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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Strawbs101 My husband is an alcoholic
  • replies: 16

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I'm feeling really lost at the moment. I’ve been with my husband since we were 18, I’m now 43. We have 3 kids. he has been a functioning alcoholic for many of those years. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t drink. w... View more

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I'm feeling really lost at the moment. I’ve been with my husband since we were 18, I’m now 43. We have 3 kids. he has been a functioning alcoholic for many of those years. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t drink. we’ve argued about it for years, nothing changes. last October, on one particular night after months of him becoming more angry & verbally abusive in front of the kids, I told him to leave after a few days we talked & decided we needed to give it everything we’ve got before we end things. So he came back home agreed to go to couplescounselling. I didn’t ask him to quit drinking outright, I think part of me was scared of the answer & the other part wanted to believe him when he said he could cut right back. The counsellor suggested setting up a agreement as to how much he drank. the agreement was no beer before 3.30pm & max 6 per day. I let him choose the amount. I thought it was still a lot he assured me it was much less than before. I think he was having between 12-18 per day & more on weekends cause he’d start at like 11am. He was good for about a week then went over maybe 2 or 3. I felt so let down when he was having more. He thought I was being ‘over the top & controlling’. Over time it gradually got back to where it was. Then we’d fight, then he’d cut back again then the same cycle over & over…. The week days aren’t too bad, mainly because he is working more so getting home later but weekends are a right off. He’s drunk Fri night then starts early Saturday & Sunday. He makes sure he does some mowing or something to justify cracking a beer so early. When I ask him to cut back he thinks I’m trying to control him. He thinks if he’s not yelling & carrying on there’s no problem with him being drunk. He admits he is an alcoholic but doesn’t think he needs to do anything about it. I think I’ve been living on hope for so long because when he’s sober he’s great & I do love that version of him but this other guy that comes out when he drinks is a complete a**hole. I worry about the effect on my kids. I feel like I’ve been riding this roller coaster for the past few years & I’m over it. I want peace. i think deep down I know he won’t stop. No matter how much I ask, he won’t. so I guess the question is do I walk away or stay….. thanks for listening. I would love to hear your thoughts if you’ve been in a similar situation

Longlost The love of my life has left me
  • replies: 8

Hi, I'm new here and not sure what to expect but I guess nothing can be worse than how I am feeling now. just over 6 weeks ago my partner of 3 and a half years broke up with me. We were waiting to move into the apartment he had bought and it was so s... View more

Hi, I'm new here and not sure what to expect but I guess nothing can be worse than how I am feeling now. just over 6 weeks ago my partner of 3 and a half years broke up with me. We were waiting to move into the apartment he had bought and it was so sudden... He said he isn't happy and he needs to be on his own to sort himself out. He works FIFO and had really started shutting me out. I moved into my own place and am living alone at the moment, I have tried not contacting him, removed him from all social media and deleted his number but we have spoken a few times since it happens, last night being the first time I had seen him in 6 weeks and the last time. He wanted to explain some things to me to help me understand, he still loves me and this was so incredibly hard for him to do but he feels lost, unhappy and wants to be alone while he works his life out. he wants me to be happy and to find someone who can give me everything I need. He said he will always be there if I ever need him and he loves and cares about me so much. He said it would be selfish to say in a year or two who know what would happen because he doesn't want me to hang onto him and to move on and be happy. ive booked an appointment to see a counsellor on Friday but there hasn't been one week since it happened I haven't cried. I've never loved anyone like him and the relationship was never bad so I'm finding it so hard and I don't know what to do.. i was keeping active but the last week I've fallen in a heap.

Cbear Husband chatting to other women
  • replies: 1

Back in 2023 I found my husband on dating sites chatting to other women) I found this through a friend notifying me) plus hacked into his email accounts and Facebook account to investigate further - I found an intimate conversations between my husban... View more

Back in 2023 I found my husband on dating sites chatting to other women) I found this through a friend notifying me) plus hacked into his email accounts and Facebook account to investigate further - I found an intimate conversations between my husband & other girl.. I messaged the said girl confronted my husband with all the information and evidence I have.. things blew up I asked him to leave to give me space to process all this .. husband refused to leave - and tried to commit suicide- I stopped this .. called the Paramedics and police- husband had a mental breakdown spent 4 weeks in the hospital .. furthermore - it came to light .. husband has a sex addiction He was medicated to stop his suicidal thoughts and other obsessions husband loves me and wants us to be forever - our whole marriage & relationship) last 7 years I’ve worked to support my husband while he sorted his mental health issues and for family circumstances) Moving forward 2 yearsthe last few months I have been feeling really down and burned out from my life and work I haven’t been able to take time off from work either since all the above happened in 2023 I’ve had no time to process this heartbeat I just forgave my husband and moved along with life together why am I now not coping with all that’s happened to add to this I’ve emotionally supported financially supported and I’m a mother and step mother to his 3 kids I have my own son whom is an adult) hence I lost my relationship with my brother as he gave me the ultimatum to choose between himself and my husband ) my brother disgusted I chose to forgive my husband - plus my husbands mental health stirs up a lot of part family stuff with our upbringing with our parents - so I’ve lost my brother and nieces and nephews and I’m sitting here just processing all this still which I never dealt with this back in 2023 I just pushed it all aside thinking life would still be great and happy .. I feel like my husbands infidelity has changed me .. I went down a dark place .. kept my feelings to myself ..I have family and friends that I can’t chat to in fear of them being to overprotective and telling my husband what they truly think of him I don’t want this) I don’t want any drama or troubleyet now I’m more alone then ever) with my own thoughts that are really bringing me down ..I often question my husband whom is saying he will never go back down that road of hurting me- I’ve had access to all his social media’s since the infidelity Bach in 2023 My husband gets snappy at me now also- the last few months maybe more to do with the fact that I’ve changed towards him to I don’t know what to do I’m committed to my husband his the love of my life but I can’t help but feel something else will happen in the future where my husband goes back to chatting to other women I feel like I’m hit the same person anymore She is lost somewhere I have no idea how to get through this and how to get myself back again further more I’m a support worker in aged care) so my whole life is caring for others Im truly burnt out!! life is changing now to with my husband now working and providing I’m fearful and unsure about what the future holds I know we need marriage counselling and myself my own therapy I know all this I would like to hear other peoples struggles in marriages have you been through similar ? How did you recover and or what worked for you or not please no judgement

blues23 Toxic family dynamic
  • replies: 8

I really don’t know where to start , my father wants me to bring my child to see my mother ( this happens 3x4 a year birthdays, Xmas ect ) my mother has a long history of being abusive and just down right nasty to myself & my siblings a lot happened ... View more

I really don’t know where to start , my father wants me to bring my child to see my mother ( this happens 3x4 a year birthdays, Xmas ect ) my mother has a long history of being abusive and just down right nasty to myself & my siblings a lot happened when I was growing up a lot of it sad , abusive , due to my mothers behaviours . i have told my father I don’t want to go and visit my mother anymore with my child due to the very real reality of history repeating itself, I’ve had to make up lies so that we don’t have to visit I have to go out of my way to not feel guilty for not visiting and making my fathers Xmas miserable I’m trying to to protect my child from my mother as I don’t want history repeating itself and it will I know my mother . It’s almost like I’m leaving an abusive relationship all over again as my father won’t accept no for an answer and bully’s me into going to see my mother with my child so he can have a peaceful Xmas and whatever . How do I escape this situation? I’ve tried the truth , I’ve tried making up excuses, I want a relationship with my father but I’m starting to feel very trapped by his inability to accept my choices and it’s really making me feel guilty.its almost like I have to run away again when I’m a 40 year old woman .

Mdawg Missing my family when they live down the road
  • replies: 1

Hello! So I moved out of home a year and a half ago, I live 20 minutes down the road from my family, but I work away a fair bit and work most weekends, whereas they all (mum, dad, brother) work full-time, so I see them as much as I can but we've all ... View more

Hello! So I moved out of home a year and a half ago, I live 20 minutes down the road from my family, but I work away a fair bit and work most weekends, whereas they all (mum, dad, brother) work full-time, so I see them as much as I can but we've all got busy lives. I'm struggling dealing with the fact that I'm not as involved in their lives as I used to be. I had that period after moving out where you're questioning your decision, but that was ages ago and I thought I got over it. I don't want to move back in with them, but I don't know what to do to find that middle ground. It hurts when I speak to my mum and she's telling me about what her, and dad and my brother have done, or which pub they went to dinner to the night before, especially when I was free and could have gone with them but just didn't know. So often I'm working when they're doing things so I want to join them whenever I can but I think they assume I have other things on. It doesn't help that my brother started seeing his girlfriend (disclaimer his gf is amazing and I love her to bits) after I moved out so she tags along with them for things and I guess in a way it "replaces" me. I know they're not doing it on purpose but I feel like I'm being left out of my own family. How do I tell my mum this? I love my family and I miss them so much sometimes and they literally live down the road. I don't know what to do to fix it. I don't know how to bring it up with them.

Ginger_roll Meeting someone 2 weeks ago then they say they do not want to pursue a relationship with me anymore
  • replies: 1

Hello, everyone. I met someone a couple of weeks ago and we really hit it off. Conversations were easy and flowed very nicely. We were talking non stop for an hour about travels to Asia, our degrees, future travel plans and how views regarding travel... View more

Hello, everyone. I met someone a couple of weeks ago and we really hit it off. Conversations were easy and flowed very nicely. We were talking non stop for an hour about travels to Asia, our degrees, future travel plans and how views regarding travelling. We were even talking about how we were both not mainstream and had a common interest in crochet. I felt like I really vibed with him and that we could be compatible. We were even talking about the aspects of travelling that aren't safe and how different countries were different. Then, the night we met was when we got affectionate as in holding hands in the stairway standing really close to each other. Then we shared our first kiss, held hands as we walked down the stairs to the first level to cuddle and be more affectionate. Then, we spent time with our friends upstairs back on the rooftop. Then we spoke about going on a first date and to go bouldering for it. He was telling me that he was a bit awkward with affection because it was all new to him. Fast forward, we went on our first date, and I felt like we really hit it off again. Conversations were easy, we were both initiating conversations about our interests, got really affectionate and bouldering together. We were talking about the foods we liked and had that in common. We were getting to know each other that day and he was initating light touches on my nose and I was initiating kisses, cuddles and other forms of affection. Whenever we sat down or walked together he was initiating hand holding and cuddling with me. I was always asking him if I was ever making him feel uncomfortable because it's his first ever date and stuff and he mentioned being a bit awkward with affection. He said he'd let me know if he felt uncomfortable. And then I mentioned how he felt uncomfortable about texting frequently after meeting and he said don't worry we will find the right balance. Then we got dinner and it was enjoyable again. I felt comfortable and safe with him and then we cuddled and kissed at a reserve. We both agreed to go on a 2nd date and he initiated the idea to go ice skating. Then, a couple of days later he said that he didn't want to pursue a relationship with me anymore and it had nothing to do with me but it was just how he felt. It was so sudden. I asked if we could chat, even tried calling him, for clarity and he ghosted me. What do you guys think? Was he into me but realised he didn't want to have a serious relationship with me in general? Is this very sudden?

AuntieMumma Knowing right from wrong
  • replies: 1

Hi all, first time kinship parent here. (25yrs) We received our 5 year old in December last year and let's just say it's been very rocky, being a first time carer and parent. We know everything about his past and his diagnosis with ADHD and Global De... View more

Hi all, first time kinship parent here. (25yrs) We received our 5 year old in December last year and let's just say it's been very rocky, being a first time carer and parent. We know everything about his past and his diagnosis with ADHD and Global Developmental Delay but we are still trying to navigate how to teach him right from wrong (mainly at school). We have a good behaviour chant we do before school everyday (a simple yes or no game) where I ask him questions to see if he understands good behaviour and he does, as soon as he gets to school and doesn't get his way with his teacher the good behaviour goes out the window (throws chairs, hurts others and uses negative language). He was suspended for one day last week and I can't help but feel like I need to do more with him, he is very well behaved at home with me and my husband but when he is around others he acts up. I don't know how I can support his teachers and his education when I'm not there to see what he does for myself.

Buttons444 MIL Troubles
  • replies: 1

Hey guys, I really need some advice from an external source about my mother in law. For context my husband and I have been together for 12 years, are married and have kids. My relationship with my MIL has been a roller coaster to say the least the th... View more

Hey guys, I really need some advice from an external source about my mother in law. For context my husband and I have been together for 12 years, are married and have kids. My relationship with my MIL has been a roller coaster to say the least the theme is always crossing boundaries, manipulating the situation and will often cry and manipulate my husband into letting her cross those boundaries. I feel at a loss because quite often it comes as a cost to my mental health, meaning - she has openly complained about me to other family members previously including my SIL, and grandparents who were also incredibly rude to me for the first few years. My SIL and I are quite close so that is how I am privy to this information. Often makes rude and passive comments to me when my husband isn’t there, manipulated her way into my birthing suite when I specifically asked for privacy, complained about my family to her family for no reason, has made rude comments about my parenting, tells everyone she is always helping out with the kids (my hubby works away alot) however it’s never consistent and always comes with strings attached. My husband bless him, I can tell just doesn’t know how to handle the situation. I can tell he is caught between being my husband (and for context he is the best husband) and also being a good son - for further context she has had issues in the past such as a messy divorce with my FIL, history of alcoholism, very much has her own baggage. My conundrum lies because I have had to make a decision to cut off a close family member due to them causing me anxiety and really draining me. I feel torn between cutting ties completely with my MIL as I do recognise this is the grandmother to my children, and also my husband mother - and I do have respect for that. I know if I asked my husband he would also cut her off for me, which makes me feel guilty and like I should just suck it up. however we go through periods of her being fine and we interact well and something happens and she crosses another boundary. It’s a cycle of this over the last 12 years. Recently about 8 months ago we had a series of incidents where she was manipulating the situation and crossing boundaries. I should note I have never brought this up with her as she is not a reasonable person at the best of times. She is a classic narcissist and will cry victim always. Since the incident we have moved interstate and I have not answered any of her calls. I think she knows I am upset with her but I don’t believe whilst she is aware, she has the capacity to have an adult conversation with. I am stuck between answering her calls to let her know about what her grand kids are up too (I have sent pictures through texts sporadically) and feeling that I should not be the one to be the bigger person anymore. I feel I am at the end of my tether and I just have nothing left in the tank to give. My husband is not much help as he just says he will cut her off but I don’t feel this should be the first/only action. He himself has his own history of issues with her previously but I think he feels because my SIL has cut her off and his brother doesn’t have much to do with her if he cuts her off she will have almost no contact with 3/3 kids. I have always felt anxiety when I see her calling but lately it has gotten worse because I know she will eventually snap and send me or my husband a nasty text like she has previously (I would think perhaps this time it might be granted given I haven’t answered any calls since March) however I just don’t know what to do. I would really appreciate an outsider perceptive on this, some advice or anything to know how to move forward this.

missbeckz My psychologist told me to leave my partner
  • replies: 9

I am seeing a new psychologist for my anxiety. After two sessions she came to the conclusion that I have a controlling mother in law and my partner does not put me as a priority in his life (she hasn't met him or had him participate in any sessions).... View more

I am seeing a new psychologist for my anxiety. After two sessions she came to the conclusion that I have a controlling mother in law and my partner does not put me as a priority in his life (she hasn't met him or had him participate in any sessions). Her conclusions were partly spot on especially about the mother in law, and she was correct in saying this is where some of anxiety stems from. I was happy we figured out where some of anxiety stems from...now to work on strategies. We didn't work on any strategies. She told me I have two options...stay in the relationship, suck it up and watch my mental health decline further....or end the relationship to save my mental health. as you can imagine I was in shock. I never thought to end my relationship. I'm happy and I love him. I argued with her and justified that I love my partner and want to fix things. But hearing my mental health will improve if I let go was too good to hear. I was confused and didn't know what to do. I love my partner but I need help with my mental wellbeing. I also have the mentality that when someone is "broken", you don't throw it away, you fix it. I just didn't understand that someone advised me to end my relationship. Seemed a bit over the top, especially when we hadn't try any other strategy first. when I left the session I was hysterical. I stayed at my parents that night. They said my psychologist was putting things in my mind and days before seeing her I was perfectly fine mentally. I had a huge meltdown where I hit myself, ripped my hair out and threatened to hurt myself. I haven't had a meltdown like this in 5 years. i guess my question is....can psychologists tell someone to end their relationship? Only after two sessions, without hearing more about my life and relationship and without hearing my partners side of the story. She did have some truth behind it but she didn't seem to respect my wish to work on it rather than giving up after 6 years together. my partner and I spoke about everything. Things are good but what my psychologist said is still playing on repeat in my mind. any advice would be greatly appreciated.