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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest_70028286 My mum might be a hypocrite
  • replies: 2

Hi, this is my first time using Beyond Blue so forgive me if I get something wrong. I have fights with my mum a lot because we're both super headstrong and stubborn. A lot of the time she'll do or say something to me that she can't stand me doing or ... View more

Hi, this is my first time using Beyond Blue so forgive me if I get something wrong. I have fights with my mum a lot because we're both super headstrong and stubborn. A lot of the time she'll do or say something to me that she can't stand me doing or saying to her, and it doesn't sit with me right. I tried bringing it up, asking how she would feel if I said that stuff to her etc, but she says that since I don't work full time and I'm still just a kid I have no idea what she goes through so it's ok for her to say that stuff. She might be right but it still doesn't make it ok and I can't talk to her about it without getting shut down. And respect should go both ways and everything. Thoughts?

Not Single dad, imploding
  • replies: 2

I’m on my own with my two boys, youngest is slightly developmentally delayed and eldest is nonverbal severe asd. I am so angry and resentful about my divorce and how I can’t be there as much as possible for my kids, and when I am there I feel frustra... View more

I’m on my own with my two boys, youngest is slightly developmentally delayed and eldest is nonverbal severe asd. I am so angry and resentful about my divorce and how I can’t be there as much as possible for my kids, and when I am there I feel frustrated and aren’t doing the best I can do, and am imploding. I work as a teacher and it’s affecting my work and relationships in all facets of my life. Going to psych isn’t helping, training isn’t helping, meds aren’t helping…any other suggestions as I’m at my wits end

MidnightThinker People don’t like spending time with me
  • replies: 2

So I’m 29 and keep coming to the same realisation as each year passes - I have no real friends. I have some acquaintances, sure, but no actual friends that I talk to on a somewhat regular basis or that want to hang out with me. I posted months ago ab... View more

So I’m 29 and keep coming to the same realisation as each year passes - I have no real friends. I have some acquaintances, sure, but no actual friends that I talk to on a somewhat regular basis or that want to hang out with me. I posted months ago about how no one asks how I am, which is still 100% the case. I can’t help but feel like there has to be something wrong with me - I must be the problem because I’m the only common denominator. I just don’t understand what is so off putting about me or I would fix it. I’m completely alone even when I’m surrounded by people and it sucks. I’m getting close to accepting that this is my life, that no one likes me and they never will. No one really knows me at all because they never care enough to get to know me. As I said in my last post, when I ask how someone is, they never ask me the same question - that’s how bad it really is and I’m not even exaggerating. How do I cope with this reality? I’ve officially given up on trying as of this moment because it honestly hurts a little less than continuing to kid myself into thinking that anyone besides my partner could possibly give a rats behind about me and my unfortunate existence in the world. How do I move on without feeling so worthless?

Guest_37323725 Single Dad, Sole Parent
  • replies: 2

Please delete if not ok. You will never get all of me (at the moment). To give all of me now takes away from my kids. It takes away their father, their stability, their constant. I never want them to feel that anyone is more important than them. They... View more

Please delete if not ok. You will never get all of me (at the moment). To give all of me now takes away from my kids. It takes away their father, their stability, their constant. I never want them to feel that anyone is more important than them. They are #1. I’m sorry - but for now I can only give some, most or a part of me. Depending on the day, depending on the time. I understand if this is unacceptable to you. But it is what it is. Life is about timing and that’s where I’m at. When will you get more of me? When will you get all of me? I don’t know, I can’t answer that.

MrConfused Narcissistic abuse recovery
  • replies: 4

Hello, I feel so stupid & pathetic & I just want to find some people who understand & I will listen to any advice. I was with my partner for 7 years, I've been gaslit, manipulated, mentally and violently abused and cheated on and I just allowed it al... View more

Hello, I feel so stupid & pathetic & I just want to find some people who understand & I will listen to any advice. I was with my partner for 7 years, I've been gaslit, manipulated, mentally and violently abused and cheated on and I just allowed it all to happen, for instance I caught her out on our security cameras cheating with 4 people at once, my neighbour told me, after I flipped out and wanted to harm myself the police who were taking me away said that when they surrounded my house that several neighbours and residents close by had told them of her frequent cheating and that's why I'd flipped out, hell the police told me not to go back but even after all that I let her gaslight me into thinking I was hearing things or that people were setting her up, all the arguments where I'd question her aggressive behaviour or insults of me and somehow it would turn out to be my fault or a tirade of everything id apperently done wrong and I believed it and I'd work on myself to be a better person, many times she hurt me physically and she rationed it out that it was ok because she'd had a hard life and it was my fault for not being more supportive. Then when I left her she made up all these lies about me and tried to turn everyone against me including my own kids even. How did I believe that she loved me? Am I stupid or just not equipped to be in relationships? How did I not leave all the times I knew she was cheating and or not say something? I was so pathetically in love with her and how in the hell did I think she was my soulmate? At times I thought she was so supportive and cared but it was just to throw in my face later or remind me of how weak I am and that I need her. Now I'm alone in a caravan park, I've lost almost everything (my kids have seen it's lies now and a few friends as well) and I just can't make sense of it all. She's moved on to someone new so fast and I'm just sitting here feeling bruised and afraid of people to be honest, my trust for others is just gone. I'm not perfect either and I lost my temper in arguments with her and said things I regret, at the end I lied to her to be other places because I was just so miserable at home and I couldn't take the confrontation anymore. How do you navigate your way out of this? I just want to have some quiet in my head and get rid of this deep sadness in my chest. To anyone who read this or replies thank you in advance, I'm sorry for dumping all this here but I'm alone and I'm lost and I just want someone to talk to.

Loat_trust Cheated upon, coercive controled and blamed
  • replies: 1

I am come out and openly say being a man in Victoria, you have zero chance to be heard. My wife has been cheating for a year and through the period kept blaming me, lying, manipulate, threatened to complain to the police to take the kids. Above all p... View more

I am come out and openly say being a man in Victoria, you have zero chance to be heard. My wife has been cheating for a year and through the period kept blaming me, lying, manipulate, threatened to complain to the police to take the kids. Above all physically assaulted me multiple times and my kids. But when I finally got an IVO against her all she had to do is put a false report against me. Vic Police was so accomodating with her about her false accusations which were historical, but when it came to me I struggled first to even give a statement. The details of her cheating and how it impacted me including getting assualt by the man (causing fractured ribs) was not relevant. Her simple allegation of me damaging a bathroom door got me charged with indicitable offence, but her assualt in presence of my kids and parents, resulting in stitches on my ear was not enough to charge her. As a man if I sought help the authorities accused me of using the system. There is no hope here for men, I do agree as a gender we are more responsible for family violence, but not all men are same. My lawyers are amazed, and yes we will contest it. But how long is one can go on like this. What can I do? No perm add, funds are drained so bad. Is there any place I can be heard ?

Stick_figure- Mental health, relationship & stonewalling.
  • replies: 1

I need advice, have thought so much that nothing makes sense to me anymore. I have been with my partner for fair few years now, boundaries have been pushed and tempers have been lost but I do love him. I have had my brother in hospital with a brain i... View more

I need advice, have thought so much that nothing makes sense to me anymore. I have been with my partner for fair few years now, boundaries have been pushed and tempers have been lost but I do love him. I have had my brother in hospital with a brain injury for 7 months which has been a living nightmare to say the least. I have had many breakdowns and 3/4 months in my partner said he's leaving me while angry. A week later he came back and said all the right things. As of a few weeks ago, he told me he had been at another girls house and had slept together but there were no real feelings. We had huge fight and both become violent.We realised how messed up that was, spoke about everything and then got back on track. He wanted me to try more and I was willing I offered to stay on a weds but he had few too many beers with his dad and staying there. I offered again Thurs and seemed off. He then told me that she had stuff going on and asked to stay and had lied the night before. They had been in seperate rooms. I went to confront him, and he came out gate charging me. I had to go back hospital and the whole time he was saying he would come see me. To then ignore me so I showed up. He kept me outside like a dog while she hid away in spare room. He then locked me out as I was banging on windows he actually called cops. I had already reported violent encounters. He then vanishes for several days, reaching out as suited him and ignoring attempts from me.Had eventually met up and calmed down. He assumes me that he was only helping a friend. It's the lack of truth, defending her (court cases pending) attacking me like I did the wrong thing and all round disrespect that got me. To then very recently find out he said to a guy that he loved her but that was supposedly to stop him from cracking on to her... But came out she was someone he was seeing years before and there was interest. He still defends himself saying he was there for a friend but should have included me and not lie. Then says "I don't have to worry because she won't talk to him because she thinks he's a liar and what not" I'm struggling to get my head around this, he expects me to just move passed it. I am exhausted and at hospital everyday for my brother. I just don't even know what's real amymore. I just want to feel safe again. Any advice/feedback would be appreciated

Guest_05560001 15yrs
  • replies: 1

I am so lost, I am in the early stages of seperation after 15yrs of marriage, we have a son, him and I are looking after each other but I still feel so lost, sad, empty and some days really numb. She said she just wants to be her, I have never felt s... View more

I am so lost, I am in the early stages of seperation after 15yrs of marriage, we have a son, him and I are looking after each other but I still feel so lost, sad, empty and some days really numb. She said she just wants to be her, I have never felt so lost, and heartbroken, I love her more than anything else in the world, how do pull myself out of this hole for myself and be strong for my son.

Flowergirl97 Narcissistic family members
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone,I am in my late 20s, have experienced generalised and social anxiety and depression at times in my life. I always felt inferior to my older sibling growing up and that one of my parents simply didn’t ‘get’ me. But I have noticed that my s... View more

Hi everyone,I am in my late 20s, have experienced generalised and social anxiety and depression at times in my life. I always felt inferior to my older sibling growing up and that one of my parents simply didn’t ‘get’ me. But I have noticed that my sibling has been extra stressed recently and has obviously been taking issues out on me (getting angry at me about normally insignificant things that aren’t my fault and insulting me). And this got me curious and wondering WHY is this happening. WHY would my sibling take issues out on me? So I did what most people do when they are curious about something, I googled it. And in my reading, narcissism came up as a reoccurring theme. I have been aware that my sibling lacks empathy towards me for a long time, but it has come as a big shock to realise- oh this has actually been an ongoing experience in my life- of my sibling belittling me, insults, telling lies, manipulating me, changing an opinion, anger when they don’t get their own way, expecting me to do things for them. 100s of experiences I have had with them have flooded back into my brain and it is concerning. I knew one of my parents was similar due to more recent experiences of manipulation, selfishness, and lies from them, but now my sibling as well?If anyone out there has a similar family dynamic, how have you coped? What have you done to prevent being manipulated?How did you realise your family member was like this? Or is there any advice you can give me?

Guest_64596266 Feeling lost and confused
  • replies: 2

Would love some advise I've been dating my partner for almost four years now whenever we lay in bed and hug it's more like his lening on me with a close fist whenever I see him hug his family he has open hands. Whenever he sits next to me on the loun... View more

Would love some advise I've been dating my partner for almost four years now whenever we lay in bed and hug it's more like his lening on me with a close fist whenever I see him hug his family he has open hands. Whenever he sits next to me on the lounge he loosely holds my hand if he sits and holds the hand of his Nan mum daughter etc he holds them tightly My partner also really gets into wanting sex with me when he works around women he'll come home wanting it where if he isn't working he rejects it so much Lately his been having a lot of sexual dreams over the years when he has wet dreams his never ever told me they are about us he just says he don't have them however for the first time the other day he said I'm intiled to have a dream every now and then This man knows I've never been loved never been treated like a woman he knows I adore him so much he sees it and states it because it's true I love him so much I just don't feel the same in return I feel like I'm just here if he needs something yes I've talked to him