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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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brooksbbyy The love of my life left me for mental health reasons and I want him back.
  • replies: 4

The love of my life broke up with me yesterday, I know it wasn’t planned nor did he want to but he still did. Me and my ex were together for a year and a bit, we loved each other very much, it was us against the problem and we were always supportive ... View more

The love of my life broke up with me yesterday, I know it wasn’t planned nor did he want to but he still did. Me and my ex were together for a year and a bit, we loved each other very much, it was us against the problem and we were always supportive and trying to help each other, setting boundaries and making sure each other is appreciated. We were really in love, eachothers best friend. I made him believe in love again after a very mentally abusive relationship, he swore off dating for 2 years and then met me and everything changed. He has been struggling at work, he’s a mechanic and his new job essentially told him recently that they didn’t know what he was doing at his last job and told that he essentially knew nothing and had to start from scratch. He has adhd so he doesn’t have high self esteem and struggles with his self image and confidence. Me and him then started getting into little spats here and there a little before our 1 year anniversary. This also took a toll on him and his family had been pressuring him to save money or to buy a new car which he didn’t want to do. He also has been depressed and anxious as well as starting on meds for that and new meds for his adhd. We had a big fight last month which was the catalyst for this whole break up. We had been less comforting less understanding which I regret so much. Then he went to talk to me about fixing the weirdness we felt and all the issues that were unsolved. During that conversation he came to the conclusion that it was best that we were to break up. He said he didn’t want to, and I know he wasn’t planning too breakup with me. He said that he loved me so deeply but “his battery was empty” he has no will left, that he couldn’t be what I needed and deserved. He was crying by then and he never cries, at all. I then told him to get better, he said he would for me. We then made a pinkie promise (he hates making promise but earnestly made one with me) a promise that when he got better and was ready to commit to us again I would be the first person to know. I told him no matter how long it takes I would wait for him. I know he didn’t say all of that to make me feel better about the break up I know he was being honest and genuine. But now I’m breaking down, I can’t stand to be without him, I want him to get better but it hurts not being there to help him or being able to be there as his rock like I usually am. My mum said that its not a good idea to make big decisions when your in the middle of big changes happening in your life or heavy stress so she things that he might come back when he’s ready and regret it all. But I don’t know what to think, I burn for him like he does for me, I keep searching for answers on whether he actually still wants to be with me and wants to be with me in the future again one day. He hasn’t blocked my number or any of my social media’s and I said I’d be there when he’s ready to talk, if he wanted to tell me anything or even just about his day which he said he would. I feel like I’m falling apart and I know giving him his time and letting him reach out is the best idea so that’s what I’m doing for now, I hope he comes back I really really do. I’d do anything to see him again to hug and kiss him again. Do you think there is a possibility he could come back to me? Someone please help it’s killing me from the inside out.

Hana-1 Feeling a little lost.
  • replies: 2

I’m not sure where to start since this is my first time ever opening up about how I’ve been feeling… Life’s been a little difficult lately, I’ve been caring for my ill mother since I was a teenager (didn’t finish my education or receive job training ... View more

I’m not sure where to start since this is my first time ever opening up about how I’ve been feeling… Life’s been a little difficult lately, I’ve been caring for my ill mother since I was a teenager (didn’t finish my education or receive job training because of it) and recently she’s become a bit harder to deal with… I also have a grandparent with dementia that needs support as well because my uncle & aunt abandoned him and I’ve been the only family member taking care of them. I haven’t seen my older sibling #1 in a decade since they left the family and older sibling #2 is unstable and drug addicted. My extended family are across the country because my mother moved us away 15 years ago for a DV relationship that fizzled out so they don’t really make an effort to get to know me because of past disagreements with my mother…. We’ve been wanting to move back home to reunite with family but can’t afford it. I'm living off fortnightly payments and after paying medical expenses, transport, utilities & food, we barely get by. I’m just really stressed about what I’m going to do after my mother and grandfather pass away? I’ll have no one, no source of income & no roof over my head… I won’t even be able to pay for anyone’s funeral. There’s literally no one I can turn to for support… I struggle to even make a doctors appointment for myself. I feel so hopeless.

yours_truly Do you have a dysfunctional family? Tell me about it.
  • replies: 1

Dysfunctional family? Constant arguing? Getting nowhere? Crying? Screaming? Giving up? yeah sounds a lot like my fam situation. My parents argue like actual children. I’m wondering how you guys coped with it and how you managed to figure it all out. ... View more

Dysfunctional family? Constant arguing? Getting nowhere? Crying? Screaming? Giving up? yeah sounds a lot like my fam situation. My parents argue like actual children. I’m wondering how you guys coped with it and how you managed to figure it all out. Why can’t adults just grow up, I mean like seriously, what happened to communication?

adamc Mum Doesn't Like Dad Helping Others
  • replies: 4

Some months ago, Dad and I helped out a neighbour by looking after his dog while they went on holiday for 2 weeks and recently has asked us to do it again.Mum was totally against it the first time, saying "You don't even know the dog. Why do you have... View more

Some months ago, Dad and I helped out a neighbour by looking after his dog while they went on holiday for 2 weeks and recently has asked us to do it again.Mum was totally against it the first time, saying "You don't even know the dog. Why do you have to it? Nah, tell them you can't do it."When we returned from his place, after agreeing to feed their dog, Mum said "I thought you said you weren't going to do it."I have no issue with it a second time but Dad is stressed out about it, saying "Do you know how your mother will react if we helped out again? I will get abused and get 'Oh, you'll help with someone else's dog but you don't want to have a dog of your own. No, tell them you can't do it and to get someone else.'" Dad has always got the opinion from Mum that he's only allowed to help out with her brother and not anyone else.

LostPigeon407 Father troubles
  • replies: 11

I hate my Baby Boomer father, His vain and sits behind the T.V., He never cared about his kids needs, happiness, success. He never praised or encouraged anyone, He never was affectionate or socially involved in our lives. He would on rarer times use ... View more

I hate my Baby Boomer father, His vain and sits behind the T.V., He never cared about his kids needs, happiness, success. He never praised or encouraged anyone, He never was affectionate or socially involved in our lives. He would on rarer times use his physique and extroverted social difference to intimidate us into silence to retain authority. He has maybe mild hostile possibilities if we would persist. He used to tell my mother that it was good that we fell over at primary school, He has misogyn & sexism and in ways he views his wife to be a house maid. He is arrogant & ignorant and can't be informed about anything by his immediate family, He has controlling tendencies. He admitted to me in the 1980's he would go looking around to bash homosexuals and he used to claim to be a sharpie. He uses my mental health diagnosis against me, to say that I am disabled or mental and when we argue he tells me to either leave home or that he would ring the police to get me admitted into a hospital, even though he provokes my anger when he sais I'm weak, useless or inept. He has a hegemonic concept to perceive sensitivity and emotional intelligence as being soft. I can't even manage my diabetes because he is in the background looking over me and he tells to not burn the house down when I'm going to cook instant noodles on the stove. His always tried to treat in ways that your a child and never more than 12 or 14 mentally. He makes us to be dumb for not knowing things, He never taught us anything in life, because it's effort, He wouldn't as he just believes were incompetent to learn anything. No one can learn from a crap parent who can't explain more than once and he has a way of speaking that doesn't make sense when explaining things. I can't even talk to my mother if his in the same area, because he doesn't want me talking at all, His definition of a parent is merely a 1940's dysfunctionality to work labor construction, than that the wife does everything else and if you have been kept under his wing until your 18, that his done his part, despite being horrendous with everything else. He even once asked me wither I want to work, making it seem optional that we need money.

Kylie1978 Help
  • replies: 2

I need help in trying to stop my partner from being so negative n b hating on ppl all time for no reason n to stop the anger..I love him so much but never feel comfortable going out

I need help in trying to stop my partner from being so negative n b hating on ppl all time for no reason n to stop the anger..I love him so much but never feel comfortable going out

maisydaisy108 Relationship after abusive relationship
  • replies: 1

Hey guys. I’m 22, I was in an abusive relationship for three years with a much older man that affected every part of my life and me. Before that I was living with my mum who was emotionally abusive. Two years later I’m in a really beautiful relations... View more

Hey guys. I’m 22, I was in an abusive relationship for three years with a much older man that affected every part of my life and me. Before that I was living with my mum who was emotionally abusive. Two years later I’m in a really beautiful relationship and he treats me well. I still always have a feeling of something is happening or going to happen. I know this is just because I haven’t been in a situation where nothing has happened or gone wrong but it’s so hard and even little things I over think and think that it’s going to lead to something big so I start to shut down and feel all the same emotions. I really need some support or anyone who has felt the same to please give me some advice or relate to me.

Yeah_ Drugs
  • replies: 2

My partner is 36 and I’m 29 we have had a lot of arguments and it’s mostly about money he smokes cannabis and cigarettes and he is constantly asking me for money for both of them, he always says he will pay me back but he never does And I’ve now put ... View more

My partner is 36 and I’m 29 we have had a lot of arguments and it’s mostly about money he smokes cannabis and cigarettes and he is constantly asking me for money for both of them, he always says he will pay me back but he never does And I’ve now put my foot down and said no absolutely not I will no longer be doing it anymore no matter the amount, but he constantly gets angry at me when I say no, he always says that he does so much for me and the kids and I never give him anything in return. mind you he is jobless and I pay for mostly everything I'm at a point where I just want to leave. I keep telling him that it is not my responsibility to pay for his habits but he just doesn’t listen I'm just not sure what to do anymore because I'm so tired of the arguments he’s also been pawning things around the house to make the money for drugs

Fluke76 Grieving a relationship
  • replies: 2

I'm a mother of 3 and currently 8m pregnant. I'm here because the father and I have decided to separate and I'm struggling with grieving the relationship. We were together for almost 14 years but there is no trust here and no ability to build it, so ... View more

I'm a mother of 3 and currently 8m pregnant. I'm here because the father and I have decided to separate and I'm struggling with grieving the relationship. We were together for almost 14 years but there is no trust here and no ability to build it, so we both agreed that this is what's best going forward. Anyway, my question is what do I do when I'm struggling. How long is too long to be upset? My thoughts make me sad and angry and I don't know if what's normal. It just recently hit me that I was so loyal in this relationship and looking back on it, it was all for nothing and I'm mad because I feel like it was pointless. I feel like I was lied to, taken advantage of and purposely disrespected the whole time and I still tried to work on it with him. I also feel responsible for my feelings because I was constantly trying to make something work that was clearly not working. I don't know how to manage the emotions I'm going through. I don't have any friends or family to talk to about this and I just need some advice. How do I do this? Do I fall apart or do suck it up?

Dadof77 Family Issues
  • replies: 1

Hey, I'm a dad of 6 (18, 16, 14, 13, 4, 3). My 4 older kids are from my first marriage and the 2 younger are from my current marriage. My biggest issues are that when we got together the older kids were 10,8,6 and 4. The marriage I got out of was a l... View more

Hey, I'm a dad of 6 (18, 16, 14, 13, 4, 3). My 4 older kids are from my first marriage and the 2 younger are from my current marriage. My biggest issues are that when we got together the older kids were 10,8,6 and 4. The marriage I got out of was a lengthy family court battle and I was mentally exhausted. There's a 13 year age gap (me being 46 and her 33) so the differences we had in parenting styles was quite big. It was so apparent until the 2 little ones were born. Her style has always been evidence based (so hard to argue against) where as mine was from how I was brought up (old school) . The hardest hurdle has been while we have been getting couple counselling, because our psychologist has recommended things because when we had our 2 kids she took on the stay at home role. It has been something she has struggled with and so we have implemented tools to help with lessening her mental load, but she's had trouble letting go (control freak) and when she keeps saying that the older kids need consequences if their jobs aren't done (or done to a high standard). I think that we need to adapt the chores to help with the kids load (school, sport, work). But because it's not what the psychologist has said she argues about it(autism undiagnosed), but I have trouble keeping my emotions in check (ADHD). We are working through it, but it's very hard. Am I the only one out there like this. Any help would be great.