Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Paintdrops Abandoned on Christmas Eve
  • replies: 3

My husband has bipolar and left me on Christmas eve, after he lost his job in may and I found out things he had lied to me about. I was so upset about the lies and his psychiatrist told him to make things up to me. He instead left on Christmas eve in... View more

My husband has bipolar and left me on Christmas eve, after he lost his job in may and I found out things he had lied to me about. I was so upset about the lies and his psychiatrist told him to make things up to me. He instead left on Christmas eve in a horrible way, and has not been in touch since. I am in limbo not knowing what is happening. My heart is shattered. I just would like to talk with him. I would like to think he misses me, as I thought we were both so in love. He was I thought my soul mate. I would never had thought he would do this to me. I am still hoping he comes home. And gives us a chance.

kris_m Need help with family crisis.
  • replies: 17

Not sure where to start really. my partner and I have been living with my parents for the past year but things have recently taken a turn for the worst. ive been having some issues with my sisters partner (they live separately), he’s really picked on... View more

Not sure where to start really. my partner and I have been living with my parents for the past year but things have recently taken a turn for the worst. ive been having some issues with my sisters partner (they live separately), he’s really picked on me for years and personally attacks me to get a reaction on purpose. On Christmas Eve things got really bad and he really made me angry. For my family’s sake I just moved on with the evening to keep the peace but by this point I was done with him and the way he treats me. I’ve been harbouring with emotion and anger over what to do then on Friday afternoon I finally opened up to my parents about how I’m feeling about how he treats me and that I’m done with his behaviour. This turned into a rip roaring argument for hours with my mum pretty much defending him saying that’s just how he is as a person and that I should pretty much get over it and my feelings were valid. My partner got home from work and could see I was visibly upset. I told him and he defended meto my mum and backed up the bullying behaviour by my sisters partner. My partner was in no way rude or anything just mum and him raising their voices at each other. In the end my mum decided to turn things personal and started attacking my partner saying he’s not perfect and that she’s got a whole lot of issues with him and when we both asked her to please share these issues to talk through she simply refused. Behind my partners back today I heard her making snide comments about his job not being good enough he doesn’t earn enough money and she just all of a sudden hates him. I think I’m done with my mother. It feels like she will always choose my sister and her partner over me and my own feelings.

Jess_23 Losing time with kids, it's not my fault
  • replies: 3

When facing divorce or separation following infidelity and significant issues, how do you cope with the reality that you will lose 24/7 access to your children? Especially when the reasons for your separation is not your fault, but your ex infidelity... View more

When facing divorce or separation following infidelity and significant issues, how do you cope with the reality that you will lose 24/7 access to your children? Especially when the reasons for your separation is not your fault, but your ex infidelity and other issues. For context, our son is 2.5 and is a mummys boy but absolutely adores his dad, and he's a great dad too. But I'm also pregnant with another on the way and finding out mid pregnancy of such long term betrayl I really can't see any way of repairing things with him so I feel like I have no choice but to separate/divorce, and then lose some access to my kids - if being fair means 50/50 custody. It just breaks my heart and I feel like I've been backed into a corner where I either stay and be miserable, or leave and be miserable without seeing my kids all the time.

Aria87 Feeling like the left out sibling...
  • replies: 1

I am the youngest of 3 and the only girl.I have grown up as the child who was just there, my eldest brother was favored, and my middle brother is the loud attention needing child. We are all married with children.The older we all get, the more i feel... View more

I am the youngest of 3 and the only girl.I have grown up as the child who was just there, my eldest brother was favored, and my middle brother is the loud attention needing child. We are all married with children.The older we all get, the more i feel my middle brother just seeks more and more attention.Our parents recently purchased a new holiday home, and call it our family holiday home.My eldest brother who has 2 grown children, a spare room for them has been allocated, which is fine as they are in their teens. My middle brother has 2 children, both younger than my only son.It was left to me assuming, my room, would consist of space for my son, and my middle brother would have both his children in his.. afterall its just a holiday home!But its come to my knowledge, my middle brother has now made the spare TV room a room for his 2 children as he needs "space" however if the bunk for my son goes in there too he is worried his little child will use it and fall. I understand children, however noone asks me BEFORE any change. It would be nice to be asked " hey do you mind... " not.. this and this is happening, what do you want to do?What option am i left with? I just found this triggering that middle brother needs space for his kids too, when they are so young is a little dramatic. These things make me feel like more is spoken behind my back and also draws me away from wanting to spend time with them. Bummed little sister in her 30's lol...

Bubbles24 Trust and self-worth after infidelity
  • replies: 1

18mths ago, after suspecting something was not right, I discovered some messages on my husbands phone between him and a work college who had moved away. It was an emotional affair which he states had only just developed and that no sexualised behavio... View more

18mths ago, after suspecting something was not right, I discovered some messages on my husbands phone between him and a work college who had moved away. It was an emotional affair which he states had only just developed and that no sexualised behaviour (including sharing of photos) had occurred. He ended all contact with her and we worked on ‘us’. What had lead us to this point? Many things i.e. him not being home much, me being stubborn and trying to prove that we (we have three small children) didn’t need him anyway, minimal communication, lack of intimacy, etc. So after a lot of hard work, a lot of discussions and me seeing a psychologist, we are in a much better place. We have stayed together, worked through things and are on a much better path together. But I’m still struggling. Struggling to not go back down that tunnel in my head, reliving the time I found the messages, all the different scenarios of what could have happened that I don’t know about. I’m also really struggling to trust him with ‘us’. I don’t want to be broken like that again. I have not told any friends or family what has happened for many reasons, but the main one being to protect both them and us from all the feelings that come with this situation. So I have been doing it all alone. And now I’m getting really tired. So I guess now I’m reaching out to an anonymous group who aren’t emotionally attached to my husband or I… does trust come back? Will I ever be calm again and really know that I’m enough?

Toymanpete They Don't Know (Or Care) If We Exist
  • replies: 1

Hello. I'm writing this today out of sheer exhaustion & exasperation. I'm a live-in carer to my 81-year-old mother who has osteoporosis & fatigue issues. This isn't the reason I'm writing, but because I get 0% support from my family. There were 3 kid... View more

Hello. I'm writing this today out of sheer exhaustion & exasperation. I'm a live-in carer to my 81-year-old mother who has osteoporosis & fatigue issues. This isn't the reason I'm writing, but because I get 0% support from my family. There were 3 kids in the family- My eldest sister lives in self-imposed exile because she was an alcoholic who caused too much trouble. Closer to home is my other sister. She is a toxic former heroin addict with some sort of mental health issue that causes her to act like the world's oldest moody teenager. She served time in a girl's home & seems to think she's still back there. On the rare occasions she does visit us, she never has a good thing to say about anything or anyone & being around her endangers mine and Mum's mental health. She never offers to help, never asks how we are, just flops down & starts whinging. She had 10 kids, all grown up now, but I don't think they even care if we exist- since they all grew up, they've had nothing to do with us, let alone offer to help. The boys all moved to other states & the 2 eldest girls married into money and are now very snobbish. One of the girls had a baby last year & she and my sister seem intent on replacing us in the family with this infant, who they are both obsessed with. It's a non-rejection of sorts- we never get invited to Xmas day, or any family gatherings, they just sort of disappeared. I'd love to 'Blow the Whistle' on them to somebody, for their unwillingness to help out, but I don't know who to go to. Maybe somebody here can help. Thanks for listening & God Bless you all.

lava_lamp conflicting messages from ex boyfriend
  • replies: 1

so me and my boyfriend were together for 2 years and broke up almost 18 months ago now and we broke up due to both of us going through our own personal problems and mutually deciding to take time apart to deal with these issues. since breaking up, ev... View more

so me and my boyfriend were together for 2 years and broke up almost 18 months ago now and we broke up due to both of us going through our own personal problems and mutually deciding to take time apart to deal with these issues. since breaking up, every now and again we have been in contact where most of the time he will contact me first. and sometimes these phases will last a while and then we will go no contact again. more recently he has been talking to girls and tells me “he’s met the love of his life” after meeting them once or just talking a couple days. now he is in an offical relationship for the first time since we broke up with a girl he met less than 2 months ago and lived out of home with her for a couple of weeks which he wants out of home so badly due to family dynamics but can’t afford on his own where as soon as he moved back home he decided to unblock and message me to tell me he was thinking about me and wants to see me while also telling me he likes the girl and she’s nice. he will go from being keen as to see me to going i can’t i’m in a relationship. where this causes me to become anxious abo it losing him as through our contact we have built a great on and off friendship. i ended up seeing him in person to talk about our situation and he was super keen to be with me and was wanting to engage in intimacy where i didn’t since he’s in a relationship. where the next day says oh we should’ve just done it, not feeling bad for his girlfriend at all. where after a few days he decided to talk to her about how he feels they’ve moved to fast and how he feels about me and said he’s talk to me in a few days but would block me in the meantime. so i blocked him first with the intent to let him talk to her and contact him when that’s done. and also for my well-being not waiting around for his message. then as soon as a block him he unblocks my number and asks why i removed him. i didn’t respond and he continued to get my attention throughout the day. where he then sent a message that he spoke to her and that they are going to work through their own problems and that him and i “should go out seperate ways but will leave my number unblocked if i wish to reach out in the future” which i still haven’t replied and the day he said he would message me is coming up and i’m conflicted by his message. by him saying let’s go out seperate ways but then leaving an avenue for me to contact him if i want to. could this mean he may want to continue to contact me ?

Zan11 It’s happened again
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, just over a year ago my best friend who I have been intimate with ended things. I was shocked and came here for support. You all gave me great advice! But eventually we ended up together again….until today! He said he’s not sure why he’s... View more

Hi everyone, just over a year ago my best friend who I have been intimate with ended things. I was shocked and came here for support. You all gave me great advice! But eventually we ended up together again….until today! He said he’s not sure why he’s getting cold feet about us. Now I’ve had an inkling for 2 weeks something was off already. So this time I saw it coming.But still, I’m feeling sad and lonely, and even more so, I’m feeling disappointed for going back.The hamster keeps spinning the wheel in my mind. How do I stop looking at my phone for his messages? How do I stop feeling lonely and unloved? How do I stop missing him/us?

Lobz Therapeutic Sereration
  • replies: 1

Hello people hope you guys can help, my partner and I have hit a bump in the road in our relationship, while we still love each other we are growing apart. She ( f36) suffers from depression and PTSD, me (m46) suffers from anxiety and OCD, her therap... View more

Hello people hope you guys can help, my partner and I have hit a bump in the road in our relationship, while we still love each other we are growing apart. She ( f36) suffers from depression and PTSD, me (m46) suffers from anxiety and OCD, her therapist has suggested a therapeutic separation for a period of time, while we will still live in the same house hold as we have three kids and jobs to attend we will go about our lives more like room mates, there is more to this but it will be a long post, has any one ever tried doing it ?

Harlow88 How long to wait for a commitment?
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone,I'm looking for some advice please. I have been seeing a really good guy for nearly two years. We’re in our mid 30’s. He is a widower. We’ve had lots of discussions about this due to my feelings of not being able to measure up. We are not... View more

Hi everyone,I'm looking for some advice please. I have been seeing a really good guy for nearly two years. We’re in our mid 30’s. He is a widower. We’ve had lots of discussions about this due to my feelings of not being able to measure up. We are not officially “together” however we are not with other people. He really is a good guy, and my exes have all treated me terribly. He is not like that. I have always been very understanding and patient knowing we’d be taking things slow. I’m starting to wonder how long is long enough to wait to take the next steps?Do I wait longer? Or let him go?Im also starting to notice things that I didn’t before, such as sexual incompatibility and a TINY bit of selfishness. These issues are very small, but I don’t know if I’m self sabotaging. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, the more blunt and honest the better. Thank you if you’ve read all this!