Relationship and family issues

Disrespect from New Husband and Step Daughter

replies: 14

Hi. I'm newly remarried in a blended family situation. My husband has 2 adult daughters in their late 20's. Things were great until his oldest daughter moved in with us. She is usually in some form of crisis. Her dad has always been there to get her ... View more

Hi. I'm newly remarried in a blended family situation. My husband has 2 adult daughters in their late 20's. Things were great until his oldest daughter moved in with us. She is usually in some form of crisis. Her dad has always been there to get her out of trouble. She became more money for bills. Husband would just give her his credit card and she would wrack up expenses. She now owes us around $12,000 which she believes she is entitled to this money. I was not consulted on giving her money, he just tells me after he's done it. At one stage he discussed her money situation with his ex-wife, and she wanted us to give more money to his daughters. So he did, but without speaking with me. When we moved in all together, my presence in the same room was her upsetting her and I had to leave when she was there. This is in my own home. She even did this in front of my husband, storming out of a room in tears because I happened to walk in at the same time. He asked me "what did you do to her?". There were regular tantrums about bizarre things and slights I was supposed to have done to her. All this time I kept asking my husband to work with me to talk with her and find out what was going on. He didn't want to be involved - saying it was strictly a conflict between the two of us and he was only the meat in the sandwich. He asked me to make sure that she had her own space inside our home and I had to make sure I didn't upset her - as I was causing her depression. I told him she had to move out. My husband just doesn't want to listen to how I feel, but conceded he thinks she has had bipolar. We have had so many arguments about how to managed this issue. He says that none of this is disrespect, let alone abuse. I am just overdramatizing his daughter's behaviors. I think she is likely to be uBPD and they are enmeshed. They are co-dependent and enabling her behaviors by turning a blind eye. So - where to next? We have started marriage counselling, with the counsellor telling me I have no childhood trauma triggers, I have unhelpful thinking and I need to get some CBT. He said I need to "put on my big girl pants and build a bridge". That I'm an aggressive person and my poor husband just wants a life without conflict. Am I crazy to want to deal with the disrespect? Should I just forget the disrespect and move on? How? I honestly don't want to be married to him anymore. I want to heal from these feelings of disrespect which have resurfaced, by myself. TIA

Growing up cold

replies: 25

I've mentioned in my other thread that my parents weren't the warmest of people. I'm not saying they didn't care at all, but they were so, so bad at it. They modelled a lot that made the rest of the world seem alien to me. It was only toward the end ... View more

I've mentioned in my other thread that my parents weren't the warmest of people. I'm not saying they didn't care at all, but they were so, so bad at it. They modelled a lot that made the rest of the world seem alien to me. It was only toward the end of their marriage that they were fighting a lot. Other than that, I have few memories of seeing the two of them together. When they were, there was no real love there or affection. One kiss I saw, or two, between them - and that perfunctory at best. Significant signs of any kind of emotion other than the odd burst of anger between themselves or toward my siblings and I were virtually non-existent. I was talking to my sister today about our upbringing. Neither one of us could remember a single hug from our mother, or any kind of touch at all, really. Nor could I remember a hug from Dad, though my sister was less sure. He played with us on occasion, but was usually working. We saw a lot of his back, in essence. When I think on it, I don't really feel much of anything about it. It's a curiosity, but I think something that did a lot to shape the way I am. It wasn't until well into adulthood that I really understood that affection was a thing of importance to people outside of courtship. It seemed weird and alien receiving a hug from a friend. Relationships seemed like the only appropriate place for touching, since the media loves shoving all that kissy goo goo stuff at us and a lot less of the apparently normal affection between friends and family on other levels, and I had no experience with that sort of thing myself. I only had a couple of friends at school when my folks were still together; sisters, and their parents were quite affectionate... I honestly thought that was the abnormal thing, and it wasn't how things happen for most of us. It seems strange to say this, knowing I have clinical depression, but I detach from emotion very easily. Though my gut may be churning and my face wet with tears, my mind is in the middle of it saying "What the...? I didn't authorise this." I'm constantly analysing, calculating, observing, and separate from what's going on. I keep wondering if this is simply my personality or a product of my upbringing. Perhaps a mixture of the two. My siblings turned out so differently to me. I'm not really sure of the point of my ramble, here, other than to say it's not a cry for sympathy. I guess I wonder if others have been through the same, and how they turned out as adults.

Family

replies: 3

I don't really know how this website works but anyways. I've been struggling with family issues, specifically my ''mother'' and I don't know how to really deal with it anymore. I'm struggling so so much and I've been getting treated really badly by h... View more

I don't really know how this website works but anyways. I've been struggling with family issues, specifically my ''mother'' and I don't know how to really deal with it anymore. I'm struggling so so much and I've been getting treated really badly by her for many many years. If anyone has any suggestions on how to help with emotional manipulation and etc, it would help a lot!!

My daughter refuses to see me

replies: 3

My ex husband and I seperated 3.5yrs ago. We share 50/50 custody of our two daughters, aged 7.5 & 9.5yrs old.Our eldest has always had a closer bond with her Dad, and believes that the separation was my fault. I'm aware that her Dad inadvertently sup... View more

My ex husband and I seperated 3.5yrs ago. We share 50/50 custody of our two daughters, aged 7.5 & 9.5yrs old.Our eldest has always had a closer bond with her Dad, and believes that the separation was my fault. I'm aware that her Dad inadvertently supports this belief.After we seperated, my ex manipulated a close female friend to side with him, and she now frequently cares for my children during his time with them, along with her own two children, who have their own trauma and behavioural disorders. There have been times when my eldest child has been resistive to spending time with me. She has fewer rules around screen time, bed time, and her best friend lives next door at her Dad's place.Recently things have escalated, and she is currently refusing any contact with me.Her Dad and I are currently in the final stages of financial settlement, and she believes that I am forcing him to sell his house & taking all his money. She also has problems with school refusal, that he manages very poorly. I am unsure of how to regain my child's trust. I miss my baby.

Fifopartner

replies: 2

Hi to whoever is reading this I wanted to know if anyone else is struggling like I am… I moved to Brisbane in 2024 and met my now partner soon after, we have been living together and growing together since then. 8 months ago he started doing fifo (2 ... View more

Hi to whoever is reading this I wanted to know if anyone else is struggling like I am… I moved to Brisbane in 2024 and met my now partner soon after, we have been living together and growing together since then. 8 months ago he started doing fifo (2 weeks on, 1 off) I have tried my best to be supportive and I know he has goals he wants to achieve but I am struggling so much being away from each other. Him changing jobs isn’t an option, me going out there isn’t right now, I really struggle on the first few days… I really miss him and I feel sad, I feel angry, I feel upset, by the time he gets home I feel like I put walls back up, I resent him and I struggle to get the connection back the way it was, by the time he leaves again everything is good, but it’s a constant loop and I’m happy then sad and I want to know if anyone else has felt like this? I don’t have family here, hardly any friends, it’s very lonely, I’ve tried putting myself out there but it’s like dating trying to make friends in your 30s. I also do try and keep busy but I have no motivation for anything when he’s gone. I also do work full time so I have routine but I am very unhappy. Any advice would really be appreciated

Abusive relationship and psychosis

replies: 7

I’ve been in a long-distance relationship with my partner for a year and seven months. I’m from Hawaii and he lives in Australia. We met online through mutual friends and immediately connected. Our relationship started very sweet, and I traveled to S... View more

I’ve been in a long-distance relationship with my partner for a year and seven months. I’m from Hawaii and he lives in Australia. We met online through mutual friends and immediately connected. Our relationship started very sweet, and I traveled to Sydney every few months to see him. Over time, things slowly declined. He began insulting me, being cruel, and we argued constantly. I was often unhappy, but the good moments would return and pull me back in. I later learned he has struggled with psychosis since childhood and has never received consistent treatment. His family told me this has happened many times before. His last relationship ended badly, involving abuse and legal issues—things he had lied to me about or completely fabricated. I felt deep sympathy for him because of his abusive upbringing and mental illness, but none of it excused the way he treated me. On my final trip, things escalated severely. He became verbally abusive, dropped me at the airport suddenly, and acted like he was done with me. His family explained he was in active psychosis. When I went back to him the next day, he was completely different—emotionless, robotic, and frightening. He pressured me into sexual situations I didn’t want, treated me like an object, insulted me, compared me to other women, and switched rapidly between crying, laughing, and rage. I felt unsafe. When his roommate came home and saw how bad it was, help was called. My partner became violent, and I had to run to safety. That was the last time I saw him. He was hospitalized but released too early and had another severe episode shortly after. He is now back in the hospital. Our relationship appears to be over, but I’m struggling deeply. I loved him, and there were real moments where I felt cared for and valued. At the same time, I was abused and hurt. I don’t know if his behavior was entirely due to his illness or if he simply didn’t love me. I’m devastated because everything ended so suddenly, without closure or a real goodbye. I wrote him a letter to read when he’s well, but I feel stuck while it seems he has already let go. His family believes he may have schizophrenia or BPD, and substance use triggered this episode. I’m heartbroken and trying to understand whether what we had was real, why he didn’t just end the relationship if he didn’t care, and how to begin processing the loss of someone I believed was the love of my life

Relationship advice

replies: 4

Hi, I’m new to this and new to asking for help or support.I’m known for being very positive, bubbly and happy go lucky.I enjoy life and optimistic. However, I feel like my relationship with my partner is turning for the worst. He’s making me feel lik... View more

Hi, I’m new to this and new to asking for help or support.I’m known for being very positive, bubbly and happy go lucky.I enjoy life and optimistic. However, I feel like my relationship with my partner is turning for the worst. He’s making me feel like I can’t be my true self and I’ve started avoiding saying or doing certain things because of how he can react.He's very unpredictable and short tempered. He can just blow up into a rage.We have been together for 3 years ( living together for 18months) He’s not a great communicator and neither am I when it comes to confrontation which doesn’t help but I’m more scared of his reaction if I speak up about how I feel. This I know is very unhealthy & I can feel in myself how it’s affecting me mentally. We’re both in our early 40s and have been in long term past relationship before. He has nothing good to say about his ex wife, it’s all very toxic but as I’m getting to know him more & see his other side I’m doubting a lot!! Of course there’s always 2 sides to the story but the way he describes things I feel he has no insight into how he behaves so any comment or questioning on things he says can make him get extremely defensive and verbally aggressive (never been physical but it does concern me that if I pushed his buttons it might be possible) I could be overthinking this and totally wrong. I have been at the brunt of his behaviour a few times now and decided to end it 6 months ago but after things calmed down I couldn’t just walk away because I care too much. Now I’m wondering if I should have ended it. I’m noticing so many more traits in him that make me feel uneasy and upset. He can twist things I’ve said and I feel tries to play games to get a reaction from me. obviously it’s very difficult to give all the examples but I’ve started making a diary of some incidents just so I know I’m not going mad. Then I tell myself the positive things about him because he’s not all bad! Friends and family love him, he’s quiet & easy going but they’ve never witnessed this other side & im not sure they’d believe it. I haven’t told anyone about how he can behave because I don’t want them to be different towards him but I’m really feeling the pressure of staying in this relationship and just not sure how to end it or if I should.

Just existing

replies: 8

I’m almost 52 and feel like I’ve hit a dead end in life after finding out some real bad monstrosity of choices my 2 children/adults have done, which one of them use to live with me, because of this I’ve lost my only grandson!The first year of his lif... View more

I’m almost 52 and feel like I’ve hit a dead end in life after finding out some real bad monstrosity of choices my 2 children/adults have done, which one of them use to live with me, because of this I’ve lost my only grandson!The first year of his life I basically raised him as my daughter was struggling being a mother, this gave me another purpose in life to live.I come out when I wake make a coffee take my first lot of meds and smoke my Tabbaco sitting on the balcony and play games on my iPad this is my day!The last 2 months have been probably the worst emotionally in my entire life existence.without fail I wake up every morning and wonder why I’m still on this earth, I no longer have a want to be alive nor motivation to do anything.Im struggling financially, have no one to confide in, am extremely overweight and breaking down physically.I had 3 friends 1 being an alcoholic, only known for 6 years, lives in a caravan park, one lives way too far from me, I’ve known her since year10 but is quite demanding she has a kid that’s 10years younger than mine, the other I’ve known for 5 years, I can and do trust her but she’s 10years younger and has her own bad stuff that she is dealing with and her kids are younger but she always thinks she knows everything, as of recent I lost 1 due to her pathetic drunken verbal loose mouth.My only family left is my baby brother and he doesn’t know what or how to deal with this horrible situation.I have a partner and he loves me, but he’s an alcoholic!, but he goes to work every day he has to, he’s really good at his job but is over worked and extremely underpaid he has been financially supporting me of late, he too is struggling with this monstrosity my children have done too!, I appreciate all the years he’s hung onto this broken family of mine, but I feel he’s wasting his life continuing it with me he’s still young enough to go make a child of his own, sadly I wasn’t able to bare a child for him.So I struggle to wake up every day and wonder why I’m still alive?I have no motivation to do anything like cooking my partner’s meals and he really needs to put weight on.I have 2 rooms here in our rental that are empty and need to be emptied and organised so we can rent them out to help our financial status but I’m struggling with that as it was my grand baby and daughters rooms.I just get by doing the dishes and washing clothes for the sake of my partner only.Im constantly cry missing my grandson and am extremely worried about his safety of what his mother may do to him?, but I’m just a grandma and have no right to do anything. I'm dammed if I do and dame if I don’t.

Cheated on gf with her mum

replies: 4

I cheat in my gf everytime shes away I can't help it but I feel so bad

43 years of absolute attacks.

replies: 2

It seems Australia is meant to be a lucky country. But not for us who seem to be on the receiving end of evil people who see that kind gentle nature as easy prey. Yes we know evil is generally weak for they not attack evil but send kind people into t... View more

It seems Australia is meant to be a lucky country. But not for us who seem to be on the receiving end of evil people who see that kind gentle nature as easy prey. Yes we know evil is generally weak for they not attack evil but send kind people into trauma death abuse. Can I say mental health wouldn't exist if good people became empowered protected and the reassurance of safety. Primarily people generally as a majority call it the game of life to destroy others and it seems they know how to avoid the red tape. Yes we know why good kind people are targeted because they do not revenge and the perpertraitors know this. If bad people thought good people were vigilant as a majority towards chaoticism in society good would be a dominating force. Good kind people face phobias fears generally a period of depression plus other mental health conditions as bad person culture is becoming a fashion trend. Bad people are empowered in television movies media of life. It seems we make or fear standing up to bad people because 9 times out of ten they are affiliated to a group. General rule is fear of pain in all facets of the body or loss stops the ability of defence. Best advice is if your kind or good detach completely instantly from the chaos. Do not use drugs to self medicate trauma it will still be there until you work through it to become a survivor. It seems 20 times of bad things are happening than reported to legal systems and reported statistics. It seems we sympathise with attackers and fear them for our whole lives. I have many not by my bad behaviour but as seen as a easy target because I was never allowed to find myself in a very extreme drug fuelled household and environment that involved a large group of murders drug dealers rapists. This environment aling with a misconception of soiling my pants which was not true made me a target in high school by the well off popular bullies in my year level. So for six years traumatic assaults abuse slander thefts and torment. Because of constant trauma fears dysfunction I fell into weed addiction. This with default stress triggers everyday led to scizoaffective disorder and boy ohh boy was that a blow. So now insanity that cannot understand a reality based life of painful tension anxiety distortion and fear based phobias. So really. My advice is the way to find peace is leave chaos and seek peace within. Being alone with sanity peace is better than living in chaos with insanity mayhem. It seems democracy isnt something that will prevent bad people but generate more as sin is paramount in democracy.

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

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All discussions

Disrespect from New Husband and Step Daughter

replies: 14

Growing up cold

replies: 25

Family

replies: 3

My daughter refuses to see me

replies: 3

Fifopartner

replies: 2

Abusive relationship and psychosis

replies: 7

Relationship advice

replies: 4

Just existing

replies: 8

Cheated on gf with her mum

replies: 4

43 years of absolute attacks.

replies: 2

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

Disrespect from New Husband and Step Daughter replies: 14

Growing up cold replies: 25

Family replies: 3

My daughter refuses to see me replies: 3

Fifopartner replies: 2

Abusive relationship and psychosis replies: 7

Relationship advice replies: 4

Just existing replies: 8

Cheated on gf with her mum replies: 4

43 years of absolute attacks. replies: 2

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

Disrespect from New Husband and Step Daughter

replies: 14

Growing up cold

replies: 25

Family

replies: 3

My daughter refuses to see me

replies: 3

Fifopartner

replies: 2

Abusive relationship and psychosis

replies: 7

Relationship advice

replies: 4

Just existing

replies: 8

Cheated on gf with her mum

replies: 4

43 years of absolute attacks.

replies: 2