Dealing with life after life altering choice

[Herefortheforums]

I’m not really sure where to begin but I’ve always struggled in some way with mental health and recently about 2-3 years ago; it was at its worse and in that time I broke up with my wife who I was only married too for 1 year. 
We moved up from Sydney in the hopes to find a better more financially stable life, however with covid in full effect, I feel it only got worse. 
I started talking to this girl who I worked with at the time and found peace and calmness with her and maybe I got some feelings for her—which is why I decided to end things with my wife? 
But it’s been 3 years now and my ex wife has moved on (I am happy for her really) and I no longer talk to the other girl I used to work with. I still however find it difficult to accept how things have unfolded and where I stand now in life. I should be living in a house that work built for us, with our little girl, that’s worth over $1M and living happily ever after. However things couldn’t be more different from how it should be. 
I guess I’d love to know what’s next for me and how to accept this outcome if created for myself. How do I deal with the guilt, the financial hit, the traumatic thoughts of putting people through so much sadness.
I keep telling myself I did it because I wanted to be happy but looking back at it now—how much happier am I really? A big part of me is struggling to work out who I am these days. 

If anyone has any guidance on how to cope with something similar to this, I’d really love to hear your thoughts. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Herefortheforums, 

We are so glad that you've taken the step in sharing here. It sounds like you’re managing many different feelings and emotions right now which must be very overwhelming. We hope you find some comfort in sharing here, and in hearing from the lovely community members, many of whom will be able to relate to what you’re going through.

It sounds like you've been through a lot in the past couple of years, often we go into 'survival mode' during these times and we don't feel the full effects until later on. It's understandable that you are struggling with these changes and it can be really good to reflect on why we might be feeling how we’re feeling. Please be kind to yourself during this time and remember you are not alone. Have you spoken to anyone about this? Often family or friends can be a great place for support or your GP can direct you to some on-going support if you feel comfortable speaking to them.

Remember you can always call our support line to talk this through anytime, on 1300 22 4636, or via webchat 24/7: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support  Thank you for sharing this and giving this community a chance to offer you their understanding and advice.  

Kind regards,  

Sophie M