Relationship and family issues

Controlling partner now has a serious neurological disorder.

replies: 12

I have mentioned about my controlling partner who is wonderful to everyone and to me about half the time.He has just been diagnosed with a neurological disorder .He was angry as I was away when he got the news and then hung up on me as I offered some... View more

I have mentioned about my controlling partner who is wonderful to everyone and to me about half the time.He has just been diagnosed with a neurological disorder .He was angry as I was away when he got the news and then hung up on me as I offered some practical advice. I wonder how people cope with a controlling partner who is unwell and will get worse.I want to care for him but am not sure my mental health can stand the stress of his anger and criticism. I would like to start a discussion on this topic.

Loss

replies: 1

I’m 42, for my whole life I’ve had a dysfunctional family. My mum wasn’t always there for me but I’ve always loved her. My whole life I’ve had brothers and sisters that have been toxic towards me. So I ended up disappearing in the back ground. I did ... View more

I’m 42, for my whole life I’ve had a dysfunctional family. My mum wasn’t always there for me but I’ve always loved her. My whole life I’ve had brothers and sisters that have been toxic towards me. So I ended up disappearing in the back ground. I did my own thing. Had my own family. Got a bachelor degree. A good job. No one said congratulations to me. I’ve had numerous issues with relationships where I always pick the wrong guy and I’ve now been single for 4 years. About 3 years ago my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. I tried to be there as much as I could. My mother was very close to the younger two siblings who are in their 30s. She had a lot more time with them as they have been unemployed their whole life. Where I was out working and keeping busy so I couldn’t be there all the time. Anyway, her cancer has spread to her brain and she has a few weeks-2 months to live. I was there every day. Helping shower her and look after her. My little brother wanted her home so he pulled her out of hospital and she’s on palliative care. Once she was home I didn’t think it was appropriate for her especially because he was going to be her main carer. He was not fit to do it. Because I voiced my concerns he threatened me, put me down, argued with me and so I walked out of their and never got to say goodbye to my mum. She can’t communicate via phone anymore due to her condition. But the two siblings have taken over control of her and I can’t see her. They won’t leave the room when I’m there and they hover around her. Anything I talk to my mum about they use it against me. They even use my job as a health professional against me. I assume out of jealousy. Now I haven’t seen my mum for 2 weeks. I can’t say goodbye because the two siblings won’t leave so I can spend time with her. I feel lately so traumatised by it all. I can feel my depression coming back. I also have PTSD so it’s bringing everything to the surface. I thought about going back on antidepressants but I hate the way I feel on them with the side effects. It’s the side effects that are the hardest and I can’t work or function for the first few weeks.

I don't want to deal with the aftermath of change

replies: 1

My family dynamic is barely held together and is one small conflict from falling apart all the time. I can't stand dealing with the inane arguments and stupid points of conflict so I do what I can to ease the points of contention. This isn't the righ... View more

My family dynamic is barely held together and is one small conflict from falling apart all the time. I can't stand dealing with the inane arguments and stupid points of conflict so I do what I can to ease the points of contention. This isn't the right way to approach things and it's just sweeping the problems under the rug. These people aren't going to change and the root isn't going to be addressed. Communication is really difficult. No one likes talking to one another and they can't without one of them getting mad. I have to be the one to ask questions for someone or answer a question for them. Now its my job to be the mouthpiece for my mum and she assumes I know what everyone else is thinking. Even if I do everything myself, organize and cook my own food, I still need to come up with a menu for my siblings because my mum cant communicate with my siblings without being yelled at for being annoying. She struggles to come up with ideas for dinner because she doesn't know what they want to eat. and shes very picky and complains if we eat the same thing twice in a row and doesnt want us eating leftover food. The easy solution is to stop letting myself be the one to organize everything grow a spine, get everyone to contribute and maybe cook their own food instead of making it our Mum's job. If they don't come up with ideas for what to eat then no dinner for them. If I try this my Mum will panic and freak out and that defeats the point. I'm so terrified of being caught in the crossfire between arguments with my parents and siblings. Arguing with anyone and trying to make change is like talking to a brick wall. I hate getting angry because it makes me feel so pathetic losing control but its infuriating dealing with them. talking and trying to get others to change doesnt work. I cant sleep because im thinking how long i have to deal with this for. I want to help but its meaningless. I need to move out but I cant find a job. I cant get out of my head and make meaningful changes to my life and focus on what i can control. I love my family but they just make me mad all the time but i cant say anything because im just a crazy man getting mad at nothing. the result of my bad choices and spinelessness standing up for myself does nothing. no one else sees it as a problm. im really unintelligent if I cant handle doing this bare minimum let alone hold onto a job or study or anything real people do in life

The effects of ghosting someone

replies: 2

My ex beat the shit out of me! He kicked me in the stomach on his dirty floor. It took me a year to to get over that and go on dates again. It always starts out so lovely and sweet, texting before a date, great banter and cute messages, they act like... View more

My ex beat the shit out of me! He kicked me in the stomach on his dirty floor. It took me a year to to get over that and go on dates again. It always starts out so lovely and sweet, texting before a date, great banter and cute messages, they act like there into me but it’s all an act! after they get what they want they ghost and delete, cast me aside like I meant nothing to them. It’s taking a tole on my mental health. Each time I wonder why I wasn’t good enough for them- was it my body? am I too fat? They’ve seen my body and find it hideous. I’ve been going to the gym, and eating one meal a day! I’m obsessed with surgery before and afters, wondering if I got a nose job/ liposuction that if I was prettier maybe someone would treat me better. I just want to love someone, cook for them give massages and do fun things but I can’t find a single person! I can’t believe they can justify doing do this to someone when they know I have a kind heart! How can they be so cruel! Last year this has happened to me 5 times. If it happened again I feel like I just want end it- honestly! My heart can’t take it anymore please think about people before you leave another person wondering.

I found out she was the feeling the happiest to let go of me

replies: 2

hai pretty sad update I found out she was the happiest ever to cut me an her friends off i dont understand we had such a good time to now nothing I cant help but miss her I keep crying daily thinking bout what it could of been everytime I talk to oth... View more

hai pretty sad update I found out she was the happiest ever to cut me an her friends off i dont understand we had such a good time to now nothing I cant help but miss her I keep crying daily thinking bout what it could of been everytime I talk to others im reminded of her precence.

Insensitive partner

replies: 3

Hi, I am putting this to understand am I actually wrong. After one miscarriage in past again I was 2 months pregnant. I clearly stated everyone in my family that for atleast initial 3 months I dont want to rat particular cusine. It was my husband’s s... View more

Hi, I am putting this to understand am I actually wrong. After one miscarriage in past again I was 2 months pregnant. I clearly stated everyone in my family that for atleast initial 3 months I dont want to rat particular cusine. It was my husband’s sister anniversary and they planned place where I had no choice of food. I told my husband i want to stay at home and he can join then if it is very important. My husband got angry and blamed me of not understanding sentiments of his sisters child who opted for that option. Bow my argument is that my unborn childs health should be more important to him than his family at this stage. After this he stopped asking me about my health or if I need anything. I want to know the opinions am I actually wrong????

Am I asking too much ?

replies: 2

So it’s a long story but I had a baby a few months ago and got very bad severe PPD to the point of feeling suicidal .I got severe insomnia which I still struggle with and am on pills to sleep . Baby is sleeping better but not me I have been a lot bet... View more

So it’s a long story but I had a baby a few months ago and got very bad severe PPD to the point of feeling suicidal .I got severe insomnia which I still struggle with and am on pills to sleep . Baby is sleeping better but not me I have been a lot better since having Zoloft mentally. The whole thing has been very hard for my partner he basically took all night feeds till 3am for a few months while working . Now that I am recovering he is just doing the 9pm and 12am feed I do 12am if he commutes to the office and then he sleeps till 8 or so during the week or longer on weekends . I get up with baby every day at 5-6am . I do all the housework , prep baby’s food bottles etc and I do bedtime every night bath , bottle , book he takes over for the next feed at 9pm . I am also doing all the housework , prepping the bottles , laundry etc. The thing that annoys me is he never offers to help with bedtime even on the weekends I asked him to bathe the baby and he said I’ve never done that !! I have told him it’s exhausting looking after a baby all day and he said at least you don’t have deadlines . He has also used my PPD to guilt me and say that the last few months have been really hard for him ( before I started to recover ) . He also plays video games during the day on the weekends and during the week when I am doing bedtime or looking after baby . I am starting to feel resentful but I don’t know if I am asking to much as I’m on mat leave and the previous few months he basically took over night feeds ? Am I being unreasonable wanting him to help more?

Escape or survive a loveless marriage?

replies: 55

I'm 45 and my husband is 49. We've been married 11 years, with two kids aged 8 and 6. We haven’t had sex in more than 6 years. We’ve slept in separate beds for at least 5 years. There is zero affection or physical contact. (Before we had kids, no rea... View more

I'm 45 and my husband is 49. We've been married 11 years, with two kids aged 8 and 6. We haven’t had sex in more than 6 years. We’ve slept in separate beds for at least 5 years. There is zero affection or physical contact. (Before we had kids, no real issues.) Over the years I have tried to address this many times. My husband was diagnosed with depression and low testosterone, but stopped taking his medication as he insisted it didn’t work. I’m not sure if he is still depressed - he seems content to live in this loveless and sexless marriage. I begged him to try counselling, which he did for a few sessions about 2 years ago. Then I joined for 2 sessions - before he refused to go back. He didn't tell me - he just didn’t go back, despite me asking him to go several times. In the sessions I attended, he asked me not to nag him about our relationship and give him space. I did this and nothing happened. He has never once in all these years instigated a discussion of these issues. At least on three occasions, having lost patience, I told him I wanted a divorce. He just says ok, then jumps into action, looking for somewhere to rent, etc. After me venting, he agrees to couples counselling - but never goes through with it. He just carries on as usual until the next time I get angry or upset. Apart from this, he has not lifted a finger to save our marriage. He just says we should stay together ‘for the kids’. I really don’t matter to him at all. In my darkest moments I feel he also wants to stay together because I brought a lot more into the marriage financially (he had nothing). I can barely stand to be in the same room as him now and avoid conversation. It’s hard to describe just how humiliating and lonely it’s been. He knows I’m very unhappy, but never asks me about it. Instead, he commonly treats me with disdain, rolling his eyes or dismissing anything I say. The therapist even pulled him up on this, but he doesn’t get it. If I raise I’m unhappy in any way whatsoever, he’ll turn away, raise his hand up to motion me to stop speaking and yell, ‘Get a divorce then.’ I'm being forced to accept this loveless, sexless marriage - or else. I’m heartbroken because I really wanted my kids to have a stable, ‘normal’ family life. I never wanted a divorce, but what choice do I have? How do people stay married just ‘for the kids’? I’m so very lonely and tired of keeping up appearances. I’ve kept all of this to myself all these years and it has truly become unbearable.

Lost

replies: 4

Hi I am feeling lost, I do not know where would I put this.. I feeling lost and I am feeling little depressed lately that I do not know where to go.. I have a long distance relationship with my partner who is incarcerated in the US max prison.. every... View more

Hi I am feeling lost, I do not know where would I put this.. I feeling lost and I am feeling little depressed lately that I do not know where to go.. I have a long distance relationship with my partner who is incarcerated in the US max prison.. everything was very good but I would not say smelling flowers as yeah we had good and bad days like most all relationships.. but 2 weeks he got taken out with an stretcher and he got put into hospital.. well at the start he was put on a ventilator but now I finally his heath is improving… I get the updated news from his mother and brother over the phone but my heart aches.. but i can not tell them how I feel as that’s her son and brother so of cause they feel and suffering more then me right now, so I do not want to feel a burden on them.. I got my family here; there more of old school, everything would be fine but I do not feel fine; I feel my depression coming on.. he can not contact me and I can not contact him.. so I feeling a little bit of a strain rn..

Navigating others opinions on your breakup

replies: 1

Hi guys, so about nine months ago I broke up with my boyfriend and I guess seven months ago I cut off a friendship with my best friend who was also my boyfriend to give you a time frame. Since then, in most social gatherings I have dealt with people ... View more

Hi guys, so about nine months ago I broke up with my boyfriend and I guess seven months ago I cut off a friendship with my best friend who was also my boyfriend to give you a time frame. Since then, in most social gatherings I have dealt with people bringing up my ex in a negative light. People will jump to any opportunity to criticise my actions, and my choices or boyfriends and say really cruel stuff about my ex and his personality or his looks. So friends will almost attack me for dating my ex and attack our relationship. A lot of it comes from assumptions as nobody really knew our relationship. At first, I never told anybody about our break up but as soon as I did nine months down the line I am still dealing with a lot of name-calling and negative comments about my ex in our relationship. Although, our relationship wasn’t meant to be - he was still my best friend and I loved him with everything in my heart. I am doing a lot better and I am happier but it’s still really hurts and I’m still mourning the loss of my friendship and relationship. Every few months kind of comes with a new wave of mourning, as more time passes without talking and anniversaries come up. Sometimes, on my close friends on Instagram. I will make silly posts about a photo of us together and then a year later a photo of me in the same place but without him as a way of journaling and conceptualising and moving forward. My friends criticise me for thinking about him or doing that but then bring him up and say really nasty things about him and it doesn’t feel helpful and it just hurts me and I don’t really know what to do or if they have earned the right to do that. Since, they apparently didn’t like him or our relationship this entire time and maybe this is their way of venting-but I’m not really asking for it. And I think I’ve made it clear, that I don’t like it or maybe this is them trying to save me from i’m thinking about it and maybe they just are trying to help me. I don’t really know what I can do or how I can be less hurt by it. Any advice? All I know is I feel cornered and I walk away feeling angry. It doesn’t seem helpful or supportive. Most of my friends don’t even ask if I am ok? They just bash him and then say he’s old news and to move on. I know it’s been awhile, but it still is hard sometimes. Sometimes I get really sad - none of my friends have gone through this. I feel alone. My friend does make jokes about “how lonely” i am. i felt more lonely in that relationship. but i feel alone in what im going through. but i don’t feel lonely that im single? how can i stop them from saying these things about me and him. i loved him. surely that means something?

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Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

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