My partners been unfaithful in the past and I dont know where to go from here.

[Lostgal]

I feel so lost. I have 2 beautiful children I adore. I first found out my partner had cheated in 2018 when I was 9 months pregnant with my first child. We separated in 2021 but it only lasted 6 months. We decided on a fresh start and build our dream house. We fell pregnant 12 months later and I found out I had an STI when my bloods were done. I was 12 weeks pregnant then and he said it must have been from when we separated. We are alone out here so I decided to stay and see how I felt once the baby was born and the house was built. My second child is now 18 months old I’m in my dream home and I feel so unhappy. I have no respect for my partner I actually hate him but I cant seem to bring myself to leave. He's ruined both my pregnancies for me and he shows me no love and support. He says that he does but I don't feel any the house is silent. But somehow I'm still here. Im not the loving partner I know I could be because he doesn't deserve it but I am hurting myself being this distant. I get frustrated with my children constantly and I think thats down to our relationship or maybe I blame them for still being here with their dad. How can you hate someone but not be able to leave them. I wont allow myself to make this work because he does’nt deserve my love and kindness but really Im just hurting myself in the process and turning into a person I don't recognise. We will here with no family I moved here for him nearly 10 years ago. 

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

I'm glad your children are OK, that for me would probably be the most important thing.

It's totally understandable your reaction to his being unfaithful and the STI, Just when you need support the most when giving birth he is playing around.

You do sound very unhappy and also less able to cope with your children at times, and that can be a reflection of your unhappiness. After all as I'm sure you realise they only see their father from a kid's viewpoint.

I think you are quite wise to realise you are hurting yourself, though I've no idea if htat is becuse you have remained in the relationship, or out of a feeling he does not deserve your love. I guess it is made harder as you have no family close to lean on.

Many people do stay in a relationship despite huge problems, and it can be for a variety of reasons, practicality being one, not depriving kids of a two parent family being another.

This may be one of those occasions where a third party can help and bring people closer. Have you considered family counceling? I'd suggest Relationships Australia (1300 364 277)

if they have an arrangement in your area. Counseling in no way minimizes the harm he has done but perhaps may make him realise he does value you and the family - after all you did get together again after your separation.

Do you think this is an option?

If I understood you correctly you moved away from your own family 10 years ago (sorry if I got htat wrong). Are you still in touch and can they be there for you ? If you are trying to deal with this in isolation it is very hard.

If you would like to keep on discussing matters that would be very welcome, we are here for you

Croix