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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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doctorwho moving on
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I have experienced some hard things in my childhood that I find hard to let go of and resolve. However, when I talk to my boyfriend about it, he says that I should try and move on from it. Is that the best response?

Hi all, I have experienced some hard things in my childhood that I find hard to let go of and resolve. However, when I talk to my boyfriend about it, he says that I should try and move on from it. Is that the best response?

Bigcorkers Dealing with a drunk as a brother in law
  • replies: 3

Hi,I need some advice on how to deal with this.My brother drinks to much and when out in public or dinner occasions he always drinks more and starts an argument with people even a fight.1st time was out on a family golf day and he drank to much beer ... View more

Hi,I need some advice on how to deal with this.My brother drinks to much and when out in public or dinner occasions he always drinks more and starts an argument with people even a fight.1st time was out on a family golf day and he drank to much beer and started a fight on the golf course and all of us was asked to leave.2nd time at his wifes birthday he drank to much and was making the waitress feel very uncomfortable and got into a argument with people and made his kids cry and all of us feel uncomfortableLast time was at my birthday he started drinking heavy and got into an argument with someone and punches being thrown by both in front of both there kids and family. I have told my wife that for a while i don`t wont to go to any event when drinking is going on with my brother in law as it is not acceptable. I need some help dealing with this as my wife and his family decide its ok and always say i need to do with it better.

Eagle Ray Changing unhealthy friendship patterns
  • replies: 5

In recent times I’ve become much better with boundaries and removed myself from a number of unhealthy situations with others. But almost like some kind of test, I’ve recently been presented with some challenging situations again. A long time unhealth... View more

In recent times I’ve become much better with boundaries and removed myself from a number of unhealthy situations with others. But almost like some kind of test, I’ve recently been presented with some challenging situations again. A long time unhealthy pattern in my life has been that particular other people view me as their analgesic (I’m there to make them feel better), their shock absorber (I’m there to vent stress on) or their punching bag (I’m there to take anger out on when they’re frustrated or upset in their life). All of these dynamics are repeating the pattern of how my mother viewed/treated me and I unconsciously fell into these roles that others projected onto me. I thought I’d gotten past this but in the last week I’ve had toxic anger directed at me from one friend who is frustrated with others in her life but chose to take it out on me, as I’m gentle and therefore she thought she could get away with that. And now a very challenging friend from the past has contacted me wanting to catch up. It was so draining and stressful dealing with her previously and damaging to my health. I bumped into her recently and because I’m still polite and kind, she now wants to re-establish a friendship. But I just know it would go badly and exhaust me. I have coped with behaviours from her such as tantrums, abusive messages and her phoning me incessantly in an extremely dysregulated state. I know I need to not re-establish contact. She swung between love and hate and has bpd and I have real empathy for her situation, but I simply don’t have it in me to endure the challenges I went through with her before. But what concerns me is that the patterns seem to still present themselves and I wonder what I may be doing that may still invite that dynamic, as much as I don’t want it. Does anyone else relate to people being clingy with them, using them as a punching bag etc? I feel like it’s the story of my life. I think I need to shift something more energetically within myself for it to stop. Basically I find people who have alienated everyone else from their life and feel desperate cling to me because my soft spot is empathy and kindness. But I’ve learned over and over they never really see me or my needs, just someone they can feed off and use to get their needs met. Just feeling vulnerable with this right now and wondering if others have similar experiences and how they’ve dealt with it?

cantdothis I am delusion
  • replies: 3

I recently started university and talking to a variety of different types of people that I wouldn't have met in highschool (aka people of the opposite sex). I've realised that I've become delusional when talking to guys, and for every couple of guys ... View more

I recently started university and talking to a variety of different types of people that I wouldn't have met in highschool (aka people of the opposite sex). I've realised that I've become delusional when talking to guys, and for every couple of guys I meet, I'll assume they like me even if they're playing friendly. This is a bit difficult to explain considering "friendly" is a very broad term, but the main issue is that I'll convince myself that they like me (when they most likely don't), and then overanalyse every single behaviour. This is even worse considering I usually don't like them and I know we wouldn't be compatible in a relationship. Even worse, if I found out they actually liked me I would probably entertain it just to feel better about myself, EVEN if we weren't compatible. Knowing myself, I just want male-validation which is fine to a point. This behaviour damages my friendships and is bad for me (and my mental health). I don't want to be one of those people who lives and breathes male-validation but I'm scared that is becoming me. If anybody has ANY advice on how to get rid of this delusional mindset, PLEASE tell me. I am in dire need of help!!

berry-waffle The one that got away
  • replies: 1

He was my absolute best friend when we were in high school. He was my person. We were inseparable. We were 16-18 year olds. He is the best person I have ever met. He fell in love with me back then, but I did not like him that way, and I did not handl... View more

He was my absolute best friend when we were in high school. He was my person. We were inseparable. We were 16-18 year olds. He is the best person I have ever met. He fell in love with me back then, but I did not like him that way, and I did not handle it well. This caused a rift, and we didn't talk the same way again for a long time. He was my everything. Nobody ever came as close as he did. Letters had always been our thing. We would write each other handwritten letters even though we met and talked every day. Fast forward 8 years. We are both 25 now. We reconnected, and turned out we still think about each other a lot. We both still have our letters from all those years ago. When we started talking again, we talked a lot. This time, I fell in love with him. I sent him a handwritten letter halfway across the world, pouring my heart out and telling him how I feel. He is not into it. I completely understand his side of it. I think a part of me saw it coming, but it still hurts. A lot. Do we ever get over the one that got away?

twolegsjoe Not sure what to do
  • replies: 4

Hi, I'm not totally sure how to articulate this so apologies in advance if this is rambly... I'm 26, have had depression/anxiety for just about as long as I can remember. Of course, it all ebs and flows, but the highs hardly justify the lows. From an... View more

Hi, I'm not totally sure how to articulate this so apologies in advance if this is rambly... I'm 26, have had depression/anxiety for just about as long as I can remember. Of course, it all ebs and flows, but the highs hardly justify the lows. From an outsider's perspective (and my family's for that matter), I appear to have it pretty good: I have a decent ICT job that pays above average, I have a loving long-term partner of 8 years, have a good head on my shoulders, and people tell me that I'm physically attractive. And yet, the older I get, the more empty I feel. I've always struggled with emotional control, which I (and my psychologist) would argue i am in better control of now. But internally, I just feel completely lost. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I don't like to leave the house, even though I make myself. I don't really enjoy anything I try to do for "fun", even though I push myself to stay engaged. I have friends who I know care about me (albeit in another state), but I struggle immensely with sincere connection. Nearly every day I wake up in dread, but try to maintain some semblance of good humour - after all, who would want some mopey person bringing everyone down all the time. I just don't really know what to do with myself. I haven't followed any of my dreams out of fear and lack of quantifiable results (when I was young I wanted to be an artist), and as far as I'm concerned, I'm nothing but a shell of a person. Going to therapy has simply never really gotten me very far (Ive seen at least 4 therapists over the last 10 years, off and on), no matter how hard I try my mind simply cannot overcome the matter. I feel unfulfilled, I feel like nothing. I'm going for an ADHD diagnosis in a couple of months at the advice of my current psych so fingers crossed this does... Something. Again, apologies for the rambling, but can anybody relate or have any advice?

Guest_14904852 Cheating Partner
  • replies: 5

I recently moved 2000km away from my family and support to live the sea life dream with my partner and my kids. I found out I am pregnant -18 weeks. yesterday on my birthday I found out he has been sleeping with escorts since we moved here. I don’t k... View more

I recently moved 2000km away from my family and support to live the sea life dream with my partner and my kids. I found out I am pregnant -18 weeks. yesterday on my birthday I found out he has been sleeping with escorts since we moved here. I don’t know what to do. I am so hurt. I am so angry. I haven’t eaten in days. I can’t even function. He has left our house and I haven’t heard from him in over 24 hours. I’ve booked a std test for next week. where do I go from here. I have no money to relocate. I’m stuck here. I go on maternity leave in a few months with no income. I don’t see any way out of this mess. I feel like I am drowning.

UrbanSoul15 She didn’t want to see me again after she didn’t orgasm
  • replies: 5

A bit of background, I have been single for 3 years now after a 3 year relationship with my ex-girlfriend that was up and down, hot and cold. She ended it in a text message. I consider her the only woman I’ve loved, although it appears despite her re... View more

A bit of background, I have been single for 3 years now after a 3 year relationship with my ex-girlfriend that was up and down, hot and cold. She ended it in a text message. I consider her the only woman I’ve loved, although it appears despite her regularly saying she ‘loved me’ etc, she was apparently using me. its been an incredibly hard road trying to come to terms with it. In the two years that followed, I dated quite a bit but didn’t find a relationship. I had some good sexual relationships but eventually lost interest and for the last year mostly kept to myself. I’ve recently moved to another major city and went to a dating event. I met a very attractive 28 year old girl who is more than 10 years younger than me. During conversation, she said she didn’t want a relationship but would consider casual. I met her for drinks tonight and things went well, the conversation was good although she made comment about my age and little things that she said was her ‘putting shit on me’. We went back to my place and was intimate, she wanted the room to be completely dark which I thought was odd, as she’s very attractive, but no problem. During intimacy, she asked ‘what I liked’. She wanted to try some different intimacy things in the bedroom. It wasn’t really my kind of thing, and I think I started to feel a bit uncomfortable, but continued. She basically started making comments that made me feel bad about her not being satisfied and said the guy she’d been with a week ago had made her satisfied. I said sometimes it takes more than one encounter and asked if we could see each other again, she said I don’t know but maybe. But obviously to me, that’s a no. I feel from my experiences over the last few years and my ex girlfriend, that many women just want to sleep around etc. I dont know how to feel, but I feel very depressed and empty. My ex girlfriend also felt like real love, but in final conversations with her, she said she’d only miss the intimacy with me. Are there any real people out there? Or is it just about sex and sexual gratification. It’s hard to know what there is to look forward to in life, when true love/romance etc was always so important to me, but it seems it was a widespread myth, and that it hard for me to live with.

Anonymous-11 Struggling to support partner with mental health deterioration
  • replies: 2

My partner has faced significant grief, and loss over the past two years. We have been together five years, but he has suffered with anxiety and depression for 20 years+.It feels like a constant battle with his mental health, choices and behaviour. H... View more

My partner has faced significant grief, and loss over the past two years. We have been together five years, but he has suffered with anxiety and depression for 20 years+.It feels like a constant battle with his mental health, choices and behaviour. His mood swings from happy and future planning, to cutting me off and isolating within short periods of time. Some days I can see how hard he tries to overcome his symptoms, and other days he says he sees no future for himself.We live in separate houses, with distance between us, and I see that things become worse when we have no physical contact. He has been isolating himself more significantly, over the last six months. I’m an empathetic person, and I try my hardest to support him through everything he has been handling these past two years, but I’m struggling to keep going when I don’t know if I’ll have to walk on eggshells or wake up to someone that wants to be present on a daily basis. He has reluctantly started counselling which I hope will help him. I’m just so unsure how to continue supporting and loving him when I feel like I keep being cast aside from his life.Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Guest_69224151 I don’t like my dad
  • replies: 1

My dad is extremely abusive, manipulative, and narcissistic. We left in 2020 and that made him realise that what he is doing in wrong. Now he tries to guilt trip us and but my brother and I back with money and presents. Although I appreciate the mone... View more

My dad is extremely abusive, manipulative, and narcissistic. We left in 2020 and that made him realise that what he is doing in wrong. Now he tries to guilt trip us and but my brother and I back with money and presents. Although I appreciate the money, it’s too little too late. He only started to care about us once we left and I find that really confusing. I’m a teenager so most of the kids around me, and even some adults, struggle to understand my situation and how to help. I feel like I have no one to relate to because of how specific and uncommon my situation is. I started writing a list the other day of everything I can remember him doing to me and it is LONG. He is quite old and has a lot of money so I assume he has a young girl friend and potentially a new family. This is really hurtful because I don’t understand why he couldn’t just be a normal dad. Part of me is grateful for this experience bc I have learnt so much but on the other hand it’s like “why did it happen to me”. He traumatised me from such a young age and hasn’t stopped since. I look at my friends family situations and I get so jealous. One said they were mad at their dad for grounding them and I wanted to yell at her and give her a reality check of how bad dads can get. Anywho idk if I can keep going!

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