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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Lil Accepting the pattern of my life.
  • replies: 3

Two weeks today I’ll turn 50, the optimism of my youth depleted, the sincere belief that things, life events, will get better, i no longer trust in.I have tried very hard this last year to change but really the pattern of my life is set, I lack frien... View more

Two weeks today I’ll turn 50, the optimism of my youth depleted, the sincere belief that things, life events, will get better, i no longer trust in.I have tried very hard this last year to change but really the pattern of my life is set, I lack friends, the ability to connect to people in anything beyond a superficial way eludes me. I think I’ve made a connection, then I find out I haven’t been invited to events, a quick drink after work, a birthday or a wedding reception that everyone else in the office has attended. I’m not nasty, but I think I’m forgettable. It just keeps happening, every decade of my life has been the same. I’m exhausted, I’m sad, I don’t want to care anymore. I’m kind and friendly, but I also don’t matter much to anyone. Is there any point to a life lived in isolation?

AnotherRandomUser Passive Aggressive Friend
  • replies: 23

My friend has been depressed lately, while Ive been sick, and while Ive tried to be there for them despite my own limitations, theyve been controlling and passive aggressive lately and Im finding it hard to cope. They keep saying everything is fine w... View more

My friend has been depressed lately, while Ive been sick, and while Ive tried to be there for them despite my own limitations, theyve been controlling and passive aggressive lately and Im finding it hard to cope. They keep saying everything is fine when I ask if theyre upset with me, but almost every conversation we have they drop some hint theyre mad at me or judging me in some way. (Often about how I manage money, my time, or my health.)But theyre also sneaky about it in a way I cant call them out on it without them being able to deny it. They also compete with me by suggesting their problems are worse than mine, or complain when I can do something they cant. Usually to invalidate the things Im going through or to suggest their needs are more important than mine. And finally, theres a hobby they love and every chance they get they try to convince me to do it with them. Usually I try to put some time aside to do just that but lately Ive been sick so havent been able to join them. It takes a lot of energy.But now if I do anything else, they make a comment about it (aka you cant be that sick if you can do that) or insult it (insinuate its no good and they wouldnt do it), and then bring up their hobby again (aka if your well to do that then do this with me.) Its unfair because the things Im doing are chores/needs, and the few things I do that are fun are way less difficult and take less time than their hobby. Its just little things to pass the time while sick. Im not avoiding their hobby, its just too hard for me right now!But honestly, even when we do their hobby (I often push myself), they then sometimes make comments that Im enjoying it wrong too, so I really cant win anyway! All and all, I dont know how to cope with this. I really wish theyd just talk to me outright so we can figure out a compromise or I can stand up for myself at least.Ive tried to gently bring it up so as not to cause a fight, but when I do, they deny it or say they didnt mean it that way. So it doesnt work. And unfortunately because they make comments so often, Im paranoid at everything they say now. I think, is this another hint? Is this about me? Are they mad again? I dont even know anymore! I never used to feel this anxious talking to them. It used to be easy. And now I think, how can I can I confront them if I doubt myself? If I dont know if it is always about me? And the worst part, despite the fact their my best friend... lately I havent been wanting to talk to them, or hang out with them. Not out of spite, but because their comments make me so stressed, I dont have fun anymore. I feel controlled and bullied. I admittedly, want to avoid them and I feel like a jerk for it. So is there a way to confront them on this because I dont know how, Im so scared that if I confront them more aggressively on this, their going to hate me and deny it again anyway. But if I dont, I worry Ill destroy our friendship anyway because Im withdrawing more and more, and I think its only making them angrier. But what can I do, they wont talk to me about it!? Can I fix this at all?

Guest_61239359 Stressed with my husband
  • replies: 2

My brother just arrived and will be staying with us. My husband and I went for a walk and he told me that we have different standards and culture. He compared my brother to his cousin who stayed with us, he said our culture doesn't have manners. i ak... View more

My brother just arrived and will be staying with us. My husband and I went for a walk and he told me that we have different standards and culture. He compared my brother to his cousin who stayed with us, he said our culture doesn't have manners. i aksed my brother not to help with the dishes as he was still tired from travel and my husband thinks Im giving special treatment to my brother. He also mentioned I'm offering my brother a silver plate and why I have to take a day off to show him around the area.

SK76 Supporting a partner with depression
  • replies: 3

Hi, My partner has been diagnosed with Clinical Depression since a few years ago. He has come out of it a few times and been in a state of heightened friendliness and cheer and then back to depression - this has happened a few times. A few months ago... View more

Hi, My partner has been diagnosed with Clinical Depression since a few years ago. He has come out of it a few times and been in a state of heightened friendliness and cheer and then back to depression - this has happened a few times. A few months ago he was able to come out of his depression, which I am really pleased about, but he has become super-friendly and has made a lot of online friends (he's normally an introvert). While I am happy about his changed mindset, I am also wary about his over-zealous attempts at making new friends. He is extremely nice to everyone except me and we have been getting into a lot of arguments. While I understand that I need to be supportive and there for him, I feel like I have reached a point where I cannot cope anymore. I am trying to get him to see the issues in better light, but he attributes all the disagreements to me and takes no responsibility for his part in the problems. His sister has been recently diagnosed with a life-threatening illness and this has caused additional problems. It feels like he's constantly angry with me and I am just not able to cope anymore. What should I do and where do I go for help? I am trying to get counselling through work, although I am not entirely sure how it would help. Just posting this rant out there in case anyone has some kind words for me... Thanks in advance!

B3108 19 year old son has gone no contact
  • replies: 2

Here’s a shortened version of your story while keeping the context intact:I married an abusive narcissist, my son's father. We separated when my son was 2.5 years old. I’ve always been his primary carer, and he’s always been afraid of his father. Whe... View more

Here’s a shortened version of your story while keeping the context intact:I married an abusive narcissist, my son's father. We separated when my son was 2.5 years old. I’ve always been his primary carer, and he’s always been afraid of his father. When my son was 3.5, I met a wonderful man who was great with him. My son has no memory of his father and me together.His father had court-ordered visitation every other weekend and a weekday visit. Their relationship was difficult from the start. My son always resisted going, returning angry and withdrawn. It felt like torture sending him, but I had no choice. As he got older, he made excuses to avoid visits. At 15, he finally refused to go, standing firm against his father’s manipulation.Though things improved, my son had always shown anger, becoming darker and moodier with puberty. I sought help, but he dismissed therapists. By Year 11, my relationship with his stepdad fell apart, and my son’s attitude worsened. We separated, which affected him, but his struggles had started earlier. I tried talking to him about school, friends, and sport, but got no answers.After our move, he seemed indifferent. Then, suddenly, he began spending more time with his father, and his attitude toward me became toxic and verbally abusive. I assumed it was a mix of factors, including his father’s influence.He joined the Navy in March last year. I was incredibly proud! At his enlistment, he gave his certificate to his father—not me. We kept in touch regularly. In October, he asked me to call every Friday at 5 PM, which I happily did.At Christmas, he stayed with me for four weeks, avoiding his father. But in his final week home, his mood darkened. After a small argument, I sat him down, explaining how his behavior affected me and that I wanted him to take responsibility. He became defensive, but we hugged, and it seemed resolved.He drove from NSW to Victoria, taking his father for company. I asked him to check in when he arrived. He replied, "If I remember." When I called, he rejected it, later messaging that he was busy. The next day, I asked why he was treating me this way. He called when he returned to base, and we spoke normally. But when I asked why he was being rude, he said he thought our relationship was toxic and wanted to go no contact.I was devastated but told him I’d respect his decision. It’s been 5–6 weeks without contact. I won’t reach out—I promised to honor his wishes.

Guest_75682316 A mum who is worried
  • replies: 1

Hi I’m a mum of 4 I’m 35 yrs old and new to the areabut only one lives with me she recently got invited to a play date she 10 yrs old and I met the mum for the first time she was nice but I felt so socially awkward and didn’t know what to say or do m... View more

Hi I’m a mum of 4 I’m 35 yrs old and new to the areabut only one lives with me she recently got invited to a play date she 10 yrs old and I met the mum for the first time she was nice but I felt so socially awkward and didn’t know what to say or do my daughter was happily playing with her friend I said i had to leave and do some errands left and I felt bad maybe I should of stayed but I felt so awkward and not so great and felt I needed to get out is that a bad thing to leave I’m so split in two I haven’t socialise in 3 years

Azzdog Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner
  • replies: 850

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense. I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it be... View more

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense. I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it. My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

Sea-Shells Alone and overwhelmed -marriage breakdown
  • replies: 6

23 years of marriage . Over , overnight basically . Building for a long time probably 5 years of resentment and constant letdowns . I’ve read self help books , I’ve given all I can to help me and us move forward from the toxic things that occur in ou... View more

23 years of marriage . Over , overnight basically . Building for a long time probably 5 years of resentment and constant letdowns . I’ve read self help books , I’ve given all I can to help me and us move forward from the toxic things that occur in our relationship . I have had mental breakdowns resulting in admission to hospital for PTSD . I have done so much work on myself but he dosent change and I feel like he’s the trigger as aside from providing financial things at times and some muscle there is not much else he has given our relationship . It comes down too he won’t go to counselling for us both and refuses too . We need help , he won’t do it . So he walks out . I’m alone and sad with nobody and have isolated myself because of our relationship . . I don’t know how to handle the minutes that are ticking by . I’m so hurt and perhaps in denial also hoping he willcome back but at the same time not wanting him too as im exhausted . Has anyone any tips or tricks to help me get through another day and night please .

Guest_00175944 Seperation/ depression
  • replies: 1

hi all ,this is the first time I’ve ever talked about mental health on any platform and I’ve never spoken to anyone. I’ve battled with my mental health my whole life but never seemed treatment, on the surface I’m happy most of the time I have a great... View more

hi all ,this is the first time I’ve ever talked about mental health on any platform and I’ve never spoken to anyone. I’ve battled with my mental health my whole life but never seemed treatment, on the surface I’m happy most of the time I have a great life . I make good money. I live in an awesome big house and I travel a bit. I have two almost adult Daughters I was diagnosed with a heart condition that will most probably Rob me of my retirement years ,it killed my father before retirement and my grandfather even younger. I have been with my partner for 20 years but I’m not in love. We got together young, dated quickly and found ourselves parents we have never argued. We just got shit done and raised our girls. I am so lonely ,we almost have nothing in common. She’s quite old-fashioned ,financially ,socially, she’s not a risk taker. I don’t think I can continue to fill her cup on those levels. I need to live now. I’ve tried to bring up a few things ,hints that I want to travel more ,experience more, invest in some offshore adventures but she didn’t seem that interested ,when I told her of my heart condition I didn’t get a hug ,no tears, The first thing she said was how will that affect your job and then we better change your health insurance. it was almost like she was more concerned how it would affect her life and what she has planned She’s not a bad person. She’s an incredible mother. Everyone likes her. Her family is amazing. I just don’t think I could hurt her. It would break her heart. Everyone will hate me. It’s almost easier suffering until the day. The heart stops then dealing with the pain of hurting her. or my girls.

Guest_29940144 6 years single - helping friend through loss of wife but he wants to get involved, his past concerns
  • replies: 1

Hi I have been single for 6+ years and enjoy my life. Last year a friend of 20 years that I worked with had his father, wife of 47 years and mother die within 6 months of each other. I have been checking on him to see if he’s ok since the wife’s fune... View more

Hi I have been single for 6+ years and enjoy my life. Last year a friend of 20 years that I worked with had his father, wife of 47 years and mother die within 6 months of each other. I have been checking on him to see if he’s ok since the wife’s funeral in May. We hadn’t had much contact in 13 years but messaged occasionally. Since new year, he has expressed interest in me. We’ve been going out on day trips etc. I stay over in a spare room if we’re having a few drinks. He has talked about his past and about 30 years ago had 2 affairs on his wife (he was a policeman) he felt ashamed and they decided to stay together and work it out. On the weekend we went to Canberra for the National Bravery Awards. The night before we left he said he thought we should get naked. I said it was too early but ended up topless. That was all ok on the Friday night in Canberra we both drank too much and things advanced further. This is the part where I’m wanting advice. A woman obviously notices when things aren’t ‘normal’ like a previously injured penis. I elected to say nothing the next day as we were unable to complete intercourse anyway. On the Sunday he received a message from a mate saying ‘so did you get together with your lady you bent dick …..’ i saw the message so he proceeded to tell me then that he’d been drunk and told his mate what happened. Then guess he had to tell me. About 5-6 years ago his marriage was not great and intercourse was not good for his wife- so she told him to go to a prostitute - Which he did at the age of 62. They got into it and he was injured with a damaged penis for which he never got help. My issue now is that I was shocked (and that takes a lot) but also not sure of the words that he didn’t tell me prior to now - so whilst I’m not judging him, his life, his issue. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I strongly believe in commitment and whilst his wife told him to go, he didn’t have to - I hold marriage vows strongly (no judgement on anyone else) but am trying to deal with how I feel about the fact he didn’t tell me prior to attempting intercourse with me, when it affect our encounter. i suffer depression and am almost weaned off my medication but this is really challenging me. Any advice, help, opinions would be appreciated- thank you