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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MrConfused Narcissistic abuse recovery
  • replies: 4

Hello, I feel so stupid & pathetic & I just want to find some people who understand & I will listen to any advice. I was with my partner for 7 years, I've been gaslit, manipulated, mentally and violently abused and cheated on and I just allowed it al... View more

Hello, I feel so stupid & pathetic & I just want to find some people who understand & I will listen to any advice. I was with my partner for 7 years, I've been gaslit, manipulated, mentally and violently abused and cheated on and I just allowed it all to happen, for instance I caught her out on our security cameras cheating with 4 people at once, my neighbour told me, after I flipped out and wanted to harm myself the police who were taking me away said that when they surrounded my house that several neighbours and residents close by had told them of her frequent cheating and that's why I'd flipped out, hell the police told me not to go back but even after all that I let her gaslight me into thinking I was hearing things or that people were setting her up, all the arguments where I'd question her aggressive behaviour or insults of me and somehow it would turn out to be my fault or a tirade of everything id apperently done wrong and I believed it and I'd work on myself to be a better person, many times she hurt me physically and she rationed it out that it was ok because she'd had a hard life and it was my fault for not being more supportive. Then when I left her she made up all these lies about me and tried to turn everyone against me including my own kids even. How did I believe that she loved me? Am I stupid or just not equipped to be in relationships? How did I not leave all the times I knew she was cheating and or not say something? I was so pathetically in love with her and how in the hell did I think she was my soulmate? At times I thought she was so supportive and cared but it was just to throw in my face later or remind me of how weak I am and that I need her. Now I'm alone in a caravan park, I've lost almost everything (my kids have seen it's lies now and a few friends as well) and I just can't make sense of it all. She's moved on to someone new so fast and I'm just sitting here feeling bruised and afraid of people to be honest, my trust for others is just gone. I'm not perfect either and I lost my temper in arguments with her and said things I regret, at the end I lied to her to be other places because I was just so miserable at home and I couldn't take the confrontation anymore. How do you navigate your way out of this? I just want to have some quiet in my head and get rid of this deep sadness in my chest. To anyone who read this or replies thank you in advance, I'm sorry for dumping all this here but I'm alone and I'm lost and I just want someone to talk to.

Loat_trust Cheated upon, coercive controled and blamed
  • replies: 1

I am come out and openly say being a man in Victoria, you have zero chance to be heard. My wife has been cheating for a year and through the period kept blaming me, lying, manipulate, threatened to complain to the police to take the kids. Above all p... View more

I am come out and openly say being a man in Victoria, you have zero chance to be heard. My wife has been cheating for a year and through the period kept blaming me, lying, manipulate, threatened to complain to the police to take the kids. Above all physically assaulted me multiple times and my kids. But when I finally got an IVO against her all she had to do is put a false report against me. Vic Police was so accomodating with her about her false accusations which were historical, but when it came to me I struggled first to even give a statement. The details of her cheating and how it impacted me including getting assualt by the man (causing fractured ribs) was not relevant. Her simple allegation of me damaging a bathroom door got me charged with indicitable offence, but her assualt in presence of my kids and parents, resulting in stitches on my ear was not enough to charge her. As a man if I sought help the authorities accused me of using the system. There is no hope here for men, I do agree as a gender we are more responsible for family violence, but not all men are same. My lawyers are amazed, and yes we will contest it. But how long is one can go on like this. What can I do? No perm add, funds are drained so bad. Is there any place I can be heard ?

Stick_figure- Mental health, relationship & stonewalling.
  • replies: 1

I need advice, have thought so much that nothing makes sense to me anymore. I have been with my partner for fair few years now, boundaries have been pushed and tempers have been lost but I do love him. I have had my brother in hospital with a brain i... View more

I need advice, have thought so much that nothing makes sense to me anymore. I have been with my partner for fair few years now, boundaries have been pushed and tempers have been lost but I do love him. I have had my brother in hospital with a brain injury for 7 months which has been a living nightmare to say the least. I have had many breakdowns and 3/4 months in my partner said he's leaving me while angry. A week later he came back and said all the right things. As of a few weeks ago, he told me he had been at another girls house and had slept together but there were no real feelings. We had huge fight and both become violent.We realised how messed up that was, spoke about everything and then got back on track. He wanted me to try more and I was willing I offered to stay on a weds but he had few too many beers with his dad and staying there. I offered again Thurs and seemed off. He then told me that she had stuff going on and asked to stay and had lied the night before. They had been in seperate rooms. I went to confront him, and he came out gate charging me. I had to go back hospital and the whole time he was saying he would come see me. To then ignore me so I showed up. He kept me outside like a dog while she hid away in spare room. He then locked me out as I was banging on windows he actually called cops. I had already reported violent encounters. He then vanishes for several days, reaching out as suited him and ignoring attempts from me.Had eventually met up and calmed down. He assumes me that he was only helping a friend. It's the lack of truth, defending her (court cases pending) attacking me like I did the wrong thing and all round disrespect that got me. To then very recently find out he said to a guy that he loved her but that was supposedly to stop him from cracking on to her... But came out she was someone he was seeing years before and there was interest. He still defends himself saying he was there for a friend but should have included me and not lie. Then says "I don't have to worry because she won't talk to him because she thinks he's a liar and what not" I'm struggling to get my head around this, he expects me to just move passed it. I am exhausted and at hospital everyday for my brother. I just don't even know what's real amymore. I just want to feel safe again. Any advice/feedback would be appreciated

Guest_05560001 15yrs
  • replies: 1

I am so lost, I am in the early stages of seperation after 15yrs of marriage, we have a son, him and I are looking after each other but I still feel so lost, sad, empty and some days really numb. She said she just wants to be her, I have never felt s... View more

I am so lost, I am in the early stages of seperation after 15yrs of marriage, we have a son, him and I are looking after each other but I still feel so lost, sad, empty and some days really numb. She said she just wants to be her, I have never felt so lost, and heartbroken, I love her more than anything else in the world, how do pull myself out of this hole for myself and be strong for my son.

AnotherRandomUser Passive Aggressive Friend
  • replies: 5

My friend has been depressed lately, while Ive been sick, and while Ive tried to be there for them despite my own limitations, theyve been controlling and passive aggressive lately and Im finding it hard to cope. They keep saying everything is fine w... View more

My friend has been depressed lately, while Ive been sick, and while Ive tried to be there for them despite my own limitations, theyve been controlling and passive aggressive lately and Im finding it hard to cope. They keep saying everything is fine when I ask if theyre upset with me, but almost every conversation we have they drop some hint theyre mad at me or judging me in some way. (Often about how I manage money, my time, or my health.)But theyre also sneaky about it in a way I cant call them out on it without them being able to deny it. They also compete with me by suggesting their problems are worse than mine, or complain when I can do something they cant. Usually to invalidate the things Im going through or to suggest their needs are more important than mine. And finally, theres a hobby they love and every chance they get they try to convince me to do it with them. Usually I try to put some time aside to do just that but lately Ive been sick so havent been able to join them. It takes a lot of energy.But now if I do anything else, they make a comment about it (aka you cant be that sick if you can do that) or insult it (insinuate its no good and they wouldnt do it), and then bring up their hobby again (aka if your well to do that then do this with me.) Its unfair because the things Im doing are chores/needs, and the few things I do that are fun are way less difficult and take less time than their hobby. Its just little things to pass the time while sick. Im not avoiding their hobby, its just too hard for me right now!But honestly, even when we do their hobby (I often push myself), they then sometimes make comments that Im enjoying it wrong too, so I really cant win anyway! All and all, I dont know how to cope with this. I really wish theyd just talk to me outright so we can figure out a compromise or I can stand up for myself at least.Ive tried to gently bring it up so as not to cause a fight, but when I do, they deny it or say they didnt mean it that way. So it doesnt work. And unfortunately because they make comments so often, Im paranoid at everything they say now. I think, is this another hint? Is this about me? Are they mad again? I dont even know anymore! I never used to feel this anxious talking to them. It used to be easy. And now I think, how can I can I confront them if I doubt myself? If I dont know if it is always about me? And the worst part, despite the fact their my best friend... lately I havent been wanting to talk to them, or hang out with them. Not out of spite, but because their comments make me so stressed, I dont have fun anymore. I feel controlled and bullied. I admittedly, want to avoid them and I feel like a jerk for it. So is there a way to confront them on this because I dont know how, Im so scared that if I confront them more aggressively on this, their going to hate me and deny it again anyway. But if I dont, I worry Ill destroy our friendship anyway because Im withdrawing more and more, and I think its only making them angrier. But what can I do, they wont talk to me about it!? Can I fix this at all?

Flowergirl97 Narcissistic family members
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone,I am in my late 20s, have experienced generalised and social anxiety and depression at times in my life. I always felt inferior to my older sibling growing up and that one of my parents simply didn’t ‘get’ me. But I have noticed that my s... View more

Hi everyone,I am in my late 20s, have experienced generalised and social anxiety and depression at times in my life. I always felt inferior to my older sibling growing up and that one of my parents simply didn’t ‘get’ me. But I have noticed that my sibling has been extra stressed recently and has obviously been taking issues out on me (getting angry at me about normally insignificant things that aren’t my fault and insulting me). And this got me curious and wondering WHY is this happening. WHY would my sibling take issues out on me? So I did what most people do when they are curious about something, I googled it. And in my reading, narcissism came up as a reoccurring theme. I have been aware that my sibling lacks empathy towards me for a long time, but it has come as a big shock to realise- oh this has actually been an ongoing experience in my life- of my sibling belittling me, insults, telling lies, manipulating me, changing an opinion, anger when they don’t get their own way, expecting me to do things for them. 100s of experiences I have had with them have flooded back into my brain and it is concerning. I knew one of my parents was similar due to more recent experiences of manipulation, selfishness, and lies from them, but now my sibling as well?If anyone out there has a similar family dynamic, how have you coped? What have you done to prevent being manipulated?How did you realise your family member was like this? Or is there any advice you can give me?

Guest_64596266 Feeling lost and confused
  • replies: 2

Would love some advise I've been dating my partner for almost four years now whenever we lay in bed and hug it's more like his lening on me with a close fist whenever I see him hug his family he has open hands. Whenever he sits next to me on the loun... View more

Would love some advise I've been dating my partner for almost four years now whenever we lay in bed and hug it's more like his lening on me with a close fist whenever I see him hug his family he has open hands. Whenever he sits next to me on the lounge he loosely holds my hand if he sits and holds the hand of his Nan mum daughter etc he holds them tightly My partner also really gets into wanting sex with me when he works around women he'll come home wanting it where if he isn't working he rejects it so much Lately his been having a lot of sexual dreams over the years when he has wet dreams his never ever told me they are about us he just says he don't have them however for the first time the other day he said I'm intiled to have a dream every now and then This man knows I've never been loved never been treated like a woman he knows I adore him so much he sees it and states it because it's true I love him so much I just don't feel the same in return I feel like I'm just here if he needs something yes I've talked to him

Guest_07427988 Toxic brother in law
  • replies: 1

Hi all.. Me and my family have recently moved in with my toxic brother in law. It's been a few weeks since moving in and I have had alot of problems with him so far. I will.tey my best to start at the start but do bare with me as it's a very long sto... View more

Hi all.. Me and my family have recently moved in with my toxic brother in law. It's been a few weeks since moving in and I have had alot of problems with him so far. I will.tey my best to start at the start but do bare with me as it's a very long story. My brother in law and twin sister has had a rocky marriage for the last few years me and my family decided to leave our home and move in with them to help them out. But it took alot of planning and organising to get us down here. In the process of this my twin sister ended dup leaving him and everything behind and now lives in a refuge. Because this plan was already in place we still moved down to help him keep his house and mortgage hoping my sister would return. It's been 2 months and she's not returning back. It has made the living situation bad for my family at his house. I recently got a casual job and paid rent weekly to him to keep a roof over my family. Myself and brother in law had a run in yesterday where I yelled and screamed at him for the right reasons. He then called the police and now he has an AVO against me. I am now staying an hour away from my family as I have nowhere else to go. My wife and kids are staying there as I don't want them to be homeless for my brother in law though am I able to take any steps to put in a complaint or report him for any reasons? His very possessive and controlling. I am concerned for my niece as she is his care. He has pushed my sister out of her home and now has pushed me away from my family. I am really concerned about the children's welfare. He works a rotating roster one week day shift next week night shift. It feels his using my partner to look after all his kids whilst his at work but yet he wants the youngest in his care just another child my partner will have to attend to whilst his at work. I really don't know what to do. I'm homeless and seperated from my family because of his choices

Guest_77252445 Struggling and worried
  • replies: 1

hi so last week I have been feeling sick in my stomach and very anxious and it's gotten a lot worse since my Gf removed me on her snap map without saying anything. I have given her space I have seen her since and things very good with us. we still ha... View more

hi so last week I have been feeling sick in my stomach and very anxious and it's gotten a lot worse since my Gf removed me on her snap map without saying anything. I have given her space I have seen her since and things very good with us. we still have that connection. and talk on the phone every night. I keep thinking that I've done something wrong and overthink that Shes going to leave me it's affecting me mentally and I'm worried I'm going to lose my relationship. I do get diagnosed with anxiety when i was young. and this is also my first relationship.

Katyonthehamsterwheel Christmas Dread
  • replies: 39

I couldn't decide where to post, but loneliness fits. This is not my first time spending Christmas alone, but for some reason two days out and I feel quite panicky and gross just thinking about it. I really just can't wait until it's over. It doesn't... View more

I couldn't decide where to post, but loneliness fits. This is not my first time spending Christmas alone, but for some reason two days out and I feel quite panicky and gross just thinking about it. I really just can't wait until it's over. It doesn't help that everything stops/closes for a period, contributing to that sense of isolation. I try and tell myself "it's just another day" and it's not even today, or tomorrow, but my body and mind are unconvinced, and I feel rubbish. I'm doing whatever it is I would normally be doing, but not feeling good. And I've ordered some yummy food to eat Christmas Day and bought myself a gift, but just can't shake the grossness and not sure what else to do.