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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Levi I LOST MY WIFE DUE TO MY DEPRESSION...
  • replies: 8

I've become a new person with the medication and counselling, but leading up to this day I have hurt the one I love the most!! She feels that I didn't care about her or the things that mattered to her, but I did. But showing it was another story. My ... View more

I've become a new person with the medication and counselling, but leading up to this day I have hurt the one I love the most!! She feels that I didn't care about her or the things that mattered to her, but I did. But showing it was another story. My wife was amazing and I had done very well to marry her. The thing that hurts the most is the "its over" talk came just as I was going through the changes of the meds and feeling good. I was more mentally balanced to deal with the situation but also felt that I had more to give. We were still living under the same roof but in different rooms, we had become housemates. I don't want to blame the depression but I can NEVER remember feeling the way I do now and it feels great. We have so much in common and time spent together is mutually enjoyable. The black dog has led to the depletion of our communication so things from both parties have either been "bottled up" or "looked over". My heart has been put through a mincer and I can't even think about being with anyone else. I still love my wife. I am a very "black or white" person to her "grey", and I said if its over that I want no contact with her ever, which she doesnt understand. It may be silly to some but and to her but she is the wife that I lost! She really is amazing. I kind of knew signs of depression were there years ago but drowned it with bombay saphire and casual relationships. There is a family history with depression but I thought I was mentally tougher than the "average" person. My perceived "toughness" actually made things worse as it put me in a state of denial. I like what I am seeing in myself at the moment. I can understand why my wife wants to walk away but everything ive said to her has been genuine and not just lip service. I am a man and I have needs that havent been met for months but I have not strayed and have remained loyal. The lack of affection that I received made me feel like I would never be intimate with another woman in the short term. Writing this has beem theraputic and I hope the future will be brighter. I went into this marriage with dreams of a happy family, kids, house, dog and a vege patch. I think I would be a great father one day and lokk forward to that day. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I love to hear of similar stories and ordeals. L

Qlder Sexless marriage
  • replies: 8

My wife is 8 years older than me. We have been together 18 years, but haven't been 'fully intimate' in over a year. She won't hardly let me touch her and I feel as though she has been pushing me away in that area of our marriage for years, but I want... View more

My wife is 8 years older than me. We have been together 18 years, but haven't been 'fully intimate' in over a year. She won't hardly let me touch her and I feel as though she has been pushing me away in that area of our marriage for years, but I want her to want me too. I am. Not sure what to do. I have been thinking about leaving as I don't want to be living with just a friend. Most other areas of our. Marriage is good. Am I just being selfish? Not sure what to do. Very sad and down about it.

Redhdc1 My Fiancé hates me. (Her words )
  • replies: 5

Exactly as the title says… I need to be open and upfront. When I met my fiancé I was seeing an old friend and thinking I could make a go of it, however after meeting my current partner something inside me clicked and I fell in love with her. Like nev... View more

Exactly as the title says… I need to be open and upfront. When I met my fiancé I was seeing an old friend and thinking I could make a go of it, however after meeting my current partner something inside me clicked and I fell in love with her. Like never before. Problem was I was gutless, and it took me a couple of months to tell my old friend that it’s not going to happen. But when i did; it was to be with my current partner, My Fiancé. The woman i love dearly and would do anything for. I made the grave mistake of not being honest with her upfront. She had since found out that i was seeing someone else when we met and since then it’s been hard to earn her trust back.. I have not cheated since, nor even contemplated it. She is 100% to woman i love and want to be with. I would do anything for her. Today she saw some emails where a work colleague told me she loved me. This work colleague is a lesbian and although i agree it was unprofessional, there was never any intent to be unfaithful and only playful banter. I’m generally a very flirtatious person But due to my past behaviour it has become an issue. The other big issue was i didn’t tell her at the time and again she found out when looking at my emails. How do I earn her trust back . It’s been a couple of years and I promise i have been nothing but faithful. I love this woman Bur in her words tonight “ she hates me and I’m a [expletive]“ I Offered to walk away tonight if that’s what she wanted. It was the hardest thing i have ever said… All i want is to make her happy but Im just feeling I can’t do that.., Maybe Im not good enough, Maybe she would be better off I’m I wasn’t around anymore. I’m lost, confused, deeply in love but I feel all I do is hurt her. Would she be better off if I just left this planet. An accident perhaps…. I just want her to be gappy,

adamc Dad Told Me To Ignore A Lost Dog
  • replies: 3

I didn't know where to put this. Back in late March, a woman's dog went missing and is still missing to this day, over 4 months later. Now, back in end of March, Dad and i went for a walk and I noticed this little dog simply wandering around the loca... View more

I didn't know where to put this. Back in late March, a woman's dog went missing and is still missing to this day, over 4 months later. Now, back in end of March, Dad and i went for a walk and I noticed this little dog simply wandering around the local train station. Dad who has always had a "do nothing" attitude told me to simply ignore it as it'll find its way back home. In the past, Dad had always dismissed my concerns about our pets' health with "They're getting old". If I was by myself that day, I would've picked the dog up and taken it to the local vet. To this day, i strongly believe that the dog that went missing is that very dog I saw. How do I tell the owner that the dog she is still trying to find is the same dog I was told to ignore?

samaz I need suggestions on what to do
  • replies: 10

I started dating my now wife when we were 16 and both living in different towns. We would talk on the phone regularly and send letters and see each other every few months. I had feelings for her that were way to strong for that age but never told her... View more

I started dating my now wife when we were 16 and both living in different towns. We would talk on the phone regularly and send letters and see each other every few months. I had feelings for her that were way to strong for that age but never told her. After 12 months i enrolled in a course in the same town and moved there excited to be able to spend time with her. When i got there she told me that she had cheated on me ( at this age cheating meant kissing) and that she wanted a break. She developed the relationship with the other that she had cheated on me with while on this break with them both regularly sporting fresh love bites. After a few weeks i lost my virginity to a stranger that i had no feelings for in a one night stand. I hoped that she would find this out so she might feel what it was like to be hurt. I left town soon after this to start a full time job in my home town.i didn’t see her again for around 12 months but when i did she came up and hugged me and said she was sorry and that her and the other fella were over. I apologized for what i had done and was happy that they were over because i wanted to start again. Soon after this she started a full time job and moved into her own flat back in her town. After a few months our relationship became sexual. I was quick to tell her how i felt this time around because I didn’t want to lose her again and told her that i wanted to be with her forever. She responded that she also had feelings for me but she wasn’t sure about forever. She told me that she had lost her virginity to the other fella and that they had a strong sexual relationship. Over the next decade she trickled me information about her previous relationship while our relationship blossomed and after 3 years we became engaged and she moved to live with me. We lived together for 2 years before getting married and had our first child 2 years after marriage. It was at this time she told me that she didn't completely end things with the other fella when we got back together. I was hurt but didn’t press for details i just asked that she cut all communication with him.during the next 16 years we sailed along as any other married couple would but she always said that i shouldn’t have any social media accounts as this was something women did and men didn’t use it. I knew this was wrong but did what she asked anyway. During this time she was very protective of her phone and I didn’t have access to her emails or any passwords.fast forward to a month ago and the kids now use her phone and social media more than she does so i am suddenly able to see everything. I noticed that she had the other fella in her facebook friends. I approached her and said that i had asked her to cut all contact with him years ago. She said no because he is my friend. I thought about this for a few days and then told her that on order for me to understand this i need to know when it all ended. She told me I don’t know. I said well to keep it simple when was the last time you had sex, she said I don’t remember. I said i find that hard to believe and asked well when was the first time you had sex she again said I don’t remember. I said that i find that impossible to believe since it was when you lost your virginity. She said that their relationship is her business and not mine. I said ok but if you don’t remember when it was do you remember where it was she said in my flat. This hit me for 6 as this meant it was at the time that we got back together and if they really did have as many intimate encounters as she had said they had it must have continued for quite some time after this. I have been losing alot of sleep over this sometimes barely sleeping at all for three days, i have almost completely lost my appetite, my mind is filling in all the details that she won’t disclose and they are not good thoughts. I have asked her to tell me but she simply says that is all dead and buried but to me it is fresh information that hurts like it was yesterday. What do i do? Am i overreacting or wrong?

InfinityRed Perpetual Singlehood is Ruining My Life
  • replies: 1

My life experiences simultaneously nurtured a strong desire for romantic connection, and a lack of skills necessary to attain it alongside my peers. I'm practically 28 years old, on the spectrum, and I've never had a girlfriend despite wanting one si... View more

My life experiences simultaneously nurtured a strong desire for romantic connection, and a lack of skills necessary to attain it alongside my peers. I'm practically 28 years old, on the spectrum, and I've never had a girlfriend despite wanting one since my early teens. I've been increasingly depressed for more than a decade over this issue, and frankly, I don't find this life of loneliness worthwhile, but I also don't see it changing the way things are going. At this point, the inconvenient reality is I'm going to continue to be extremely dissatisfied with life as long as I've never had my first girlfriend. Therapy doesn't help. I spend all day ruminating about my situation anyway, and the insights I've gleaned on my own have been far more illuminating than anything a therapist has ever said to me. I'm dealing with fast food and weed addictions to distract myself from the life of loneliness I don't want. I feel like most people have a really hard time understanding what my experience of the world with this is truly like. I'm not motivated to exist in a world where my connection needs don't matter but I've got to bear witness to the rest of the world being able to date. There seems to be nowhere for me to turn. I'm just so depressed and lonely. All people can tell me is to deny my own needs, because they don't know how to help, and that's what suits them.

C_McCleod86 Starting the new year on a heartbreak.
  • replies: 7

I am 19 turning 20 in July and I'm starting the year off right. Miserable and heartbroken. I met this girl via a mutual acquaintance and we didn't really hit it off until t around November. We didn't really talk because she had a boyfriend at the tim... View more

I am 19 turning 20 in July and I'm starting the year off right. Miserable and heartbroken. I met this girl via a mutual acquaintance and we didn't really hit it off until t around November. We didn't really talk because she had a boyfriend at the time and I was respectful of her relationship and didn't want to come between that. Anyways she texted me at the start of December, and through December to January, We were talking a lot and I even went around to her place to watch some movies. We didn't do anything because I didn't want to pressure her into anything that she didn't want to do (except watch Star Wars, which she enjoyed ) And we even went to go see a movie in cinemas together. Anyways around New Year's she decided that she was not emotionally available for me and that she didn't want to see me anymore. This particularly hurt because of how much we had in common and I felt like I had finally found someone who didn't shame me for the nerdy crap that I like. I told her that it was fine that she didn't want to be romantic but she did want to still be friends, which for some reason I thought was a good idea. Anyways, we were talking and I suggested that we both refrain from watching a movie until we were both in the same room, preferably through our mutual acquaintance but she said that it wasn't a good idea. She then went on a tirade about how she didn't want to be rude but she had no interest in being with me at the present moment despite me being completely respectful of her wishes and desires it was at this moment. I decided that I could no longer be in contact with her because I would continue to get my hopes up about a potential future but I have been miserable ever since. My work days drag on, I have trouble sleeping and my appetite seems to be non existent. I feel like I've rushed this and left out important details so if there's any confusion and you want me to elaborate I'm more than happy to. I just wanted to know if there were any tricks to help me focus on something else. I've been working out 5 days a week I've read two books in the last month and I've started playing guitar and piano, but when I go to bed at night all I can do is think about her and how maybe I could have done anything different.

David35 How do I learn to forgive my brother's betrayal during mum's cancer treatment
  • replies: 48

Several years ago, mum got bladder cancer. She ultimately survived but the journey for the next few years was incredibly stressful. I live with mum, so I'm a carer somewhat too. During this time, my elder brother and his wife virtually stopped talkin... View more

Several years ago, mum got bladder cancer. She ultimately survived but the journey for the next few years was incredibly stressful. I live with mum, so I'm a carer somewhat too. During this time, my elder brother and his wife virtually stopped talking to us. He used to ring every week, then it was every few months. His wife stopped talking altogether. Throughout this period I suffered several mental breakdowns as a result of the ongoing stress with no support, bearing in mind my dad had died of cancer in 2016. At times, I was even mocked and made fun of for struggling to cope, such was the lack of empathy for me. I eventually got counseling with several counsellors and charities to help get me better.But the general consensus was that I had developed a panic disorder and mild PTSD as a result of the relentless stress I was under to both look after mum's physical and mental health all by myself. As such there is now a massive gulf in the relationship between my brother and mum and I. He never once bothered to ask how I was doing and his wife has never once asked how mum was going. At the height of mum's treatment he was more concerned about what financial handouts he could get from mum rather than supporting either of us. His response to all of this was that "I have my own family."So my question is, given that he is trying to make amends, and given that he won't accept any criticisms we make of him, how does anyone forgive someone for this behaviour? We no longer see his kids (maybe once a year if we're lucky), no longer get any updates, pictures, news, etc. It's like we are problems not people. The last few years have been so stressful, not just because of mum's cancer treatment, but the amount of stress they have incoporated into both our lives because we both had the expectations that he would be there for us, and he simply turned his back on us. How does someone cope with this?

Qlder Having a longterm affair
  • replies: 3

Hi I have been married over 18 years, but have been having a longterm affair with another woman for over 4 years. We have fallen in love. I still care for my wife and adult son. I am confused, I know I don't want to hurt them, but i dont want to end ... View more

Hi I have been married over 18 years, but have been having a longterm affair with another woman for over 4 years. We have fallen in love. I still care for my wife and adult son. I am confused, I know I don't want to hurt them, but i dont want to end the affair. My affair partner is going through a life threatening illness. Has anyone been through this? How did it all end?

Guest_15286629 Help
  • replies: 1

Husband is heavy drinker and l can see him getting dementia as he keeps asking the same questions in a short time frame. He does not remember the next day. He knows how upset it makes me and how it is ruining our marriage but he is determined not to ... View more

Husband is heavy drinker and l can see him getting dementia as he keeps asking the same questions in a short time frame. He does not remember the next day. He knows how upset it makes me and how it is ruining our marriage but he is determined not to give up. When he doesn’t drink he is a nice but fairly miserable bloke. He has a broken damaged soul so just doesn’t care but it is tough on me. What can l do?