Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Bee1998 My partner constantly threatens to watch porn, despite knowing how much it hurts me
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been in an argument today over him ignoring me all of last night, because I’m anxious about him going away soon without me.We ended up talking about something that he did a little while ago (was unfaithful), and that triggered m... View more

My partner and I have been in an argument today over him ignoring me all of last night, because I’m anxious about him going away soon without me.We ended up talking about something that he did a little while ago (was unfaithful), and that triggered me, and we got into a bit of a heated argument.He then pulled the, ”well I’m going to watch p*rn tonight” card on me. He said it in such a smug, disrespectful manner, like he literally doesn’t have any regards for my well-being. He knows how much I hate p*rn, and how it destroys my self esteem, yet he constantly threatens me with it, and tell me he’s going to watch it tonight, while we’re on bad terms.He tells me he’s going to watch it, and there’s nothing I can do about it.Whenever he tells me this, I become enraged with anger. He really knows how to push my buttons and trigger me, and I hate him for it.I literally am going to smash my house to pieces one day, which will be out of my control.

FelixC My silence and lack of connection is killing my marriage
  • replies: 2

Hello all, I was hoping this discussion can reach someone who is experiencing or have experienced my problem hoping I can get some support here. First of all, I am married to my wife for 18 years (together 24 years) with 2 kids and we been together s... View more

Hello all, I was hoping this discussion can reach someone who is experiencing or have experienced my problem hoping I can get some support here. First of all, I am married to my wife for 18 years (together 24 years) with 2 kids and we been together since high school, and I am 5 years older. She's always been the full of ideas, energy and optimistic person that brings joy and laugh to people and she's a great cook. I love her very much and still am and no doubt about it. In the last 4-5 years things have been very edgy between us where we have moved city, raising our young children on our own without family and friends nearby/support and working full time. About 5 years ago my wife had an affair with one of our mutual close friends and I felt the world is crushing down on me, we separated and she continue with her other relationship. Due to financial reason and me wanting to be with my kids I stayed at the family house. One year passed and just before covid I finally moved out but within the area then about 4 months later I moved back because of covid and lockdown. Not long after I moved back her other relationship have ceased and we had many discussions about reconciliation, but I have a lot of leaving/staying dilemma going of which did not help in our situation and she have been let down and heart broken many times.In the last 3 years the road was and still am quite bumpy for us and we have learnt so much about what happened that leads to the affair and we take ownership of our wrongdoing. One of my biggest weakness is connection/communications where I can go on with the day without talking much to my wife and children. This have been the constant poison in my relationship/marriage and she complain many times over the course of the last 10-15 years and started brewing resentment towards me. I say this have always been the problem in our relationship that I don't talk to her enough and just do the day to day necessity chores (eg: Happily doing the dishes without asking help) and because I don't talk a lot she would complain to her family and friends but gets the blamed for not appreciating and I am always the nice guy.In the last 2 years I have been diagnosed with depression and been on meds since but that still didn't help connecting with my wife. I struggle to understand why I am still doing this to hurt her. Is it because of what happened between us, my upbringing or do I not love her? I just can't figure it out why I don't have the initiative to change.

goldilocks I have a genuine question...
  • replies: 1

I am putting this post under 'Relationship and Family Issues,' although I am unsure if I am putting this thread under the correct topic. But I have a question that I'd like to ask. It's directed towards other women (especially young women) on here. H... View more

I am putting this post under 'Relationship and Family Issues,' although I am unsure if I am putting this thread under the correct topic. But I have a question that I'd like to ask. It's directed towards other women (especially young women) on here. Have any of you been in a situation where a public transport worker (i.e. bus driver) has has a thing for you - a crush, if you will? I am asking this, as I have been in this predicament twice before (which did not end well), and I feel like I am going through it again. You responses would be highly appreciated! Warm Regards, goldilocks

Mel2334 Feeling alone
  • replies: 3

I co-parent with my ex he doesn't and he controlling letting see my son and I have lawyer and everything involed it's so hard as he doesn't talk about my son st all and I don't feel like he acknowledged me as a mum st all that I do and I know I do I'... View more

I co-parent with my ex he doesn't and he controlling letting see my son and I have lawyer and everything involed it's so hard as he doesn't talk about my son st all and I don't feel like he acknowledged me as a mum st all that I do and I know I do I'm looking on getting a social worker as the things important for my son and his wellbeing and concerns I have as the ex not community about don related things any advice ?

Sigma123 Struggling to support my long term partner with mental illness
  • replies: 6

I have been with my partner for over 6 years and unfortunately she is diagnosed with a mental illness condition. I had educated myself, understood and supported my partner as best as I could. For the first 4.5 years of us dating, including living tog... View more

I have been with my partner for over 6 years and unfortunately she is diagnosed with a mental illness condition. I had educated myself, understood and supported my partner as best as I could. For the first 4.5 years of us dating, including living together, overseas trips, planning our future together (family, career), and being engaged. There has been zero issues with her mental condition for those 4.5 years. She was controlled with the chance of coming off medication in the coming months. In late 2022, unfortunately from intense work stress and she had a series of psychosis. I supported her during this time as she was aggressive to me and her family. I accepted that this damage was out of character, and posting radically on social media had permanently scarred us as a couple. Early 2023, she had reached out and she was "normal" once more, in which we rekindled our relationship. I wanted to know what happened and how to help her, in which a new team of psychatrists advised me of her new recovery plan. We both received judgement for getting back together, despite my partner having no symptoms however with increased anxiety from embarrassment. Later in 2023, we moved back in to together. I had an sick week in October 2023, and my partner was with her family during the week. I only saw her at night time, it was obvious she was showing symptoms. Her family and I knew she required emergency medicine however it was too late. It was confusing as her family removed my furniture from our place without communicating whilst she was in hospital. I accepted this was the final nail in the coffin. My mental health had personally burnt out as I was keeping everything afloat (career, finances, businesses). Now in March 2024, my partner reached out wanting to get back together again and there is a new diagnosis. I love her, and I feel horrible for her having to suffer. Her turbulent nature when going through the episodes scares me for her health and safety. I advised her that she must focus on her recovery, as do I foremost. She is aware that she must take her condition seriously, as she cannot live long term in denial of her condition. My family would be protective of me due to the visible mental health damage and trauma I faced for years. I am unsure what to do as her diagnosis constantly changing, and whether there is a controllable end result. My mental health has gone into shambles and all I want is for the both of us to be healthy and follow our dreams together.

Guest_342 Are romantic relationships just not for me?
  • replies: 8

I am in my third long term relationship.In the long term relationships,I have previously found myself around the 1 year mark with a gut feeling that it is not right but feel paralysed about making a decision and end up sitting on the fence for too lo... View more

I am in my third long term relationship.In the long term relationships,I have previously found myself around the 1 year mark with a gut feeling that it is not right but feel paralysed about making a decision and end up sitting on the fence for too long out of fear of hurting feelings Often I feel it is because key values don't align.I have had bad anxiety in the past,which I keep under good control nowadays but it does sometimes creep in and I think it might sometimes cloud my judgement - I find it especially hard to distinguish between a flight response from a gut feeling that I should listen to. Also,I am nearing middle-age and have achieved my own successes all on my own to now and find it hard to allow someone into my life at this age. It's far from the teenage or early 20s dating situation where we sometimes had the luxury of time and immaturity to justify dating someone even if they weren't necessarily 'the one'.I have been with my current partner for around 10 months now. They love me, have no issues in showing affection eg hugs and holding hands kisses, they are content just being in my company and are fully committed to a life together. However, our conversations are not deep - they have trouble opening up about things (issues with their family/trauma, that I don't yet fully know about because I've not wanted to push); if I voice an opinion that I sense they don't agree with they will simply say eg "ok" and be silent (when I've said I'd love them to tell me if they have a differing opinion or don't feel comfortable with my view); they have political views such that I feel I need to walk on eggshells so as not to appear offensive; when I talk about things that are meaningful to me I often only get short responses and no active input into the discussion and quick change of subject. (Physical) intimacy-wise we have some areas of disconnect/non-alignment in terms of needs. I don't want to go into much detail here about the last one, but basically I don't feel overly desired. I have discussed this with them before but from what I can tell, it relates in our case to their level of energy not matching mine and their thoughts and stresses if the outside world also taking over too much in the moment. I want to end things if we're not right for each other, I don't want to sit on the fence and lead them on. Right now the thought of growing old with them doesn't sit well with me. How do I know if I can trust my gut? Or is this just a pattern of mine?

Hatedbydaughter Groundhog day
  • replies: 2

I'm a flawed, imperfect human and a mother of an adult daughter who blames me for all her ills. She invades my privacy and when I call her out on it, she reacts like a teenager. She calls me weak, pathetic, needy, toxic and narcissistic, whilst letti... View more

I'm a flawed, imperfect human and a mother of an adult daughter who blames me for all her ills. She invades my privacy and when I call her out on it, she reacts like a teenager. She calls me weak, pathetic, needy, toxic and narcissistic, whilst letting me know that I've destroyed her life. She is a professional that makes a rather comfortable salary AND she still lives at home with no bills or expenses. This affords her a lifestyle that many others do not have. Unfortunately there is no gratitude, just resentment towards me. I will never be good enough for her. She'll come home from work and as soon as she sees me, her entire demeanour changes. She becomes resentful, spiteful and aggressive. I work long hours and honestly, just want to rest after 9 pm. She decides that she wants to vacuum at that time. Instead of respecting that, she starts to have tantrums and threatens me that she will commit suicide and I will live with that guilt. She is highly manipulative and constantly tells me that her life is perfect except for me - that she hates being around me and one day she will leave and I will never see her again. According to her, I am the only one that pushes her buttons and 'forces' her to destroy my property when she is angry. There is no accountability for her actions. It's never her fault as I 'made' her do it. If I invite her out, she reacts poorly. If I don't invite her, she reacts poorly. She can be very sweet and charming, and most people that meet her fawn at her feet. She seems to enjoy playing the victim and making me out to friends and family that I'm the wicked mother that has destroyed her. It is only when she loses control that some people have seen the other side to her but I do not want people to see her in such a negative light. I'd rather be the scapegoat than people turn on her. This level of manipulation and abuse has been going on for over 15 years now. She's been an adult for over 13 years. I paid for my daughter to see a psychiatrist, psychologist and other counsellors just so she can tell them that she is a product of a narcissistic and toxic mother. I do not understand why she still lives with me given that she cannot stand the sight of me. To be honest, I care very little about life anymore. I'm struggling to exercise, to eat properly and my work is suffering. I struggle to accept that people enjoy my company as she certainly doesn't. Yet, I'm too paralysed by fear to ask her to leave. I'm numb.

P12 Disclosure of Disorder to Obtain a Friend
  • replies: 20

I received a suggestion to create a separate discussion after my main discussion has apparently not initiated discussion with other than one other member over the past few months. I would like to ask if anyone may share their experience disclosing a ... View more

I received a suggestion to create a separate discussion after my main discussion has apparently not initiated discussion with other than one other member over the past few months. I would like to ask if anyone may share their experience disclosing a mental health disorder to others? I was advised by a psychologist that I would be more successful at making friends if I told prospective friends in advance that I apparently had a disorder. Otherwise they would think I was stupid or expend great effort trying to understand me but fail and give up. However, since trying this technique, those I have informed have stopped communicating with me. I believe I made more progress feigning a personality. However, this is apparently also unsuccessful as I haven't made a friend either way. Thank you.

Con3used Confused need guidance
  • replies: 2

I'm in a long term relationship married with kids. Things are pretty comfortable and we get along great but part of me is feeling like the lust isnt there anymore. This put more into context becuase I met another guy which my husband agreeingly knew ... View more

I'm in a long term relationship married with kids. Things are pretty comfortable and we get along great but part of me is feeling like the lust isnt there anymore. This put more into context becuase I met another guy which my husband agreeingly knew about. The connection we had was magnetic And awoke something within me. I love my partner, and my family but the chemistry when we met was undeniable. I thought maybe it was a fantasy You know the grass is greener but the more and more i over analysed this strange relationship we developed and had going i knew there was truly something pretty special. I really enjoyed being around the other man, the way he made me feel safe and understood. It felt he was there to help me, which he was. He helped me through a difficult time when I was feeling like there was no hope. He made me feel empowered and I appreciated that. He was so knowledgeable and I respected him. I guess it felt nice having a man i was attracted to treat me so well and he liked me for me despite all my faults (all the things my husband did too). His feelings grew just as mine did but knowing i couldn't go any further he cut the ties to this weird relationship we had going. He was hurt but also understood the reasons to why i couldnt leave my kids. There was clearly more to this. He lived 2hrs away, widowed with two kids of his own. I can't explain how much i loved talking to him and simply being in his presence. It wasn't necessarily all about sex. It was way more than that.I don't know how to figure out my thoughts. I'm so confused and I love my partner, and my family but at the same time I find myself breaking feeling lost as this other man has had such an impact on me for some reason. It's seriously frustrating that someone can consume my thoughts so much.

DaveAM Wife asking me to engage with the situation with her lover
  • replies: 6

My wife and I been married for about 10 years having 2 children. She has been deeply in love with me so I have as well. She is very social person, active in her business with lots of friends which I know most of them. There has been one specific frie... View more

My wife and I been married for about 10 years having 2 children. She has been deeply in love with me so I have as well. She is very social person, active in her business with lots of friends which I know most of them. There has been one specific friend to whom my wife is in close relationship, beautiful woman , socialize person to whom my wife is in close relationship and they go out with other friends and collogues. She has been single, very professional and lovely person. In the last 3-4 years, my wife travelled with her for work and short holiday with no issue. She also invited her few time to our house for dinner who spent the night at our house and leaving the next day. Couple of times, I asked her about her boyfriend or single situation which she did not feel comfortable to address my question so I forgot that. Few times in our summer house I asked her to come into the pool and swim with us and play with children which she denied for some reasons and I did not insist neither my wife. Around few weeks ago in our villa, my wife asked me as she and her friend would like to spend sometime in sauna later in the night and would like to be alone and talking which I did not see any issue. However out of curiosity, I approached the sauna and found something shocking. They were having a physical relationship. She says she loves me and she does not want separation and I do not really know what to do. She is asking me to be a part of this romantic relationship as she cannot break up with her friend. I am very confused and need help for next action.