Single dad, imploding

[Not]

I’m on my own with my two boys, youngest is slightly developmentally delayed and eldest is nonverbal severe asd. I am so angry and resentful about my divorce and how I can’t  be there as much as possible for my kids, and when I am there I feel frustrated and aren’t doing the best I can do, and am imploding. I work as a teacher and it’s affecting my work and relationships in all facets of my life. Going to psych isn’t helping, training isn’t helping, meds aren’t helping…any other suggestions as I’m at my wits end

[randomxx]

Hi there op and very sorry to hear what your dealing with , can only imagine.

Do have one suggestion though. Teaching and dealing with all those people all day everyday, would drain the hell out of you under your circumstances, how could you have anything even left for your boys.

Any chance of choosing some other line of work or area at school , whereby you could hopefully regenerate a bit at work in those ways rather than being drained from it.

Just thoughts .

rx

[Emotions26]

Hello Not,

Your name emphasises so much and yet more than likely nowhere near enough. 

Being a single parent is very difficult to manage whilst working and trying to provide for all of you in so many ways.  Your children also have some special needs which requires more of your energy.    I am not sure how long you have been in this situation either.  Your children are possibly reacting to the situation and some play one parent up against the other. .

Just talking to other parents so that you can hear chaos is normal in all family homes. You are doing double the work. 

You understand schedules.  Prioritise what is most important as in eating, sleeping, some play, laughing, cuddles, school, friends.  House stuff comes after this.

• Doctor or specialist who has diagnosed your children and asked for some helpful suggestions?
•  
• Other parents of children they are at school with who might help with having them over briefly after school or for a short time on the weekend and then you return the favour when you have more energy? 
•  
• Do your children have any friends living with single parents or both separately?   (You will be surprised at how many are.  It might help for them to talk about the fact and also give them the idea to talk to those children) Some children only want to talk to other children not their parents about divorce as they worry that they might upset their parents.)
•  
• Try to fit in cuddle time … on the floor is good…hold onto them for as long as they let you.. will help all of you. .not always easy to ask for a hug when stress is high
•  
• Tell each other how you love them just as much, even more.
•  
• Let them know that they did nothing wrong.  Divorce happens.. Unhappy marriages are not good for anyone.
•  
• Single parents are still families
•  
• Read, read, read……fun books…..books about families divorced… School library?
•  
• Draw together..  whatever.   Let them draw what they want it might help them express their feelings.  Nothing is right or wrong.
•  
• Quiet times watching a calming children programme.
•  
• Walks at beach or in parks, nature….very soothing

Sorry if I have gone on too much.

I want to let you know that you are already doing a wonderful job even if there is chaos and mess.  You are in their world.  That is what is important.  You also know how to be brave and reach out.  Keep on writing.  You are taking measures to try and help yourself also.   

I wonder if you called yourself dad rather than single dad might remind you that you are the same loving, dad as before your marriage ended.

Ems