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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Nicki321 Living with in laws and kids
  • replies: 1

Hi we are a family of 4, we have 2 kids 6 and 8 years old. We recently moved in with my husband's parents to save money. We own investment property and now renovating for sale which should be finished by March and settle close to end of the year. I t... View more

Hi we are a family of 4, we have 2 kids 6 and 8 years old. We recently moved in with my husband's parents to save money. We own investment property and now renovating for sale which should be finished by March and settle close to end of the year. I thought this would be temporary but we have been here for six months and it would be for another year. We live in their living room with blinds and curtain to block the entrances, it is 4 of us in one room. I hate being here, and I hate the fact that I will be here another year. It makes me sick in my stomach. I am trying to teach our boys to be respectful and tidy up as much as we can but it seems like my husband just chilling in his house. He left things around and not caring of helping his family. I hate his mum who is being dramatic when the boys cry, expressing love verbally but doing nothing for them at all! She is not working and using my father in law for everything. It seems like only me and my father in law that work around the house, I also work 3 days and deal with house work and boys school. I already feel like single mum, I hate thinking of the boys growing this laziness and disrespectful for the house and not helping. I lose interest in my husband, we argue a lot and I don't feel like talking to him and we barely have alone time together. I feel angry, depress and trapped in this situation I don't even know how to get out of this.

Maxandrews How do you live with someone who is in denial?
  • replies: 3

My last posts here, again it feels like dejavu almost 10 years later. my wife and I have 2 children and her mental condition seems to worsen year on year. She is very oblivious to her words and actions. Eg today I walk away from an argument and she f... View more

My last posts here, again it feels like dejavu almost 10 years later. my wife and I have 2 children and her mental condition seems to worsen year on year. She is very oblivious to her words and actions. Eg today I walk away from an argument and she follows me to yell and swear and then tells me I stress out my son. She had her own weird reality where she can sit there talk filth to me in a calm voice yet when I raise my voice im stressing out my son. I’ve blocked her on the phone as when I leave she starts the verbal and written abuse. Then starts sending abusive emails when she can’t connect over the phone or WhatsApp lol where there’s a will there’s a way. there doesn’t seem to be an appropriate time to convince her she isn’t thinking or acting right and it’s an endless cycle. how do you live and cope with someone in denial but so desperately needing help. Destroying her family around d her in the meantime. Having 2 children at 5 months old and 2 years old makes it impossible for me to leave.

miniforever Struggling and regret
  • replies: 4

My partner physically assaulted me and I protected myself to stop him from continuing so we both have injuries from the altercation. This wasn’t the first time he’s physically assaulted me. I’ve never reported any of the incidences. I was concerned f... View more

My partner physically assaulted me and I protected myself to stop him from continuing so we both have injuries from the altercation. This wasn’t the first time he’s physically assaulted me. I’ve never reported any of the incidences. I was concerned for him that a police record will impact his job. However I have just found out he reported me for attacking him and was advised by the police to call them if he felt unsafe. I feel broken. I protected him so he wouldn’t get a police record but now the police are protecting him for defending myself. What he’s been doing now is whenever I disagree with him, he threatens to call the police. He lied to them when in fact he hit me first. And now he denied he has ever hit me. He told me I am crazy and made everything up. If I wouldn’t admit I am crazy, he would call the police again. What should I do?

Elizabeth Louise How do I let go?
  • replies: 2

How do I let go of my ex husband who I still love? We've been separated for 2 years now. I honestly thought we would reconcile, I never wanted to separate. This year I was trying to rebuild our connection and it was working, talking every day on the ... View more

How do I let go of my ex husband who I still love? We've been separated for 2 years now. I honestly thought we would reconcile, I never wanted to separate. This year I was trying to rebuild our connection and it was working, talking every day on the phone, spending time as a family with the kids, going out for lunch or dinner, bike riding, etc. There was some hugging and kissing. I felt we got closer, but not really together. I was feeling unwell a couple of weeks ago, burnout from work and I was being pushy asking him out for dinner, he didnt want to come and I reacted badly. He since blocked me, it's been almost two weeks. I feel like I can't be patient anymore and having hope is making me suffer. How do I let go?I know i need to have the conversation with him one last time before I can accept it and move on because this whole time I have had hope. But since he blocked me I have felt so hurt. I know he's trying to protect himself from stress, and I know he is battling gambling addiction and is seeking treatment at the moment so I will wait to have the conversation with him when he's finished his course early January. But In the meantime I'm feeling heartbroken again! I already went through depression in 2023. I don't want to go through it again.

Littlemantate Emotionaly drained
  • replies: 1

My wife of 28 years recently moved to Australia to commence work. I remained in my country to sort out our house and ready us financially for immigration. During the time that we were apart, my wife befriended an older gentleman. She told me about hi... View more

My wife of 28 years recently moved to Australia to commence work. I remained in my country to sort out our house and ready us financially for immigration. During the time that we were apart, my wife befriended an older gentleman. She told me about him and described him as an old man. 2 days before I arrived, she called me to tell me that she had purchased a piece of furniture and that she was thinking of asking this friend to help her get it home. I said to her that I was not comfortable with this and that she should wait for me to sort this out. She insisted that it would be fine and after a bit of pushing on her side, I relented and said to her to decide and that I trusted she would make the right decision. Unfortunately,her decision was to get this person to help her. When I called, he was sitting in the house having a cup of tea. I'm not sure that my wife saw the expression on my face when I witnessed this and to make matters worse, she was a little dismissive. I called back a little while later and this time they were walking at local track. This angered me considerably but I thought that I would discuss it with her when I arrived. Two days after arriving, I broached the subject and unfortunately, my wife became quite angry with me, suggesting that I didn't trust her and that I was being overly consumed by the situation. I explained that she invited a male that I had never met into our home that I had even been in yet and that I felt that her judgement was wrong. She became extremely angry at this to the point that I apologized for raising it as an issue. I felt emotionally betrayed by this and it was made to seem that I was being inconsiderate. A week later, I met this male for the first time and my intuition was that he was physically attracted to my wife and he was not the old man that she had described him to be. I confronted her again about this, explained my feelings and fears and once again was blasted and was called emotionally unstable. I, since have not being able to rein in my emotions. I am experiencing severe emotional exhaustion and anxiety to the point that I am feeling paranoid. Just looking for some advice.

Mum2Boys Peaceful parenting - how?
  • replies: 2

How do you parent together with different ideals? My husband is FIFO 2/1. I pretty much have to run the show. I am against smacking and he has followed that. Our boys are 8 & 12. Everyone says they are well behaved and well mannered. Good boys and ye... View more

How do you parent together with different ideals? My husband is FIFO 2/1. I pretty much have to run the show. I am against smacking and he has followed that. Our boys are 8 & 12. Everyone says they are well behaved and well mannered. Good boys and yes they are. My husband says he gets into trouble when I step in. I do as I believe he is harsh. The kids can’t just be kids. Like yes if they are told to say stop being annoying they should (they eventually do when I tell them). Problem is he doesn’t even let them be kids. All I hear is “I would have had a flogging”. He never seems interested in doing what they want to do like get involved and mess around have fun. This in turn grumps me and of course it shows. I just don’t know how to parent with him for no arguments. I love him but resent him also. If we go out for dinner, if I didn’t start the conversation with the family we would be just sitting there. My boys are my world so I do all the things with them. Be silly, do funny dances, ride rides I don’t want to. Husband just thinks they are bad. We just had a holiday and he said “the boys have tried to ruin every day). This is eating me alive as how have they? What for messing around being boys? Everyone says how well mannered and good they are but he just nit picks on the “I told you to stop”. I really don’t know how to parent on the same page as I see him as a fun sucker. No patience and like the kids have to be perfect. My 8 year old said “Daddy should be swimming with us and bonding” of course hearin my boy say that then makes me resent my husband. I am so lost at the moment. Please help

OdysMum27 Supporting Sister
  • replies: 10

My BIL has done something stupid and been arrested, not yet sentenced. I desperately want to support my sister and her children through this, however I am aware of my limitations due to my history of depression and anxiety. I don't want to make thing... View more

My BIL has done something stupid and been arrested, not yet sentenced. I desperately want to support my sister and her children through this, however I am aware of my limitations due to my history of depression and anxiety. I don't want to make things worse for our family by having a major depressive episode, I am also trying to work through my feelings and reactions to this. Any suggestions on how I can be supportive would be greatly appreciated.

Guest_71003231 I want to leave my new husband because he takes my money as a joke
  • replies: 2

Quick background. I come from nothing and have received very little. Still I have committed most of my adult life to financial stability. I have raised 2 kids single, built a career and purchased house, gained savings etc. Then I fell in love and 2 m... View more

Quick background. I come from nothing and have received very little. Still I have committed most of my adult life to financial stability. I have raised 2 kids single, built a career and purchased house, gained savings etc. Then I fell in love and 2 months ago got married. He is opposite to me. Partied every spare cent of his life away, lives $$$ money week to week with I'm learning shit work ethic. He treats my belongings i have worked hard for as his own but not very respectful. Being married i thought he would start to contribute more but any large spends that are required for our now large family (he has 2 kids also) is 100% all of the time my responsibility. Like he doesn't even feel bad about it, infact he doesn't even mention it. Now I'm freaked out. To the point I think I want a divorce asap. He has snapped at me any time I mention pre or post nuptial BFA's. I don't want to risk everything I have worked too hard for and what I always considered would be passed down to my 2 children to be taken by a financially immature man. What can I do. Has anyone been in this situation? Is he legally even entitled to anything if i pursue divorce very early on? Like I said it has been only 2 months. Thank you

Guest_10071 Feeling trapped and can't do anything about it
  • replies: 1

So, previously I've written here about how I'm not happy in my marriage.Well, This past weekend I broke down.I'll admit, her behavior has changed recently.The verbal abuse has calmed down a lot. She hadn't yelled at me or anything for a few weeks. Is... View more

So, previously I've written here about how I'm not happy in my marriage.Well, This past weekend I broke down.I'll admit, her behavior has changed recently.The verbal abuse has calmed down a lot. She hadn't yelled at me or anything for a few weeks. Is this because of Christmas/New Year holiday period? I don't know. Is it sustainable? i don't know.This past weekend, she was talking about a holiday for us both for November and she wanted to go to Flight Centre to book it in. I wasn't keen to book anything because I don't know whats going to happen in the next couple of weeks/months. So she got annoyed that I didn't want to book it in. We got home and didn't talk to each other, staying in separate ends of the house. I could tell she was crying, but I couldn't comfort her. I froze, i felt a black hole in my head and in my chest. like i didn't want to be there.Eventually she came out and saw i was upset. she started getting angry saying things like how I wasn't allowed to be upset because I'm the one who didn't want to book a holiday and I 'got what i wanted'. she kept asking me whats wrong. eventually all i could say was 'I'm struggling.. mentally' and completely broke down. Her attitude changed after this, saying shes sorry she hasn't noticed. sorry that shes made me feel this way. she then said 'I can't do life without you' and a whole lot of other stuff. She keeps asking me to make an appointment to see a doctor, but I don't want to..I still don't know how i feel, except that now I feel the pressure that I need to stay with her, regardless of my own happiness, because if I don't, she'll end up doing something dumb.

Goofy Porn addicted husband spent 22k on prostitutes
  • replies: 4

5 years ago I found out my partner of 20 years has a 35+ year porn addiction and had seen 2 prostitutes. Despite evidence he denied he had seen them, said he just booked them but couldn't go. That there were only were these 2. He then proceeded to th... View more

5 years ago I found out my partner of 20 years has a 35+ year porn addiction and had seen 2 prostitutes. Despite evidence he denied he had seen them, said he just booked them but couldn't go. That there were only were these 2. He then proceeded to threaten to kill himself despite it being me that had been treated appallingly. We had councelling. He lied all through it. Never admitted what happened. A couple of years later I was fed up with no progress. I said get help or I'm leaving. He went to a counsellor. He NEVER mentioned his sex issue in therapy. I found out that he had spent over 22 thousand on prostitutes and continued to see them the whole time he was supposed to be dealing with his issues in therapy. He lied to me, his own therapist, and in couples therapy. He still said he never went to visit them. Later he said he visited 1 but never had sex. All he has ever done is lie and not address the issue. I had enough. Last we I asked him to move out. For a trial separation. If he doesn't work on this in therapy it will be permanent. My therapist and friends think that as he's had over 20 years of not going to therapy when asked it doesn't seem likely he will now. I agree. Unfortunately his behaviour has greatly contributed to mental health decline for me. I have severe stress, anxiety and depression. My therapist recommends I get a job because she's seen it so many times that husbands just disappear leaving partners penniless. I have been out of the workforce for over 18 years raising kids. I can't seem to get a job. My anxiety is so bad I can't even drive right now. I feel like I need time to sort out my mental health now he's gone but I can't afford to take that time because I could end up homeless at any point (he has engineered it so EVERYTHING is in his name) I have no assets, no employment references and I'm sure you've seen the rental market right now. So what yo do? I need recovery time but I need work. Anxiety makes it impossible to get work, not having work makes anxiety worse.