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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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bluebelle23xx Anxious over going to court bc of my mum
  • replies: 8

If anyone has any advice I’d really appreciate it (I’m in Australia for reference). On Thursday there was an altercation between my narcissistic mother & I. The police were called to the house by her. This was all because a friend of mine turned up a... View more

If anyone has any advice I’d really appreciate it (I’m in Australia for reference). On Thursday there was an altercation between my narcissistic mother & I. The police were called to the house by her. This was all because a friend of mine turned up at the house wanting to stay the night. I obviously asked my mother because it’s her house and I have respect. When she got home she went off , told me it was a stupid question to ask and basically degraded the hell out of me saying how none of my friends or family like me. There is a very long history of domestic violence in our family. I was not handcuffed , fingerprinted or given a mugshot but I was arrested and taken to the police station. I was kept in a holding cell for 4 hours & released on conditional bail. The said offence is common assault and a provisional avo order is in place for my mothers safety when she’s the abusive one Police have been called out often but on this occasion it just got way out hand. I do not want a criminal record. This was my first offence. I believe I reacted in self defence after was name called verbally and she got up in my face. From there she pulled my hair and I grabbed onto hers as well and tried to reach for her phone as I believed she was recording me. In the midst of this I grabbed her wrist in self defence. She kept saying I am not her child or daughter over and over again bc of my age (I’m just 20). I have a message where she admits to pulling my hair but says it was in “self defence”. What can I do ? I just wanna know it’s gonna be okay ‍🩹 I have severe anxiety and depression and I feel sick even thinking about going to court - it’s on Monday I just don’t even understand the point anymore and I’m really hoping I don’t get a criminal record otherwise I’ll definitely spiral downwards as I won’t have a future to look forward too.

Tan_ika Very depressed, suicidal partner I am unsure how to help?
  • replies: 3

I have been with my partner for 5 years. In the last 12 months his mental health has severely declined he doesn’t talk to anyone about it except for me and doesn’t even open up to much to me. He is having suicidal thoughts and he’s so angry a lot of ... View more

I have been with my partner for 5 years. In the last 12 months his mental health has severely declined he doesn’t talk to anyone about it except for me and doesn’t even open up to much to me. He is having suicidal thoughts and he’s so angry a lot of the time and I’m so scared he’s not going to come home one day. Can anyone offer any advice on how to get him to lean on more people around him, we have really good family and friends. I told his dad and his boss and he’s really angry at me for that but i honestly don’t know what to do and I am struggling being the only one he has told I feel like I can’t help him enough. Any suggestions on how to talk to him about getting external help or even opening up to his inner circle would be appreciated. Thanks

Jo905 Narcissistic MIL
  • replies: 1

I am having lots of trouble with this woman. My husband and I have been together for 24 years. We got married almost two years ago. She was always a nasty person that would say hurtful things but when we went to her house to tell her we were getting ... View more

I am having lots of trouble with this woman. My husband and I have been together for 24 years. We got married almost two years ago. She was always a nasty person that would say hurtful things but when we went to her house to tell her we were getting married the first thing that came out if her mouth was " have you seen such and such". Such and such is some girl my husband knew when they were younger. If all the things to say, she chose that. Leading up to the wedding she carried in about what she was going to wear to the point she dropped be us all crazy. I tried to include her in the wedding. I showed her photos of my dress and tried to discuss things with her. On the day of the wedding, she positioned herself right in front of my husband and evil eyed him through the whole ceremony. We have photos of her looking away when I walked down the aisle. It was as if she didn't want me there. After the ceremony, she ran up to me and said "hope you're happy now". I was gobsmacked! At the reception, she kept leaving the room to smoke. She came back at one point and announced that she had fallen over. Not seeing any evidence of this I asked her where so that I could notify the venue. She wouldn't answer me. Each time I went to the toilet she would march up to my son and side ear him. She told him that she wouldn't be putting our card in the card box and that if we wanted it we would have to go to her house to get it. The next day she had one of her flying monkeys go and get photos developed and has a nice photo of her and my husband on her stand in the lounge room. Two months later we were driving, my husband was towing the caravan and as she always did she rang the day we left demanding to know when we were coming home. My husband informed her that he was driving but she cont inued to do her usual, pretend cry on the phone. I took the phone off him m.because my previous husband was killed in a car accident. She immediately attacked me. Saying nasty things about my parents who died way before I met her. She also asked me "what in the hell have you done to my son, he's not been right for 6 months". At this point I lost it. I said to her "you want to know what's going on with your son, he cheated on me". She went deathly quiet. Yes he cheated on me, just like the other three partners he has had that she didn't approve of. And she has never told him that he is Ng people! She did tell me once that I was her "second favourite". She is so nasty. She lies and guilt trips my husband with money. He has broken contact with her recently but she still gets at her m through his s brother. The brother isn't able to see that he is enabling her. I feel like it's only a matter of time until she comes up with another false story to come between us. I don't like having to parent my husband because she has failed miserably. This is a woman who wasn't happy with just a husband, she has two men in her life and they have both now passed. I watched her push a man's son out if the way whilst he was taking his last breath. Absolutely disgusting behaviour.

Lonelymum4 Lonliness
  • replies: 3

This is my first time here so I’m feeling pretty anxious.I am a single mum of 3 dependent kids and I have been with my current partner for 3 years.I have a secure job and my kids are good kids but busy with their own lives.My partner has his kids 50%... View more

This is my first time here so I’m feeling pretty anxious.I am a single mum of 3 dependent kids and I have been with my current partner for 3 years.I have a secure job and my kids are good kids but busy with their own lives.My partner has his kids 50%.Like everyone, life has thrown me some crap over the years but I know I have a lot to be grateful for.I have no other family and only a couple of good friends.Lately I have been feeling so lonely and alone, I feel like I have no purpose other than to wash, cook and clean, I feel invisible in my own life. Some days it is hard just to get out of bed, I mean what’s the purpose in that?My kids live with me full time. They are of the ages where they don’t want to bother with me (& yet seem more than happy to spend time with their dad, which I’m happy about but it also hurts) and sometimes I feel like I’m in a shared care arrangement with my partner.I’m not really sure why I am posting this, I guess I just needed to say it out loud in a safe space where I won’t be judged, hoping it might lift a weight off my shoulders a bit, I’m not really sure.

Abbie121 How to detach from/stop thinking about someone
  • replies: 2

I've developed strong feelings for a friend/work colleague but they are unavailable - we have a good friendship and are close but I can't help being preoccupied with thinking of them all the time and fantasising about what could be in a different sit... View more

I've developed strong feelings for a friend/work colleague but they are unavailable - we have a good friendship and are close but I can't help being preoccupied with thinking of them all the time and fantasising about what could be in a different situation. I'm an overthinker and can attach to people easily, but it's debilitating for me to be thinking about them this much when I know it can never go anywhere. Would really appreciate any tips for how to detach from someone in a situation like this and how to reduce my intense feelings towards them.

4818 Feeling lost and confused
  • replies: 1

I’m in a de facto relationship of nearly 2 years. She’s the light of my life but I know she doesn’t see me that way. I’m constantly being accused of cheating, watching porn, self pleasure, being an alcoholic (5 drinks per week). I’m no longer on Face... View more

I’m in a de facto relationship of nearly 2 years. She’s the light of my life but I know she doesn’t see me that way. I’m constantly being accused of cheating, watching porn, self pleasure, being an alcoholic (5 drinks per week). I’m no longer on Facebook, WhatsApp, messenger. I only communicate with my mum. My partner receives my phone bills so see can check them. I work in health care so I’m constantly accused of sleeping with colleagues, even my own gp. I have cameras inside of the house so she can monitor me at home when she’s at work. I’ve lost contact with all my mates. She’s now leaving me and going back home, 3000km away. I’m at a loss, I’m 54, I’ve got nowhere to go, I’m too old for a new mortgage. I’m at work now, but I know I’m not functioning correctly.

Lyssaa Relationship Difficulties
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly six months. We're both nineteen, full-time uni students doing pretty full-on degrees, and on top of that we both work casual/part-time jobs. Things are pretty good between us, we hardly ar... View more

Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly six months. We're both nineteen, full-time uni students doing pretty full-on degrees, and on top of that we both work casual/part-time jobs. Things are pretty good between us, we hardly argue and the time we spend together is relaxing and enjoyable, but there are a few things about our relationship which bother me slightly that are out of control. Him and I live an hour drive apart with no traffic, on top of us both being busy, so as a result we don't see each other as often as we'd both like. We see each other at uni on Thursdays and Fridays, and on Wednesdays he drives down to spend 6-7 hours with me at my house. However, he has strict parents, which means he can't sleepover at mine, and I can't stay the night at his. I've met his parents once, and they both like me, but whenever he comes over to mine he has to change his location on his phone, because he knows they'll be like "oh, why are you always at her house, you'll bother her family" and if he tells them that my family isn't home, they'll be like "oh... why are you over then?" (strict Christian parents). It sucks because I see my friends with their boyfriends nearly every day because they live so much closer together, and they're involved in each other's families. On top of all that, he'll probably have to do FIFO work or work elsewhere at some point in the future because he's studying mechanical engineering and is looking into internships. I love him, I really do, but it's hard sometimes because we're both so busy, and there's the distance plus his parents on top of that. Does anyone in a similar situation have any advice as to how they manage to navigate this and how they keep themselves sane??

Alel Athiest living in religious household
  • replies: 5

I lost my religion around last year and my family don't know. I live in a dysfunctional household and have a really odd relationship with them. My parents were physically abusive when I was younger but stopped around 13. My dad is like a ticking time... View more

I lost my religion around last year and my family don't know. I live in a dysfunctional household and have a really odd relationship with them. My parents were physically abusive when I was younger but stopped around 13. My dad is like a ticking time bomb with his anger and is constantly yelling. My mum can be emotionally manipulative. Both are verbally abusive to eachother and my siblings mostly. I don't know why they don't come at me as much as my siblings, but I do feel shitty about it, so I try to fight for them as much as I can. My older sister is controlling, but for the most part she's nice. My older bother is misogynistic, homophobic, and abusive at times, but my whole family knows it's due to him dealing with alot (especially since my dad never leaves him alone). I do admit that there were times where I fought (not physically) against him because I just hated how shitty he is. But for the most part, he leaves me alone and I leave him alone, but I try to fight for him against my parents if I can. My younger brother is sometimes just mean (but then again his 17 so) and likes to take people's things or hit them with pillows whenever we joke. It's not that much of a big deal until he keeps doing it over and over when we have basic conversation. But for the most part, his fun and helps my mum around. When I was younger, I was just always angry and at times threw things. I stopped and don't like to get physical now, but I still have a long way to go with accepting my past. I don't want to be too distant from them, but I do want to have some distance so that I can have my own life. I feel like I'm lying to them when they ask me why I can't pray. Right now they know I'm dealing with severe anxiety and depression, so they are laying off, but they keep bringing up prayer, saying it helps to talk to God. I spent around 2 years in the past going real hard about religion and yet, I was still depressed and anxious. And I know God isn't meant to fix that, but I just realised after some research and time, I just can't find a connection. It is hard to live without believing in something (that's how my anxiety and depression got severe) and I don't know what to do. Should I go back and just pretend?

S_A_B My wife wants a break
  • replies: 3

I have been with my wife for 24yrs. She was 16 and myself 19. We have now been married for nearly 14yrs. We have 3 gorgeous children and a beautiful home. She is the love of my life. I still look at her like I first did. Somewhere over the journey we... View more

I have been with my wife for 24yrs. She was 16 and myself 19. We have now been married for nearly 14yrs. We have 3 gorgeous children and a beautiful home. She is the love of my life. I still look at her like I first did. Somewhere over the journey we have had up’s and downs more so in the last 5 years. Add a few other events for my wife and she has developed depression like symptoms. She is seeking help which is great and we are talking fine, but she wants a break because she is so unhappy. She needs to work on herself before she can figure out if she wants our marriage or not. She isn’t wanting a divorce, but we are going to separate and I don’t know for how long. It hurts so much because I adore her. I need to make some changes to show her I am still the man she needs and I want to be. Stressful busy lives can interfere with showing your wife how much she means to you. I feel I’ve left it too late? I don’t know how to help or how I can win my wife back?

Chillwind Property settlement for a 6 year marriage
  • replies: 3

I was in a 6 and a bit year marriage, we had no kids, she made no contributions to the marriage, I never had any joint bank accounts or assetts with her, I supported her adult daughter through University.In 2018 I decided to take money from my super ... View more

I was in a 6 and a bit year marriage, we had no kids, she made no contributions to the marriage, I never had any joint bank accounts or assetts with her, I supported her adult daughter through University.In 2018 I decided to take money from my super and buy an apartment to use as a rental, I was going to put the apartment into a Trust company, The wife found out and went to the family court had my accounts frozen ex-parte, At the hearing the magistrate said I could still buy the apartment in my own name and the ex-wife and her adult daughter could move in there. The court said the decision for her to pay rent would be made at the next hearing but no decision was made. now 5 years later I am informed that a trial date for next April has been set, These last few weeks have been very difficult for me, the anger is building up I worry I will lose control.