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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Weltschmerz Emotional abuse - 3 years into a relationship and things have changed
  • replies: 1

I’m really sad and embarrassed and not sure if I have the strength to take action. Some context - I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to repeated workplace bullying and I stopped working 12 months ago. I have also had trauma with repeated emotiona... View more

I’m really sad and embarrassed and not sure if I have the strength to take action. Some context - I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to repeated workplace bullying and I stopped working 12 months ago. I have also had trauma with repeated emotional and financial abuse in my previous long term relationships, with my last husband committing suicide (10 years ago) and leaving me with huge debts. I’ve got support (GP, Clinical Psychologist) and I’m actively working to reduce my anxiety and depression. I am now into a 3 year relationship that I thought was going to be my last and best. He was originally super supportive and loving. Over the last month I’m seeing red flags where he has been telling me how to behave and to tone myself down (both volume and enthusiasm). I’m becoming insecure and sad and feeling that I’m defective. Im finding that we can’t have an effective discussion and he never apologies for anything. When I discuss the situations he makes it clear that he thinks I have issues and he doesn’t. He normally makes smart comments and sometimes refuses simple requests for support or assistance. He teases me incessantly and his jokes and general conversation have an hard edge to them. Our intimacy has also been impacted. This is impacting my anxiety and sadness. I’m feeling insecure and sad, and wondering if it’s time to end the relationship. Super bad timing as we have a 6 week holiday in Europe starting in a few weeks. All booked and paid for!!! Just so sad

Guest_16106532 Emotionally disconnected
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, I have been married to my husband for 20 years known him for 24 and I find that I wan to be away from him. I have become very emotional about him not showing me love. I ried to talk to him about it but he did not show any interest and... View more

Hello everyone, I have been married to my husband for 20 years known him for 24 and I find that I wan to be away from him. I have become very emotional about him not showing me love. I ried to talk to him about it but he did not show any interest and said I am looking fo problems like my mum. I began feeling isolated and noticing that we are not emotionally connected about a year ago. I had great doubts about our marriage at the start as there was a lot of issues with our families... We have lived through tese and now I am beginning to feel that there is no love. Ther ehas never been much love. Recently I met a kind man and this has highlighted my needs to me even more . I am in my mid 40s. Is this part of a mid life crisis or have I changed? Has any one gone through a smiliar eperience? I feel bad tht I feel this way about my husband.

Eliza1976 I think my husband is a sex addict
  • replies: 3

My husband of 7 years has addiction problems with alcohol and sex. We are unable to have a loving sexual relationship because he is obsessed with watching porn and constantly wanting me to sleep with other men (which I won’t). When I say that I find ... View more

My husband of 7 years has addiction problems with alcohol and sex. We are unable to have a loving sexual relationship because he is obsessed with watching porn and constantly wanting me to sleep with other men (which I won’t). When I say that I find this disrespectful and disgusting he says that I am kink shaming him. I endure sex once a week and now he wants permission to sleep with other women that advertise for free sex because I don’t meet his needs. I feel so disgusted and I no longer enjoy sex and the thought of it with anyone is vile. I don’t know what to do but I can’t endure much more of this. Where can I go to get help?

QuietAlice Unstable Housemate/Hostile Living Situation
  • replies: 1

Hi Forums, I am currently having issues with a person that I'm living with and I'm seeking advice/support around it.I live in a sharehouse with 4 total people, 1 of whom is currently actively hostile to the rest of us 3. Any attempt to engage in disc... View more

Hi Forums, I am currently having issues with a person that I'm living with and I'm seeking advice/support around it.I live in a sharehouse with 4 total people, 1 of whom is currently actively hostile to the rest of us 3. Any attempt to engage in discussion leads to her shouting/yelling and spouting abusive words and phrases. One such example she compared us all to "pigs living in their own s**t" and calling our property "rat infested". We keep a clean household, wipe up stains, put dishes in the dishwasher type stuff, we've never had a rat problem or had any amount of mess that has warranted that kind of statement. In this same rant, she accused one of our other housemates as being "the reason why their last place was a s**thole" and lashed out at another housemate who intervened in the conversation/rant as an attempt to diffuse it before it turned physical. She then ended the argument by dredging up personal trauma that i had divulged to her in confidence. Since then, I have asked her to leave. She is not on a lease, as she was supposed to sign it over 3 months ago (we have a very patient real estate) so I have asked her to provide us with a timeframe and a decision as to whether or not she is moving out. She has failed to respond to these messages, and I'm at a loss as to what I can do next. Her constant hurls of abuse at all of us are really wearing our mental spaces out and causing/forcing us to live in our respective rooms. Any advice on what to do next would be greatly appreciatedI am keeping records of all interactions and exhanges between us, as to provide evidence to whoever that we're following the right processes.

Echoes Feelings of guilt leaving an alcoholic
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt after separating from my wife of 10 years. She succumbed to alcohol and was often violent and emotionally abusive towards me when drunk. Despite the suffering and abuse I was under I still feel lik... View more

Hi everyone, I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt after separating from my wife of 10 years. She succumbed to alcohol and was often violent and emotionally abusive towards me when drunk. Despite the suffering and abuse I was under I still feel like I have let her down by leaving her as she has no means of support after losing her high paying job due to alcohol. I know that I was only enabling her to continue her drinking by being there and I feel like I have wasted the past 10 years. I feel like less of a person and a failure as a husband. After several stints in rehab and having to clean soiled sheets and clothes often I lost hope in our relationship. I was totally miserable and after leaving her I am in a slightly better place now. I am now alone and have taken action to protect myself from her by moving away. I am thankful I have no children and sometimes think about what I could have done to help her while crying alone. I know things will get better and I am doing my best but sometimes I think that I will never get over this. My self esteem has been battered and I can’t see how it will ever rebuild. It feels good to write this and I hope that people in similar situations can see that they are not alone in this struggle.

RichoC Why me? The hate. I'm done...
  • replies: 1

Well, I'm living a wonderful life here.I try so hard every day to be good, calm, easy and nice. That's who I am.I'm even on potent medication that stops flare-ups and all that. I hate it, but whatever it takes, right?My Wife loves abusing me, telling... View more

Well, I'm living a wonderful life here.I try so hard every day to be good, calm, easy and nice. That's who I am.I'm even on potent medication that stops flare-ups and all that. I hate it, but whatever it takes, right?My Wife loves abusing me, telling me I'm a loser, complaining when I bring up a special time in my life at work and says, Oh, you talk yourself up, sound like a dick head.No, just remembering a great time in my life when I was successful. Nice to celebrate, that isn't it?Recently, I've had no job, sacked illegally from my last job.So as a workplace lawyer ,I'm taking them to court to be prosecuted. Makes my blood pressure boil.It's so bad. I will win.Ripped me tonight in front of her family members for bringing up good memories.I said shut the F up, oh then I was attacked like you can't believe. Sorry, you pushed me again as usual. I can't take it.I tried to explain, but no one cares. Just more attacks on me. Abused me all of them.I said fuck this, I'm leaving.I'm so bad. No, just abused daily.I want out. I'm done.I can legally do it all myself because I have before.I have struggled for years with things and all I get is abuse and complaints. I just got an amazing job and good pay, which will be huge.Don't think I want to share that.And I'm about to receive money for my music, almost $1 million, my songs are really good!Go me! All mine.Think I'll keep all that. I wrote the song, so it's mine.Could pay the mortgage out, but hey.I'm just struggling with the abuse, negative comments about me.I can't keep doing this. Rather be on my own again.Maybe my ex-girlfriend will want me back; she's very, very beautiful. I'd be so happy. Like Margot Robbie beautiful.Any way ranting, no support, just abuse. But wants my money now.Should I just pack up and go? Be happy right now.Thanks Sorry I'm broken again by her, she thinks its a fun game to play.

Guest_10308 Stuck in limbo
  • replies: 1

Hi There. I am currently looking in a situation where I think that my wife really want to leave me. For the last couple of years she has become more and more distant with me not showing really any affection, not wanting to do anything with me (go out... View more

Hi There. I am currently looking in a situation where I think that my wife really want to leave me. For the last couple of years she has become more and more distant with me not showing really any affection, not wanting to do anything with me (go out without the kids etc). I have been overcompensating more and more as I am really struggling with the feeling of rejection and loneliness. Throughout this time I have asked a lot of times if she still loves me to which she answers, "I will always love you as a person". Me not knowing how to take that will ask if she wants to be with me which she says she does not know. Recently (a couple of weeks ago) she has decided some space would be better. I am staying away from the house for a couple of nights a week and her the others. I understand that she feels like this is what she needs right now but for me this is hell. I don't know what to do or where I stand and every time I ask I am being to pushy and rushing. This is crippling me in every aspect of my life and I don't know how to cope. Does anybody have any ideas? I am desperate to save my family.

twolegsjoe Rumination/Mindfulness Doesn't Make Sense
  • replies: 2

Hi, Figured I'd make a post on here because whenever this comes up it drives me nuts trying to make heads or tails of it. Basically, I am currently in the midst of my quarterly mental breakdown, and as many people do, I refer to the internet to help ... View more

Hi, Figured I'd make a post on here because whenever this comes up it drives me nuts trying to make heads or tails of it. Basically, I am currently in the midst of my quarterly mental breakdown, and as many people do, I refer to the internet to help push me in the right direction. I'm really at my wit's end however, when nearly every response is something like "accept your thoughts but don't dwell on them" - I, sincerely, and at the risk of this sounding like a loaded question, do not understand this. At all. Like, I get the concept that they're describing, but I don't know how to make myself "not dwell" or "imagine my thoughts like a cloud passing by" or "imagine your thoughts are an island" or what have you. When I have an intrusive thoughts, I just feel upset. Like!? Sorry I don't really know what else to say about it, it just frustrates me thinking about it because I don't know how to physically make my brain not dwell. The other response I see is "practice mindfulness", which again, fundamentally do not understand this. Like, I can acknowledge my privilege, things to be grateful for, I can tell myself positive affirmations til the cows come home but I still just want to ball my eyes out the entire time. Frankly, the only thing I've taken away from meditation is frustration. Anyway, sorry again if this comes across as a loaded question, I just get really mad any time such things are suggested to me because it just does not compute in my brain, and I'm just looking for some help, or validation, or anything positive really.

Loni-1 Estranged adult children
  • replies: 4

Is anyone else out there experiencing being alienated by their adult children due to toxic coercive control by their ex. this has betn going on for over 20 years since we separated. Now I have lost communication with both my daughter and son and can’... View more

Is anyone else out there experiencing being alienated by their adult children due to toxic coercive control by their ex. this has betn going on for over 20 years since we separated. Now I have lost communication with both my daughter and son and can’t see my grandchildren. I feel so isolated and alone. Would like to connect with anyone going through a similar or the same situation.

Lily48 Estranged adult child
  • replies: 5

It's been almost a year since our adult daughter decided to reduce drastically contact with us. This was a result of a difference of opinion between her father and her male partner. Her reaction to what he told her was said seems disproportionate. In... View more

It's been almost a year since our adult daughter decided to reduce drastically contact with us. This was a result of a difference of opinion between her father and her male partner. Her reaction to what he told her was said seems disproportionate. In addition, where we had close and regular contact with her two daughters, our daughter will not allow them to visit us. I have experienced the five stages of grief and loss and now have reached a degree of acceptance that things will not change in the foreseeable future. I have tried texting, emailing, asking what she needs for us to heal this rift, but it seems there is no chance of reconciliation with her father. While she doesn't want any contact with him, I get an occasional phone call or email, but the loss of close contact with my grand-daughters is heart- breaking.