I have been dating my boyfriend for five years. Throughout our
relationship, we have both experienced ups and downs with our mental
health and have always tried to support each other when things became
difficult. The difference is that for a long tim...
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I have been dating my boyfriend for five years. Throughout our
relationship, we have both experienced ups and downs with our mental
health and have always tried to support each other when things became
difficult. The difference is that for a long time now, my boyfriend has
refused to seek professional help. He has severe OCD. For over a year,
he would not hold my hand or let me cuddle him at night. He could not
kiss me without immediately washing his mouth afterward. He would not go
out on dates to eat and struggled to do even basic things on his own.
This affected me deeply. I felt lonely, unwanted, and at times
worthless, but I never told him that. I did not want to make his
struggles about me or seem selfish. I did tell him that he could not
keep living this way and encouraged him to get help. He eventually saw a
psychologist, but he hated the experience and said it was useless and
did not help him at all. Alongside this, he struggles with depression.
He views the world through a very negative lens and often cannot
function because of how heavy everything feels for him. Recently, he had
a serious health scare involving the possibility of cancer, and we are
still waiting for results. I am terrified that I might lose him. We went
on a holiday over Christmas, and once again his mental health took over.
He would not swim with me. We were at the beach in a beautiful place,
and while I swam alone, he sat under a tree on his phone. I cried in the
water because I felt so alone despite being together. He was in a bad
mood and, out of frustration, called me dumb. He has never spoken to me
like that before, and I can see that his mental health is getting worse.
It is not always bad. He does thoughtful things for me like surprising
me with jewellery or snacks. He tells me he loves me every day, and we
have been talking about buying a house together. I know he loves me. I
brought up the way he spoke to me and told him it was unacceptable. I
explained that no matter how angry he is at the world, he cannot take it
out on me and I will not tolerate being treated that way. He apologised,
and we had a deeper conversation. For the past two years, I have been
begging him to see a psychologist or at least look into men’s groups or
other support services. During that conversation, I told him how much he
was struggling being with me constantly on this holiday and asked how he
thought he would cope living with me full time. He said he did not know
and admitted that he would struggle living with me and did not think he
could do it. That felt like a bomb going off. I told him that I cannot
move out, build a life, or have children with someone who refuses to
take steps to manage their mental health. I told him I am exhausted from
begging. He then told me that he had never pictured or planned a future
with me because he believed he would have seriously harmed himself by
now. That was another bomb. I feel completely heartbroken. I have stayed
with him through everything, through the hardest moments, and now with
his health scare and his mental health spiralling, I feel like I am
about to lose him. My heart feels shattered, and I truly do not know
what else to do. I’ve been unable to sleep at night without him near me,
or I just cry. I feel like I’ve lost him. I’m so anxious about
everything to the point my body shakes, I’ve never felt like this
before. What do I do
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