Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Guest_14057205 Binge drinking
  • replies: 3

My partner is a binge drinker. Starts with a few drinks one night, a bottle wine the next then 2 and then days of drinking, passing out waking up and continuing to drink. I have been at the receiving end of the blame for so many things. She blames me... View more

My partner is a binge drinker. Starts with a few drinks one night, a bottle wine the next then 2 and then days of drinking, passing out waking up and continuing to drink. I have been at the receiving end of the blame for so many things. She blames me for her selling her house. She cannot stand the fact that I have been married before. She cannot say why she drinks. She has admitted on numerous occasions that it is an issue and she needs help but never gets any. We have planned a future together and in one of her up phases, bought a house. Again the drink has raised its head. I'm not sure what to do as the drinking is affecting how I feel about our relationship and our/my future. Having just bought a house I feel hemmed in and have no idea what to do.

Jessksch I've lost faith in relationships...my father cheated, my sister's husband cheated...
  • replies: 2

My father cheated and miss-treated my mum because she gained weight, he almost left her but they stayed together "for me" when I was young. Yesterday I got a call from my sister, a 20 year relationship down the drain as he is leaving her for his girl... View more

My father cheated and miss-treated my mum because she gained weight, he almost left her but they stayed together "for me" when I was young. Yesterday I got a call from my sister, a 20 year relationship down the drain as he is leaving her for his girlfriend. She is amazing: beautiful, always active, very intelligent (she has a master's degree in science but gave it up to take care of the kids)... Only a few days ago I got upset at my fiance because he seems to be taking me for granted; says he loves me but has a hard time opening up his emotions and being "sensitive" with me. He is kind and respectful, but not romantic or does not things for me unless I ask. He loves talking to me about his day and wants me to be there to listen to him, but doesn't show interest in my day or things. He says he doesn't want to lie and pretend to be interested.We talked and he promised to be better but I lost faith... I am at a loss, I always aimed to just find someone to love or a best friend to go through life with but I lost faith now in every man in my life and feeling hopeless in life.

MidnightThinker No one ever asks how I am
  • replies: 7

Hi this is my first time posting. I felt like venting a bit where there was no chance of anyone knowing who I am, or having anyone I do know find it.I have pretty bad depression and anxiety but I like to think I’ve gotten pretty good with managing it... View more

Hi this is my first time posting. I felt like venting a bit where there was no chance of anyone knowing who I am, or having anyone I do know find it.I have pretty bad depression and anxiety but I like to think I’ve gotten pretty good with managing it most of the time but there’s one thing that constantly weighs on me and that’s the fact that no one seems to be very interested in me at any capacity. I live with my partner and we have these family dinners and every single time no one who comes over ever asks how I’m doing or about anything new in my life. It’s like I’m just sitting there in the background. I try to involve myself by having a laugh as everyone jokes about and I try to contribute to conversations as best as I can but no one really ever acknowledges what I’ve said. Typically the subject will change as soon as I’ve spoken and I just glance at my phone to hide the fact that I’m hurt. I was hoping that after making some big accomplishments (for me) that maybe someone would ask about them. For example I just got a new job after 6 months of unemployment and no one even acknowledged it, let alone asked about it. I know it‘s probably stupid but I can’t help but feel like I just don’t mean anything to people at all. Not even enough to have a pretty surface level conversation because no one has ever cared to bother uttering the words “how are you?” Or “what’s new?”I ask everyone how they are of course and they’re more than happy to answer but I never get that same courtesy. Maybe it’s stupid if me to be upset by it but you’d think after almost 10 years that people would start to care at least a little, but clearly they don’t. Has anyone else experienced this? How did you get through it without feeling kinda worthless in the world? I’m really struggling with this because I don’t really have any friends that I can see somewhat regularly, and I’m not super close with my own family either. I just wish someone would care but it honestly feels like there must be something fundamentally wrong with me to have not a single soul beyond my partner give a flying turd about me and my existence.

Hurting So confused
  • replies: 1

He never, ever touched me. He was kind, loving, fun, always loyal. He would smash things, put holes in walls and doors. He would drink and disappear. He was always under a lot of stress. I would get angry and call him names when he would be drunk and... View more

He never, ever touched me. He was kind, loving, fun, always loyal. He would smash things, put holes in walls and doors. He would drink and disappear. He was always under a lot of stress. I would get angry and call him names when he would be drunk and mean.I think I caused it. Is it possible to make someone behave that way? I tried to make changes, see relationship councillors, be more patient and more kind. I saw my own psychologist and worked on myself.I think I broke him. He has a new partner now, only a month after we ended our 5 year engagement. He is really happy.Is it possible that he will be an amazing partner with no anger with her and I was the reason everything happened?

Guest_19936700 loneliness and loss of emotional connection
  • replies: 1

Hi, My husband and I have been married for over 7 years and he has been working interstate since the middle of last year. While he isn't technically working as a Fly in, Fly out worker, his schedule is such that he does fly home on some of his time o... View more

Hi, My husband and I have been married for over 7 years and he has been working interstate since the middle of last year. While he isn't technically working as a Fly in, Fly out worker, his schedule is such that he does fly home on some of his time off. The arrangement settled around 6 months ago, to currently 5 weeks away, 3-4 days back. In the beginning of this arrangement, the longest period was 8 weeks. To say his absence has been felt is an understatement. We have shared most of our marriage living together, sharing the highs and lows of life. We don't have any children, but two dogs who live with me and who (aside from a couple of close friends who know about the situation) are all I have here. His move to this new position was for two reasons. He needed/wanted to upskill in his current industry and this move gave him the opportunity to do so through employment. The pay increase has also helped support my ability to complete a degree which entails 1000 hours of unpaid work-I'm sure you could probably guess. When we first discussed the option of him moving, it was felt painful to think about, but ultimately was necessary to help support us achieve when we needed to and support us. Now that time has passed, I have found myself incredibly lonely. I exercise almost 6 days per week, I'm still working one day per week while I finish writing a thesis, and get to see 2-3 friends outside of this every 1-2 weeks. Maybe it's being at home completing the study and the isolation that comes with that, or perhaps it's something more, but I miss him being physically present (I honestly miss SOMEONE being physically present). We talk everyday on the phone, but I am missing that connection. I feel an overwhelming need to connect with people, I go to the gym to exercise and be around people. I feel resentful of our current situation and there are no plans to currently to change that. I love him, he's my best friend, but I feel like I can't connect with him (when he comes home, it takes me a day or so to switch back to being his wife, not someone independent. It feels like I am single most of the time, it's the only way I can describe it. It makes me feel sad, and lonely and depressed. There is A LOT of context missing from this, but I don't know, I needed to share it with someone. The lack of intimacy, of closeness, of sharing a life is something I really miss and I have no real way forward on how to deal with this. Your thoughts or ideas are appreciated!

TFN Feeling lost and confused
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have been with my husband for 20years, married for 11 of those. We have a large age gap but this has never been any issue between us..I am feeling lost and unsure where to go from here, About 2 weeks ago he went out to footy with 3 workmates an... View more

Hi, I have been with my husband for 20years, married for 11 of those. We have a large age gap but this has never been any issue between us..I am feeling lost and unsure where to go from here, About 2 weeks ago he went out to footy with 3 workmates and they ended up at a strip club where he paid for a lap dance for one of the guys, who then didn't take it and he says that nobody did and it was waste of money but then when he came home he lied to me about the night and I only know about the strip joint and lap dance as I found out from some one else and then confronted my husband. We had several intense phone calls about it and he stands by that he never got lap dance and none of the girls came near him, that he sat at the bar whole time and admits to lying about it cause he thought I would get angry about him going there, but he wouldn't come home from work, he is fifo, to talk face to face about it and now there has been no contact for days. He says that he has changed over past few years, since losing brother in law, and is feeling numb to so many things. He has also said that he realises he has messed up and that he is sorry, I dont deserve this and that loves me and doesn't want to lose our marriage, family and the last 20years, He wants to build the trust back in our relationship..I am just feeling that I am not good enough, am worthless and that he doesnt care...I just don't know what to do or where to go from here..any words would be appreciated

Soul_shattered Where can I get help for the accused Family (content warning: potentially distressing themes)
  • replies: 16

I am desperately seeking a support group for the families of accused sex offenders. My brothers step daughter has made some horrific allegations against him and because i have chosen to support him everyone is turning there back on me. I have done no... View more

I am desperately seeking a support group for the families of accused sex offenders. My brothers step daughter has made some horrific allegations against him and because i have chosen to support him everyone is turning there back on me. I have done nothing wrong!!! but the judgement is just as bad for me as it is for him. I am so desperate for someone to talk to but there only seems to be support for the accusers and there family not the accused at all. I know i have years of hell in front of me and i know i will not survive this if i don't find some support, somewhere.

Jilted How do I let go of someone I love but who won't commit?
  • replies: 6

How do I let go of someone I've been in a relationship with for over 5 years, but who 'is not ready for a full time relationship'? He says he's afraid of making the same mistakes from his last relationship and admits he's not giving me 100%. We have ... View more

How do I let go of someone I've been in a relationship with for over 5 years, but who 'is not ready for a full time relationship'? He says he's afraid of making the same mistakes from his last relationship and admits he's not giving me 100%. We have talked about a future relationship and things seems to be moving forward, but when I asked for more lately, he pulled back and we are back to seeing each other occassionally. Although we message each other daily.I'm in my early 50's and don't want to let him go. I'd like a full time relationship with him, but I am constantly waiting for him to give me more. Feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, and don't know how to cope if I don't have him around at all. I'm doing all things suggested - going to MeetUp groups, started a new hobby, getting out and about. I just can't see myself meeting anyone new, or being entirely happy on my own. It's hard for me to understand why he doesn't want more from me. Would like to hear your thoughts on this.

Guest_21694950 tNot sure how to move forward
  • replies: 1

im not sure how to move forward with my fiances familyat christmas some nasty things were said in a message and over the phone to my fiance after I was feeling left out and unsure of why there was a lot of whispering going on at family gatherings and... View more

im not sure how to move forward with my fiances familyat christmas some nasty things were said in a message and over the phone to my fiance after I was feeling left out and unsure of why there was a lot of whispering going on at family gatherings and gathered the courage to send a message to the family about itwe held family christmas at our house regardless of me being hurt and i was watching most of their kids during the day and was getting stressed , i found my fiances sister talking about me after i locked the kids out after chasing them all day and them even throwing balls near our tv. she said some hurtful things to me and i lost my temper and started yelling at her and for others to leave, everyone was very upset with me including my fiance to the point of him almost walking out on mei was horrified by my own behaviour and when their was a family birthday the next day i made a point of apologising for my actions and owning up to what i had donesome people including my fiances brother didnt want to accept my apology we are now 9 months down the track and some people are still whispering at family gatherings. We are due to get married next month and his brother and family have decided they are not coming and his sister that was saying nasty things in the kitchen has booked to go to NZ at the time claiming it was for a sick relative but their is a 30th at the same time she is attending. i am having a hens night this weekend which i organised as we are eloping and then celebrating with everyone and made sure his mum was invited and even she is being strange with me. There is a lot of family members that are fine with me but there is still a few that make me very uncomfortable as they exclude me or whisper about me how can i move forward with them? i know what i did and apologised but it doesnt seem good enough

aceupyoursleeve i feel like i can't talk to my friends and i'm close to invisible.
  • replies: 3

i was basically masking whole of today and i don't normally mask but i was doing so i didn't just burst out in tears. and with the people i thought i let my guard down, i didn't. i didn't get to. i've got two friends in this situation. let's call one... View more

i was basically masking whole of today and i don't normally mask but i was doing so i didn't just burst out in tears. and with the people i thought i let my guard down, i didn't. i didn't get to. i've got two friends in this situation. let's call one purple - uses she/they pronouns and the other yellow. he/him. at lunch i was gonna find the friends with yellow but they went to the shops without telling me untill lunch was basically over. I was also going to find purple but she wasn't in the room she said she was going to be. I found her when art class started and I asked "where were you?" and they said "oh i'm sorry! i forgot!" but... idk they didn't tell me. it's small. but it made me sad. and i was alone for that lunchtime. when i was in art class and i could barely do anything. i was too focused on making sure i didn't burst out in tears. my lovely art teacher saw this and told me to go on a mental health walk. she suggested that I bring my friend purple. I was slightly hesitant but i was masking so i said yes and like.. idk maybe thought that'd be okay and maybe being alone wasn't a good idea for me. so i just, whatever. trusted it. i said yes. it was a walk for MY mental health. MY MENTAL HEALTH. and she just kept talking about her and her problem. I could barely get a word in and we just went back inside. before that my (maybe best) friend yellow saw that I wasn't feeling good. yellow said that we could talk after class. I said yes because it's what i really needed and we were best friends to the point where we could tell each other everything. we talk. i talk for a little bit. he just talks more. this conversation is no longer about me. and now this conversation is solely focused on him. of course i care that my best friend might be schizophrenic. but i need to TALK. he said "thank you for listening" one we finished. i said of course. cause i'm tryna be a good friend. it felt more like a therapy session for him. myself obligated to listen. and i am once again the therapist friend. i have a stong fucking mind. but it is only so strong. you guys were supposed to be my friends. to listen. stop talking over me. idk. you can call me selfish. it's not the first time. i'm just so. fucking. upset. i'd like disappear. seeming my friends don't care. i'd like to start over. in a new town. and then hopefully i wouldn't screw it up this time.