Feeling trapped and can't do anything about it

Guest_10071

So, previously I've written here about how I'm not happy in my marriage.
Well, This past weekend I broke down.
I'll admit, her behavior has changed recently.
The verbal abuse has calmed down a lot. She hadn't yelled at me or anything for a few weeks. Is this because of Christmas/New Year holiday period? I don't know. Is it sustainable? i don't know.

This past weekend, she was talking about a holiday for us both for November and she wanted to go to Flight Centre to book it in. I wasn't keen to book anything because I don't know whats going to happen in the next couple of weeks/months. So she got annoyed that I didn't want to book it in. We got home and didn't talk to each other, staying in separate ends of the house. I could tell she was crying, but I couldn't comfort her. I froze, i felt a black hole in my head and in my chest. like i didn't want to be there.
Eventually she came out and saw i was upset. she started getting angry saying things like how I wasn't allowed to be upset because I'm the one who didn't want to book a holiday and I 'got what i wanted'. she kept asking me whats wrong. eventually all i could say was 'I'm struggling.. mentally' and completely broke down. Her attitude changed after this, saying shes sorry she hasn't noticed. sorry that shes made me feel this way. she then said 'I can't do life without you' and a whole lot of other stuff. She keeps asking me to make an appointment to see a doctor, but I don't want to..

I still don't know how i feel, except that now I feel the pressure that I need to stay with her, regardless of my own happiness, because if I don't, she'll end up doing something dumb.

sbella02

Hey there, thank you for your courage in posting here again, we hope the forums can bring you some comfort. I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult situation. It sounds like this has been a very emotionally challenging time for you.

While it may be good for you to see a GP, therapist, or psychologist for some professional advice, there may also be some things that you can do in the meantime.

If there are any loved ones, friends, family who you would be comfortable opening up to about your feelings, this may also be good to do, as these are the people who likely have the most insight into you and your circumstances. You may not have to disclose everything about your current situation, but enough to hear their thoughts about what they think may be a good next step for you.

It would also be a good idea to have an open, calm, and non-judgemental chat to your wife about how you've both been feeling. Make sure she allows you the chance to open up, and allow her the space to do the same. You may find that you can come to some kind of resolution through this, whether this be through couples' counselling, making a conscious effort to understand each other better, or changing something about your routine. If you do not come to a satisfactory resolution, or the resolution you come to does not feel like it's working, this may warrant further reflection about whether you're content staying in your marriage.

You don't necessarily have to answer these questions here, they may just be useful to consider:

What does being in a marriage mean to you?
What are your primary needs in a relationship?
Do you feel as if they're being met in this relationship?
Are you meeting each other's needs?
What advice would you give to a friend or family member in this position?

Make sure you're taking some time to yourself as much as you can during this time. Going for walks can help you destress, taking up hobbies that you can do for a period of time each week (even if it's only about 15 minutes), listening to music, watching relaxing videos on YouTube. There are many things that you can do to help put yourself in a better headspace to face challenges.

I hope you can find something in this advice that resonates with you. Feel free to keep chatting some more with us, we're here for you.

Take care, SB