ADHD?

[M-ia_123]

So I again think I have adhd or depression (probably both) and still cant seem to find a way to tell my parents.

so I’m 14 and I’ve tried to tell my dad about me thinking I have adhd but without saying that, I find it hard to talk about myself and like who I really am or who I think I am. I tried to explain that I’m not just lazy but there are times where I just can’t like I am unable to get up and do something, wether it be eat, do my jobs or homework or even do one of my hobbies and how I cannot get up and do it. He told me I shouldn’t lie about these things and that I was exaggerating and “it’s not that hard just do it.” But it really is hard for me. Like I find it really hard. And he doesn’t belive me. He and my mum call me lazy and say that I’m choosing to be lazy and choosing to push everything out to the “very last second” but I’m not trying to. It’s also been hard to get up in the mornings and go to school. I’m not allowed to skip school unless I’m physically sick and even then it’s rare. I often just lay in bed for ages after my alarms (I have 3) and then during school I sometimes (on worse days) find it really hard to do work and often just sit there which makes me teachers frustrated. One of my teachers (from two years ago) figured out that something was going on even before I had named it but I feel like it’s too late to talk to her and I’m not comfortable talking to my other teachers. Also after school I’ll just go to bed sometimes, I have a lot of things on after school but I’ve been less and less motivated. Even some of my friends are noticing but my parents don’t. I mean sometimes they do and they’ll ask but I’ll just lie and say I’m fine because when I do try and talk I’m either a liar or we end up fighting. (It’s probably my fault when we fight though.) Yeah. It’s been happening for at least two years and comes in waves and at this point I can’t tell if I’m lying to myself and just trying to get attention (even though I don’t like it.) or if It’s and actual problem. I don’t know how or even if I want to tell someone but I also don’t know how to cope alone. I think my brother also struggles (he says adhd but he’s not sure) and he also doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it so I’m not sure if my parents don’t belive me because of that I’m not sure. He definitely has a more physical condition where he like talks or just makes noises he’s super fidgety and really unaware of him where I’m the opposite so they probably think I’m the ‘normal’ one.

i probably could of broke this into a few posts but if anyone has any advice I’d really appreciate it.

[blues23]

Hi Mi-a_ 123

sorry you are not feeling heard by your parents ( I’m a mother to a child with numerous disabilities including adhd & autism… your school should be supportive of you in helping you gain tests for adhd ( these  tests for parents can cost a lot of money i believe my child’s all up including autism was over 3,000$ but schools can test for this along with other learning difficulties ( there is no shame for asking for help asking for assessments or asking your parents to take you seriously in your concerns. It’s very hard sometimes for parents to fully understand their children’s concerns  we as parents kinda like run on all cylinders we  were kinda raised that way and find it hard to understand if someone can’t do what we can ( when we’re like 44 years one opposed to you being 14 … big difference back then as a kinda old person I did everything because I had to once we were 10 or 12 or younger we were out the door by ourselves kinda just  told sort yourself  by our parents out I guess we kinda have this idea that to just do things “ it’s not that hard is how we were raised to be self sufficient) and to understand that  for you as the younger generation and as parents ( at least from my view I don’t want my child thinking that she can’t ask me for help - although that phrase does come out  of me sometimes it’s not that hard / I think a lot of that phrase is just exasperation because we as parents do a lot and had to grow up very quickly with no help and we kinda don’t understand why  its hard sometimes) it’s not always kids making stuff up that the task is too hard or school is too hard or getting out of bed is too hard ( cause sometimes it is  too hard )  , adhd is definitely not lazy it’s just the brain can’t process things quickly. I’d personally recommend you reconnect with your teacher and ask them to address your concerns with your parents. I don’t mean to be blunt but the longer you leave it the longer it takes to get help . My daughter who is nearly 13 soon has always had difficulties in school and regular things around the house her school was however slow in telling me the seriousness of her conditions and left it far too long ( also the Covid lockdown didn’t help ) and has really delayed in getting her the help she needed and has set her back very far along in her education and it’s quite a struggle for her … I recommend you readdress this with your parents and discuss the seriousness of it and the effect it’s having on you , if your comfortable address your brothers concerns with then too . It’s up to your parents to listen and understand and take what you say seriously if they don’t please see a teacher at school and please don’t be afraid to ask for help it is ok to do these things for yourself and fight for what you feel you need please do . Self advocacy is so important and means u care about yourself and your wellbeing 💕

[trying_my_best]

Hi @M-ia_123!!! 
I am a late diagnosed ADHDer (just got diagnosed in March this year at 23yrs old!) and I have also struggled with bouts of depression. I can completely understand the lack of motivation to do even the “simplest” of tasks! I too was also called lazy when I was a teenager and I too also found it really hard to talk to my parents about it. Especially as at the time I didn’t really have the understanding of ADHD that I do now to be able to identify with it. So I internalised that “laziness” and now I am in an unhealthy mindset of pushing myself to the limit “to prove I’m not lazy”. 

I was wondering if you know how to access your schools counsellor? They may be able to help you to explore these potential diagnoses whilst all helping you to talk to your parents. I know when I was in school my school counsellor was amazing! they won’t be able to diagnose you but they should hopefully be able to help you AND your parents to become more informed as to whether ADHD is the correct diagnosis to seek. 

Wishing you the best! 🫶