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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jilted How do I let go of someone I love but who won't commit?
  • replies: 6

How do I let go of someone I've been in a relationship with for over 5 years, but who 'is not ready for a full time relationship'? He says he's afraid of making the same mistakes from his last relationship and admits he's not giving me 100%. We have ... View more

How do I let go of someone I've been in a relationship with for over 5 years, but who 'is not ready for a full time relationship'? He says he's afraid of making the same mistakes from his last relationship and admits he's not giving me 100%. We have talked about a future relationship and things seems to be moving forward, but when I asked for more lately, he pulled back and we are back to seeing each other occassionally. Although we message each other daily.I'm in my early 50's and don't want to let him go. I'd like a full time relationship with him, but I am constantly waiting for him to give me more. Feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, and don't know how to cope if I don't have him around at all. I'm doing all things suggested - going to MeetUp groups, started a new hobby, getting out and about. I just can't see myself meeting anyone new, or being entirely happy on my own. It's hard for me to understand why he doesn't want more from me. Would like to hear your thoughts on this.

Guest_21694950 tNot sure how to move forward
  • replies: 1

im not sure how to move forward with my fiances familyat christmas some nasty things were said in a message and over the phone to my fiance after I was feeling left out and unsure of why there was a lot of whispering going on at family gatherings and... View more

im not sure how to move forward with my fiances familyat christmas some nasty things were said in a message and over the phone to my fiance after I was feeling left out and unsure of why there was a lot of whispering going on at family gatherings and gathered the courage to send a message to the family about itwe held family christmas at our house regardless of me being hurt and i was watching most of their kids during the day and was getting stressed , i found my fiances sister talking about me after i locked the kids out after chasing them all day and them even throwing balls near our tv. she said some hurtful things to me and i lost my temper and started yelling at her and for others to leave, everyone was very upset with me including my fiance to the point of him almost walking out on mei was horrified by my own behaviour and when their was a family birthday the next day i made a point of apologising for my actions and owning up to what i had donesome people including my fiances brother didnt want to accept my apology we are now 9 months down the track and some people are still whispering at family gatherings. We are due to get married next month and his brother and family have decided they are not coming and his sister that was saying nasty things in the kitchen has booked to go to NZ at the time claiming it was for a sick relative but their is a 30th at the same time she is attending. i am having a hens night this weekend which i organised as we are eloping and then celebrating with everyone and made sure his mum was invited and even she is being strange with me. There is a lot of family members that are fine with me but there is still a few that make me very uncomfortable as they exclude me or whisper about me how can i move forward with them? i know what i did and apologised but it doesnt seem good enough

aceupyoursleeve i feel like i can't talk to my friends and i'm close to invisible.
  • replies: 3

i was basically masking whole of today and i don't normally mask but i was doing so i didn't just burst out in tears. and with the people i thought i let my guard down, i didn't. i didn't get to. i've got two friends in this situation. let's call one... View more

i was basically masking whole of today and i don't normally mask but i was doing so i didn't just burst out in tears. and with the people i thought i let my guard down, i didn't. i didn't get to. i've got two friends in this situation. let's call one purple - uses she/they pronouns and the other yellow. he/him. at lunch i was gonna find the friends with yellow but they went to the shops without telling me untill lunch was basically over. I was also going to find purple but she wasn't in the room she said she was going to be. I found her when art class started and I asked "where were you?" and they said "oh i'm sorry! i forgot!" but... idk they didn't tell me. it's small. but it made me sad. and i was alone for that lunchtime. when i was in art class and i could barely do anything. i was too focused on making sure i didn't burst out in tears. my lovely art teacher saw this and told me to go on a mental health walk. she suggested that I bring my friend purple. I was slightly hesitant but i was masking so i said yes and like.. idk maybe thought that'd be okay and maybe being alone wasn't a good idea for me. so i just, whatever. trusted it. i said yes. it was a walk for MY mental health. MY MENTAL HEALTH. and she just kept talking about her and her problem. I could barely get a word in and we just went back inside. before that my (maybe best) friend yellow saw that I wasn't feeling good. yellow said that we could talk after class. I said yes because it's what i really needed and we were best friends to the point where we could tell each other everything. we talk. i talk for a little bit. he just talks more. this conversation is no longer about me. and now this conversation is solely focused on him. of course i care that my best friend might be schizophrenic. but i need to TALK. he said "thank you for listening" one we finished. i said of course. cause i'm tryna be a good friend. it felt more like a therapy session for him. myself obligated to listen. and i am once again the therapist friend. i have a stong fucking mind. but it is only so strong. you guys were supposed to be my friends. to listen. stop talking over me. idk. you can call me selfish. it's not the first time. i'm just so. fucking. upset. i'd like disappear. seeming my friends don't care. i'd like to start over. in a new town. and then hopefully i wouldn't screw it up this time.

Fredi Damned if I do, sicker if I don't
  • replies: 1

Man - I just lost everything I was typing and have to start again - another anxious moment. I have a lot of things happening that I don't feel i can do anything about without rocking boats and cutting ties. They are work things, not family things. I ... View more

Man - I just lost everything I was typing and have to start again - another anxious moment. I have a lot of things happening that I don't feel i can do anything about without rocking boats and cutting ties. They are work things, not family things. I want to talk about these things but am so concerned about the consequences that I feel like I am stagnated. This stagnation is making my depression and anxiety worse and my symptomatic assists are all coming back. The advice I was given was 'leave and don't go back' but that hasn't taken away the knowledge that I know things are happening there and I don't feel right just leaving. It is almost an innate feeling of justice but maybe I am just being a troublemaker, don't really know what I am talking about, being a nuisance, believing I know better. Any advice would be SOOOOOO welcome.

Choco-Girl Married and in love with first love again
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm married with 2 kids. Marriage is not great or worst, its average. Financially build up together, but love life is not great. We don't have much emotional connection, all materialistic. After 20 years I met my first love again, he is married w... View more

Hi, I'm married with 2 kids. Marriage is not great or worst, its average. Financially build up together, but love life is not great. We don't have much emotional connection, all materialistic. After 20 years I met my first love again, he is married with 1 child. We both still love each other's and stuck what to do. We both love our kids and have guilty feeling about them. We live in two different countries, it's a big process to get together as well.Don't know what to do, Can I get advises please?

CrimsonBlue Wife micro-cheating with friend, so confused.
  • replies: 1

I'm in a Lesbian relationship and married to my wife for 6 years and together for about 20years. We have to beautiful girls, and I love my wife so very much but for the past year she has been texting another woman from her childhood. She has recently... View more

I'm in a Lesbian relationship and married to my wife for 6 years and together for about 20years. We have to beautiful girls, and I love my wife so very much but for the past year she has been texting another woman from her childhood. She has recently lost her father and in that time, she reconnected with this friend, but the connection was a lot stronger than I thought. My wife told her that she was falling in love with her. The other woman hasn't really told my wife how she feels about her, but they have been flirting in the texts that they send. I knew something was going on as my wife was distant and being secretive. I found a message that she sent this woman saying that she had fallen in love with he,r so I asked her about it and eventually she confessed to me but has since told me that she was in a bad place from the loss of her dad and wasn't thinking properly. Which I can understand but her feelings were real. She has continued to text and see this woman even after I have told her that I would rather she not have anything to do with her. I have asked her if she still has feelings for this woman and she said no. But then I asked her would she tell me if she did have feelings for her and she also said no. So, I struggle with trusting her now. She will be going to see this friend soon as she is a friend of her family. I am sure that the other woman has developed feelings for my wife, and I know my wife still have feelings for her too. My head is spinning around and sometimes I don't know what to do. I love her so much and can't imagine my life without her, but this is messing with my head and heart. What should I do???

KTF undecided
  • replies: 3

I love my wife and kids but i feel we as a married couple have drifted apart. I'm a good person I work full-time in corrections ( Crime) i cook, clean look after the kids put them to bed every day but I feel its never good enough. I never go to the p... View more

I love my wife and kids but i feel we as a married couple have drifted apart. I'm a good person I work full-time in corrections ( Crime) i cook, clean look after the kids put them to bed every day but I feel its never good enough. I never go to the pub or hang out with mates I feel that i don't want to return home and I feel pressure from her family is also contributing. I hate trying to work out what she will be like each day. I feel it should be this hard. I have approached the topic number of times but she just cries. Im at a loss i see other family members enjoying their lives and i feel it may be easy single. But i have supported her enormously with finances and yet her family are very well off and i feel if we do spilt she will take everything from me and i will be a 40yr old male starting from scratch again

Jordan701 Feeling not wanted
  • replies: 1

Hi all I’m not the best at this stuff but here go’s im a 22yr old male nearly 23 and over the last 3-4 years I’ve just felt not wanted in any form I’m outgoing nice funny and caring but just get treated like crap I play sports and no one sits near me... View more

Hi all I’m not the best at this stuff but here go’s im a 22yr old male nearly 23 and over the last 3-4 years I’ve just felt not wanted in any form I’m outgoing nice funny and caring but just get treated like crap I play sports and no one sits near me or really talks to me it seems like I always start the conversation and then they just get shitty and leave or I join in a group and they talk around me then leave then I’m just by myself talking to girls isn’t to hard of a task but I’m a virgin and I get made fun of a lot for it so my confidence it getting lower each day and I’ve been talking to less and less girls my family are all starting to have family’s of their own and I get reminded daily that they’re disappointed with my not dating or talking about my future and that just makes me feel on the outside of my family as well as my teammates I should also mention I had a lot of friends at school but they most of them stopped inviting me and talking to me after I stopped going to school for a few months because my mental health was not well at all and they never asked me how I was and blamed me for not coming to invites I’m not in a big area I’m in a small town and gossip and word spreads fast and then you just get left out of everything and end up not knowing if you belong at all I finally got a stable job after months of no jobs and my family are starting to be proud of me in that regard but I just feel trapped and everyday I feel worse & worse at work but put on a brave face but I feel like the customers can see through my fake smile and once happy shine I’m staring to not enjoy things that gave me joy and now just opt for my bed and movies after work till night and get up and do it all again…..I’m starting to lose faith In everything

margaret1 Teachers bullied by 'colleagues'
  • replies: 70

If you’re a teacher being bullied by HOD/ Principal/ colleague I think this may help you. It helped me a lot. I couldn’t understand why when I was such a good teacher I was having such ridiculous, hurtful, nasty, petty, time wasting, health destroyin... View more

If you’re a teacher being bullied by HOD/ Principal/ colleague I think this may help you. It helped me a lot. I couldn’t understand why when I was such a good teacher I was having such ridiculous, hurtful, nasty, petty, time wasting, health destroying problems at work. Anyway here you are; this is why we get bullied: Teacher bullies in schools “fear exposure of their perceived shortcomings, such as inadequacy and incompetence, and these people bully not for fun but in order - they think - to survive. Competent colleagues fuel the bully's fear that shortcomings in their capabilities will surface, so they tend to select targets who fulfil some of the criteria below. Being competent, that is being good at their job, often excelling; being willing to go the extra mile and expect others to do the same; being successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, having fortitude; being imaginative, creative, innovative; being able to master new skills; thinking long term and seeing the bigger picture; being helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience; being diligent and industrious Being Popular with colleagues, pupils, parents, Being regarded as an expert and the person to whom others come for advice, either personal or professional, having a sense of humour, including displays of quick-wittedness Having strength of character displaying integrity, honesty,intelligence and intellect; having a well-defined set of values that they are unwilling to compromise; being trustworthy, trusting, conscientious, loyal and dependable; a sense of fairness: willingness to tackle injustice, low propensity to violence and strong forgiving streak, refusing to join an established clique; being sensitive, having empathy, concern for others, respect, tolerance, being slow to anger, showing independence of thought or deed, refusing to become a corporate clone and drone, having high coping skills under stress, especially when the injury to health becomes apparent

Lookingforpeace Married and in love with someone else
  • replies: 12

Hi all I don't know where else to go with this, but I feel like my current situation is eating me up and I'm so tired of it. Long story so please bear with me. I recently rekindled a friendship with my first love. We are both married and have admitte... View more

Hi all I don't know where else to go with this, but I feel like my current situation is eating me up and I'm so tired of it. Long story so please bear with me. I recently rekindled a friendship with my first love. We are both married and have admitted our feelings for each other. He has told me he is insanely in love with me. We tried cutting things off in order to work on our respective marriages but that only lasted about a month. If anything, I felt even more depressed during the time we weren't talking, like something significant was missing in my life. I am so unhappy in my marriage and sick and tired. Sick and tired of us just not "clicking", living like room mates and feeling like there is no emotional or physical connection. He is more like my best friend, which some people say is essential to a marriage but then why do I feel like it's not enough? My husband is a great guy and he is the first person I go to for advice and support with my mental health. I'm not even sure if I could get the same thing from this other guy. I feel so selfish and like a bad person for feeling this way. I have been questioning whether I am just infatuated with the other guy. I truly am blind when it comes to him, and feel like he is a drug. When I see him I'm on a high, which lasts for a few hours/days, then I crash. Can infatuation turn into long lasting love I wonder... I have never felt this way about anyone before, not even my husband. I was in my mid-20s when I married him and he was my first. I fee like I should have gotten more life experience before making a decision like that. At the time though, I'd been broken hearted and decided that truly being in love only led to heartache and instead I would marry someone that ticked the boxes. Yes I have thought about leaving my husband. But I'm terrified about the logistics aswell as the perception of me especially by my conservative family. Also I have had moderate-severe anxiety and depression for about a year now and not sure if a separation would be the best thing right now. Having said that, a lot of my anxiety and depression has stemmed from being in an unhappy marriage so.... Chicken or the egg I suppose. i feel like I just want someone to tell me what to do! But in the meantime, any advice or relatable experiences would be so so appreciated.