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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions is worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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SC333 Married and Done...
  • replies: 4

I'm a married 35yo mother of two boys.Married for 13 years - during this time, I have been loyal, loving hard & forgiving my husband for his actions (that were not acceptable, not keeping boundaries, flirting, visit to the prostitute etc). I would sa... View more

I'm a married 35yo mother of two boys.Married for 13 years - during this time, I have been loyal, loving hard & forgiving my husband for his actions (that were not acceptable, not keeping boundaries, flirting, visit to the prostitute etc). I would say in total, I could count 5+ events that had affected me which I approached him about but was brushed off. He is an extrovert & loves company of others while I'm an introvert & focus on the inner peace.I think it came to a point where one day I woke up & felt 'I am done' - but FT work, kids etc - I don't think I had the time to think.We had a flatmate 'N' who moved in soon after - a young man in his late 20's who had come out of a broken place & wanted space away from everything he went through - which he chose our place.Him & I got along well - we would open up to me about his past, which was quite dark & had just broken up with his partner so both being quite broken, we connected.Hubby didn't like this & told me to keep my distance, that he feels 'N' isn't keeping his boundaries.That is when I flipped - talking to him for hours is nothing compared to what you did & how you brushed me off, yet, you expect me to listen to how you feel? I think at that point I knew I was done & it hit me hard. I broke down in front of hubby & exploded with all my emotions going back 13 years until now - & how I feel about him now = no emotions, no love, just numb. Not even angry anymore. That if he was to go flirt now, I'll feel fine. Since then, all hell broke lose.

Guest_36806187 Support for partner of someone with chronic pain
  • replies: 1

I'm hoping someone can offer assistance. My partner (currently ex, but still living under the same roof) has had injuries and been on work cover for 4.5 years. I have done my best to support them the best I knew how to and we are at a point where I a... View more

I'm hoping someone can offer assistance. My partner (currently ex, but still living under the same roof) has had injuries and been on work cover for 4.5 years. I have done my best to support them the best I knew how to and we are at a point where I am being blamed for their problems and the state of their mental health. I want them to move out, but it is not happening so I am living in this state of toxicity and aggression 24/7 as they are always home, and I work from home. Looking for some coping strategies / ideas?!

Wan Dealing with own emotion
  • replies: 1

Hello,I need some help dealing with my own emotions. I was born overseas. When I was young, I saw my father hit my mum a lot until they separated. Since then, I've been scared of men. Many years have passed, and I got married to a very good man, and ... View more

Hello,I need some help dealing with my own emotions. I was born overseas. When I was young, I saw my father hit my mum a lot until they separated. Since then, I've been scared of men. Many years have passed, and I got married to a very good man, and we have two sons together. We moved to Australia. The problem is, my husband is a mama's boy, and my mother-in-law is very attached to her son. This makes me feel upset, angry every time I see them together, insecure, and left out. I'm also not sure if my feelings of jealousy and being left out are directly related to my childhood trauma. I don't like feeling this way. What should I do?"

beachaholic3 Smell of Breakup
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, revisiting my most recent and final breakup before I decided to forget relationships altogether. For me the smell of cigarette smoke and hospital wards just scream 'breakup'. I remember losing my job, being addicted to cigarettes and alc... View more

Hi everyone, revisiting my most recent and final breakup before I decided to forget relationships altogether. For me the smell of cigarette smoke and hospital wards just scream 'breakup'. I remember losing my job, being addicted to cigarettes and alcohol and wandering the halls of the emergency/psychiatric ward with no purpose and waiting for it all to be over and done with. Apparently I was too codependent to the point of my partner feeling 'responsible for my happiness'. My life has been shit for the last 10 years. I retraced it all to the day I stepped foot into Year 7 and the teacher said 'ladies and gentlemen, your lives from now on will change. You're adults now'. I've found peace and fulfillment by regressing in maturity and personality back to when I was a wee lad. Not everyone is impressed but if I've learnt anything, it's that I don't exist to please others. I've spent 10 years doing that shit

Riri Cross roads
  • replies: 5

I have been married for two years and known my husband for five. Im quiet independent with a secure attachment style his is more insecure and a little co dependent. My parents never approved and still don't. I have always had my own things in life an... View more

I have been married for two years and known my husband for five. Im quiet independent with a secure attachment style his is more insecure and a little co dependent. My parents never approved and still don't. I have always had my own things in life and been happy with work and family around me. I have lived in the big smoke my entire life and had strong connections and proximity to family. My partner does not have strong family connections and does not like city living especially as we are living in my mother's rental and due to that situation, my partner pushed for us to buy own own house, in a reginal town as a compromise, so an hours drive from my family. We have renovated our house for the last three years. Our stuff is in there, well half of it. I'm no longer feeling comfortable with the move due to how we have been lately. There is no intimacy or emotional connection between us and I don't feel I can be vulnerable around him most of the time. He does not validate my emotions or opinions and becomes upset at me. I have been seeing a counselor for 2 years. And we have tried couples counseling. I get upset quite a bit as I persist on my boundaries and at times this has ment leaving the house Renos and driving back in storms, pitch black and in tears. I'm worried that if I move there the behaviours may continue or become worse. He has depression and is not dealing with it but promises he will. He also suffers PTSD after a near death experience and a previous divorce. His not a controlling person in actions but words seem it although not so obvious and often leave me confused and doubting my own feelings and perception. He says I need to change my perception and think of him in a generous way...when I try to explain that this leads to lack of intimacy he will deny any responsibility. He simply says I need to man up and move forward with my life. He tells me it's not healthy to be under my parents thumb and living in their place(rental). I'm feeling hurt and lonely. We don't have kids. I'm not sure if there is any point continuing with the marriage. He is a nice person but I feel we clash alot. I could leave now and move on with my old life quiet easily but if I move from where I am I feel it will be to hard to move back. He says he will try his hardest, but I'm not sure how when he can't hear what I'm saying. I can't simply flick a switch. I don't know if there is any hope.

Clara1 Worried About My Mother
  • replies: 3

I am in a very bad mood today after talking to my mother. I don’t know if this is her fault or my fault. I feel confused and I am not sure who I can turn to for help. She says I don’t appreciate her and she makes me feel like I did something wronge t... View more

I am in a very bad mood today after talking to my mother. I don’t know if this is her fault or my fault. I feel confused and I am not sure who I can turn to for help. She says I don’t appreciate her and she makes me feel like I did something wronge to her. Sometimes I am just not sure what to say to her.

Guest_41412403 Been feeling lonely
  • replies: 1

Hi so I've had family issues from 15yr old my family dad wasn't the best teaching me skills I had to learn myself dad got marry 3 times my real mum suide when I was 3 my sis was 9 second step mum abused me but they divorced I left home at 15 I'm not ... View more

Hi so I've had family issues from 15yr old my family dad wasn't the best teaching me skills I had to learn myself dad got marry 3 times my real mum suide when I was 3 my sis was 9 second step mum abused me but they divorced I left home at 15 I'm not sure if it's a faze but things are getting to me I'm have 2 one she's 28 nearly married and 16yr boy I'm regretting now that I didn't have another baby close age as my son has mental health cognitive imparment ODD /ADHA since 12 it started till now I've moved mountain to get help from phys to dulea but was always up to him as ODD there's no residential treatment in Australia only oversea but always up to him so put all my focus on him so now is in jail one month now he sees phsy and others because by force then I had to put my dog down of 16yrs 2 Month's ago so now I'm 47 been struggling if I had one close would it be different been on drugs most of my life that's why I put off having another due to him sick in hospital but now it's haunting me am I going through menopause I'm getting depression again I see family's with kids makes me sad it's hitting me hard now how can I cope I don't go anywhere how can I stop regrets

Ken2024 problem with marriage
  • replies: 1

I'm 45 and my wife is 41, we've married since 2018. My wife lost one of her ovary during surgical complication and she had another surgery on her other ovary hence there's little left. Based on the above issues she no longer interest with sex and I u... View more

I'm 45 and my wife is 41, we've married since 2018. My wife lost one of her ovary during surgical complication and she had another surgery on her other ovary hence there's little left. Based on the above issues she no longer interest with sex and I understand. We tried IVF (only her family know about it, I cannot discuss to anyone but my boss as my wife believe my parents will tell everyone) and finally succeeded two years ago, we love our daughter but I was overwhelmed with chores (some of her demands can be tedious, laborious and illogical but I still have to do it), feeling undervalue as I no longer believe I mean much to my wife and frustrated when my daughter cried for mommy ever I'm next to her. She wanted to go for another IVF but her age making it ever more difficult (even the IVF specialist believed the previous one to be a miracle), I supported her decision as I won't deny her right, however I worry and fear for a few years of fruitless journey. I'm getting more frustrated with the lack of sex life recently and she finally agreed on Sunday night, the entire experience was dreadful, turning her back on me and playing with cell phone, showing me videos of a jealous husband toward his daughter and laughed (I do not found it funny), and I still remembered looking at her disgusting dark blue sweater. The event felt like I'm dying on thirst and begged her for water, she poured the water on the floor and I licked the floor as I'm dying on thirst. I'm currently experiencing signs of depressions (I had depression since high school hence "hello darkness my old friend, I come to visit you again") including shutting myself to her (I no longer want to look and talk to her since Sunday, she didn't understand why and I can't be bothered to explain to her as I already know the outcome), lack of energy and motivation (tired), don't want to leave the bed but have to as my office is my last sanctuary (I don't want to know what's my plan on weekend) with minor tears (my previous depression involved uncontrol crying for every 4 hours and I certainly don't want to happen again).

Robby60 Single Fatherhood
  • replies: 3

Anyone other single fathers lived through co-raising a child with a reasonably intelligent, manipulative, superficially engaged but covertly resentful, sabotaging and destructive mother very good at duping school staff and assorted people into believ... View more

Anyone other single fathers lived through co-raising a child with a reasonably intelligent, manipulative, superficially engaged but covertly resentful, sabotaging and destructive mother very good at duping school staff and assorted people into believing they are wonderful and you are sullen? It really, really sucks. I don’t have any pressing issue right now but the effect of going through this has left me mistrustful, unwilling to be alone with any female and rather socially isolated. I wonder if there’s other single fathers who feel this way.

MrsNellie Spouse with addiction
  • replies: 1

My husband has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. He has a porn addiction and has had for many years. The porn doesn’t bother me, it’s the messaging of other women sending photos etc that does. I tried to get onboard a few years ago and was joining i... View more

My husband has recently been diagnosed with ADHD. He has a porn addiction and has had for many years. The porn doesn’t bother me, it’s the messaging of other women sending photos etc that does. I tried to get onboard a few years ago and was joining in with him but I didn’t like the time it was taking from us. he agreed to stop, but then found out later he was still messaging said gym friend on a different social media platform and was deleting everything so I wouldn’t find it. we had some time apart and have been working hard on fixing things. he acknowledged this was out of his control because of the ADHD (not medicated yet). But I’ve recent had a feeling something was off. I’ve since found he has an only fan account and a secret email address. I also think he has a seperate messenger account but I have no prof of him sending messages as I can’t access the actual content. I don’t know how to approach the subject because I was snooping through his devices which isn’t right. Even if I do approach him he will bluntly lie. Is this normal behaviour for ADHD? Should I just let it go. I don’t want to break our family up we have 2 kids that dote on him. this is giving me so much anxiety, I don’t sleep, and just don’t feel happy like I use to. I don’t know what to do. I love him but not the addiction.