An incredibly warm welcome to you as you face feeling so deeply for your daughter.❤️
I can recall someone once saying to me something along the lines of 'A child feels the freedom to be themself in a space where they feel most comfortable, such as at home'. While this can present problems (such as with them feeling the freedom to express a rebellious nature), it can also present opportunities. It sounds like you have the opportunity to gauge how you're daughter's really feeling about a number of things.
When it comes to the sensitivity factor, myself and my 2 kids (23yo daughter and 20yo son) are like 3 sensitive peas in a pod. We all sense in similar ways. My husband/their father senses somewhat differently. He can't always feel or sense what he's saying. While that used to be triggering to varying degrees, we tend to approach this differently these days. For example, we can be sitting at the dinner table when my husband says something that leads the 3 of us to look at each other with a raised eyebrow or a knowing smile. When this happens, all 3 of us know we've sensed (in the same way) what he's said. I think that's the thing about sensitive people, they tend to share their ability or super power with each other through unspoken communication.
For a sensitive person, knowing that they've got a person or people to share their feelings with means they're not feeling alone (in more ways than one). If you're deeply feeling like your daughter, you could always say to her 'You know what...because I'm sensitive like you, I can sense some of the things you can and in some of the ways you can. Let's put it to the test. Say some things to me and I'll tell you how I feel them. Let me know if you feel them in the same way'. You could always suggest 'Dad doesn't feel or sense in the same ways we do. He doesn't always have the best approach for getting you to turn your sensitivity dial down. You and I are going to work on managing and mastering your super duper natural ability to sense or feel'. Btw, 'You're not welcome in the family if this behaviour continues' doesn't feel like a thoughtful prompt to turn the sensitivity dial down, to me it feels like a threat and a rejection. Definitely has a 'down' or depressing vibe to it, that's for sure. Not sure if he's aiming for suppression of feelings.
I'm wondering if your daughter would feel a little more confident if you led her to consider 'Try getting a feel for whether Dad needs to be more thoughtful with his words sometimes or whether he's leading you to feel joyful, happy or peaceful. There are lots of feelings for us to be getting a sense of'.
