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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jessksch Dealing with Depression at work...taking a sick day once a month to deal with stress?
  • replies: 5

So I have been at my job for over a year now, and maybe each month I take one sick day and only work part-time anyways (I know I am very lucky in this case, especially how things are today). Lately they have been putting me on getting things complete... View more

So I have been at my job for over a year now, and maybe each month I take one sick day and only work part-time anyways (I know I am very lucky in this case, especially how things are today). Lately they have been putting me on getting things completed before a certain time frame , so there is a bit of pressure on me, but it has been fine for months and I like that there was a bit of challenge for me. This week has been horrendous though: I have seen a few people in the year crying and being upset in the bathrooms ( about 6 people since this year) and on Mon morning already was someone called in and came out of the main office crying. Then we had a meeting that we were too slow in doing our work and need to prioritize speed over quality of work. Now, this hit me hard as I like giving my best quality of work for individual clients and it was helping them in the long run. It involves health so I want them to get the best of health as I can offer. Since that Monday, I kind of lost it today; the manager and supervisor were also under pressure and kept putting things in front of me, I put things in sections I knew I was rightfully doing, they assumed it put it there so I didn't have to handle the situation, but when I explained it, they were "fine" and put it back. No apology. This aggressive assumption that I was incompetent, as well as how things started this week really set me off. I took off work for tomorrow as when I got home all I could do was fall asleep. I feel so guilty now, since I asked two weeks ago for a day off and they gave it to me for a long weekend, and now I am asking for a day off to rest when things are busy. My head is hurting so much at the moment still and I think the stress of this week alone has made me physically sick with a sinus infection. I guess I kind of needed to vent to people who could understand. I am seeing my psychologist tomorrow for a talk and keep up with my mental health plan.

Guest_41540877 Lonely
  • replies: 1

My husband is an interstate truck driver. He works huge hours and not home alot. I understand his work and why he does it. But when he's home he does some work out in the yard or cleans his truck then he sleeps. That's our lives in a nut shell. We sl... View more

My husband is an interstate truck driver. He works huge hours and not home alot. I understand his work and why he does it. But when he's home he does some work out in the yard or cleans his truck then he sleeps. That's our lives in a nut shell. We sleep in separate bedrooms. There is no intimacy, besides no sex there is no loving intimacy. We never do anything together. I don't ask for much. Today I suggested a couple of drinks on the back verandah and just chat. That ended up with- let's watch a movie with him falling to sleep 5 minutes in to it and me going outside with the dogs.

Sparks16 Feeling very confused
  • replies: 3

Hi everyoneHave posted on here over the years with various things but looking for some advice from people who may have had a similar experience or have some insight to help.Background - been in relationship for 7 years later this year, not married.2 ... View more

Hi everyoneHave posted on here over the years with various things but looking for some advice from people who may have had a similar experience or have some insight to help.Background - been in relationship for 7 years later this year, not married.2 kids togetherRelationship not great and hasn't been for years, sleep in separate rooms no intimacy, nothing for years but trying to work through it and make it work for the most part.Got into a massive fight in the car the other day that got physical.I was driving and accidently took a sharper turn than I meant causing my girlfriend to spill a hot drink on her freshly lasered skin on her face.I instantly felt terrible and looked to pull over once It was safe to do so but before I could she started screaming obscenities at me and punching me in the side of the head telling me I did it on purpose.Gashed my arm trying to protect myself, I managed to pull over and grabbed her arms to stop her hitting me eventually.Miraculous I didn't crash the car or at least run up a kerbAll this happened while my 3 year old daughter was in the car.She has gotten physical probably a dozen times in the past, I for one have never laid a hand on her.In the aftermath I am the one who gets called the abuser, the narcissist and blamed for it, 5 days of silent treatment etc.Would this be grounds for most people to leave a relationship? Constantly being accused of being the abusive one but am failing to see how this could be the case when I feel im the one who is being hit, put down, belittled, controlled, manipulatedAny advice or insight would be greatThank you

Jasper Fear of abandonment
  • replies: 1

I can't seem to shake the feeling that everyone in my life would be happier without me and that I should just leave everyone alone. I don't see what I bring to peoples' lives and I know they'd all be better off without me bothering them. I shit at pr... View more

I can't seem to shake the feeling that everyone in my life would be happier without me and that I should just leave everyone alone. I don't see what I bring to peoples' lives and I know they'd all be better off without me bothering them. I shit at providing comfort, I have so many issues that burden others, and I'm not a likeable person. Everyone is just too polite to say anything about it. I know I should just leave before someone tells me the truth. It'll still hurt but at least I'll have control over it all

Guest_56074418 My partner and I fight when we drink
  • replies: 3

Last night my partner and I had a massive dispute because I played a song, I then asked him if he listened to the lyrics and he got fired up. I calmly said "its ok I'll play it again", that lead to him absolutely loosing it at me, saying it's all abo... View more

Last night my partner and I had a massive dispute because I played a song, I then asked him if he listened to the lyrics and he got fired up. I calmly said "its ok I'll play it again", that lead to him absolutely loosing it at me, saying it's all about me and if I don't get what I want I make sure I do. We were drinking having a laugh and chatting about how much we loved each other prior to this suitation. It seemed completely out of the blue. I left, had a shower and got into bed. He came in and told me that he shouldn't be the one who sleeps in another room after a fight and told me to get out of bed. I refused so then he took all my bedding, everything except the mattress. He ripped the pillows out from underneath me then took the blanket and the sheets. He told me to leave but I simply didn't move. I suppose for a few reasons but I was in shock. He didn't lay a hand on me but I was really scared of him. He was behaving like a mad man. I then found a dooner in the cupboard and used a jumper as a pillow, but he came back and took them away too. I layed there freezing until many hours later I feel asleep. I woke up at 3am thinking what do I do? I love him, I really do but now I'm scared of him and how he can treat me. I don't know what to do. I know alcohol is a poision, and he doesn't behave this way when his sober but I don't want to stop him drinking, I just can't handle him behaving like this when he drinks too much. Most of the time we have a beautiful loving relationship. I care for his 3 chrildren as if they were my own. But our somewhat perfect relationship then all goes pear shaped. I know what a red flag is but I can't help thinking this is my fault. Please ask me questions, I won't lie. I need to figure out what to do. I don't want to leave him, but I also don't want this to continue. I am being vulnerable, and I'm prepared to hear the truth. No matter how brutal it is. I please just need help.

Guest_70417971 Lost
  • replies: 1

What do U do when U don't have an emergency contact, no next of kin and don't trust people?

What do U do when U don't have an emergency contact, no next of kin and don't trust people?

Aura46784 Husband Gender Dysphoria
  • replies: 3

Hello, My husband of 20 years has been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. This has come as a huge shock to me.He’s saying that he doesn’t want to transition but instead wants to stay with me and our kids.I have many burning questions….- can he live a h... View more

Hello, My husband of 20 years has been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. This has come as a huge shock to me.He’s saying that he doesn’t want to transition but instead wants to stay with me and our kids.I have many burning questions….- can he live a happy life with me without transitioning?- is he just saying this as the safe option?- is his transition inevitable?Would love to hear from women in similar situations or from men who have decided not to transition and how it’s been for them?Still feeling quite numb about it all…..

RLB Lost and losing hope
  • replies: 7

I am new here as I usually like to keep my personal life private, however lately I am feeling lost and I just can't find hope. Recently my boyfriend of 24 years (whom I also lived with) said he was going to visit his family ( like he would usually do... View more

I am new here as I usually like to keep my personal life private, however lately I am feeling lost and I just can't find hope. Recently my boyfriend of 24 years (whom I also lived with) said he was going to visit his family ( like he would usually do) but he actually just left me, took most of his stuff, didn't tell me anything and made out he was visiting family but just left me. I feel so many emotions right now but mostly sad because he didn't even try to talk to me about it, I also feel confused because I don't understand how he could not even try to work through whatever he was feeling and I thought he loved me. I currently feel lost because I have no friends, I have limited support from the one family member I can talk to, I live alone, I have anxiety and I developed agoraphobia about 4 years ago and I thought that he and I would have a family together ( I waited for him, he said it would happen) I gave him years of my life and I trusted him but now I am at an age where I may not be able to conceive anymore all because I waited for him. I wanted a family but now it feels like everything I hoped for is gone and there is nothing left for me to hope for. I have a long history of bad relationships and I don't want to go through it again plus time is not on my side especially in my current situation. I am trying my best to be positive but every now and then I realise my actual situation and lose the positivity I did have. I don't want to adopt or use a surrogate I wanted to have a family the old fashioned way, I see others with a family and it seems so easy for others so why can't I have what I hoped for? I feel like something is wrong with me because I should have met the one by now you would think. I can't see my life without kids and I'm just lost.

Guest_08617785 being afraid of relationships
  • replies: 3

hi there, I’m a 19 year old girl who hasn’t had the best time with previous relationships. (E.g sexual assault, domestic violence, cheating etc.)My current partner is wonderful, treats me great, always listens, always understanding, caring for me. Bu... View more

hi there, I’m a 19 year old girl who hasn’t had the best time with previous relationships. (E.g sexual assault, domestic violence, cheating etc.)My current partner is wonderful, treats me great, always listens, always understanding, caring for me. But recently I’ve been very on edge almost like I’m scared of the safety and peace. And it’s like I’m constantly looking for something bad to happend and scared of being healthy? I love my partner and I’m very afraid to hurt him in this process. I know it takes time to heal from these things.., but does anyone have any tips on how to overcome the toxic thought process and learn how to be comfortable in healthy

Tibel Core of Loneliness
  • replies: 1

I'm so lonely and have been for a very long time. I'm thirty-four and I feel as though I've spent twenty-two of those years just being lonely. It's like my entire self has been constructed around a core of loneliness, like everything I am is just a c... View more

I'm so lonely and have been for a very long time. I'm thirty-four and I feel as though I've spent twenty-two of those years just being lonely. It's like my entire self has been constructed around a core of loneliness, like everything I am is just a coping mechanism for the fact I am hopelessly, utterly, alone. Maybe it's more accurate to say that the core of loneliness itself has a core, and at the centre of my loneliness is the expectation of intimacy with others, an expectation that has simply never been fulfilled. I have tried in the past to build and maintain intimacy with others, but the sad truth is if all you have to offer is love and connection, that's not enough for people in today's world. I lost one good friend because I didn't 100% agree with Contrapoints on YouTube, I lost another good friend because I didn't 100% agree with Jordan Peterson. It's not like I'm going around causing drama, or being too unforgiving and shutting myself off - I'm always the one to offer the olive branch after a fight, but, sadly, most of the time the fight itself is enough to make most people stop talking to me. Whether I start the fight or not it doesn't matter, there is no solidarity anymore, no humility, no forgiveness or understanding, and unless I want to be totally fake and lie about my beliefs and pretend to be someone I'm not, I can't seem to form strong connections with others. It seems like a requirement to make people like you is to just agree with them, which is fine, I can do that, but it doesn't make for an intimate relationship, just agreeing with people for the sake of it seems shallow and manipulative. It's really aggravating, especially since, like, take Contrapoints - she actually has made videos about how problematic parasocial relationships are, that is, forming relationships with YouTubers at the expense of real community, and yet my friend will still just tell me to "f-off" because she cares more about a face on a screen than a person she grew up with. I think a lot of it is people idealising fame and fortune. People think they're too good for their communities, and so they escape into online ones. Others want more than they believe their community can provide, they strive to blow up and leave the past behind them. I'm sure I could help them achieve this too, except I feel as though the point is for them to prove they're better than me, so having me help them achieve their goals would defeat the purpose. Everyone wants to be a Hollywood star, or a YouTuber, or some other kind of influencer, and so if all you want is what we should all want, a sense of belonging, intimate friendships, romantic companionship, then, tough luck. Everyone loses except a tiny minority who "make it", and that's sad. I know my problems are first world problems. I don't like to complain because even when it comes to this stuff, even when it comes to these feelings of loneliness, the fact I do try so hard to build and maintain relationships means I end up being one of the lucky ones. But it's just so exhausting. The internet and social media have all but destroyed real communities, that's how it seems anyway. It should not be this hard. Just something I've wanted to get off my chest for a while. To be totally honest this stuff has made me psychotic before, multiple times. I've been institutionalised because of it, and the only answer they have is "have you tried this certain medication?" Like, forget community, it's too much of a hassle these days, much easier just to produce new pharmaceuticals. What's funny is these days I'm tempted to check myself into an acute mental health ward just to feel like I belong to something resembling a community, even if it is a community of the insane and destitute. All I want is something that feels fundamental to human nature, something we've lost touch with, and it's just maddening how few people are willing to take action and try to be more community minded. I feel like I'm the only one who's trying.