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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Von is lost Single and lonely
  • replies: 6

Recently I’ve been feeling very upset about how long I’ve been single, and the fact that I turn 27 next month and have only ever had one boyfriend that didn’t last very long and a long string of failed attempts at dating (almost all of them involved ... View more

Recently I’ve been feeling very upset about how long I’ve been single, and the fact that I turn 27 next month and have only ever had one boyfriend that didn’t last very long and a long string of failed attempts at dating (almost all of them involved me being rejected). I have a good friend who is 20 and she’s been with her boyfriend for a while now and I’m very envious of their relationship. She posted some photos of them from a camping trip they went on recently and found myself crying about how I wish I had someone to do things with. I’m just so frustrated that I can’t find a relationship like theirs and I don’t know what else to try. It’s hard to stay positive about it all.

Balvason2 I want to matter
  • replies: 1

This is prob a stupid thing to write, but I wish that I mattered. My wife works part time at a retail store and I spend hours listening to her work and the struggles she has. I work from home mostly so, I collect our son from the bus, get him ready f... View more

This is prob a stupid thing to write, but I wish that I mattered. My wife works part time at a retail store and I spend hours listening to her work and the struggles she has. I work from home mostly so, I collect our son from the bus, get him ready for school do the homework and work a full day from home. But no matter what I've achieved during the day, there is always a comment about an improvement or something i could do better. She doesn't kiss me now, She doesn't even let me finish my sentences. The only time she does what i suggest is because she's grumpy and wants to be able to yell at me later and blame being hungry. I'm tired of feeling defensive every time we talk. I don't want to be angry, I don't want her to be angry with me. I read the sticky post and have taken a breath. I just feel undervalued. But if i say that apparently I'm calling her horrible. Obviously, you are only getting my side of the story, and I'm sure there might be things that I'm doing that legitimately annoys her, but we can never get to it because we are always defensive of the other... sorry I know its a blurt.

ElleCee Broken and hurt - my husband has cheated on me for the second time in a sordid and hurtful way
  • replies: 3

My husband and I have been married 30 years and it has been a good marriage for the most part. I married my best friend and still today he is my person. We’ve had some bad times but I thought we had the same relationship goals. in 2009 during a parti... View more

My husband and I have been married 30 years and it has been a good marriage for the most part. I married my best friend and still today he is my person. We’ve had some bad times but I thought we had the same relationship goals. in 2009 during a particularly sexy and fun time for us he disclosed he had been having an affair with a coworker for over 4 years. He wanted to end but didn’t know how to stay away from her. When he did end it she got viscous and made false allegations to the police - causing me to be investigated- twice. But she didn’t get the outcome she wanted. He stayed with me but not without a lot of work with counselling talking and being honest with our needs. It was a totally confronting when I found out they had been having unprotected sex and he transmitted genital herpes to me - condition I now have to monitor forever. But we got through and entered a lovely stage of our joined lives raising our three kids, travelling and enjoying financial security. When the last of our kids left home I thought it would be like a honeymoon but it is not the case. He is partially retired while I still work full time due to the differences in our ages. He is silent withdrawn and not “present” at hen I get home. He has a lot of personal freedom to spend time on his hobbies and sports but on the weekends he doesn’t make any plans which include me. for the last 2 years I have tried so many times to get his attention. I have had Botox in case he thought I was getting too old, I have taken medication in case he thought I was putting on menopausal weight, I have purchased new bras and knickers but he still did want to have sex with me. In 2 years we have had sex 3 times. I thought he might be struggling with ED. I found out 3 weeks ago he has been going to a massage parlour since the end of Covid. He has been going on average 2 times a month, sometimes more, sometimes twice a week. He has been with over 60 women paying them to do sexual acts with some of these women younger than our daughter. The length of time he has been going, the money he has spent, the criminality of these acts and the disgusting betrayal of my trust is eating away at me. I can’t work, sleep, eat. All the time I was trying my hardest to get him to want me. I don’t know what to do. We have just sold our house and it is supposed to be a brand new chapter in a brand new place with a brand new us!!! I am broken hurt betrayed and I can’t stop the images of him and those many many other women

Scared The game of love
  • replies: 24

I dont want to offer anybody advice on dating rather than my own thoughts and beliefs to a question put to me on why should this particular person make some changes to appearance and attitude for the relationships they want.When I offered some advice... View more

I dont want to offer anybody advice on dating rather than my own thoughts and beliefs to a question put to me on why should this particular person make some changes to appearance and attitude for the relationships they want.When I offered some advice I was answered back by " why should I make any changes and why cant someone take me as I am "This is a valid point and I agree fully.If this was about wrong or right then I agree wholeheartedly.But unfortuneatly the laws of attraction are not based on wrong or right but based upon whats working or not working for you. You can go on all day about your good enough so why is this person still not been able to find someone to share their life with.I mean he has already told me he is good enough has the confidence to not need to change anything so then if he is so right then why cant he find some one. Why I have a analogy to share about wrong or right and it maybe too cryptic but I do my best as I never had problems attracting the opp sex.It goes like thisI loved fishing when I was growing up. At a certain time of year after rain these big fish would come out briefly at daybreak for 20 mins only.The problem with these fish they would only eat a certain fillet of fish and it had to be fresh.So i had to go to the pier the night before to catch these small fish and keep the fillets fresh in fridge.I tried all the other convenient frozen baits but no it had to be freshly caught fish if you had a chance to catch these monsters. The law of attraction for these fish was effort.I could argue all day with these fish how my frozen prawn is good enough and how much easier it would be for me to be reasonable but no they wernt buying that cop out.I could argue they are wrong not taking bait and how right i am giving them good enough fish bait.So I learnt its not about wrong or right its about " what works"So to my friend I said you can hold on to being right not to make changes or you can start doing what works.Just had to write that for some reason. I learnt to change if I wanted success and took responsibility for the things I wanted to attract and that meant in this case the long walk to the pier the night before. The fished showed me their law and followed it

Lu8Lu8 No One Cares
  • replies: 2

Hi,I just got an amazing job offer that I’m super excited about after studying so hard for so long. However, when I told everyone around me who knew I had worked so hard to get here, their reaction was super underwhelming. It was almost like they did... View more

Hi,I just got an amazing job offer that I’m super excited about after studying so hard for so long. However, when I told everyone around me who knew I had worked so hard to get here, their reaction was super underwhelming. It was almost like they didn’t care. They said congrats and then let the conversation completely die. Even my boyfriend didn’t seem all that interested and he knows how much I worked for this. I feel a little deflated now because this seems to happen anytime I want to talk about anything in my life. Regardless of whether it is good news or bad news. Why do the people around me not seem to care about me? I’m starting to think there is something wrong with me like a huge ‘avoid me’ sign over my head. I just feel so alone right now and I hate it because this should be a happy time.

loyal Please Help! I told my best friend her husband had cheated on her
  • replies: 4

I told my best friend that her husband had cheated on her (erotic massage parlours/escorts). Her husband denied it and blames me now for making things worse for them. He wants nothing to do with me and has told me to never speak to his wife again. Th... View more

I told my best friend that her husband had cheated on her (erotic massage parlours/escorts). Her husband denied it and blames me now for making things worse for them. He wants nothing to do with me and has told me to never speak to his wife again. They were having problems to begin with and he was blaming her. It was hurting me so much having to keep this from her...I spoke to him first and gave him the chance to confess and he denied it...he spoke about their problems and said they were all her fault. I was so angry that I told her the truth. Yes i have now compromised a friendship between my husband and his best friend and now I am to blame! My husband supports me, however, he also knows the truth and told me I should not have interfered. I am not regretful for what I did, my friends husband has made it quite clear in text that I am at fault now. How do I move on from this....

BlueFish Advice on Husband and his drinking
  • replies: 4

Good afternoon, I need to vent and get peoples thoughts: My husband had some stresses in his life recently, lost both his parents 9 months apart (they were in their 60s). Before this he did drink, started years ago as only a couple of days but slowly... View more

Good afternoon, I need to vent and get peoples thoughts: My husband had some stresses in his life recently, lost both his parents 9 months apart (they were in their 60s). Before this he did drink, started years ago as only a couple of days but slowly became everyday. After losing his parents he started to drink even more, he started to hide his drinking. Stopping on his way home hiding bottles and topping up his soft drink etc. Eventually he became angry when ever he drank. Not physically violent just verbal. He would start fights with our children (18+ in ages) and me. I had to return home from a work function one night after having them call me because he was yelling so much and they were scared. When I returned they had left as i had told them and he was acting as if nothing happened. Calm and did not know why they left. The next day he could only remember parts of the night. He eventually admitted he had a problem and stopped drinking. He did relapse and hid drinks but we made it through that as well. He attended 1 AA, to much god for him Now, he drinks non alcoholic beer and enjoys it. But on the occasion he drinks I feel anxious, even with just one. After 2 he starts to show signs of anger. I had a small panic attack recently while on holidays when i seen him sneaking a drink, his response was that I was over reacting and being ridiculous. Yes I have tried to explain how I feel in a clam way, it generally ends with him walking off shitty and I feel like it is me with the problem. He has his go to sayings "I am almost 50 and should be able to enjoy a drink if i want" is his favourite. I went from almost no trust in him not drinking to having trust that he is not, but there are times i question myself. No point asking his answer is always no. And if i do ask I have to be very specific, for example I asked him one day if he had a drink on the way home ( i could smell it) he said no, with further questioning he had had 2 drinks but not on the way home, therefor he did not lie. At a recent event he did have a few drinks, when I asked him to slow down, this made him angry. He sulked and was shitty. Then he was ready to go because I had ruined the night. One the drive home he talked about getting a divorce because he should be able to drink and he was over me getting upset and not wanting him to drink. The next day he apologised and said he was just frustrated. That is the extent of his apology. Says he does not like to upset me so does not talk about it.

Guest_12508197 Depressed partner
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been together for 11 years. He has always has anxiety and every 12 months would go through periods of depression where he would be unhappy with me for a short time, then things would go back to normal. For the last 14 months my ... View more

My partner and I have been together for 11 years. He has always has anxiety and every 12 months would go through periods of depression where he would be unhappy with me for a short time, then things would go back to normal. For the last 14 months my partner has been in a constant depressed state. Over this time he has expressed this to be for a number of reasons, including his family dynamic (his parents), his relationship with our 5 year old son (who has a parental preference towards me which has been difficult to change) and his feelings towards me. He blames me and says that he wished I had just listened to him and his problems with me over the years. I feel so confused and silly because I had always thought when things had gotten better after his depression each time that I had made enough changes to myself and the relationship to help him feel better. The constant state of things being good, bad and then good again is confusing. 9 months ago I encouraged him to see a psychologist with he agreed to. He says that it’s ruined his life, he feels worse now, and implies it is my fault. he hardly talks to me and where possible he ignores and avoids me. He says he hates being in the house around the noise and mess (which is hard to hear because I constantly clean to try make it better for him). He goes to the beach and drives around for hours so he doesn’t have to be here. I feel like I’m constantly walking on egg shells and when I try to even make small talk he generally won’t say anything back unless he really needs to. Instead he will just shrug or sometimes looks at me with a ‘why are you talking to me’ look. he doesn’t want to talk to a therapist or anyone and has mentioned medication is not something he would consider. after 14 months of being ignored and walking on eggshells I’m considering that we may need to seperate but I don’t want to abandon him. I’m stuck between wanting to look after myself and our son but worried about him. All I know is that I can’t live like this forever and I don’t know what more I can do. I’ve encouraged him to consider a therapist again and talk to his dad or perhaps uncle that he has great relationships with .

Saran Pregnant at 41
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone A little background, happily married 5 years (10 together) have two beautiful children aged 4 and 7. Recently found out we are pregnant, VERY unexpected, we are 12 weeks -had the NIPT test and results are good. I am so devastated to be pr... View more

Hi everyone A little background, happily married 5 years (10 together) have two beautiful children aged 4 and 7. Recently found out we are pregnant, VERY unexpected, we are 12 weeks -had the NIPT test and results are good. I am so devastated to be pregnant again. I was hoping by now I’d come around to it - we both do not want any more children and explored termination however I’ve struggled with the idea as worried about guilt and regret. I adore my current children but have found being a mum hard, both did not sleep well for a long time and caused me a lot of distress. We have our life back on track and now this…… I’m hoping to find joy but all I see is hard work and struggles ahead