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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest_40912784 Should I leave my marriage of 25 years?
  • replies: 3

Been together 25 years (married 22), I’m 42. There’s a pattern of behaviour our whole marriage, where if we’re happy we’re great but if I bring up an issue, he becomes extremely defensive, sarcastic, passive aggressive. Sometimes just aggressive (sla... View more

Been together 25 years (married 22), I’m 42. There’s a pattern of behaviour our whole marriage, where if we’re happy we’re great but if I bring up an issue, he becomes extremely defensive, sarcastic, passive aggressive. Sometimes just aggressive (slamming doors and denying it, punching his fist into his hand etc).I call him out on it every time, sometimes we argue about it for days/weeks/months until it goes quiet and is all just swept under the rug and no one mentions it again and we go back to being happy. These incidents happen multiple times a year. We’ve never had a full year without at least one of these arguments but they’re usually every few months.Sometimes over just simple things like me asking him to please read my text messages.Theres been a lot of incidents over the years to me and the kids.I have felt very emotionally neglected over the years.Last year we argued for 2 months and I told him I was done and I’d found a rental, he asked me to stay and try again. He said he’d ‘try’ to change his behaviour. I always struggle with wanting to leave and then getting sucked back into our regular happy family life, the. I’m happy and it’s like I forget all the bad things that had just happened or think maybe I was overreacting or the problem.I stayed and there was so much tension over the Xmas period and in early February I told him I was done, and I was so happy with feeling strong in my decision.We’re still in the same house as we couldn’t find a rental and It’s been tense ever since. I’ve had no space to think. Lately he tells me that this time feels worse than the other time and he really truly understands now and promises nothing like that will ever happen again, I’m his world and he doesn’t want to lose me.He is a good husband, good provider, loyal.The thing is now I just feel numb and dead inside.He’s saying what I’ve always wanted and I feel like I don’t even care.I feel so closed off to him and I’m struggling to let my walls down and be vulnerable to him again in case it’s not real. To not help things he’s just started a new job which will give our family so much financial freedom and I want to be a part of it but I’ll be giving that up.Also since February, someone has indicated interest in me as a casual thing and I’m interested in exploring it. I haven’t done anything yet and won’t but the fact I’m thinking of it tells me maybe I am done?But I only see my husband in my future, I want everything he’s now offering to me, but why now when I have one foot out the door?I have so much resentment and anger towards him I’m not sure how to even get over it.I need to make a decision today as a rental has come up.

Luigi5000 Partner has checked out
  • replies: 3

Hi, I dont know how to help my partner. We are booked to get married in July and have been together for over 5 years. Lately she has completely shut down from our relationship. She spends all weekend every weekend in bed and rarely leaves the house f... View more

Hi, I dont know how to help my partner. We are booked to get married in July and have been together for over 5 years. Lately she has completely shut down from our relationship. She spends all weekend every weekend in bed and rarely leaves the house for anything other than work. I am really concerned about her as she doesnt eat, sleep or drink properly anymore. She spends most of her time on Instagram. She lets every little thing really effect her to the point it makes her shut down. Anything slightly stressful and she also completely shuts down. I cant imagine myself with anyone else and 100% want to get married to her and start a family with her, but with someone with their own anxiety issues who is seeing a psychologist it is often effecting my mental health.

Behere Overwhelmed
  • replies: 13

I have been married for 15 years and last year was forced into asking some difficult questions about my relationship. I have a teenage daughter who has a diagnosed eating disorder. This has made me examine my relationship and conclude that my wife is... View more

I have been married for 15 years and last year was forced into asking some difficult questions about my relationship. I have a teenage daughter who has a diagnosed eating disorder. This has made me examine my relationship and conclude that my wife is emotionally abusive I would use the term covert narcissist the difficulty with this is she would have to see a psychiatrist or psychologist to be diagnosed she does not believe she has any problems which is part of the disorder so as I understand it is almost impossible to get help.I can’t leave the marriage as I can’t leave my daughter, she is too ill and vulnerable.I could make a list of examples why I think this about my wife but the thing I realised recently is that I had been constantly looking for excuses for her behaviour suddenly when I stopped doing this i could see clearly the long history and patterns of abuse.I have been seeing a psychotherapist and that has been very helpful but I am still in the situation where I can’t walk away.I would be interested in anyone who has a similar lived experience and who has almost overnight realised the abuse they have been experiencing. How do you continue in the relationship with this knowledge with your eyes wide open to the damage and toxicity of the situation

Guest_68857425 Issues
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm new here and still trying to find out how to work this website. I just wanted to talk about some issues in my family. Recently, CPS came to visit my family because of some large problems, which I won't go into since I get emotional thinking a... View more

Hi, I'm new here and still trying to find out how to work this website. I just wanted to talk about some issues in my family. Recently, CPS came to visit my family because of some large problems, which I won't go into since I get emotional thinking about it. I was the one who reported my parents for those problems, and our relationship has since been strained and tense. I've gotten into a couple of fights with my dad. I feel like he doesn't try to understand my feelings or my side of the story. Today, I just had a fight with my dad because of my volleyball comp tomorrow. I have an early game, so I tried to ask my dad if my brother could drive me since he already has his P license. I also told him that my games were going to run late to 8:20 pm. But he just told me to catch the train and bus. Mind you, that would take at least two hours to get to the venue and possible three hours to get all the way back home if I caught public transport. So, I obviously told him that it was more convenient for my brother to drive me, but he just wouldn't listen. I couldn't ask any of my teammates because they hate me. So, I'm left to take public transport tomorrow all alone to and from the venue.

Bunny82 Need Advice
  • replies: 2

I'm 43, my mother is 64 who was involved in a serious car accident 23 years ago. She was seriously injured and was in rehabilitation for 3 months. Fast forward to now, over the years her mental health and capacity has been declining, she blames me fo... View more

I'm 43, my mother is 64 who was involved in a serious car accident 23 years ago. She was seriously injured and was in rehabilitation for 3 months. Fast forward to now, over the years her mental health and capacity has been declining, she blames me for everything, critiques me for everything and anything, it's never her fault. I have no privacy, as I live with her and I'm her carer. She treats me like I'm her live in maid despite me working full time. She is capable to doing little things like doing her dishes, taking out rubbish, cleaning a little but leaves dishes in the sink to the point of piling up, she won't wipe down benches if she spills something or makes a mess, if she has to clean something she throws a tantrum. She leaves rubbish around or at the front door but never takes it to the outside bin. She literally does not do anything anymore except feeds the cats, goes to bed and smokes but calls me useless and lazy or gives me excuses and gets abusive and threatening when challenged. Shes never been this bad but I've seen the change over the years and it's getting much worse. I get blamed for the house looking like a pigsty and blames me for her being too embarrassed to have people over. When I confronted her one day, I cleaned the dishes, she came down, left dishes in the sink and walked away, I asked her why do you leave dishes in the sink and not wash them when she has seen I've just cleaned them all, her reply, so what. She never asks me how my day is, never asks how I am, never is compassionate when I'm sick and always makes it about her. If I get ready to go meet up with a friend for a coffee, she starts an argument that I'm too lazy to clean the house but that I go out with my friend, to put into context, I probably meet up with friends once or twice a month for a few hours. Now I've given up trying to keep friendships and relationships because it's nothing than arguments with her. I'm now to the point I have no friends and I haven't dated in 5 years. I have no family as they are overseas and I haven't seen my father in over 30 years. If I have to go out she wants to know where I'm always going, sometimes I just want to go for a walk but she makes it difficult for me. If I'm not home at a certain hour she will call me to see where I am, if I'm out for longer, she will call me. I finish work but I don't go home for a while, I go have a coffee or something to eat and get home rather late, she gets angry because I'm not there to clean up. When I was 34, I was at a work Christmas party, she knew where I was, it was 1.30am, she called my mobile screaming at me, saying do you know what time it is. I was in a maxi cab with my boss and co workers going home, everyone in the cab could hear her on the phone yelling, I was embarrassed and humiliated. I received my certificate from university, she opened my mail called me to congratulate me, that should have been me opening it, she ruined that for me. I really need advice on what to do.

LolaGreen Resentment and shame in a sexless relationship in my 20s
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been together nearly 2 years now. I’m in my early 20s and he is in his late 20s. At the beginning of the relationship we faced challenges with him not being able to stay erect during sex which caused some self esteem issues for ... View more

My partner and I have been together nearly 2 years now. I’m in my early 20s and he is in his late 20s. At the beginning of the relationship we faced challenges with him not being able to stay erect during sex which caused some self esteem issues for me and also for him I imagine. However then we started a great sex life and would have sex multiple times a day every day. However in the last 6 months or so we have stopped having sex and basically only have sex once a month and it’s usually just in the morning and doesn’t feel very intimate but rather something to be done. I’m struggling here because to me sex is very important and honestly a big desire of mine, it’s more than just physical for me. The thing is it’s just stopped and nothing else has been used to replace the intimacy felt during sex. He assures me he is sexually attracted to me but has also said that he never has experienced this with anyone before and he is usually the type of partner to be all over his partner, obviously this made me feel like shit. I know this is not necessarily important but he also has a very high number of people he has slept with which makes me feel like there is something exceptionally wrong with me. Weve had multiple conversations about it and every time it’s the same thing. He is working lots and has visa issues as well so it is an extremely stressful time for us both however i think sex for me is a way to feel closer and overcome that stress where as for him it’s not like that which is absolutely okay except im not sure how to overcome the feelings of resentment and shame. I feel like my needs aren’t being met but i don’t know where to go from here trying to balance my needs and his needs. Honestly im struggling to also hold space to be there for him because it feels like im sacrificing something important to me and he is just fine with that and i feel gross for feeling like this but i dont know what to do.

Miilicent Emotional support
  • replies: 2

Does anyone else's husband/wife not really understand or believe depression/anxiety. I feel alone in this household. Trying to keep on top of it for myself, yet trying to educate someone who doesn't seem to want to understand. It can feel like a lone... View more

Does anyone else's husband/wife not really understand or believe depression/anxiety. I feel alone in this household. Trying to keep on top of it for myself, yet trying to educate someone who doesn't seem to want to understand. It can feel like a lonely journey.

Guest_92466542 Breakup
  • replies: 2

Me and my partner broke up about a month ago due to me hurting him ( not abuse ) and him feeling overwhelmed and couldn't continue the relationship. We ended mutually on goodish terms, I think the hardest part is that he says he still loves me and ca... View more

Me and my partner broke up about a month ago due to me hurting him ( not abuse ) and him feeling overwhelmed and couldn't continue the relationship. We ended mutually on goodish terms, I think the hardest part is that he says he still loves me and cares about me he's just not in the right headspace to be in a relationship. I ended up blocking him on Instagram and Facebook but still have his number. I apologised sincerely and said I am getting therapy to help my insecurities that hurt him in the first place. I can't get over the fact I didn't even realise how bad I was actually hurting him, I feel so guilty. I just want to believe there's another chance with us

Rossco Worried about our marriage
  • replies: 4

My wife and I have been married since September 29th 2007 (it was afl grand final day) and had been together for a year and a bit prior. I left a good job in Tasmania to be with her and her family on the Gold coast in early 2007 as she wasn't prepare... View more

My wife and I have been married since September 29th 2007 (it was afl grand final day) and had been together for a year and a bit prior. I left a good job in Tasmania to be with her and her family on the Gold coast in early 2007 as she wasn't prepared to relocate and at the time her family wouldn't have liked that either. Things were amazing then in 2009 my dad passed away and my wife was struggling with finding the right job so we decided to move back to Tasmania. My wife having no family here became very independent and soon secured full time employment. Things were still amazing we purchased our first home in 2012. Something wasn't right we had no children in our life yet. We tried unsuccessfully deciding not to do ivf. 2016 we sold our villa and moved into a house we had custom built for us. It was amazing establishing gardens and doing projects as a couple. But shortly after my wife's grand father passed away and I found my wife depressed and crying wanting her family. So we sold up moved back to Queensland after a few months we purchased a business a mobile coffee van and the plan was to work it together most days. Unfortunately we were struggling with the Queensland heat while working outdoors on the coffee van so we decided to pack up after 12 months and move back to Hobart with the business. It went really well at first then covid hit and we restructured a bit but still going strong until 2022 when cost of living was starting to become a issue for our customer base. I returned to a full time job while my wife ran the business most days. It was OK but we started finding that we were disconnecting from each other she then secured more hours in a part time job and was losing interest in the business. After some equipment issues we decided to close down the business but I feel my wife and I have become really disconnected since. Fast forward to the present time my wife became very close friends with a female workmate. When I met this lady I found she wasn't interested in knowing me and started to feel she wasn't the right company for my wife as she was separated and had some family issues. But my wife formed a bond with her like family calling her a cousin and spoke like they were family and chatted more than my wife's own family (often 2 times a day). My wife asks me can I take $50 out and give to her. I was shocked and said I don't feel comfortable with this as I knew the friend was a drinker and smoker. It was at that point my wife says I've been supporting her with gift cards I get from doing surveys (I thought that's OK if my wife wants to). My wife has a big caring heart but can be easily lead. So I said no to the $50 and later that day I get a message I love you I've taken $50 out for her I love you. I was stressed upset and called my mother in law who had met this lady on the phone and had bad vibes. We talked and i went for a big walk to calm down and collect my thoughts. I then decided to send my wife's friend a message just saying that I wasn't comfortable with the so called loan and advised her there are services out there if she needs assistance. I was told by the friend to butt out and I had no idea what she was going thru and never talk or message her again. This has lead to amosity between my wife and I as she has ended the friendship but has gone into a state of silence most days. We started talking about moving back to Queensland so my wife will have family. Some days she's supports the idea then next day not interested at all. Please help, my wife is going to Queensland for a week to be with family so hope they can help because I'm lost and worried what our next step will be We are looking into marriage counselling but I'm unsure if my wife will be open to that. Apologies for thevlong drawn out post just needed to reach out.

FindingMeAgain I need a starting point
  • replies: 3

I think I am in an abusive relationship. I have been with my wife for 10 years and we have been married for 7 years. I am beginning to realise that over the years she has been slowly isolating me. I have no old friends, the friends I have are mutual ... View more

I think I am in an abusive relationship. I have been with my wife for 10 years and we have been married for 7 years. I am beginning to realise that over the years she has been slowly isolating me. I have no old friends, the friends I have are mutual friends with her. She has a problem with anyone who I get close to. She often says it’s not that she doesn’t trust me, she doesn’t trust them. My colleagues (my only friends) are concerned for me and have made comments that I am not a door mat and that she is controlling. She tracks my location and often goes through my phone, she listens to conversations (even work ones) and asks me questions afterwards. I feel like I’m insane even feeling like this, don’t know what next or how to even fix it. I feel like I have shrunk myself as a human and lost who I truely am. There are financial issues as well - I am the primary income earner and she refuses to work yet will try and control my career progression however whenever I try to do anything for myself she guilt trips me. Our home life on the outside seems happy and it makes me feel like I’m insane for even feeling this way

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