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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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sethSHANE-_ Can barley function
  • replies: 2

I can’t clean, give my kids the basic needs atm. I am struggling to get out of bed and shower each day. I’m tired and anytime I try do anything I get angry at how awful it all is and overwhelming and feel like id rather go throw the covers back over ... View more

I can’t clean, give my kids the basic needs atm. I am struggling to get out of bed and shower each day. I’m tired and anytime I try do anything I get angry at how awful it all is and overwhelming and feel like id rather go throw the covers back over my head. my family especially my partner is looking to me to go back to cleaning like I always have and taking care of them and this house. but iv had enough, I have no desire in me to do anything. I can’t think, I can barley make a appointment and keep it. im lost

Kim1988 Not sure what to do?
  • replies: 9

Hi all. I’m in a bit of a pickle and I’m not sure what to do next. This is a bit of a long story, so apologies for the rant. Will try to keep it as short as I can. My husband and I have been together for 6 years now, married for 4 years and we have a... View more

Hi all. I’m in a bit of a pickle and I’m not sure what to do next. This is a bit of a long story, so apologies for the rant. Will try to keep it as short as I can. My husband and I have been together for 6 years now, married for 4 years and we have a little 18-month-old baby boy. Just shortly after I had my son I caught onto a possible porn addiction of my husband’s. Everytime I bring it up though he of course denies it saying that it’s a guy thing to watch porn. I’m a fairly intelligent person so I’m well aware that even married men watch porn and I’m fine with it in moderation. Once a day is even fine.Since I have cottoned onto it though he goes to great lengths to hide it from me e.g. using a private browser and he blatantly lies to me about his usage of it. Nothing gets resolved when we discuss it. I just get blamed for the addiction because apparently I’m not as sophisticated as these naked models that he follows on social media. He actually said this to me in an argument that we had months ago. Maybe he can ask one of these models to wake up at 5am everyday to take our son to daycare and then be at work on time? Cause that’s what I do. I work full-time and am raising a toddler. If they can do that then they might be more sophisticated than me. His behaviour has escalated over the last 18 months. At first he created an Instagram account where the majority of the people he followed were half-naked red headed Instagram models. He deleted it once I found out about it. Now it’s escalated to actually saving photos of these models on his phone. I don’t know if someone is sending them to him, if he’s paying for these photos or not. I don’t know. It just makes me feel as though I’m not wanted. If he wants to find a woman like these models then he can go to them and I wish him all the luck in the world to find it. It’s the lying that is upsetting me the most. He must have a) very little respect for me if he can just lie to my face like that and b) think I’m completely stupid that he thinks I’d never find out. I don’t like being made to look stupid. To make matters worse we have just moved to Perth from Sydney. I have no family here and no friends here. I’m so far away from them. I’m thinking about giving him an ultimatum he can a) start to admit that he has an addiction and we can go and get professional help together or b) if he’s not willing to admit that he has an issue that needs to be dealt with then I have to think about what’s best for myself as a person and what’s best for my son. My son deserves the best version of me possible and I’d rather be happy on my own than be with someone who thinks there’s better out there. I deserve better than that and I have to much respect for myself. If he doesn’t want to get help then I will be taking my son back to Sydney with me and going back to my family. My husband is originally from France so he actually has no direct family here, so it’s up to him where he goes. He can stay in Perth, go back to France. I really could care less. I’m really hoping it doesn’t come to this though and he’s willing to work through this.

Matto74 Self destruct
  • replies: 3

Hi, 2 months ago my wife of 12 years told me she was leaving me. It was the day I signed a contract for our own house. I paid cash with my insurance money I received for a total permanent illness. She would not tell me why, saying only it was my faul... View more

Hi, 2 months ago my wife of 12 years told me she was leaving me. It was the day I signed a contract for our own house. I paid cash with my insurance money I received for a total permanent illness. She would not tell me why, saying only it was my fault and I should know already. She refused to listen to me and treated me like she hated me with passion. I didn't see it coming and begged her to tell me why and let me try and make things right. She would not even acknowledge me. I had never seen her like this with so much hate. When I asked why she never told me she was unhappy the response was she kept it all inside. It has devastated me. Everything I have done since has made it all worse. I am set on self destruct since. I want so bad for it to return to the way it was, but everything I do is intentionally making things worse. She wanted to stay until she saved more money, but I couldn't take it anymore. I told her if she was leaving me she could leave then. We have a 12Yo daughter who lives with me who also blames me for it all. Today I admitted to myself that I was not able to deal with this unless I get help. I am in a place doing things I know are wrong but still do them anyway. I am so grateful for every personal story told here. You have given me the courage to share my story and seek help.Looking back I realise I made mistakes but nothing I thought would deserved being treated this way. I feel better that I am not alone and in a safe place. Thank you

Clover9312 Anxiety over long term couple goals
  • replies: 1

Hi all. I’ve written here before and have received really lovely replies from people. I’ve been feeling awful after a tough conversation with a guy I have been seeing for the last few months. Dating has been a traumatic thing for me over the years. D... View more

Hi all. I’ve written here before and have received really lovely replies from people. I’ve been feeling awful after a tough conversation with a guy I have been seeing for the last few months. Dating has been a traumatic thing for me over the years. Dating apps didn’t help, I don’t look back on my time on them fondly, in fact I cringe. I have done a lot of selfwork over the years and finally recognised a “good egg” in a guy. We have been seeing each other every week since the first date months ago and it’s the healthiest and most green flag relationship I have had. He feels the same. I’m so excited to finally have someone so consistent and reliable. He flagged on our second date that he wasn’t 100% sure if he wanted kids. I still think we’re young (we are 28) so I didn’t worry too much because I have plenty of friends who are also unsure and he wasn’t a 100% “no”. We in the meantime have created a great relationship so far. Last night he mentioned that the chat about children again had been a long time coming. He has been mentioning his job instability for quite some time and he again mentioned that as his reason for not being 100% sure if he wanted kids. I’m not in a rush. I said within 5 or 6 years I’d want a child. He seemed emotional about this. He’s not opposed to children, it’s just the financial side he’s worried about. The conversation turned quite upsetting for both of us and he left the ball in my court if I wanted to break up with him or not. I don’t feel ready to give up the relationship. I know he didn’t get a job he applied for recently - I don’t know if this is playing on his mind. I’m so so upset. I finally found myself in a fulfilling relationship and we seem to be having a conflict over something so massive like this. It’s the fact that he’s not 100% a no that keeps me wondering if he’s still worth dating. I’m so gutted. My biggest dream is to have at least one child. My dating experiences have been so awful, this guy has been different and so much healthier than what I had before.

justgotosleep I'm making my husband sad
  • replies: 2

For those with who suffer through depression and anxiety (like me), have you ever thought that subconsciously one of the big reasons you push a spouse away is because you're flat out finding your own happiness let alone being responsible for there's?... View more

For those with who suffer through depression and anxiety (like me), have you ever thought that subconsciously one of the big reasons you push a spouse away is because you're flat out finding your own happiness let alone being responsible for there's?....and the more they push for you to 'open up' and get in your face and tell you to 'snap out of it' followed by 'you're ruining our marriage...', just makes you push them away more? I've lived through the sadness. I've been on medication for 2 1/2 years, I found motivation and happiness when I felt mentally stronger and found a job that I loved working 1 1/2 hrs away at a mine. A family member is also from that industry and I found my place. Things were better for me. My roster allowed me to be home every weekend and a weekday. But with a husband at home, working fulltime and taking care of the kids (our 10yr old son on the spectrum), he struggled and would constantly remind me of my time away. He phoned me EVERY night that I was away since late 2021. One night, he in tears, I decided I should come home. The transition hasn't been easy though. I left a job that I love and to me, every other option will be mediocre, including the job I now have which is 100% in an office and not the outdoorsy job I had at the mine. I feel lost. My mental health is slipping again. I feel like I've come back for the kids and the husband and now I have nothing for me. And I've been called selfish too...which is probably right, but when you have depression and anxiety and you find a year and a bit of joy and happiness you hold on to it with an iron fist. I sleep on the couch. I'm making my husband sad but I can't lie to him or me about how I feel. I don't want sex. I just want to raise our kids under the same roof and that's it.

Elizabeth Louise Shocking news revealed to me today
  • replies: 4

Hello, I have been separated from my husband for 7 months now. And after going through an emotional rollercoaster in my marriage since Nov 2020, today everything made sense. I found the final missing peice to the puzzle. I have been going nuts trying... View more

Hello, I have been separated from my husband for 7 months now. And after going through an emotional rollercoaster in my marriage since Nov 2020, today everything made sense. I found the final missing peice to the puzzle. I have been going nuts trying to work out what went wrong and today It suddenly all made sense. My ex husband (I'm have been still trying and hoping to save my marriage, he wanted to leave) revealed to me today after probing him for more information. He said there was some other reason for our separation and he hadn't shared with me until today. Apparently this started end 2020.He accidentally saw a messenger message pop up on my computer while I was at work and he read he name apparently It was between me and my mum. He said he kept reading and scrolling and searched his name throughout messenger and read some history. My Facebook was automatically logged into my computer at home consistently and he was reading all my messages. He says it was the "family computer" So maybe he felt like he did nothing wrong. But no one else used it but me. I used it for my photography hobby. The only time we used it together was to do our budget. But that was together. I know he had my password (he set the password) but it never occurred to me that he was reading my messages. I guess I just trusted him to not spy on me. Apparently he was hurt from the words I said about him and also what my mum said. I may have said horrible things to my mum while we were fighting in that heat of the moment and I feel horrible for it. I also feel violated like my privacy was violated. He said he was doing this over months, years! And I had no idea.When he did it the first time, shouldn't he have told me upfront? And not continue to read my messages without me knowing? Help!! I'm struggling with this so much. I feel so hurt. I don't have a therapy session booked for a few more days. He said he's the victim as he resd horrible things about himself and he knew I would be upset so didn't share this with me, but he feels like the victim. Arnt I a victim too? EL

Von is lost Dating an old friends ex
  • replies: 3

A girl who used to be a somewhat good friend broke up with her boyfriend 7 months ago now, and we used to sometimes hang out all three of us together. I lost touch with the friend before they broke up. The boyfriend and I became friends like 2-ish mo... View more

A girl who used to be a somewhat good friend broke up with her boyfriend 7 months ago now, and we used to sometimes hang out all three of us together. I lost touch with the friend before they broke up. The boyfriend and I became friends like 2-ish months ago but it’s beginning to feel more like we want to date each other. Am i a bad person for even considering it, and should i stop it in its tracks. Or is it okay to explore? I want to be honest with the girl i used to be friends with but don’t know how to go about it

kix31 Lost
  • replies: 4

I’ve been seeing a guy for 3 years now who lives overseas, where I used to live and met him originally. While it started off casual we chatted regularly for years and I went overseas to visit several times (not just for him but we always saw each oth... View more

I’ve been seeing a guy for 3 years now who lives overseas, where I used to live and met him originally. While it started off casual we chatted regularly for years and I went overseas to visit several times (not just for him but we always saw each other). We never confirmed we were dating, we both were kind of open about seeing others but he never did the whole time we were having our thing. There was a language barrier but the chats became serious over the years and he used to say he loved me or strong words of similar intent. When we saw each other there was so much connection and passion. The last time I visited, he was so excited to see me, moreso than ever. He was reaching out and making plans as soon as I landed, acting way more comfortable around me than ever. We saw each other twice and chatting afterwards like normal and then he suddenly ghosted me. I knew something was up and I spent the rest of my week in another country heartbroken and lonely knowing he was just waiting for me to leave. When I got home he continued to ignore me until I asked him to delete some pictures we shared. He’s pretty respectful in that regard so he responded and confirmed he had but his tone was so cold. I asked what I’d done wrong. He replied saying nothing but he had a crush on someone and even used an emoji like it was nothing serious. I was so upset and we sort of argued (for the first time ever) then he went back to ignoring me. I left it for a little than poured my heart out saying how hurt I was about ending things like that, I couldn’t even say goodbye it felt so terrible. He replied like his former normal self saying he was sorry and he was trying to push me away to become a better person and he never meant to hurt me. We agreed to stay friends (I’ve always been friends with my exs or people I’ve casually seen I’ve never had a terrible break where I’ve not spoken to them ever again). The problem was we had such a level of intimacy and trust that when we were together we weren’t always careful. And I tested positive for pregnancy when I returned home and in that time when he wasn’t talking to me. It was honestly the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Then I had an early miscarriage (chemical pregnancy) - confirmed by my doctor and had to endure months of bad health, many STI tests that they made me do because of the situation all alone. To make matters worse I have health issues which really shouldn’t allow me to conceive so it messed with me a little.When I told him he was caring enough. He reached out a few times to see how I was and when he saw I’d been in hospital he was really worried about me. I recently couldn’t handle it anymore and asked him what I ever meant to him. He acted like it was nothing and he didn’t really know me well enough to answer that question and it was burdensome to answer. I admit when we started we were casual and we’d been fluid but the way it ended and the things we used to say to each other…I just don’t understand. I didn’t want him back but I at least wanted him to admit he liked me at least I just wanted closure. I’ve never felt so depressed in my life after all this it’s really destroying me…..how to get closure when it’s really not there?

E_V Trapped at 61
  • replies: 2

I’m 61 and have been married 32 years. Though my husband and I live very amicably together, the marriage has been over for years and we live as house mates. We’ve both agreed it’s ok for each of us to see other people and he’s had a 28 year old girlf... View more

I’m 61 and have been married 32 years. Though my husband and I live very amicably together, the marriage has been over for years and we live as house mates. We’ve both agreed it’s ok for each of us to see other people and he’s had a 28 year old girlfriend for 2 years who comes to our house, which I’m fine with, because I have no feelings for him at all. I’ve seen other men too off and on. My husband has cheated twice and lied throughout our earlier marriage and I should have left years ago, but fear kept me where I am. I got by. It was fine. But I want more. I want love. I want to be with a partner I can trust and love again. But I no longer work and I’m financially trapped in my marriage. My husband has poorly managed our finances ( yes I foolishly let him take control because I trusted that he would always do the best for ‘us’) but I’m now realising that he’s made no investment in our retirement and all we have in assets is our marital home and MY superannuation ( which isn’t much). I desperately want a new life, but can’t see a way out of what has become a functional but very unhappy marriage (for me). We don’t have enough assets to split and maintain a nice retirement lifestyle separately. Staying together provides security, but I’m miserable. Is there someone I can talk to and get advice from? Some days I just feel so hopeless. I wish I’d left years ago, but there’s no point in regrets at this stage.

Aura46784 Husband Gender Dysphoria
  • replies: 2

Hello, My husband of 20 years has been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. This has come as a huge shock to me.He’s saying that he doesn’t want to transition but instead wants to stay with me and our kids.I have many burning questions….- can he live a h... View more

Hello, My husband of 20 years has been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. This has come as a huge shock to me.He’s saying that he doesn’t want to transition but instead wants to stay with me and our kids.I have many burning questions….- can he live a happy life with me without transitioning?- is he just saying this as the safe option?- is his transition inevitable?Would love to hear from women in similar situations or from men who have decided not to transition and how it’s been for them?Still feeling quite numb about it all…..