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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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midnightowl how to break away from toxicity
  • replies: 3

has bf of 5 years, known each other for 8 years. in the last 5 years i moved overseas so we have been in long distance relationship. im 40, he is 57. he has always been workaholic. the only time we meet is when i visit him and even then, he is still ... View more

has bf of 5 years, known each other for 8 years. in the last 5 years i moved overseas so we have been in long distance relationship. im 40, he is 57. he has always been workaholic. the only time we meet is when i visit him and even then, he is still busy at work. i can see it since i stay at his place when im there and his has his shop there. his ex still visits him. i should have set boundaries, but im not always there and feel he is in good terms with his ex and they are “good friends”. i went to visit last month and she was still visiting him. he got mad when i was about to go home early and that his ex is still there, like his ex does not know about me. am i the only blind person who does not see that they ate still together? is he lying about her being ex? why do i attract this kind of man? is it a curse? my ex before him was a gambler and it was very toxic as well. how can i let go? i had a month no contact with him at one point and it was very lonely. whenever i tell him things, he always have an answer but no action because he is “busy”. i guess i need someone to hit me in the head to wake me up from this dream.

Mum3 Need Guidance 🙏🏻
  • replies: 9

Hi, so I have been with my Partner for 21 years, I love him with all my heart, but he has a drug and alcohol addiction and it’s starting to put a strain on our relationship, we have 3 teenage Children and he is an amazing Father works hard. But I don... View more

Hi, so I have been with my Partner for 21 years, I love him with all my heart, but he has a drug and alcohol addiction and it’s starting to put a strain on our relationship, we have 3 teenage Children and he is an amazing Father works hard. But I don’t want this for my life or my Children’s I’ve tried saying this to him numerous times and he says he will stop but never does and has told me that he just wants to live and enjoy his life! But it always ends with him having no money and depression and anxiety and it’s a constant trauma for me now as I am always worried something will happen to him! As I have been through this with two Brothers who have both died and he knows this! I want to be happy but I didn’t want to lose him. But this isn’t the life I want. Plus the home and everything is in his name so I have nothing not even any money as my Daughter has bad anxiety problems so she struggles to leave the house , so I can’t work. What do I do and how would I start my life over plus the heart ache of leaving him??

Alyka Why do I feel that my parents never loved me?
  • replies: 8

How do I begin...I'm an only child, so I don't have siblings to turn to, and from my observation, other people have very different family dynamics,even those deemed 'problematic' ones.My parents, well, they are not all bad, or like those extremely ab... View more

How do I begin...I'm an only child, so I don't have siblings to turn to, and from my observation, other people have very different family dynamics,even those deemed 'problematic' ones.My parents, well, they are not all bad, or like those extremely abusive ones, and they did say that they want to make amends with me and all that.The thing is, I do feel Very exhausted every single time after I interacted with them.And I, after all their attempts of making amends and patch things up, I still don't feel that they love me, or even like me.Of course they claim otherwise, and I somewhat believe that, in their head, they sincerely think they love me a lot.Apparently I feel the opposite.This is just one tiny example of wayyy to many to include:Whenever interacting with them, they rarely care about what I want, they'll always just talk or drag me into whatever they want, and that's not the worst part. The worst part is, I can't have an different opinion. That means, if they deem a movie is terrible, I can't say I like it or they'll just berate me non-stop. The same goes for songs, clothes, food, etc.I'd really really just want to be left alone in these cases, and they seem never really notice.In their minds, they are taking me to all these different experiences, and having wonderful times together.Which is, well partially true, I believe they enjoyed these, but do I enjoy them?Absolutely noooo.Do they care? also no.I still dread, hence avoiding share any of my thoughts with them, even when they made an effort asking me what I want, I would automatically go defensive and say, whatever.I know I can't show any 'weakness' to them because they'll turn it into a weapon.So unlike a lot other people complaining about negligent parents, I thought those parents were god-sent.The only happy times I had when I was young were those when they were too busy to mind me.So, although I hate lying about things (It's draining), lying to them has sort of became my second nature, and I kinda hate myself for that.Plus, it has made all attempts of patching things up, in vain.I don't think I'll ever be able to share literally any aspect of my life, big or small, with them.I knew this shouldn't be normal with parents and kids.But was my feelings correct?Did they ever loved me, are they lying when they say they love me?would you call this love?What is really going on with my parents and I?What should I do from here? Simply break ties with them?

CaseyJJ After 'no-contact' after abuse revelations
  • replies: 1

Hello and thank you for allowing me this access and support.My young adult daughter recently divulged information of SA by another family member. Family members knew of it but didn't disclose. Being guided by my daughter's requests...I have gone no-c... View more

Hello and thank you for allowing me this access and support.My young adult daughter recently divulged information of SA by another family member. Family members knew of it but didn't disclose. Being guided by my daughter's requests...I have gone no-contact...I am loyal to her and have gently asked about how to move forward.My request for insight is this.....as the collateral damage and side-taking of the perpetrator has been set by people I have loved and adored my whole life.......how do I 'move forward' without those I have loved since forever. My daughter is my priority and I am her absolute warrior and protector - I am WITH HER. But very quietly....I grieve the loss of my family members. Does it get any easier? Will they ever 'see' our side? I said no to contact but absolutely can't believe they went "ok" and then decided never to even reach out.Thank you.

Guest_24698210 Sister in Law's bipolar hurting my wife
  • replies: 1

My sister in law suffers bipolar. Although she recognises this and often takes her medication which calms her, often she stops taking the medication then starts emailing my wife. The messages are very hurtful and plentiful. She can send up to 48 mess... View more

My sister in law suffers bipolar. Although she recognises this and often takes her medication which calms her, often she stops taking the medication then starts emailing my wife. The messages are very hurtful and plentiful. She can send up to 48 messages overnight. My wife is distraught but fears any response may cause her sister to commit suicide. How do I support my wife? Should I suggest cutting the sister out of our lives altogether by blocking her phone number and email address? Fortunately she lives in another State. Is there a likelihood of her committing suicide if my wife doesn't respond or if she is cut out of our lives?

Bet My son is bisexual
  • replies: 2

Hi , I just want to let some stuff out . my 29 year old son , Who still lives at home told me 2 weeks ago that he is seeing a man and that he is bisexual. I thought I was open minded as I have gay and lesbian friends and didn’t think to much about it... View more

Hi , I just want to let some stuff out . my 29 year old son , Who still lives at home told me 2 weeks ago that he is seeing a man and that he is bisexual. I thought I was open minded as I have gay and lesbian friends and didn’t think to much about it. But this has thrown me. I am crying all the time ,I have sobbed at work and cannot tell m y colleagues what’s wrong . . There is so much back story but I cannot bring myself to write it. I sometimes feel that there is nothing left in my life and that it’s not worth going on. But I would not do anything silly as I would not want my family to feel any guilt. I am trying to act normally around my son but if does not feel genuine and this makes me so sad. I have read story’s online and I realise that I am grieving . Please tell me it will pass and everything will be ok . I have been a single mum since he was a baby. I want him to be happy and he seems to be . But I am just so sad and I know I shouldn’t be

Riggybee Mum is complicated
  • replies: 4

I find it really hard to connect with my mum. One of the things that puts a lot of strain on my relationship with her is her work. It's like she can't switch off properly, so is physically present but mentally not there at all and she doesn't have an... View more

I find it really hard to connect with my mum. One of the things that puts a lot of strain on my relationship with her is her work. It's like she can't switch off properly, so is physically present but mentally not there at all and she doesn't have any hobbies. Sometimes you'll say something and it will take several minutes to get a reply. And when she is not working she is always on her phone playing games or shopping and struggles a lot with her own mental and physical health. Because of this I often get really frustrated and feel like she doesn't care about us but it's just how she is. She can be even worse with my sister. Whenever I try to talk about it with her, she gets really defensive and angry then leaves and gives silent treatment. She also gets angry at me because apparently I use a tone with her like I'm talking to a child, which I don't with my dad. I don't know how to stop doing this but sometimes it does feel like she is the child because of how out of it she is. What should I do? Is it best to just leave it alone? Thanks,Riggybee

_justine_a Controlling mum
  • replies: 7

My mum threatens to kick me out every time i go out she calls me to tell me she is gonna kick me out im a 22 year old female i also pay rent 250-280 a Fortnight im so lost of what to do

My mum threatens to kick me out every time i go out she calls me to tell me she is gonna kick me out im a 22 year old female i also pay rent 250-280 a Fortnight im so lost of what to do

Lee93 Family breakdown
  • replies: 3

I Need help saving my marriage an getting him healthy,Y husband has been struggling since when have had children (6 an 3),But the past few years he really targets the oldest, his expectations for children are to high An he expects them to be seen an ... View more

I Need help saving my marriage an getting him healthy,Y husband has been struggling since when have had children (6 an 3),But the past few years he really targets the oldest, his expectations for children are to high An he expects them to be seen an not herd , he's not wrong in his parenting but he gets very over the top aggressive over the smallest things they do, eg 3 year old wee'd on toilet seat an he didn't want to clean it ,instead of husband showing him a way he can do that with out getting his hands dirty he stood there screaming at him , this has happend time an time again ,were the kids an I are say sorry for him been upset because he gets angry or upset , It took a drastic turn last month we're I askd him to leave, he was been very stand over an we all needed a brake, Iv askd him to go get mental help as he has trouble with controlling his emotions an expects everyone to change with his emotions, How do I support him in getting help an get him to understand 3 an 6 are still so young an his expectations are every high , I love my husband but I can't have him home if we constantly get mental abuse cause he can't controll his emotions ,How do I show him I did the best thing for our bbys, I didn't do it to hurt him but to protect them , my eldest already suffers from anxiety an shuts down when dads yelling he's allready showing signs of not wanting to be around him not wanting to be loved by him , He's blaming me for kicking him out , I understand y he's hurt I completely get that , an I hate that he's hurt but he's lashing out at me now everything I do or say , seems to create a bigger problem, I'm almost thinkn shutting up an letting it blow over is my best option atm , How do I save my marriage but protect my bbys at the same time , I'm not going to let him bully the kids cause he's mentally not ok

NBer Want to separate from a family member with BPD
  • replies: 2

I have a sibling with untreated, but diagnosed severe BPD. Following the most resent episode, I have come to the painful realisation that for my own mental and physical health, I need to permanently separate from this person and focus my attention on... View more

I have a sibling with untreated, but diagnosed severe BPD. Following the most resent episode, I have come to the painful realisation that for my own mental and physical health, I need to permanently separate from this person and focus my attention on supporting and protecting my nephew. I realise this seems harsh, but I do not want to share details of the horrendous and ongoing devastation this person has caused to our family and others. They also refuse to seek or engage in treatment. The issue I have is extreme guilt, not only for wanting to permanently separate, but also because I am so much happier and relaxed since making this decision. The other issue is that my mother does not understand my position as I have been the key support for this person, and this is causing friction and a deterioration in our relationship. I have looked around for support through this process but have not been able to find any. I have looked at Spectrum but other than information about carer self care, there is no information on point. I cannot afford to see a counsellor about this at the moment. I’m wondering if others have made this painful decision and what supports they were able to locate. Thank you