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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest_31826751 I always end up apologising to my partner
  • replies: 2

Hi, I have been with my partner for a few years now and we have acknowledged we didn’t have a healthy relationship for a lot of it and are trying to work to be better. I have begun to realise that I apologise and take the fault for most things, even ... View more

Hi, I have been with my partner for a few years now and we have acknowledged we didn’t have a healthy relationship for a lot of it and are trying to work to be better. I have begun to realise that I apologise and take the fault for most things, even when he plays a direct role in something going wrong. I am terrified to bring it up with him because I feel as though he won’t validate my feelings, he will take it as an attack. I don’t trust that I can say how his behaviour affects me without him getting defensive or finding a way to turn it around on me. I am genuinely worried that he doesn’t see himself ever at fault or that he has any poor behaviours.

Headintheclouds I feel so hopeless
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I am feeling lost and hopeless lately. My partner and I have been together for a year and a half and it has been a roller coaster most of the relationship. My partner suffers from depression and confided in me quite early into the relati... View more

Hi everyone, I am feeling lost and hopeless lately. My partner and I have been together for a year and a half and it has been a roller coaster most of the relationship. My partner suffers from depression and confided in me quite early into the relationship that he has attempted suicide once before and has struggled with his mental health for a long period of time. Overtime he has started to complain about something I’ve said or done and then follow those statements up with him wanting to end his life. This has weighed so heavily on my at times and I can’t understand why he would make me feel responsible for these feelings he has. Sometimes I am so filled with anxiety that I feel physically sick and/or I start to overcompensate and do more for him in hope that things don’t go south that day. If I do breakdown, he withdraws and walks away, leaves the room and tells me he can’t deal with it. I try so hard to be strong and not let things affect me but sometimes it’s overwhelming. I have constant concerns that he will commit suicide, sometimes he makes jokes about it but the comments stay with me. I had these concerns and recently I found that he was using drugs, ice. I think finding those drugs finally broke my heart completely. He admitted he was an addict a long time ago and uses irregularly when he needs an outlet as he’s been on every medication there is and ice is the only thing that helps. He minimised his drug use and made excuse after excuse. When I found those drugs I felt physically sick, shock, anger and then I felt devastated because I didn’t know about is addiction or use of drugs and I feels like it’s a betrayal and he owed it to me to be honest about those matters. I feel so hurt, I have been reminding him how much he is loved and cared for and how proud of him we all are but deep down I feel quite broken. It’s a strange feeling, I feel fragile and drained. In the moment I found the drugs, it felt like our relationship came crashing down and like I don’t know him. He felt/feels like a stranger to me. I have been feeling quite desperate so I booked an appointment with a psychologist to talk these things through and I had my first appointment a few days ago but the appointment was essentially me explaining everything. I’m looking forward to my next appointment. if you have any advice, please let me know.

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

laufeylistener Dealing with toxic friends
  • replies: 3

I had an interaction today with some toxic friends I dropped last year while I was on the bus going home. Let’s call them A and B. I purposefully distanced myself from them over the past few months, which has affected some of my own friendships since... View more

I had an interaction today with some toxic friends I dropped last year while I was on the bus going home. Let’s call them A and B. I purposefully distanced myself from them over the past few months, which has affected some of my own friendships since they’re part of a big friend group and some of my friends are connected to them. A forced me to have a conversation with B, and they began asking the most stupidest, immature and unethical questions. Mind you we just started Year 12, probably the most stressful year of our academic lives. B said that if I didn’t answer then they’d threaten to talk bad about me online and create fake alternate accounts of me that impersonated me. I felt really uncomfortable because it felt like they were violating my privacy, with A shoving their phone and taking pictures of me without my consent. I said I wasn’t comfortable answering their questions but they kept asking, so I just shut my eyes and asked them not to talk to me. I wanted to stand up by myself, but I just stayed silent for the rest of the bus trip until they got off at their bus stop. I just wished I could say more, but I didn’t know what to say. To trust that they were genuine at first and have that destroyed within a few minutes makes me feel dumb. I was trying to act respectful to them by saying that I didn’t want to answer their questions because I didn’t feel comfortable, but they didn’t respect my boundaries. I tried ignoring them, to be resilient as my mum said who told me that they were just trying to sabotage me and destroy my academic life. And reasoning to myself that they were projecting their own insecurities onto me. I just don’t need those distractions, especially for HSC. I just want to find friends that are supportive and mature enough. But now I’m quieter than usual, I feel like I've developed trust issues when talking with new people, and now I only have a few friends I can truly trust. I pretend that other people's opinions don’t affect me, but they do, just a bit. I have a bit of anxiety towards people judging me now. Someone targeting my insecurities, criticizing my likes and dislikes, just switches my mood completely and makes me feel detached, not like myself. A and B talk to me as though I’m a sort of plaything for them, someone to just talk to for their own amusement and enjoyment by belittling me. I’m sick and tired of it. What should I do?

Noah4444 My partner is suffering and self destructive
  • replies: 1

I’m Noah,I find that my partner is incredibly interested in the next steps, like moving in together, talking about the future. But most nights she goes into a mood where she says hurtful things, like “you’re going to leave me anyways”, or “we don’t h... View more

I’m Noah,I find that my partner is incredibly interested in the next steps, like moving in together, talking about the future. But most nights she goes into a mood where she says hurtful things, like “you’re going to leave me anyways”, or “we don’t have a future together”. It’s completely different to how she normally acts. I’ve tried talking to her about therapy or a support group, but she wants nothing to do with it. She says the same stuff most nights and while I do love her it’s becoming something that drains me and makes me feel a bit helpless. She wants to spend all her time together, gets upset when we’re apart then sometimes she says self destructive stuff like “we’re never gonna work” or “nothing good ever happens”. I’m just a bit hurt and not sure how to get her the help I’m struggling to provide. Do I just take her to a group therapy session to sit in? She’s so adverse to seeing a professional 1 on 1, and she’s threatened to break up with me if I try get outside help. I have a feeling she’s not serious but she’s saying stuff as a ploy to get me to stop talking about help or solving any issues she’s having. She doesn’t have hobbies, won’t let me help her with stuff like her resume or job hunting.I love her very much, but the words I would currently use to describe her are self-destructive, ignorant and immature. We go on walks almost every day, but I can’t force her to take on a hobby or anything productive. She says things like “I should just end it all” followed by “you know I’d never kill myself”. I just need some help with helping her, thanks.

Billie1959 Husband’s mental health
  • replies: 2

My husband had prostate cancer four years ago which was successfully removed but left him with erectile disfunction and anxiety/depression. He had a very bad experience with antidepressants and stopped them cold, anxiety attacks followed. Latest test... View more

My husband had prostate cancer four years ago which was successfully removed but left him with erectile disfunction and anxiety/depression. He had a very bad experience with antidepressants and stopped them cold, anxiety attacks followed. Latest tests show cancer has returned microscopically and it’s a waiting game of months before treatment. He now has quite severe depression/anxiety but refuses to see his doctor due to his past experiences. My life with him is so stressful due to his either shutting down or having screaming rages over the slightest thing going wrong. It would be great to hear of others experiencing similar.

Lil Accepting the pattern of my life.
  • replies: 3

Two weeks today I’ll turn 50, the optimism of my youth depleted, the sincere belief that things, life events, will get better, i no longer trust in.I have tried very hard this last year to change but really the pattern of my life is set, I lack frien... View more

Two weeks today I’ll turn 50, the optimism of my youth depleted, the sincere belief that things, life events, will get better, i no longer trust in.I have tried very hard this last year to change but really the pattern of my life is set, I lack friends, the ability to connect to people in anything beyond a superficial way eludes me. I think I’ve made a connection, then I find out I haven’t been invited to events, a quick drink after work, a birthday or a wedding reception that everyone else in the office has attended. I’m not nasty, but I think I’m forgettable. It just keeps happening, every decade of my life has been the same. I’m exhausted, I’m sad, I don’t want to care anymore. I’m kind and friendly, but I also don’t matter much to anyone. Is there any point to a life lived in isolation?

AnotherRandomUser Passive Aggressive Friend
  • replies: 23

My friend has been depressed lately, while Ive been sick, and while Ive tried to be there for them despite my own limitations, theyve been controlling and passive aggressive lately and Im finding it hard to cope. They keep saying everything is fine w... View more

My friend has been depressed lately, while Ive been sick, and while Ive tried to be there for them despite my own limitations, theyve been controlling and passive aggressive lately and Im finding it hard to cope. They keep saying everything is fine when I ask if theyre upset with me, but almost every conversation we have they drop some hint theyre mad at me or judging me in some way. (Often about how I manage money, my time, or my health.)But theyre also sneaky about it in a way I cant call them out on it without them being able to deny it. They also compete with me by suggesting their problems are worse than mine, or complain when I can do something they cant. Usually to invalidate the things Im going through or to suggest their needs are more important than mine. And finally, theres a hobby they love and every chance they get they try to convince me to do it with them. Usually I try to put some time aside to do just that but lately Ive been sick so havent been able to join them. It takes a lot of energy.But now if I do anything else, they make a comment about it (aka you cant be that sick if you can do that) or insult it (insinuate its no good and they wouldnt do it), and then bring up their hobby again (aka if your well to do that then do this with me.) Its unfair because the things Im doing are chores/needs, and the few things I do that are fun are way less difficult and take less time than their hobby. Its just little things to pass the time while sick. Im not avoiding their hobby, its just too hard for me right now!But honestly, even when we do their hobby (I often push myself), they then sometimes make comments that Im enjoying it wrong too, so I really cant win anyway! All and all, I dont know how to cope with this. I really wish theyd just talk to me outright so we can figure out a compromise or I can stand up for myself at least.Ive tried to gently bring it up so as not to cause a fight, but when I do, they deny it or say they didnt mean it that way. So it doesnt work. And unfortunately because they make comments so often, Im paranoid at everything they say now. I think, is this another hint? Is this about me? Are they mad again? I dont even know anymore! I never used to feel this anxious talking to them. It used to be easy. And now I think, how can I can I confront them if I doubt myself? If I dont know if it is always about me? And the worst part, despite the fact their my best friend... lately I havent been wanting to talk to them, or hang out with them. Not out of spite, but because their comments make me so stressed, I dont have fun anymore. I feel controlled and bullied. I admittedly, want to avoid them and I feel like a jerk for it. So is there a way to confront them on this because I dont know how, Im so scared that if I confront them more aggressively on this, their going to hate me and deny it again anyway. But if I dont, I worry Ill destroy our friendship anyway because Im withdrawing more and more, and I think its only making them angrier. But what can I do, they wont talk to me about it!? Can I fix this at all?

Guest_61239359 Stressed with my husband
  • replies: 2

My brother just arrived and will be staying with us. My husband and I went for a walk and he told me that we have different standards and culture. He compared my brother to his cousin who stayed with us, he said our culture doesn't have manners. i ak... View more

My brother just arrived and will be staying with us. My husband and I went for a walk and he told me that we have different standards and culture. He compared my brother to his cousin who stayed with us, he said our culture doesn't have manners. i aksed my brother not to help with the dishes as he was still tired from travel and my husband thinks Im giving special treatment to my brother. He also mentioned I'm offering my brother a silver plate and why I have to take a day off to show him around the area.

SK76 Supporting a partner with depression
  • replies: 3

Hi, My partner has been diagnosed with Clinical Depression since a few years ago. He has come out of it a few times and been in a state of heightened friendliness and cheer and then back to depression - this has happened a few times. A few months ago... View more

Hi, My partner has been diagnosed with Clinical Depression since a few years ago. He has come out of it a few times and been in a state of heightened friendliness and cheer and then back to depression - this has happened a few times. A few months ago he was able to come out of his depression, which I am really pleased about, but he has become super-friendly and has made a lot of online friends (he's normally an introvert). While I am happy about his changed mindset, I am also wary about his over-zealous attempts at making new friends. He is extremely nice to everyone except me and we have been getting into a lot of arguments. While I understand that I need to be supportive and there for him, I feel like I have reached a point where I cannot cope anymore. I am trying to get him to see the issues in better light, but he attributes all the disagreements to me and takes no responsibility for his part in the problems. His sister has been recently diagnosed with a life-threatening illness and this has caused additional problems. It feels like he's constantly angry with me and I am just not able to cope anymore. What should I do and where do I go for help? I am trying to get counselling through work, although I am not entirely sure how it would help. Just posting this rant out there in case anyone has some kind words for me... Thanks in advance!

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