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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Goofy Porn addicted husband spent 22k on prostitutes
  • replies: 4

5 years ago I found out my partner of 20 years has a 35+ year porn addiction and had seen 2 prostitutes. Despite evidence he denied he had seen them, said he just booked them but couldn't go. That there were only were these 2. He then proceeded to th... View more

5 years ago I found out my partner of 20 years has a 35+ year porn addiction and had seen 2 prostitutes. Despite evidence he denied he had seen them, said he just booked them but couldn't go. That there were only were these 2. He then proceeded to threaten to kill himself despite it being me that had been treated appallingly. We had councelling. He lied all through it. Never admitted what happened. A couple of years later I was fed up with no progress. I said get help or I'm leaving. He went to a counsellor. He NEVER mentioned his sex issue in therapy. I found out that he had spent over 22 thousand on prostitutes and continued to see them the whole time he was supposed to be dealing with his issues in therapy. He lied to me, his own therapist, and in couples therapy. He still said he never went to visit them. Later he said he visited 1 but never had sex. All he has ever done is lie and not address the issue. I had enough. Last we I asked him to move out. For a trial separation. If he doesn't work on this in therapy it will be permanent. My therapist and friends think that as he's had over 20 years of not going to therapy when asked it doesn't seem likely he will now. I agree. Unfortunately his behaviour has greatly contributed to mental health decline for me. I have severe stress, anxiety and depression. My therapist recommends I get a job because she's seen it so many times that husbands just disappear leaving partners penniless. I have been out of the workforce for over 18 years raising kids. I can't seem to get a job. My anxiety is so bad I can't even drive right now. I feel like I need time to sort out my mental health now he's gone but I can't afford to take that time because I could end up homeless at any point (he has engineered it so EVERYTHING is in his name) I have no assets, no employment references and I'm sure you've seen the rental market right now. So what yo do? I need recovery time but I need work. Anxiety makes it impossible to get work, not having work makes anxiety worse.

violetlily12 Partner doesn't want children- I do.
  • replies: 1

Hello all. I need some guidance on my situation. I'm 32 and in a very healthy and happy relationship (since 2021) with a 43 year old man. When I entered this relationship, he said he definitely wanted children. As of last year, he admitted to me that... View more

Hello all. I need some guidance on my situation. I'm 32 and in a very healthy and happy relationship (since 2021) with a 43 year old man. When I entered this relationship, he said he definitely wanted children. As of last year, he admitted to me that he didn't want any more kids. he has 1 child from a previous relationship. I feel torn. I love him, he is the best partner i've ever had and yet I do want to experience being a mother. Please keep in mind that there's things holding me back from leaving- I am dependent on him. I have severe trauma from domestic abuse in my 20's - I suffer with severe panic attacks and anxiety. My parents live in NSW, i'm in Queensland and have lived with my partner since 2022. I am at a loss. breaking up would devastate me and I truly feel like he is the love of my life, despite not agreeing on having children. Do I stay with him and never experience what it is like to be a mother, or do I do something that could potentially be a mistake and lose someone I love?

CrazyInLove Saving My Marriage
  • replies: 16

Hi there, I have been with my husband for 13 years and he has been distant and detached for a few months now. We have tried to talk a couple of times, but he only opened up a little bit. Last night he came from work and told me he needed to find his ... View more

Hi there, I have been with my husband for 13 years and he has been distant and detached for a few months now. We have tried to talk a couple of times, but he only opened up a little bit. Last night he came from work and told me he needed to find his identity and stability, and that he doesn’t really see a future with me. We openly talked for hours and cleared up so many misunderstandings that happened over the years, but he is telling me it is too late. I thought I was doing my best to always support him through some very challenging times, but he thought that was making him feel dependent and worth even less, and feeling down because he is unable to support us, and I should be with someone else. I have always been the main income earner and comfortable with that, while he has changed a few careers and worked mostly at entry level, and he is still working out what he wants to do, but now feels extremely bad about not being financially stable and able to support us. He has supported us in many other ways which I often tell them and thank him for it. He has always wanted kids. In the past I did not want children which has changed recently. I felt so insecure financially and with work for years, and now I’ve been quietly hoping it is finally the time, have even saved up to be able to take time off work, and have been trying to find a good time to talk to him about it in the past few months, but the time never came. He has struggled with finding his feet over the years, from being a teenager through to now, but things have never reached this level.I love him so very much and I am so committed to do whatever it takes to be there for him and with him. I suggested we talk to a third party to work it out, but he is not willing to speak to anyone. After hours of talking last night and telling me that he wanted to work on himself, loved me, but felt like there was no future, he still came to sleep in our bed but did not touch me. This morning he told me he felt the same, but wanted us both to stay in the house and share responsibilities while he wants to work on himself, find out what he likes to do, find a better job and start contributing to the bills, and see how he feels later and then maybe there is a chance to work on our relationship.We are booked to visit our families overseas next month, but he told me he is no longer going and I should go alone.I have no idea what to do. I love him so much. I'd appreciate any experiences and opinions you have. Thank you.

edensgarden Girlfriend been MIA for three weeks with her depression
  • replies: 2

Hi yall first post here I've had my far few of struggles these past months but meeting the love of my life changed that my girlfriend randomly deactivated her accounts an unfriended me on one three weeks ago It could be from her seeing me being deact... View more

Hi yall first post here I've had my far few of struggles these past months but meeting the love of my life changed that my girlfriend randomly deactivated her accounts an unfriended me on one three weeks ago It could be from her seeing me being deactivated on one of my own accounts but idk. Its been eating me up alot not knowing if she's found somebody else or its just the depression talking I really love this girl she's had so much struggles with her transgender identity and ive remained by her side for months reassuring her shes loved an pretty do I wait it out?? will she come back??

At_Crossroads Marriage Dilemma, Stay or Go?
  • replies: 2

My husband of 24years & I broke up 6 months ago. I requested the split after becoming frustrated with 1. his financial mismanagement (high debt, self-employed, unreliable income, required me to work full-time to support, took out credit cards without... View more

My husband of 24years & I broke up 6 months ago. I requested the split after becoming frustrated with 1. his financial mismanagement (high debt, self-employed, unreliable income, required me to work full-time to support, took out credit cards without me knowledge), 2. Our housing situation (lived in a partially built house that we were owner-building for over 10 years with 3 kids - couldn’t afford to finish it and he seemed to lose interest in trying). 3. His dedication to his parents & siblings taking priority over me & the kids and their lack of support/respect towards me as well, and his refusal to stand up for me against them - telling me I was overreacting. 4. His alcohol addiction was getting very bad. 5. When discussing our wills, he wanted to exclude me from inheriting a $400K property he inherited from his father, and instead leave it to our kids if he passed first, which would leave me with an unfinished house, 500K debt and not many assets to sell. He also refused to sell same property when he inherited it to fund finishing the house. I gave him 3 years to find the money by starting a new business at the property and after 3 years, all profits had gone back into upgrading equipment at the business and we had no money left and no work coming in. Since the breakup, he has given up alcohol, quit his business, found a good job with good pay, accepted now that he was blindsided by his family and he’s going to finish building the house. We’ve done a property settlement. I got the $400K property. He kept the unbuilt one & took over the debt. He wants to stay together. He’s a nice guy. We do get along well. But I’m not sure whether to stay. I’ve met someone else but I’m not sure whether they are compatible with me. They make me laugh, that’s about it. What to do?!!

saskia misophonia
  • replies: 7

I’m still a teenager but since 8 years old, i’ve struggled with trauma based misophonia that grows by the day. It’s not just small sounds such as swallowing or tapping anymore, if i hear any sound of my mother or pretty much anyone, I go hysterical. ... View more

I’m still a teenager but since 8 years old, i’ve struggled with trauma based misophonia that grows by the day. It’s not just small sounds such as swallowing or tapping anymore, if i hear any sound of my mother or pretty much anyone, I go hysterical. I’ve been seeing therapists for years but no coping strategies have worked. It’s gotten to the point where my mother is sick of me.Like I mentioned, i’m still a young girl and live with my mother, so her telling me she can no longer deal with me day to day as she feels she is walking on egg shells because of my misophonia, i’m worried she’ll kick me out of the house. I know she loves me but I don’t think she likes me if that makes sense, so I don’t double she’ll do whatever she wants. I don’t know what to do, i’m scared.

Guest_73850472 Colic baby
  • replies: 2

Hi guys, My wife and I have a 5 week old little girl. We suspect she is has begun to be colic because after we feed her(formula), soon after she cries in pain. When we are able to get her to burp, she is fine but last few days it has been very diffic... View more

Hi guys, My wife and I have a 5 week old little girl. We suspect she is has begun to be colic because after we feed her(formula), soon after she cries in pain. When we are able to get her to burp, she is fine but last few days it has been very difficult to get her comfortable. We were advised by a friend to try a medicine that can help prevent colic . Any suggestions would be appreciated....we haven't seen our GP yet, as we thought try something first. But we also don't want to give our baby anything that could cause harm.

white knight Cutting ties, clarity and confidence
  • replies: 2

The ebb and flow can be confusing for many of us, the fluidity of allowing some to come closer to us on a personal level and others we push away and some far further. What action we take - is it over reaction, under reaction or should we not react at... View more

The ebb and flow can be confusing for many of us, the fluidity of allowing some to come closer to us on a personal level and others we push away and some far further. What action we take - is it over reaction, under reaction or should we not react at all? Most of those questions linger in the under confident whereas the confident do as they think is best for them automatically. Are the latter lacking guilt? Or the thinkers, the dwellers, full of guilt? Guilt has a large part to do with harming ourselves in terms of the inner turmoil we suffer in doubting ourselves. Yet us humans differ in so many ways and as a species we fall into conflict often. Those that dont have conflict- what does it say about them? In my observations the mean description could be "fence sitters" that do lots of listening, reply with neutral tones, like a social sponge without thorns. That not being critical, they are who they are and they survive easier in life among others far better without such controversy, but just as they are permitted to tackle the vastness of human swill so are those that find it difficult in their own world of disharmony. That spectrum includes is our own character and thats ok but the latter results in greater guilt and thats the core of this post Family and friends can possess adverse issues- their toxicity can include, manipulation, revenge, violence, verbal abuse, grandiosity, arrogance, possessiveness and so forth. When a family is divided not unlike marriage separation, the grief is on par with a death. Some families suffer parting of the ways that are permanent, then never patching things up is indeed like loved ones passing away as the damage done is so deep. Such conflicts are often caused by basic beliefs of how we all treat each other. In some of the male dominated professions I've worked in if a guy discusses his dislike and actions of another to other males in a group he could be seen as either disloyal or not containing the conflict with the person he has the issues with, either way he could end up alienated. That's one form of turmoil that can cause major issues not easily repaired. Guilt in your decision making can lead to major mental challenges as you battle internally for peace. This is where professional therapy is a marvel to not only cope with the guilt but sort through what could be irregular actions by the people you are interacting with. Clarity via therapy can confirm your reactions as appropriate or not for peace of mind. TonyWK

Guest_10071 Struggling
  • replies: 2

I don't know what to do.I feel like I've got no where to turn to.I'm not sure where to even start this post.I just know I'm not happy. I feel stuck.My marriage isn't a happy one for me.Nothing I do is good enough.I've just turned 36, and feel like I'... View more

I don't know what to do.I feel like I've got no where to turn to.I'm not sure where to even start this post.I just know I'm not happy. I feel stuck.My marriage isn't a happy one for me.Nothing I do is good enough.I've just turned 36, and feel like I'm at breaking point.I feel like my issue began when I was 23 (2011). I was dating a girl I went to primary school with, who I reconnected with when we were 20. We dated for almost 4 years, she was a member of the Jehovah's Witnesses, I am not religious. But we loved each other and had plans for the future together. Or so I thought. It ended when she told me via text message, that she was pregnant with another man. That was the end. There was no follow up, no last phone call, no last time seeing each other.Took me around 18 months to be ready to date again, (August 2013) and that's when I met Aimee* .From the first date, it felt like we did whatever she wanted, when she wanted. Looking back now, I was just desperate to have someone in my life, so I went along with anything without thinking if its what I wanted. 12 months later, engaged. Married 12 months after that.First few years were fine, few arguments here and there, but nothing majorShe got her brother to get me a job at his workplace, and i've been there for almost 8 years now.Work supplies me with a phone and a car. My wife tracks my phone so always knows where I am.I can't even stop at the shops on my way home without being questioned as to why I've stopped.I constantly get verbally abused at home, sometimes over something as small as I didn't load the dishwasher correctly.Mind you, i work 40-50 hours a week, she works 20 hours a week. (when she doesn't take sick leave)We don't have kids.I know i need to leave her, but I don't know how to. Everything in my life is tied to her, and Im scared to start life again with absolutely nothing.Over the years, she's alienated me from my entire family. I don't speak to my brother or sister, and my relationship with my parents is strained at the best of times. All because if my wife doesn't like something they said, I 'need to have her back, because I'm her husband' Something as simple as my parents parking in front of the neighbour's house once, instead of in front of our house, was enough to cause her to call me every name under the sun. I've resorted to self harm multiple times in the last few months, cause i feel like physical pain takes away the mental pain.Life shouldn't be this miserable.

Von is lost Boyfriend called me his ex’s name
  • replies: 5

My boyfriend of 1.5 years and I went on a really fun week long road trip recently. It was a going really well, there was a few times I felt jealous of his ex because some of the places we went he said he had been there with her before. One night I sa... View more

My boyfriend of 1.5 years and I went on a really fun week long road trip recently. It was a going really well, there was a few times I felt jealous of his ex because some of the places we went he said he had been there with her before. One night I said that I sometimes feel like I’m competing with her because she and him had done so many things together. They also occasionally stay in touch and catch up. He listened and understood my feelings. Two days later though, we were driving and making jokes etc. then out of nowhere he called me his ex’s name. Initially I laughed it off but then started to feel awful about it and made me question a lot of his feelings towards me. He apologised a lot and eventually we had a big conversation where I asked why he did that, was he thinking about her, does he wish he was still with her, does he feel like he’s settled for me etc. He reassured me that he loves me and is committed to me but that it was just an accident and that they dated for 5 years so was a big part of his life. I still feel really offended by it but also don’t want to be over dramatic.