2022 and we had a son in May 2023.

From then he was fantastic  as it was prior to the relapse in 2018. 

Early April 2024 his mother passed away, he was with her when she passed and had agreed 2 days prior to place her in palliative and felt guilty for her passing. He went to counselling to try to help, family issues with her will prevented her from being buried right after the funeral (new rules the private cemetery she had a prepaid plot with)

My Pa passed suddenly early May who he was very close to. The following week was Mothers Day and it hit him that day that he had nowhere to lay flowers or visit his mum and he used ice again which triggered the last relapse.

He went downhill quickly and nothing I did seemed to help.

He ultimately found himself passed out in a parking garage panicking on how to get out and had the police called on him. As he had drugs in his system that was an instant breach of parole and the 2 years he has been out has been erased and he is back in until June 2026. This happened 2 weeks ago.

I was still struggling with the fact I'm a single mum to 2 kids suddenly then 3 days ago, I found out he had sex 3 weeks ago with someone who has been his friend for a long time and in her own relationship.

She came to visit me the night he was arrested to support me which has messed with my head even more now knowing this.

[2xmumma]

Continued...

As soon as I asked my husband he confessed, no hesitations and said he had used more drugs than he ever had and was at her house talking and she smoked too and they ended up having sex and both supposedly regretted it.

I called her immediately after him and she broke down crying immediately and confessed saying very similar

I dont know what to do. This friend I truly believe was nothing more than a friend until that night.

The remorse was instant with both, however it took for me to ask to get the truth I am unsure if they ever would have told me had I not.

It was supposedly drug fuelled 

Right now I am extremely hurt.

She has called me multiple times apologising and swearing it shouldn't have happened. He's the same, they have not spoken to each other since he went in and I know this because where he is at the moment is only 2 phone calls per day and they have both been made to me every day.

I know it's fresh and the other circumstances makes it 10 times harder.

Has anyone been through a one of like this? I can't get the image of them together out of my head, I get 2 x 12 min calls with him a day which I don't speak the whole time because my daughter needs to speak to him too.

How do I navigate this. Can I ever trust again? I've never had to worry about infidelity ever with this man.

My mind is racing and I can't stop it the ridiculous thoughts.

Him being in jail means I can't speak to see what's happening, is he sending her letters and continuing an affair, was is really a once off.

It's completely blind sided me because even through his issues he was still loving, caring and seemed to be trying.

My head is saying walk away because thats logical but my heart just won't let go, our marriage is amazing when he's sober, he's a great dad like goes outside obligations, we still have a great sex life which is why this has thrown me so hard.