Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
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Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Anonymous__01 I constantly screw up my friendships and I don’t know what to do
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Not sure if correct category as it pertains to a friendship. Basically me and a coworker of mine really hit it off, the banter was fun, bounce off each other really well, etc despite our age gap(I’m 22 and she’s 17) and it led to me questioning if I ... View more

Not sure if correct category as it pertains to a friendship. Basically me and a coworker of mine really hit it off, the banter was fun, bounce off each other really well, etc despite our age gap(I’m 22 and she’s 17) and it led to me questioning if I have feelings for her or not which made me feel so torn up inside but I genuinely liked her as a person and spending time with her so I asked to hang out. On the day we meet, everything’s going well but towards the end of the night I essentially unexpectedly break down and trauma dump on her as well as blurt out that I feel so selfish because of my uncertain feelings for her. We were parked outside a McDonald’s at this point, she said she needed to go to the toilet and reassured me she’d be back which I knew wasn’t the case as she took an Uber back home, she apologised on message shortly after and said it was because she felt neither of us were in the right mindset, we had a very brief call where she said we’re good and that she’s open to hanging out still but today at work she just felt very distant in her tone and body language and didn’t happily approach me like usual which is now sending me into panic mode admittedly to the point where I tried to call her multiple times today and have messaged her quite a bit. I just hate myself so much for ruining what was a fun and wholesome friendship and I constantly have done this in the past(Sabotage my friendships in some way shape or form), it’s like I’m caught in a loop I’m self-aware of and can’t break out of it.

Owlingo Attached to toxic family
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Recently I got diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, as well as agoraphobia. I've lived with a really toxic and dysfunctional family. My parents were abusive when I was younger and emotionally abusive during most of my teen years. My parents ... View more

Recently I got diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, as well as agoraphobia. I've lived with a really toxic and dysfunctional family. My parents were abusive when I was younger and emotionally abusive during most of my teen years. My parents fight every. Single. Day. Mostly about money. Which caused me financial truama and anxiety. Now I am 18. They don't come at me anymore (maybe because they can see I am dealing with things), but my siblings have always gotten more shit from them then I have ever. My parents always saw me as sensitive and weak. I've been told countless times by my siblings that my parents always listen to me whenever I need something. I noticed that as well and use that as an advantage to help my siblings. But I've always felt like my parents hated me and are annoyed by my presence. I want to move out. But I don't know how long until I feel like I can. I am struggling to anything on my own. I feel like they made me so dependent on them, that I can't do anything. I'm trying to learn skills from scratch for future me to live on my own. I have no intrest in getting married, but my parents said I can only leave the house if I'm married. But I want to live alone and have my own life. So, when I leave, they will probably never talk to me again. Which terrifies me. Because I don't want to lose them, I just want to give myself a healthy environment and to do that I need to distance myself. I know my siblings wound stay in constant because they understand. Im so mad at myself for struggling and being so weak. Why don't I have any skills or strength? I wish there was a place I could stay and have help whenever I need. But I would make sure that I only use it if I need it. A place I can learn independence while having anxiety and depression. I don't even know if I'll ever be able to secure myself financially because I can't handle working 8 hours a day. How am I going to live alone if I don't have money? This is so stressful and exhausting.

Upset-sometimes Innocent or not
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We have been together for just over 9 years. He started staying over at work for an hour to have a cigarette with the cleaner who needed some support as no one was talking to her. He told me all about what was happening but as time went on I started ... View more

We have been together for just over 9 years. He started staying over at work for an hour to have a cigarette with the cleaner who needed some support as no one was talking to her. He told me all about what was happening but as time went on I started to get upset. I tried to talk about it but he always brushed me off with, 'she is a lovely woman' I became more and more upset and he knew why but he didn't stop. Over 3 months went by and his manager noticed and told him that I wouldn't be happy if I knew what was happening. He told me all this....it gave me the courage to tell his straight how upset I was....very angrily. He told her immediately that he was coming home on time from now on and never stayed back again. He told me that there was never anything romantic in his mind. It is now 18 months later and I'm still angry and upset

Lijay Open Marriage
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Earlier this year my husband of 34 years confessed to cheating with prostitutes over the last 15 years of our marriage. He is in swingers groups and told me he wanted an open marriage. I’ve been having individual counselling, which has helped and we ... View more

Earlier this year my husband of 34 years confessed to cheating with prostitutes over the last 15 years of our marriage. He is in swingers groups and told me he wanted an open marriage. I’ve been having individual counselling, which has helped and we had some couples counselling that was not very good. He was remorseful to a point and wants to stay married but does not think he can give up his other life. I don’t want an open marriage, or to swing, or to have threesomes. I never have and never will. It took many months for him to finally confess the bulk of what he’s been doing and I’m sure I don’t know all of it. I am doing everything I can to remain civil for then sake of our sons but I am so shocked and hurt. Some days the pain is unbearable. He moved out a few months ago because I could no longer live with the lies and gaslighting while he tried to convince me that an open marriage would be good for both of us. How could I have missed all of this and how could I have so misjudged the man I have been with for so long?

BC16 Why am I so angry with my husband?
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My husband and I have been married for over 10 years and from the day we got engaged his mum’s behaviour has been horrible to me. I let a lot of it go until I was pregnant when I couldn’t anymore I told my husband about the behaviour and showed him t... View more

My husband and I have been married for over 10 years and from the day we got engaged his mum’s behaviour has been horrible to me. I let a lot of it go until I was pregnant when I couldn’t anymore I told my husband about the behaviour and showed him the texts and pages she made about me but nothing was said. Earlier this year he decyto go no contact because she was toxic but still wanted me to keep an open relationship between her and our children. I finally couldn’t do it anymore and thanks to his sister I’m no longer in contact with her (or our kids). I should be relieved but I’m so angry with him , it’s been a week or so and the anger I feel when I’m near him I just can’t explain. He can’t help fix the situation because I can’t even figure out why I’m so angry, everything is just making me angry (dishes not being done, I’m always picking up after him etc) I love him and I want to get rid of this feeling but I don’t know how

Ashmc213 How can I trust her again I feel like a failed my relationship and children
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Hi iv been going through problems for last 3 years with my children's mother I found out she was cheeting on me with her work colleague last 3 years iv been fighting to keep my family together while she continues to cheat yea I'll admit I'm not the e... View more

Hi iv been going through problems for last 3 years with my children's mother I found out she was cheeting on me with her work colleague last 3 years iv been fighting to keep my family together while she continues to cheat yea I'll admit I'm not the easiest person to live with and yes iv done some thing wrong but iv always stayed faithful to my kids mother but she has made me feel like everything is my fault that I'm the one who has to fight to keep my family together we constantly argue I constantly accuse her of cheating all the time I feel like iv failed my children not only as a father but as a partner to iv done nothing but worked hard to provide for them its to the point we can't be in the same room iv asked her to see councillors to work out our problems but she refuses to get help for us our family I feel so depressed and hopeless. I feel my kids no longer respect me am I a fool for taking her back and let her constantly walk all over me and let her treat me the way she dosebut she also tells me if I walk away I'll never see my kids again I feel my kids is all I got left if I didn't have them who know what the out come of my life would be sometimes I feel that her and the kids would be better of with out me I ask myself what did I ever do to deserve this iv done nothing but been a honest partner , loving father a devoted parent I also live in another country and have no family support or friends to talk to iv shut everyone out of my life I don't go anywhere I don't socialize becouse I feel everyone I know knows what has happened and I feel so embarrassed and ashamed I know I need to leave to better my self as a person not only mentally but physically but I feel if I leave I will be stripped of being a father to my children who are absolutely my world and my rock what do I do. do I keep letting her beat me down till there is nothing but a empty shell even if I did leave I don't think I could ever trust or love someone again after everything iv been through how do I move on how do I get myself out of a situation that I no longer want to be in how come I still lover her after all the things she's done I know our relationship is toxic now most of all I really feel for my kids they should never have to witness what there mother and father are going through the hatred we have for each other the things we say to each other and I know we only saying the things we do to hurt each other but never violent to each other I need help I know I need to move on but I don't know how I really feel I'm gona loose it soon but trying to stay strong for my kids I'm tired I'm sick of the fighting I'm sick of wonder who's she cheating on me with this time really don't know what to do but feel as a male I have no rights and to just suck it up and take a concrete pill and harden up and get over myself people ask me if I'm ok I just smile and say everything is good becouse God forbid if the crack start to form then people will really see what's going on a full grown man that's let his woman walk all over him and let her get away with the things she has done it makes me feel weak to the core maby it is my fault maby I could have tried harder why do I have to give 99 percent and she only gives 1 percent why won't she meet me half way is that the sighn she has given up a long time ago if so then why keep me in dispense like I have some sort of hope or is it all a loss cause

sunflower2337 Relationship Troubles
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Hello, i feel silly posting about it however i am so unsure of what to do moving forward. I’ve been with my partner for almost 2 years and i absolutely adore him and do everything together. However since my surgery earlier in the year he has seemed t... View more

Hello, i feel silly posting about it however i am so unsure of what to do moving forward. I’ve been with my partner for almost 2 years and i absolutely adore him and do everything together. However since my surgery earlier in the year he has seemed to have been controlling. (I’m not sure if that is the right word) during my surgery a whole lot of things went down and ever since then i feel as if our relationship has been damaged. Lately it’s been getting worse and i constantly feel as if i walking on egg shells. I can play part in some of the wrong and i admit that as i can also not be very nice sometimes but whenever I upset him (whether it be I didn’t talk loud enough for him to hear me, i said something on an even number (he may have OCD) or little things like that) he demands 3 apologies every time and sometimes they just completely blow up because when i do apologise he doesn’t like it or it’s not an uneven number. I have been called a c*** and also an ass**** on multiple occasions. We have been arguing every single day so far for almost 3 weeks now and somehow it always ends up being my fault and I’m the one breaking down apologising (in sets of 3) for upsetting him, hurting his feelings etc. he can be loving and caring majority of the time but it’s like a switch flips and he becomes a totally different person every now and then and I just don’t know what to do going forward. I feel as if because of this situation it is ruining my relationships with family members. My mum feels uncomfortable in her home because of certain situations etc and I just really am stuck in what to do.

Albert_247 I don't think this makes me a bad person at all
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I genuinely am not sure if I wouldn't care half the time if my father passed for the most part. I do feel guilty to think sort of cold like this, as long as I had my financial security together that's the main thing, I justify these feelings because ... View more

I genuinely am not sure if I wouldn't care half the time if my father passed for the most part. I do feel guilty to think sort of cold like this, as long as I had my financial security together that's the main thing, I justify these feelings because my father is a self centred grandiose narcissistic man. He looks through to me as being like bipolar, handi capped & generally stupid. He doesn't validate the ideal standards for me to have independence, purpose & meaning. He spreads rumours and tells me directly that I am a social inept hermit, just because I prefer my hobby's and have introverted nature. He manipulates what's the better intelligence, His very devious and secretive when he wants to be. He treats my mother as a maid that carry's on to much. Sometimes when you do things for him, instead of the decency to say no thanks or thanks he just sais I didn't ask ( at times ). He talks behind peoples backs and even when you know it he denies it and and try's to undermine your suspicion or raise his loud voice to keep you in silence, it's been one of his narcissistic controlling tactics for years, If my brother or myself got into any driving situations he doesn't see the possible vulnerability with the driving & the roads, He would only blame us no matter what happened regardless. His even said when his gone your going to be homeless and crying, During primary school he would tell us " Good " when he knew we got hurt at school. His told my mum if she keeps yelling at him for bringing all of his mothers old furniture in this modern house that she can be thrown out with her two children and deal with life. He was even telling his friends and agreeing to pull me out of my high school because I used to skip going because I was being bullied back in those days, He ignores you when you talk also. So no I wouldn't truly feel I am the bad person for not caring

Fany910 Wanting to keep the baby but my bf want to abort
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Hi there I am 40 years old this month, I was accidentally pregnant with my bf. I am on 4 weeks pregnant now. We lived together for 10 months now. We both have a job. I am on 485 visa now but my bf cannot sponsor me as he had sponsor 2 women before. I... View more

Hi there I am 40 years old this month, I was accidentally pregnant with my bf. I am on 4 weeks pregnant now. We lived together for 10 months now. We both have a job. I am on 485 visa now but my bf cannot sponsor me as he had sponsor 2 women before. I want to keep the baby no matter what. I even offer my bf to provide financially as I have saving and my salary is higher than him. But he said he is not ready to have baby now as he still have a personal loan ($8k) and need to help his mom for nose surgery. Other thing is he is not mentally ready as he broke up with his ex gf last year (Nov 2022). So he is still emotionally not stable. Why I want to keep the baby because I am 40 years old now, not sure if in the future I will have a baby again. I know my visa will be on risk but I don’t care as long as I can keep the baby. Can someone please help me to decide? I can’t tell my sisters or my parents as I am Asian and they will judge me if I am having baby before marriage. Thank you so much

Helpneededplease Support for me partner in jail
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Hi my Parnter went to jail on Wednesday and I feel so sad angry lonely scared. I don’t know where to get support from

Hi my Parnter went to jail on Wednesday and I feel so sad angry lonely scared. I don’t know where to get support from