Resentment towards my step-daughter and my spouse

[Guest_94947506]

My wife and I started dating when her child was 2 years old. My parents were opposed to the idea that I was dating a person with a child from a previous relationship as things can get messy down the track. I was madly in love and could not care less.

A couple of years later, we got married, and soon, our first child came along. I have become incredibly protective of my child and jealous when my spouse devotes her time to our stepdaughter. I do not enjoy the time my stepdaughter stays at our place. I wish I could only spend time with 'my own family'. 

My parents-in-law, who are very inclusive, constantly invite my partner's ex and his new family to all family gatherings. All of them are nice people. Initially, I was okay with that I felt that I was the new addition to the family. Years went by, this 'tradition' has not changed and I feel resentful. 

My wife and I never talk about how we feel, and I am sure both of us are not happy deep down about the whole situation. She 'pretends' that everything is okay. I have become more emotionally detached and have started to give her cold treatment. 

I feel awful that I have taken so long to realise that I cannot accept my stepdaughter. After all, she has done nothing wrong. I am resentful towards my stepdaughter and now my spouse. This is unhealthy and abnormal.

[white knight]

Hi,welcome 

It is unhealthy, I don't know if it's abnormal though, depends on many factors.

I've got extensive experience of being a step dad and partners being step mums to my daughters. My now wife has been the best out of them, the other 2 carried jealousy or resentment.

The power of being in love over shadowed any advice offered but, that is indeed normal. Your inlaws continue to invite your partners ex to gatherings, this is to be commended as he is the father of their grandchild.

I'll give you reason why this situation needs couples counselling-

1. The "cold shoulder treatment " isn't helpful
2. The only way to a step child's heart is nurturing and friendship, care and patience, without which will fracture your marriage 
3. You and your wife need to find ways to communicate your feelings

I commend you for your honesty on your post. I also believe that counselling might surprise you with how it can turn things around.

I hope that helps.

Reply anytime

TonyWK