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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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white knight Narcissist the label
  • replies: 25

Nowhere it seems more common than USA where people claim someone is a narcissist. Anything that evolves there, comes here quite quickly now with social media and internet influences. I read recently a question from a member of an international forum ... View more

Nowhere it seems more common than USA where people claim someone is a narcissist. Anything that evolves there, comes here quite quickly now with social media and internet influences. I read recently a question from a member of an international forum - "My narcissist boyfriend has gone silent for 2 weeks, does that mean it's over?" What followed was numerous answers all centreing on all actions a narcissist does, like using the silent treatment as a weapon, manipulation and grandiose reflections of themselves. Yet no one asked what actions the man labelled a narcissist actually did to deserve that label apart from having no contact for 2 weeks. Was the man using silence/absenteeism as a weapon or was he needing a break from a toxic relationship? Was he batheing in confidence or does he have a narcissist grandiosity demeanor? Does he manipulate or does he over suggest things due to not giving enough feedback? Google "narcissist meaning" there is 9 signs of one- Nine Signs and Symptoms of Narcissism Grandiosity. Exaggerated sense of self-importance. ... Excessive need for admiration. ... Superficial and exploitative relationships. ... Lack of empathy. ... Identity disturbance. ... Difficulty with attachment and dependency. ... Chronic feelings of emptiness and boredom. ... Vulnerability to life transitions I'd suggest most people claiming their partner is a narcissist, wont satisfy most of these symptoms. So the label is overused, inflammatory and unjust... bullying. E.g. A woman marries a guy that, later on has proved he is (in her eyes- lazy, looks in the mirror hourly, need constant praise, doesn't show empathy for her struggles and relies on her career success for financial stability. They have had 3 kids and just separated.... He exercises his rights to 50% custody which is opposite of her desire of full custody. His partner labels him a narcissist. He loosely fits some of the 9 signs, enough for her to justify it. Little did anyone realise that HIS symptoms also mirrored depression, lack of confidence from a poor upbringing, stares at the mirror because he has social barriers, feels shame and has a loud voice. Friends believe her. That example might draw a long bow but claims by many that a narcissist is one when they are not is also a long bow...even longer! The message here is evidence, if not presented to endorse the label someone uses...It's likely a gross exaggeration. Best not to fall for others claim someone is narcissistic imo. TonyWK

M-ia_123 Burnout
  • replies: 2

So I think I’m depressed and have adhd but I can’t bring myself to talk to my parents about it and that’s like probably making it worse. So a lot of the time I get really burnt out and like really can’t find motivation to do anything and I try to exp... View more

So I think I’m depressed and have adhd but I can’t bring myself to talk to my parents about it and that’s like probably making it worse. So a lot of the time I get really burnt out and like really can’t find motivation to do anything and I try to explain to my parents. “Can I just have like 10 minutes and then I’ll do it” but because I often forget about it they keep saying no and telling me I have to do it right then and there and that makes me like really worked up and overwhelmed and upset over it which then makes me grumpy and ‘moody’ and then they get mad at me for that because “can’t you just get over it?” And “there’s no use staying moody.” But I can’t just get over it. My household is one of those ones where there’d be an argument or something will blow up then everyone just moves on and like just forgets about it, and that’s something I just really can’t do. I don’t know how to talk to them about this and I mean they’re really supportive but they just don’t understand when I’m upset or when they’re pushing me to much and I think that makes it harder for me to talk.

adambr struggling to make a decision
  • replies: 2

My partner of 30 years not married but never apart, and our 2 adult sons who currently live at home have had enough, what do i do? She has always loved the grog and drinks a lot our 2 boys are 21 and 29. We have always been a very tight nit family de... View more

My partner of 30 years not married but never apart, and our 2 adult sons who currently live at home have had enough, what do i do? She has always loved the grog and drinks a lot our 2 boys are 21 and 29. We have always been a very tight nit family despite the drinking but recently my youngest has told me that he has no feelings towards his mother anymore and the oldest says he has wiped her. I am guttered but not surprised with this but it hurts me. We had s massive argument yesterday and we got her to leave the house but now I want her back. The boys have told me that I wont loose them but they don't give a rats about her. I don't know what to do. I love this women but cant see a future, need some advice. She doesn't think the alcohol is the problem, says she will try but nothing ever comes of it, but lately she says that its her life and she can live it how she wants She is 46 and I'm 52..Maybe I am addicted to her and the drama? Is she right? I just want her to get help.

TurnandWake Any advice on Being the only female in a Patriachal family
  • replies: 3

Hi, can anyone give advice on how to be respectful and compassionate to my family dynamic of Emotionally Miopic dominant males. (I am the only female - however my grandmother taught me - you are a female - be strong, know you are inteligent, but be q... View more

Hi, can anyone give advice on how to be respectful and compassionate to my family dynamic of Emotionally Miopic dominant males. (I am the only female - however my grandmother taught me - you are a female - be strong, know you are inteligent, but be quiet and submissive - what a thing to teach a kid to survive), All these family men say they love me, and I believe they are sincere. But I have come to an age and a point that I want to be respectful and show gratitude for the great memories and teachings I do have.....I need to remove myself from the institusionalised MYOPIC MALE. Many thanks A

Malakai Self care
  • replies: 1

Hello I’ve been struggling with loneliness and finding meaningful relationships because I feel as if I’m detached numb and different from others. The time I spent in the psychiatric hospital affected me tremendously. Does anyone else have similar fee... View more

Hello I’ve been struggling with loneliness and finding meaningful relationships because I feel as if I’m detached numb and different from others. The time I spent in the psychiatric hospital affected me tremendously. Does anyone else have similar feelings about self confidence love and meaningful friendships I mean I’m struggling and was hoping to connect with others. Thank you

asianaussie I ruined my sister and her friend's friendship, because of my father's decision
  • replies: 2

Last Saturday, my sister J and her friend D, who she hadn't seen in a long time (and does not have holidays often), went out for a catch-up lunch together at D's house. At the same time, I was going to travel to my boyfriend B's house for his nephew'... View more

Last Saturday, my sister J and her friend D, who she hadn't seen in a long time (and does not have holidays often), went out for a catch-up lunch together at D's house. At the same time, I was going to travel to my boyfriend B's house for his nephew's birthday party. Our mother took 1 car, and J took the other car to see D. I initially declined to go with her as I had planned to take Uber to B's house. (B had just finished work, and he lives 35 mins away from me)Father did not approve of this, and insisted to take J's car. I said no and attempted to go out by myself to take public transport. He persisted, lecturing me about 'buses being unsafe and Uber being costly', and proceeded to call J. I argued and pleaded with him not to do it, even attempting to leave, but he blocked my way, grabbed my phone and insisted I stay. Against my will, he angrily called J and insisted she cancel her lunch now, go back home and give the car for him to drive me to B's house. He called her 3 times, which J eventually gave in on the 3rd call. When J told D about the situation, D got very upset and angry, and scolded her off for wasting time together when I could have 'gone myself'. She eventually got up and criticised her for being a 'bad friend' and told her 'never to speak to her again'. When J got home eventually, she was in tears and absolutely furious. She screamed at me for ruining her lunch, that I lack independence and maturity, that she was sick of 'being my personal servant', and that she just wanted to be an adult for once. I stayed at B's house for the whole weekend, crying incessantly and sitting alone, not being able to enjoy his nephew's birthday or talk to anyone. I had apologised to J and D, explaining what had happened, that I was truly sorry and promising to work on being more independent. They have both not forgiven me, saying it's too late to change things and that I was making excuses. D has additionally unfriended and blocked me. While J and I are still talking, she has refused to assist me and go out on outings together. I only see her in the morning, when we both go to our own work. Even then our conversations have been reduced to small talk and then she leaves. Yes, responsibility and maturity is important and I have to be accountable. However my father had completely disrespected my decisions and capability to do them, and still treats me like a child. I am trying to improve myself, to be a better person. But I also feel very angry at father, and blame him for putting his mouth in when it wasn't his problem. I am torn between feeling responsible and also being a scapegoat.

Pxxx Heartbroken
  • replies: 4

My wife and l have just split after 26years.I am completely heartbroken and crushed.I can't see the way forward without her and have no support or anyone to talk to.I am so sad for my daughter who will now have to grow up in a split family.I feel lik... View more

My wife and l have just split after 26years.I am completely heartbroken and crushed.I can't see the way forward without her and have no support or anyone to talk to.I am so sad for my daughter who will now have to grow up in a split family.I feel like such a failure, l can't eat or sleep and functioning at work is difficult.

vulnerable Faith
  • replies: 3

This one is a little different. I am a divorced Dad of two who shares 50/50 custody with my ex-wife.I am a practicing Christian (Catholic) and my ex-wife is very much an atheist. I am reluctant to assert my beliefs with my girls for fear of gaslighti... View more

This one is a little different. I am a divorced Dad of two who shares 50/50 custody with my ex-wife.I am a practicing Christian (Catholic) and my ex-wife is very much an atheist. I am reluctant to assert my beliefs with my girls for fear of gaslighting and criticism from my ex either directed at me or worse at the kids. Am I overthinking or am I just a hypocrite?

Hihihi123 4 year old emotionally dysregulated after dads house
  • replies: 1

So my sons father and I are seperated, today my son (4) had a come and try soccer day, it was during his dads time with him but I went along to support him and get the information I needed if he wanted to play. Being 4 he didn't 100% understand how a... View more

So my sons father and I are seperated, today my son (4) had a come and try soccer day, it was during his dads time with him but I went along to support him and get the information I needed if he wanted to play. Being 4 he didn't 100% understand how a game like soccer worked, he got a bit frustrated when the other kids took the ball because, well he's 4, he just wanted to play with the ball. He had a bit of a meltdown, a bit of a tantrum, and honestly to me that's OK, he's not ready for soccer (he does gymnastics and is wonderful at classes). His Dad tells him to stop having a spoilt brat tantrum and that everyone is looking at him like he's a psycho. Then he tells me I'm too gentle with my parenting and that this "bad behaviour" is my fault. I didn't see his tantrum as bad behaviour, I saw it as emotional dysregulation, he was frustrated and confused and was trying to express that. My 4 year old was begging to come home with me however it's still his dads time, I got a message from his dad that he wasn't allowing our son any of the popcorn he wanted because "bad behaviour shouldn't be rewarded". My heart is breaking for my little boy, I don't coddle him and in my house no means no and tantrums don't get you anywhere but I also understand that sometimes tantrums happen because a 4 year old can't always express what they're feeling properly. I don't know what to do, I can't believe he called our child a psycho. If anyone has any advice for me on how to support my son through this I'd love to hear it, he comes home so emotionally dysregulated and now I think I understand why.

Catty98_P I don’t know what is wrong with me
  • replies: 1

Hi idk how do I begin but I’m 17, and I have been in a point in my life where nothing is working out for quite a long time now. When I turned 13 everything changed, my family and I settled into a new country and so did everything. But amidst all that... View more

Hi idk how do I begin but I’m 17, and I have been in a point in my life where nothing is working out for quite a long time now. When I turned 13 everything changed, my family and I settled into a new country and so did everything. But amidst all that I feel like I lost myself i used to be a good student, a good kid to my parents, I used to talk a lot and wanting to go out, I used to disappoint people far less and now I am everything I not used be. I feel so unmotivated now I feel so empty inside, my brain says I will get things done but I can’t i feel tired all the time no matter how much I rest. I am starting to feel disappointed in myself and I don’t what to do, feel or anything.

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