Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Categories
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

Halecia My Mother is Toxic
  • replies: 10

I’m one of 4 Sisters. I am 37. I was 22 when I left home and I decided to venture out and go on my own. My other two older and one younger sister still had nothing todo with my mum. I can’t explain my mother’s abuse. I’ve always moved around and boun... View more

I’m one of 4 Sisters. I am 37. I was 22 when I left home and I decided to venture out and go on my own. My other two older and one younger sister still had nothing todo with my mum. I can’t explain my mother’s abuse. I’ve always moved around and bounced around rental homes and Schools as a kid. But when I lived with my Great Dad when I was 14 I became a Great Girl, happier. And I started to make friends. I wasn’t over weight and eating to escape anymore. But I still lacked in the skills to communicate with my dad and dress and act a certain way. Which turned my dad to verbally abuse me. My instant go to is to go. Run away. And I was 15 and my mum only lived 1 Suburb away And yes I did go back home. My dad cried and he found me at mums where he said she’ll kick me out when I turn 16. We Faught. Well low, and behold. SHE Kicked me out. I went to go live as I had no choice with my first boyfriend we broke up at 17. Due to my broken families abuse resulting in us fighting. I then met another guy who my Mother tried to befriend and toxicly ruin our relationship. I’ve never commited to any one man because I’ve been searching for comfort. When I was 21 I was kicked out by her again and 20 and 22 kicked out again. When I was 22. I met a man who was 15 years older than me. He beat me up every two weeks for the 3 and a half years. the police said it was a toxic and dysfunctional relationship. And also one with My Mother as well. it’s Abuse, we’ve all identified it as abuse. Not physical. Well not all the time. … My Mother - is 61. she drinks alcohol during the day and doesn’t change when we ask her too. I’m 38 soon. She fails and doesn’t respect Boundaries, She, cries and carries on she constantly sits there and blames people and others for her shit and her Life, her mistakes. We’ve all grown up now we’re all our own person and we have our own responsibilities. However, she hates that about us. If she gets a chance of any information she’ll toxically and psychologically Mess us Up and other people around her. When confronting her, She’ll scream at you. I decided 15 Years ago when I was with Andrew . That I wouldn’t let her affect my Life AND Hurt ME. However, Andrew went to The remand centre for breaching his IVO assaulting me the Police had done that. I met another guy online I told him I wanted to move forward with my Life but he constantly told me to go home and called me insults / names. the constant go back to and need for her home is still there. But I didn’t want to go.I don’t want to re establish a relationship my mum. with her. And she needs to learn to leave me alone and except that. my other two sisters don’t see her. But my 43 Year old sister has had her living with her 8 Years ago. To put her up. But she and My Mum don’t talk now. My sisters trying to convince me that I need Mum which I don’t. . I just want to be left alone to life My Life. Whether I’m struggling or not I still have the entitlement to live my life. im posting this , - because im torn. I’ve met another guy in the last 3 Years or just under that’s abused me. He’s used my resilience strong willed nature about me so to speak and he doesn’t understand or see that I’ve been through a lot of abuse. I was a strong resilient girl when I first met him. And now he’s brought me down. It’s frustrating and sickening. My mother is encouraging it and doesn’t understand my type2 Diabetes from lack of nutrition and My Feelings. She’s toxic beyond non supportive. But she doesn’t want to see me get better. I can’t put it into words how I feel or acknowledge it but I all I know is that im crying.

ladybird22 A mum struggling to cope with an adult homeless daughter
  • replies: 1

Hi thereWondering if anyone is going through or has had homelessness affect one of their children?My dear daughter has had health problems all her life. Unfortunately she told me she had been sexually abused as an adolescent only 4 years ago. I belie... View more

Hi thereWondering if anyone is going through or has had homelessness affect one of their children?My dear daughter has had health problems all her life. Unfortunately she told me she had been sexually abused as an adolescent only 4 years ago. I believe this was the beginning of a lifetime of personal problems and she'snow 47. As im her only parent ive done everything possible to help her break through to no avail. Finally she has contacted a help line for domestic abuse and is moving from place to place with nothing but a carry back.Im worn out emotionally and mentally after trying for over 15 years. Im trying to look after myself and keep distracted but I know I too need some help.Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated..

Pulse Just done the hardest but most honest thing I've done in my life
  • replies: 1

Don't exactly know why I'm sharing this here, I suppose because I don't really have anyone I can vent to, and I've just broken the heart of the one person I could. For context, my wife and I are mid-thirties, one toddler and another on the way. A few... View more

Don't exactly know why I'm sharing this here, I suppose because I don't really have anyone I can vent to, and I've just broken the heart of the one person I could. For context, my wife and I are mid-thirties, one toddler and another on the way. A few things piled up over the last 2 months which resulted in a breakdown of sorts for me. I've only recently started to come out of it and start thinking clearly. I realised that I've been shutting myself down for a long time, which is something that caused my wife and I to break up when we first started dating ~15 yrs ago. Last year we went through 2 miscarriages and which I think resulted in me closing myself off in order to try to be the rock that I thought my wife needed me to be. At that point I started vaping again (ex-smoker), and hid it from my wife because I didn't want her to worry. She found out and felt rightfully betrayed. To get to the point, I had a talk with her last night explaining that and that I currently feel like I've checked out of everything, including our marriage. Which obviously came out of nowhere for her, but that realisation also came out of nowhere for me, given that I've closed myself off from my emotions for so long. Trust has been broken as she thought I had been sharing everything (so did I tbh, but I've realised that I've been kind of filtering my emotions). I'm now flipping back and forth between what I want vs what I think is needed. I obviously want to try to work things through with my wife and get back to where we were but I don't know how long it's going to take to get me there (working with a psych ATM to work through this), what I'll be like on the other side or even if I won't do this again (i.e. emotionally closing off). It's so fucking painful, I can't believe I've hurt the one I love so much. I keep thinking maybe I should have just shut up, sucked it up and worked through this myself, but that's exactly what lead me here in the first place. Did I do the right thing? I don't know. All I know is that I'm going to work on myself and that I'll be there for her, our child and child on the way. I feel so guilty having this happen while she's pregnant but again, I feel like if I left it I would have just been going back to the same habits of shutting things away... She's such a great person, and said she doesn't blame me, that I'm a great husband and father and that probably makes it hurt more. Sorry for the long post, understand if people call me an arsehole etc. it's well deserved

Macka1978 Wife had an affair, didnt appreciate how i reacted, is now leaving me, I'm worried about the kids
  • replies: 5

My wife started having an affair with a co-worker in mid 2022, I discovered details of it in November 2023, but she denied it, said I was paranoid, and that there was just some guy at work who didnt understand boundaries (I discovered snap chat messa... View more

My wife started having an affair with a co-worker in mid 2022, I discovered details of it in November 2023, but she denied it, said I was paranoid, and that there was just some guy at work who didnt understand boundaries (I discovered snap chat messages from him while borrowing her phone).In February 2024 it became apparent that there was more to it and she continued to see him/contact him (daily phone calls to him as visible on our joint mobile bill), and my then 5 year old daughter telling me that my wife had taken her on playdates with he and his kids, including at his house.She continued to deny there was an affair, but blamed me for the fact that she'd made a connection with someone at work, as I hadnt helped out enough with our second child, and that she felt she had outgrown me. However, she threatened to leave me then and there and said I could have the kids and the house as she didnt care anymore. She has a temper and can often say inflammatory things and then pretend she never said it, so I let it slide, and things became relatively stable. Eventually I stopped looking at our phone logs after she promised she wouldnt see him or call him anymore. Fast forward to February 2025 and I discovered a love letter from him to her in dated from October 2023 speaking about their then 18 month relationship; it was very detailed speaking about them being lovers, soul mates and looking forward to their future together. Heartbroken and full of doubt, I checked the phone logs for the first time in a long time and saw that they were again talking.I confronted her and said that we were finished, and she said that while there had been an affair, it had ended when i discovered the phone logs the previous year, and that she was in contact with him as they were still close friends. All this time, I had chosen to believe her against my gut, as i dont want my kids living in a broken family. I realise how short-minded and gutless this approach was, but I remained hopeful that somewhere in there was the woman I married, and that she would see value in me again.Over the last20 or so months she has formed the view that I am controlling and paranoid (maybe I am, I dont know anymore), because when she goes out or is working late I'll ask her what time she expects to be home, and now she wants to leave me. I still dont want to lose her, and break up this family, but I realise its out of my hands, probably unavoidable and likely for the best. I am still extremely sad about what this will mean for our two kids (7 and 5), and the effect this will have on my ability to be a supportive, emotionally helpful and useful dad to them. My mother in law knows what happened and pleads with me not to leave her daughter over this, but I'm not the one leaving, she is. Even now, if i could see genuine remorse in her and the ability to be accountable for her actions, and to improve herself I would take her back. But it seems its just not in her.I am so sad about what the future holds for the kids (and myself), and genuinely worried about the sort of woman I'm going to be co-parenting them with. She has constantly disappointed me in so many important ways that I have lost faith in her ability to put others above her own needs, including our kids.How do I prepare myself for this? The kids are super sensitive (especially my daughter) and they can tell something is up.

Goldie I think my Son has narsasitic traits
  • replies: 1

For many years I have been struggling with our Son. He lies, he is abusive and at times has had violent outbursts. He is disrespectful to my daughter and I and my husband is his enabler as he has said he doesn't want to loose his son. Recently I was ... View more

For many years I have been struggling with our Son. He lies, he is abusive and at times has had violent outbursts. He is disrespectful to my daughter and I and my husband is his enabler as he has said he doesn't want to loose his son. Recently I was giving our son advice just trying to help and he told me to f off and get I'd and hung up on me. I called my husband and told him. His reply was he would speak to him. A short while after my husband calls me and tells me our son said I had a tone in my voice (which I deffinately didn't) and said I didn't. Then my husband said well I didn't hear the conversation which made me feel that he wasn't believing me fully as I told him what I had said to our son. In the end I said he needs to apologise to me. Our son's reply to his father was he's not apologising. My husband still has a relationship with our son but I don't.I feel hurt, betrayed and completely unsupported emotionally by my husband and am now thinking my husband does not respect me either.I feel like packing up and leaving and going to my daughter's she has had to put up with alot from her brother too. I'm so torn and feel so disrespected by my son and husband

Dinosaur Family member using drugs
  • replies: 2

My sister used to be an addict. When she was in addiction she completely turned mine and my familes world upside down. I still have so much trauma from it. 7 years sober and she is throwing it all away again. She has 2 children, one who is downsyndom... View more

My sister used to be an addict. When she was in addiction she completely turned mine and my familes world upside down. I still have so much trauma from it. 7 years sober and she is throwing it all away again. She has 2 children, one who is downsyndome. They are now 13 and still have trauma from when their mum was in addiction. I'm a complete mess. I don't know what to do. How do I save her kids.

mcc_meow Unheard
  • replies: 1

first, please excuse my english Husband and i are married for 9 years. Both Christian faith. I have just realised how much he had emotionally manipulated me. I used to be very expressive of how i feel with my past relationship. With him, i just learn... View more

first, please excuse my english Husband and i are married for 9 years. Both Christian faith. I have just realised how much he had emotionally manipulated me. I used to be very expressive of how i feel with my past relationship. With him, i just learned to keep it all to myself because whenever I would try to, he’ll just point out that either I do or say the same thing but he doesnt react the way i do. Sometimes, he’d make it about him that I hurt him for thinking or feeling that way. Over the years, i have learned to keep things to myself cause whenever id open up, same thing would happen. He’d make me think that I am wrong or he’d get angry or upset because I made him feel that way. But he never truly listen or try to understand how i feel. Sometimes, when we would have long arguments/conversation, even before i could explain or express myself, he’d already have assumed something about me or what i feel. I feel so unheard and not validated. Our friends often tell me that i need to tell him or converse with him. But how do i really do that when i dont really feel heard? And every time i would test waters and open up about how i feel, everything goes back to it. It just breaks me more. I already struggle enough with putting words to how i feel, but most if not all of my efforts are just crushed. I often wonder now how it would feel if someone just listen and understand how i feel. To be heard and validated. I dont even need solutions or advice because most of the time, i have already doubted myself and convinced that im wrong thinking or feeling something. How refreshing would that be.

cn9802 Marriage help- husband found journal
  • replies: 1

Hi,I have been married 12 years- 5 kids. My husband always accuses me of cheating (I have NEVER cheated!!). Last night one of our kids woke up, I put them back to bed and went to the toilet. As I was walking back in the room he comes out and says ‘wh... View more

Hi,I have been married 12 years- 5 kids. My husband always accuses me of cheating (I have NEVER cheated!!). Last night one of our kids woke up, I put them back to bed and went to the toilet. As I was walking back in the room he comes out and says ‘what the f are you doing?’ He said I had been sitting on my phone. I told him no I went to the toilet. He asked why isn’t the toilet filling? I told him it did already and I washed my hands. He got up to check and said no you’re lying (I’m not lying!). I got angry and he asked why are you getting angry and defensive if you’ve got nothing to hide? I said I’m angry because it’s 3am and you’re accusing me of lying about going to the toilet and being on my phone. After that he grabbed my phone and continued to go through it for 2 hours. I heard at one point he took screenshots and sent it to my himself but he deleted it so I couldn’t go back and see it. He got up and went to work without a word. I checked the iPad and saw he sent himself screenshots of my notes section from my phone. These notes were written a year prior and were from after a fight we had. There were some aweful things written in there- how I didn’t feel good enough, I wanted to kill myself, I felt used. I called him a narcissist and an asshole and some not very nice things. He doesn’t know i know he has seen these bit now I’m unsure what to do. Please help! How do I fix it?

Mcv1105 My wife of 4 years wants me to accept that she needs to have sex with her clients
  • replies: 2

I am a 68 year old male who raised 4 kids as a single Dad. After 10 years of being single I met and fell in love with a woman working in the sex industry ( teaching tantra’s) when I met her she was clear that she had 4 regular clients … two of whom s... View more

I am a 68 year old male who raised 4 kids as a single Dad. After 10 years of being single I met and fell in love with a woman working in the sex industry ( teaching tantra’s) when I met her she was clear that she had 4 regular clients … two of whom she had unprotected sex with and two protected. After seeing her for about 9 months she asked me to marry her … I accepted. I had assumed that after the marriage she would stop having sex with her tantra clients … but she continued and when I confronted her and told her that I was leaving the marriage she promised to put boundaries in place and stop having sex with clients … she would focus on teaching tantra’s without intercourse or oral sex. we live in separate houses and spend two or three days a week together ….we both work from home after 4 years she is now pressuring me to surrender and accept that she needs to have sex with clients if she is to teach tantra. She states that it gives her power and makes her feel free. .. she argues that she is helping her clients who need her! It also means she can earn more money. she was sexually abused as a child from age 7 for many years by her older brother who had serious anger issues … both her other two brothers are gay.the situation is doing my head in … I love her and thought by marrying her she could find some stability … I believe that she is using sex with male clients whom she cultivates to become “regulars” to feed her need to feel powerful and overcome the childhood trauma. She tells me she has dealt with her trauma but I don’t believe her … her brother has never been confronted by the family or the police for abusing her over many years … he has never been held to account. lately I have been feeling extremely worthless and very down to the extent of contemplating how to end my life. The marital situation is not helping and I’ve told my wife that she should just do what she needs to do without hurting me. I have been hurt enough and feel I should just cut ties with her as her behaviour and need for power through sex is not normal or healthy. I have decided that I will not surrender my boundary that she not have sex with clients. I am having serious trust issues and am not coping. i feel I’m losing my mind and don’t know what is right anymore. I can’t talk to my children or friends about it as I am ashamed of what she does and my kids and friends don’t know. I can’t continue as it is destroying my mental health … I’m having nightmares and have started drinking pretty heavily on a daily basis to numb the pain.

BrokenWindow Trying to do the right thing doesn’t guarantee anything
  • replies: 3

I’ve had depression for 15+ years which was managed by medication. I was in a 9 year relationship that I ended as he was an alcoholic and I when I was scared to go home I knew it was time to end it. It was a horrible breakup process and took me 4 yea... View more

I’ve had depression for 15+ years which was managed by medication. I was in a 9 year relationship that I ended as he was an alcoholic and I when I was scared to go home I knew it was time to end it. It was a horrible breakup process and took me 4 years to even want to try dating again. And then I met this loving, caring man on a night out, and at the time I misinterpreted his actions thinking he was falling in love with me. This lead to a 7 year relationship and I thought he was the one, but when my depression returned deeper then I’ve ever experienced. Under his and my sisters guidance I was admitted to psychiatric wards 3 times for ECT, TMS, and multiple medication combinations which I did not respond to. I’ve been told by psychiatrists that I intellectualise my therapy techniques but don’t connect emotionally to them. I could see the damage I was doing to my boyfriend and because of my own warped sense of reality I could never believe he loved me, he just needed someone to fill the ‘girlfriend’ position. I tried so hard to give him the best but I could see how much he was suffering so I thought ending the relationship would be best for both of us. It’s now been 6mths, my depression is at its lowest. He’s now been dating someone for 3months and she is beautiful, younger and making him comfortable enough to publicise their relationship in ways he never did with me. I feel so bad that I wasted so much of his time, and I’m heartbroken that this was my closest change of being loved. I don’t know what I expect to from posting this, I don’t want sympathy or compassion. People have it much worse than me. I guess I just want society to change so that we are allowed to end our life’s when and where we choose in a safe, peaceful way. I really am happy for him In his new life, and want him to have that always. But I wish I could have been the one as I miss the life we had together and the hope for the future.