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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jayde_04 I just feel alone
  • replies: 3

I’ve always been someone who wants a relationship, my friends who never wanted a boyfriend have all got one and I’m the only one single. They all talk about cute things their boyfriends do for them and I just feel so alone. It’s starting to feel like... View more

I’ve always been someone who wants a relationship, my friends who never wanted a boyfriend have all got one and I’m the only one single. They all talk about cute things their boyfriends do for them and I just feel so alone. It’s starting to feel like I’m getting needy, I’m now just mindlessly swiping through dating apps hoping that the next one will stick around longer than a day. I just want to feel appreciated and comfortable with someone who loves me but instead I’m just watching my friends relationships from afar feeling so alone

Mark h My partner resents my relationship with my son. Help!
  • replies: 3

Dear Beyond Blue I really need help. I am so flipping lost and I don't know who to turn to. I am hoping that you can read what I have to say and offer any advice. My partner and I have been together for 3 years. In that time, we have separated three ... View more

Dear Beyond Blue I really need help. I am so flipping lost and I don't know who to turn to. I am hoping that you can read what I have to say and offer any advice. My partner and I have been together for 3 years. In that time, we have separated three times but something keeps bringing us back together. I am 53 and my partner is 51. We have booth come from previous relationships. My partner loves me I am sure but recently she has told me that my parenting style with my 18 year old son is questionable. FYI, My 18 year old has massive anxiety issues stemming from bullying at school. He works for his mum on Tues, Weds & Thurs and then on Fri, Sat, Sun & Mon comes back to me. He's a great kid, funny, smart and loves my partner however for her, having him here over weekends all the time is an issue. She has said that she wants a weekend a month where he isn't around but that is difficult because rightfully this is his home. Whilst he is here, we hardly see him. He comes up in the day and then at night time, he likes to come in and sit to talk through his day but only for a couple of hours before disappearing to his room again. He doesn't have his driving licence yet but will have in the next few months. I have a great bond with my kid, we are extremely close. My partner now is saying to me that she finds it exhausting to be around him constantly. Even things like me and him talking about what sauce we will have with dinner annoys her? My partner suffers with anxiety too but for me, the smallest tiny things get turned into large problems. If he leaves a cup on the bench for example, it's a huge thing. I can ask him to spend a weekend at his mums so that we have time on our own but he's my kid and as such, it's very difficult for me. He doesn't do anything wrong at all, he's considerate, kind, funny and as I say, he loves my partner. Last week I said that he could have the last drink of mine in the fridge...that really upset her. She said if it was her kids, she would tell them no but it didn't matter to me at all...she gets quite angry about it. If I change one weekend a month it means he will need to stay with mum for 10 days given his working situation which is fine but he loves being here and so I am lost knowing what to do. I accept my partners girls with open arms but they don't live with us. I feel she wants to control me and resents what I have with my son. Maybe jealousy? Please help

wendlle Husband won't take ownership of his affair
  • replies: 3

There is a lot of context but I'll be quick as possible.We were separated for a few years, both single the entire time and still communicating.In January he started seeing someone that he knew as a teenager (they dated and were intimate as teens) he ... View more

There is a lot of context but I'll be quick as possible.We were separated for a few years, both single the entire time and still communicating.In January he started seeing someone that he knew as a teenager (they dated and were intimate as teens) he was seeing her for 2 months then something sparked in us and he came home and we got back together.We have two kids aged 5 and 8 for reference also. It has been 3 months and I just found out he has been sexting her the entire 3 months he has been home, he has also gone to her house numerous time. I don't believe he has had sex with her on these visits, this is more emotional.The texts were really disgusting and involved photos on her side where she is naked and worse - very sexual like porn. My husband was fully responding to them all. He is refusing to take full ownership of this, I want us to work it out and move forward but he just keeps saying "I don't think this will work" he won't share his password with me so I can build trust with him which just makes me think there are more secrets to come. I'm so lost and lonely and sad, I've never felt so betrayed before but I don't want to lose him again.He says he has cut all ties, but without his passwords I'll never know. Says he loves me and not her and basically says it like "if i wanted to be with her i would be, but i'm here" like i'm supposed to be grateful he is here even though his mind has been on his ex.We have been married for 12 years and together for 17 - he has been with this woman for 2 months.What gives????

Jessksch I felt stressed and just so upset my partner doesn't ask about my day?!
  • replies: 1

So I know my fiance is kind, is very loyal and honest towards me and respects and treats me as an equal. However, today I was going through a very stressed out situation and when I came home he just talked about his work and not once asked how I was.... View more

So I know my fiance is kind, is very loyal and honest towards me and respects and treats me as an equal. However, today I was going through a very stressed out situation and when I came home he just talked about his work and not once asked how I was. When I do talk about my day, he stays quiet and changes the topic and doesn't engage with me. I have talked to him how this bothers me, he always talks about his day, never about how I'm feeling, how are things going for me? Etc... When I talk about my day, he either changes the topic or, he talks about how much worse he has it than me. We get along amazingly otherwise, but he's also not physically affectionate in any way but I can go without it really. We are planning a future together and have been together for over 10 years, it just has gotten worse and worse as he's going through a stressful period (I try to cheer him up all the time, ask about his day, he vents to me every day on his way home about his work, I buy him snacks, settle things he can't while he's at work etc...)... When he got home today I didn't talk much and he seemed a bit annoyed, but I just couldn't deal with talking to someone who deosn't care to listen to me. The problem is, nobody ever does, and I engage with people, ask questions about their day, how something made them feel etc...so I am always the one people come to to vent, but when I want to talk about something, nobody wants to listen. I just want him to realize on his own that this doesn't make me want to talk to him. I told him thousands of times already and I kind of checked out, but still think it's rude of me to just be mean and not ask about his day. I can really use advice, because we have been through so much together and this is just something little that has been gnawing at me so much

Elham Heartbroken
  • replies: 1

Hi family I am kinda heartbroken as going through divorce and only lived together for two months, there is a feeling of anger and loveso many factors but how to move on as i think about her 24/7

Hi family I am kinda heartbroken as going through divorce and only lived together for two months, there is a feeling of anger and loveso many factors but how to move on as i think about her 24/7

MeccaAddict I don’t want to be married anymore
  • replies: 9

Hello,As the title says, I don’t want to be married anymore & I don’t know how to do this. On paper, life seems perfect. We both have great jobs, a lovely house, 2 amazing kids (3&7) and we are actually good friends. I feel absolutely no spark anymor... View more

Hello,As the title says, I don’t want to be married anymore & I don’t know how to do this. On paper, life seems perfect. We both have great jobs, a lovely house, 2 amazing kids (3&7) and we are actually good friends. I feel absolutely no spark anymore. I had an affair last year and whilst I have ended it and have no feelings for the person anymore, I know in my heart that I no longer love my husband. He’s a good man however we have no chemistry. I don’t even think it’s an issue for him that there’s nothing there between us anymore. He’s just happy and content plodding along, focusing mainly on the kids and work, whereas I feel there’s got to be more than this.We have been together 12 years and even looking back to when we met at 23, I feel he was a safe choice and there was not a lot of passion (albeit more than now, but certainly lacking compared to previous partners) between us but I overlooked it as he was just such a nice guy.I’m 35 now and have grown up and know I want more but the thought of being the one of blow up my family kills me. I wish all day long he’d fall out of love/realise he doesn’t want to do this but I don’t think he will. The decision will fall on my shoulders.I was out with my sister last week and even she said to me ‘your husband is such a great guy, you guys can never split up.’ And I know she means well, but the guilt that I don’t want him anymore kills me.It also kills me that I’d blow up my kids lives (in particular the eldest child) who would be so sad being away from mum/dad with shared custody.Do I just suck it up/sacrifice my happiness? I feel my mind is made up but I’m staying because I don’t know how to do this.

Justsad Sad and lonely
  • replies: 2

Im a 42 yr old single female living by myself and wfh. I have depression, anxiety and PPPD. Wasted my youth on abusive partners which has caused me to have zero trust in men.I am incredibly lonely, depressed and angry on the wknds and feel there is n... View more

Im a 42 yr old single female living by myself and wfh. I have depression, anxiety and PPPD. Wasted my youth on abusive partners which has caused me to have zero trust in men.I am incredibly lonely, depressed and angry on the wknds and feel there is no point to life. All I do is work hard during the week to pay for a crappy unit to then have a lonely depressed wknd. I see no point in life and am also embarrassed that im alone. The pain is unbearable thunk I just want to vent. Thanks for reading.

samaz I need suggestions on what to do
  • replies: 9

I started dating my now wife when we were 16 and both living in different towns. We would talk on the phone regularly and send letters and see each other every few months. I had feelings for her that were way to strong for that age but never told her... View more

I started dating my now wife when we were 16 and both living in different towns. We would talk on the phone regularly and send letters and see each other every few months. I had feelings for her that were way to strong for that age but never told her. After 12 months i enrolled in a course in the same town and moved there excited to be able to spend time with her. When i got there she told me that she had cheated on me ( at this age cheating meant kissing) and that she wanted a break. She developed the relationship with the other that she had cheated on me with while on this break with them both regularly sporting fresh love bites. After a few weeks i lost my virginity to a stranger that i had no feelings for in a one night stand. I hoped that she would find this out so she might feel what it was like to be hurt. I left town soon after this to start a full time job in my home town.i didn’t see her again for around 12 months but when i did she came up and hugged me and said she was sorry and that her and the other fella were over. I apologized for what i had done and was happy that they were over because i wanted to start again. Soon after this she started a full time job and moved into her own flat back in her town. After a few months our relationship became sexual. I was quick to tell her how i felt this time around because I didn’t want to lose her again and told her that i wanted to be with her forever. She responded that she also had feelings for me but she wasn’t sure about forever. She told me that she had lost her virginity to the other fella and that they had a strong sexual relationship. Over the next decade she trickled me information about her previous relationship while our relationship blossomed and after 3 years we became engaged and she moved to live with me. We lived together for 2 years before getting married and had our first child 2 years after marriage. It was at this time she told me that she didn't completely end things with the other fella when we got back together. I was hurt but didn’t press for details i just asked that she cut all communication with him.during the next 16 years we sailed along as any other married couple would but she always said that i shouldn’t have any social media accounts as this was something women did and men didn’t use it. I knew this was wrong but did what she asked anyway. During this time she was very protective of her phone and I didn’t have access to her emails or any passwords.fast forward to a month ago and the kids now use her phone and social media more than she does so i am suddenly able to see everything. I noticed that she had the other fella in her facebook friends. I approached her and said that i had asked her to cut all contact with him years ago. She said no because he is my friend. I thought about this for a few days and then told her that on order for me to understand this i need to know when it all ended. She told me I don’t know. I said well to keep it simple when was the last time you had sex, she said I don’t remember. I said i find that hard to believe and asked well when was the first time you had sex she again said I don’t remember. I said that i find that impossible to believe since it was when you lost your virginity. She said that their relationship is her business and not mine. I said ok but if you don’t remember when it was do you remember where it was she said in my flat. This hit me for 6 as this meant it was at the time that we got back together and if they really did have as many intimate encounters as she had said they had it must have continued for quite some time after this. I have been losing alot of sleep over this sometimes barely sleeping at all for three days, i have almost completely lost my appetite, my mind is filling in all the details that she won’t disclose and they are not good thoughts. I have asked her to tell me but she simply says that is all dead and buried but to me it is fresh information that hurts like it was yesterday. What do i do? Am i overreacting or wrong?

Moving forward happy Feeling paralysed and unable to do anything
  • replies: 1

My partner and I have been fighting recently, mostly over my 9 year old son. I think he’s too harsh, so I defend him, then I’m belittling him, but I can’t stand by and watch him scream and yell and search for reasons to be angry at him because I don’... View more

My partner and I have been fighting recently, mostly over my 9 year old son. I think he’s too harsh, so I defend him, then I’m belittling him, but I can’t stand by and watch him scream and yell and search for reasons to be angry at him because I don’t think he’s that bad. He does the usual stuff a kid of his age does but overall he is a really good kid and I don’t feel he (or anyone for that matter) deserves to be screamed and yelled at. I’ve tried a million ways to explain this to him but nothing works and he’s at it again, two minutes later. Then when we start fighting I’m finding myself feeling really down, down to the point I’m not doing anything I know I should be doing, I almost feel as if I’m paralysed, I look around me and know I have to get up and take care of things, or go to school or work, make certain important phone calls, pick up my son from school and I just can’t do any of it. I have no motivation what so ever and it’s frustrating, I just feel so lost in it. I know other people fight with their partners and they still get up and do the things they need to do for the day but I can’t and I dont know how to stop doing this to myself. I just feel so overwhelmed and lost.

Bee1998 Heavily grieving the loss of my beloved Grandmother, and my partner hasn’t been very available
  • replies: 1

I lost my Grandmother one week ago, on the 9th of May. She had been diagnosed with bowel cancer about a year and a half ago, and two weeks ago, she fell over on the tiles at home and hit her head. She was admitted into hospital, with bleeding to the ... View more

I lost my Grandmother one week ago, on the 9th of May. She had been diagnosed with bowel cancer about a year and a half ago, and two weeks ago, she fell over on the tiles at home and hit her head. She was admitted into hospital, with bleeding to the brain. Only a few days later, she passed away suddenly while in hospital. This has been the hardest loss that I have experienced by far. I was crying and worrying about my Grandma passing since I was a child, for my entire childhood. I am now 26, and it has been so difficult time in my life. My grandma wasn’t just a grandma, she was my absolute everything. She was the person who guided me through my entire life. She was my teacher, my parent (she practically raised me, as my mum was abusive, and my father was absent), she was my superhero, and the superglue to our entire family. She was my best friend. I went to see her in hospital the day of her passing. This was the first time I had seen anyone deceased, and it was an intense moment for me. For the entire week after she passed, I couldn’t stop crying. I would wake up early every morning, and the minute it sunk in again that she was gone, I would burst into tears. I live with my partner, and I have felt as though he hasn’t been overly supportive of me during this extremely sensitive and difficult time for me.He was supportive in the fact that he came with me to visit my Grandma on the day of her passing, but since then, I haven’t felt any form of love from him. Every day, he has been very distant. He hasn’t been spending any time with me (apart from going to buy groceries). He just sits in a seperate room and plays chess. I also haven’t felt any love from him. He hasn’t been affectionate in any way. Also, just two days after my Grandma’s passing, he was asking about sex. And the days following, he was asking me to perform sexual acts on him, despite knowing / seeing how heavily I had been grieving. We were also meant to be going to Rhode Island in America together at the end of June this year, as he needs to go for work, and invited me to come with him. I have never been overseas, and was looking forward to going with him. Just yesterday, he mentioned that it might be best for him to go alone (given the circumstances). I found this odd, because shouldn’t it be my choice whether I feel up to going or not? This has brought a lot of mixed feelings and anxiety for me, as he cheated on me during his last work trip to the United States.