Interstate Move & Relationship Issues

[mellowp]

My husband and I with our 2 children (13F & 9M) moved from Melbourne to Adelaide. 

The move occurred for a few reasons, my husband grew up in Adelaide and wanted to move back (especially after mental struggle of COVID lockdowns and affordability of housing) and to give the kids a slower paced life. We were having some strained relationship issues and thought the change of scenery make help. We both have national/state-based roles so could move without issue.

I was on-board with the move for the promise of better opportunities and to do it for better environment for my husband and children.

Although this has come at the cost of myself. I have really struggled with the relocation (it has now been 17 months). Previously I was very active and had a really good social and work network. Since moving here I have predominately been working from home, I have not met anyone except for my husband's friends' wives/partners (which at times a forced relationship). I have actively got the kids involved in lots of sports, and am participating in sporting Team Manager roles etc. But despite all of this I am feeling desperately alone, isolated and at time depressed (due to my situation).

The relationship issues that were there previously had compounded, due to my feeling of giving up everything I had to please everyone else. My husband meanwhile has settled back in really well, and has reestablished old friendships is busy and out all the time with work or sporting clubs. I have expressed my feelings from the initial move and every day and week since. I have tried to tell my friends back in Melbourne, but they don't understand. My husband early on stated "you need to try harder" to feel settled, my need to "give it a chance" etc etc. Unfortunately my husband has let me down and has not supported me with this move and the way I am feeling. It has got so bad that I am looking at separation and relocating back to Melbourne with the children (whom have struggled as well, for various reasons).  

I am at a loss.

[Sophie_M]

Hi mellowp,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your experience. We are sorry to hear how you've been feeling, moving to a new place can be incredibly daunting and it sounds like you've made a big effort to get involved with the community. We want you to know that you are not alone with these feelings, our community and our support service is always here to listen.

We can hear that you've scarificed a lot in this move and it's difficult to be told to try harder when you are already feeling isolated and overwhelmed. It also sounds like you are supporting your children through their feelings regarding the relocation as well. Your feelings are valid and it's totally understandable considering you've been dealing with these feelings for quite a while. We hear how hard this has been for you and we wanted to offer some extra support.

It's important to look after yourself during this time. If you want to talk through what you’re feeling at any time, the Beyond Blue Support Line is here for you 24/7 on 1300 22 4636, or online here. It’s ok to reach out when you’re feeling anxious or upset, they can talk you through some ways to find a bit of calm, and then help you to figure out some options for further support. You could also speak to Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They also have some great advice on their pages, such as communication in relationships which may be helpful.

Thank you again for sharing. We know there is no quick fix in a situation like this but we hope you know that you are not alone. Please try and be kind to yourself during this time and feel free to update your thread at any time.

Kind Regards,

Sophie M

 

[randomxx]

Hi op ad sorry about the situation.

Thing is your kids will be finally resettling in now and your h sounds like he's underway and so to be blunt, it's just you.

My suggestion you won't like but me thinks you might want to try give it some more time. Get out and about and enjoy more, it's a beautiful city and so much more relaxed than Melb.

You don't sound that old small price to pay if the rest of the family are happy and by then you'll probably adapt and won't even wanna go back anyway.

Maybe go home for a few visits meantime it's not far and a very easy trip even just solo that should help rejuvenate you and have some family or friends come visit you there if possible to.

Goodluck

rx