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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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white knight How to defend yourself mentally- what's best for you?
  • replies: 1

Similar topics are getting popular on this forum so I thought I'd present a guide that everyone can use. As every person is different, the friends and the foes, you can choose your best avenue to take that best preserves your mind and prepares you fo... View more

Similar topics are getting popular on this forum so I thought I'd present a guide that everyone can use. As every person is different, the friends and the foes, you can choose your best avenue to take that best preserves your mind and prepares you for a brighter future. So there is various degrees of judging a situation from leaving the conflict never to communicate again to trying forever and tolerating any toxicity that comes your way... and every degree of in between. One problem is that many of our conflicts involve blood family, people we grew up with and that word "family" has people bound like a magnet to there members to an extent whereby disowning them (not a good term) is not thought of maybe until there is dramatic non control. I suggest as we cant choose our blood relatives, that as we are mentally challenged, that we need to protect ourselves more than others do. We need to get to the resolution quicker. Allowing matters to fume with no result can be intolerable. Family members at times behave in a way that they test the tension greater knowing that you abandoning them likely wont happen and that is reflected in their desire to elevate not reciprocate. Whatever you decide remember- you have choices just like they do, you can choose to think about matters, offers, conflicts, you do not need to respond to demands. And demanding questions can be answered by "I dont know (yet)". If you dont know then you shouldnt answer until you do even then you might decide not to answer. Exercising your rights trumps their demands. Most of us crave for basic empathy not sympathy. Our empathy for others does not have to disappear because we are restricting access to these foe. Neither do we need to show such empathy, just feel it. If confronted with "you dont care about me" honesty is good "well I do, why do you think otherwise? But that doesnt mean I shouldnt move on from a situation I find no resolve from. unless you have an answer I havent thought of"? Leaving a relationship is easier to live with if you dont wish harm to come to them. I'm estranged from my mother and sister but I dont desire for them to come to harm. To seek your resolve whatever that might be and know you did your best is to rubber stamp your actions. Your levels of actions by others as "unforgivable" is for you to set. Your frequency of meeting them is also yours, never, once a year or phone calls only. Your choice for your health. TonyWK

BigWhiteRoom Mentally recovering after an affair
  • replies: 4

Please no judgement. I am married & have been having an affair with a married man I work with. We have tried to stop a few times in the past but always started back up again. Yesterday we called it quits & I really want to stay strong this time. Ment... View more

Please no judgement. I am married & have been having an affair with a married man I work with. We have tried to stop a few times in the past but always started back up again. Yesterday we called it quits & I really want to stay strong this time. Mentally I feel useless, hopeless & like a terrible person as I would die if my husband cheated on me - I know how dumb this sounds! I never wanted to be this person & I just want to feel happy again. I have to see this man every day at work & we remain friends but I am constantly distracted & my work & mood are affected. What can I do to move past this? Leaving the job is not an option as I love my friends here.Please help!

Guest_10645970 A Mother's plea to save her son
  • replies: 1

My son has been falsely accused of sexual assault to a minor but the law is not willing to hear his side of the story. "It's as if the system has already condemned him, without considering the inconsistencies in the victim's story or the questionable... View more

My son has been falsely accused of sexual assault to a minor but the law is not willing to hear his side of the story. "It's as if the system has already condemned him, without considering the inconsistencies in the victim's story or the questionable behavior of the alleged victim. The police seem more interested in securing a conviction than in seeking the truth. Meanwhile, my son's reputation is being dragged through the mud, and our family is left to suffer the consequences. The media has made the situation worse. Every day, I see my son's confidence and self-worth dwindling, as he's forced to live under the dark cloud of accusation. His friends have abandoned him, and even some family members have distanced themselves from us. The emotional toll on our family is immense, and I fear for my son's mental health. The legal system is supposed to be fair and impartial, but in our case, it seems to be biased against my son from the start. We are middle class family who work hard to survive. We've had to mortgage our home to pay for a decent lawyer, and even then, we're not sure if justice will be served. The system is stacked against us, and it's heartbreaking to see my son's life being destroyed by false accusations. The authorities are not questioning what a minor was doing roaming the streets late in the night, looking for vapes and threatening violence and when not getting her way, makes false accusations. What implication does this have on parents? Was the Child Safety Services informed. 'Our trust in the justice system is shattered."

People_Pleaser Broken
  • replies: 2

I seriously dont know how Ive gotten myself in this BS, i never thought i would allow anyone to walk all over me again, i endured 19 years of abuse, i finally got the courage to kick his ass out… i was so free, single and happy, living life with my k... View more

I seriously dont know how Ive gotten myself in this BS, i never thought i would allow anyone to walk all over me again, i endured 19 years of abuse, i finally got the courage to kick his ass out… i was so free, single and happy, living life with my kids, then i meet someone who i thought was my forever because we both shared the same everything, i felt so lucky… things were good intill he moved in… i started to see a different person, its like he took the mask off to reveal his true self….i was absolutely shattered, thinking i could talk to him (communication is key) and resolve a few things, i was wrong so wrong, the conversation ened with me apologising. )will continue later)

Nicki321 Living with in laws and kids
  • replies: 1

Hi we are a family of 4, we have 2 kids 6 and 8 years old. We recently moved in with my husband's parents to save money. We own investment property and now renovating for sale which should be finished by March and settle close to end of the year. I t... View more

Hi we are a family of 4, we have 2 kids 6 and 8 years old. We recently moved in with my husband's parents to save money. We own investment property and now renovating for sale which should be finished by March and settle close to end of the year. I thought this would be temporary but we have been here for six months and it would be for another year. We live in their living room with blinds and curtain to block the entrances, it is 4 of us in one room. I hate being here, and I hate the fact that I will be here another year. It makes me sick in my stomach. I am trying to teach our boys to be respectful and tidy up as much as we can but it seems like my husband just chilling in his house. He left things around and not caring of helping his family. I hate his mum who is being dramatic when the boys cry, expressing love verbally but doing nothing for them at all! She is not working and using my father in law for everything. It seems like only me and my father in law that work around the house, I also work 3 days and deal with house work and boys school. I already feel like single mum, I hate thinking of the boys growing this laziness and disrespectful for the house and not helping. I lose interest in my husband, we argue a lot and I don't feel like talking to him and we barely have alone time together. I feel angry, depress and trapped in this situation I don't even know how to get out of this.

Maxandrews How do you live with someone who is in denial?
  • replies: 3

My last posts here, again it feels like dejavu almost 10 years later. my wife and I have 2 children and her mental condition seems to worsen year on year. She is very oblivious to her words and actions. Eg today I walk away from an argument and she f... View more

My last posts here, again it feels like dejavu almost 10 years later. my wife and I have 2 children and her mental condition seems to worsen year on year. She is very oblivious to her words and actions. Eg today I walk away from an argument and she follows me to yell and swear and then tells me I stress out my son. She had her own weird reality where she can sit there talk filth to me in a calm voice yet when I raise my voice im stressing out my son. I’ve blocked her on the phone as when I leave she starts the verbal and written abuse. Then starts sending abusive emails when she can’t connect over the phone or WhatsApp lol where there’s a will there’s a way. there doesn’t seem to be an appropriate time to convince her she isn’t thinking or acting right and it’s an endless cycle. how do you live and cope with someone in denial but so desperately needing help. Destroying her family around d her in the meantime. Having 2 children at 5 months old and 2 years old makes it impossible for me to leave.

miniforever Struggling and regret
  • replies: 4

My partner physically assaulted me and I protected myself to stop him from continuing so we both have injuries from the altercation. This wasn’t the first time he’s physically assaulted me. I’ve never reported any of the incidences. I was concerned f... View more

My partner physically assaulted me and I protected myself to stop him from continuing so we both have injuries from the altercation. This wasn’t the first time he’s physically assaulted me. I’ve never reported any of the incidences. I was concerned for him that a police record will impact his job. However I have just found out he reported me for attacking him and was advised by the police to call them if he felt unsafe. I feel broken. I protected him so he wouldn’t get a police record but now the police are protecting him for defending myself. What he’s been doing now is whenever I disagree with him, he threatens to call the police. He lied to them when in fact he hit me first. And now he denied he has ever hit me. He told me I am crazy and made everything up. If I wouldn’t admit I am crazy, he would call the police again. What should I do?

Elizabeth Louise How do I let go?
  • replies: 2

How do I let go of my ex husband who I still love? We've been separated for 2 years now. I honestly thought we would reconcile, I never wanted to separate. This year I was trying to rebuild our connection and it was working, talking every day on the ... View more

How do I let go of my ex husband who I still love? We've been separated for 2 years now. I honestly thought we would reconcile, I never wanted to separate. This year I was trying to rebuild our connection and it was working, talking every day on the phone, spending time as a family with the kids, going out for lunch or dinner, bike riding, etc. There was some hugging and kissing. I felt we got closer, but not really together. I was feeling unwell a couple of weeks ago, burnout from work and I was being pushy asking him out for dinner, he didnt want to come and I reacted badly. He since blocked me, it's been almost two weeks. I feel like I can't be patient anymore and having hope is making me suffer. How do I let go?I know i need to have the conversation with him one last time before I can accept it and move on because this whole time I have had hope. But since he blocked me I have felt so hurt. I know he's trying to protect himself from stress, and I know he is battling gambling addiction and is seeking treatment at the moment so I will wait to have the conversation with him when he's finished his course early January. But In the meantime I'm feeling heartbroken again! I already went through depression in 2023. I don't want to go through it again.

Littlemantate Emotionaly drained
  • replies: 1

My wife of 28 years recently moved to Australia to commence work. I remained in my country to sort out our house and ready us financially for immigration. During the time that we were apart, my wife befriended an older gentleman. She told me about hi... View more

My wife of 28 years recently moved to Australia to commence work. I remained in my country to sort out our house and ready us financially for immigration. During the time that we were apart, my wife befriended an older gentleman. She told me about him and described him as an old man. 2 days before I arrived, she called me to tell me that she had purchased a piece of furniture and that she was thinking of asking this friend to help her get it home. I said to her that I was not comfortable with this and that she should wait for me to sort this out. She insisted that it would be fine and after a bit of pushing on her side, I relented and said to her to decide and that I trusted she would make the right decision. Unfortunately,her decision was to get this person to help her. When I called, he was sitting in the house having a cup of tea. I'm not sure that my wife saw the expression on my face when I witnessed this and to make matters worse, she was a little dismissive. I called back a little while later and this time they were walking at local track. This angered me considerably but I thought that I would discuss it with her when I arrived. Two days after arriving, I broached the subject and unfortunately, my wife became quite angry with me, suggesting that I didn't trust her and that I was being overly consumed by the situation. I explained that she invited a male that I had never met into our home that I had even been in yet and that I felt that her judgement was wrong. She became extremely angry at this to the point that I apologized for raising it as an issue. I felt emotionally betrayed by this and it was made to seem that I was being inconsiderate. A week later, I met this male for the first time and my intuition was that he was physically attracted to my wife and he was not the old man that she had described him to be. I confronted her again about this, explained my feelings and fears and once again was blasted and was called emotionally unstable. I, since have not being able to rein in my emotions. I am experiencing severe emotional exhaustion and anxiety to the point that I am feeling paranoid. Just looking for some advice.

Mum2Boys Peaceful parenting - how?
  • replies: 2

How do you parent together with different ideals? My husband is FIFO 2/1. I pretty much have to run the show. I am against smacking and he has followed that. Our boys are 8 & 12. Everyone says they are well behaved and well mannered. Good boys and ye... View more

How do you parent together with different ideals? My husband is FIFO 2/1. I pretty much have to run the show. I am against smacking and he has followed that. Our boys are 8 & 12. Everyone says they are well behaved and well mannered. Good boys and yes they are. My husband says he gets into trouble when I step in. I do as I believe he is harsh. The kids can’t just be kids. Like yes if they are told to say stop being annoying they should (they eventually do when I tell them). Problem is he doesn’t even let them be kids. All I hear is “I would have had a flogging”. He never seems interested in doing what they want to do like get involved and mess around have fun. This in turn grumps me and of course it shows. I just don’t know how to parent with him for no arguments. I love him but resent him also. If we go out for dinner, if I didn’t start the conversation with the family we would be just sitting there. My boys are my world so I do all the things with them. Be silly, do funny dances, ride rides I don’t want to. Husband just thinks they are bad. We just had a holiday and he said “the boys have tried to ruin every day). This is eating me alive as how have they? What for messing around being boys? Everyone says how well mannered and good they are but he just nit picks on the “I told you to stop”. I really don’t know how to parent on the same page as I see him as a fun sucker. No patience and like the kids have to be perfect. My 8 year old said “Daddy should be swimming with us and bonding” of course hearin my boy say that then makes me resent my husband. I am so lost at the moment. Please help