So, previously I've written here about how I'm not happy in my marriage.
Well, This past weekend I broke down.
I'll admit, her behavior has changed recently.
The verbal abuse has calmed down a lot. She hadn't yelled at me or anything for a few weeks. Is this because of Christmas/New Year holiday period? I don't know. Is it sustainable? i don't know.
This past weekend, she was talking about a holiday for us both for November and she wanted to go to Flight Centre to book it in. I wasn't keen to book anything because I don't know whats going to happen in the next couple of weeks/months. So she got annoyed that I didn't want to book it in. We got home and didn't talk to each other, staying in separate ends of the house. I could tell she was crying, but I couldn't comfort her. I froze, i felt a black hole in my head and in my chest. like i didn't want to be there.
Eventually she came out and saw i was upset. she started getting angry saying things like how I wasn't allowed to be upset because I'm the one who didn't want to book a holiday and I 'got what i wanted'. she kept asking me whats wrong. eventually all i could say was 'I'm struggling.. mentally' and completely broke down. Her attitude changed after this, saying shes sorry she hasn't noticed. sorry that shes made me feel this way. she then said 'I can't do life without you' and a whole lot of other stuff. She keeps asking me to make an appointment to see a doctor, but I don't want to..
I still don't know how i feel, except that now I feel the pressure that I need to stay with her, regardless of my own happiness, because if I don't, she'll end up doing something dumb.
