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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Earth Girl Ex friends that want revenge
  • replies: 2

Back in college, I was semi friends with C. Another girl called T who was also at college kept telling me to add her on Facebook. I thought she was nice, but I didn't want to be close friends with T because I didn't think we would get along if we bec... View more

Back in college, I was semi friends with C. Another girl called T who was also at college kept telling me to add her on Facebook. I thought she was nice, but I didn't want to be close friends with T because I didn't think we would get along if we became friends and I knew that if I added her on Facebook, that she would try to become a lot closer and be friends. I eventually caved in because of the pressure she was putting on me to add her. I talked to her a few times on there (I liked her, I just didn't want to be close with her and I thought it would probably be okay to just chat) which I didn't think made us friends. A couple years later, I became friends with A at CIT, but after a while I grew out of the friendship. I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I stayed friends with her. I realized I also grew out of the friendship with C. My sister told me to just tell her I'm busy when she invited me to parties so I did that for a few years and after a while, she one day let me know that she was okay with me not hanging out with them anymore, but she was there if I needed her. I didn't understand what she meant though by the way she explained it to me so long story short, we ended up becoming friend-friends and she kept asking me to hang out and I felt like I was very wishywashy with all of it because I didn't know what to do. I ended up deleting C and T on Facebook and trying to let A know as politely as I could that I didn't want to be friends anymore and I read on a site after this that they all want revenge on me for "pretending to be friends with them."

Loveanimals This Needs To End
  • replies: 6

My 19 year old son lives with me. I have posted before about him. I love him but he is driving me into an early grave. He does absolutely nothing other than his three hour shifts at a takeaway restaurant; of which he does maybe three per week...of wh... View more

My 19 year old son lives with me. I have posted before about him. I love him but he is driving me into an early grave. He does absolutely nothing other than his three hour shifts at a takeaway restaurant; of which he does maybe three per week...of which he has me drive him to and pick him up from. As he refused to take driving lessons with me and his licence expired. He slobs around and eats everything in the house. Makes mess and doesn't clean it up. Asks for smokes and booze and takeaway although he has spent his pay. Takes 30 minute showers. Etc etc ad nauseum. Refuses to address his university studies for which he was failing at end of 2023. Menawhile I work part time and run the show. I am a tidy and neat person. To feel all of my efforts are in vain as he has no pride over anything. I had a go at him before and he had the audacity to say that I am selfish???!!! It is like living in a toxic marriage...but I have no way out!! There is nowhere he could go! His dad has remarried and doesn't want him ( he never did hence the divorce but that is another story). He has no friends. No money. No motivation. No self respect. It is killing me. I am the total opposite to him. I have worked all of my life and had no hand outs from anyone. I got my own licence on my own dollar. I always respected my elders and god forbid if I stepped wrong. I dislike him intensely. He is not the person I tried to bring up decently, he throws everything back at me and makes me feel like rubbish. I do not understand and I am hating my so called life. I have tried everything to help him and it is all for nothing. Counselling, sports/hobbies, big discussions...writing up contracts etc etc. All goes to nothing within a day or so.He is likely depressed due to his weight but he refused to go to the gym or do anything about it. I am beyond besides myself. I actually don't have anything to look forward to other than more of this bullshit every single day. The only escape for me is booze and that will do me in I guess. I don't even really want it but when the shit hits the fan everysingleday with him....I do it because it numbs me to a degree. I just want a peaceful life. He is drama through and through. When he finishes work he raves on about how shit it is...I then remind him this is why he is studying (?!) at uni so he won't be trapped in that life....nup . Might as well go outside and bang my head on the brick wall. He will be the death of me.

Laney-BB1234 Loneliness as a High Schooler
  • replies: 5

I feel so goddamn lonely. Like I have friends, but no one rlly ever asks me to hang out with them, and now that its school holidays I feel extra lonely. I have hung out with one friend only, and I feel so, so alone. I feel like I'm worthless, and tha... View more

I feel so goddamn lonely. Like I have friends, but no one rlly ever asks me to hang out with them, and now that its school holidays I feel extra lonely. I have hung out with one friend only, and I feel so, so alone. I feel like I'm worthless, and that people hate me, even though I doubt thats true. Reading other peoples experiences with loneliness only makes me feel more sad. I cant even rlly talk to my family because there's certain parts of my identity I have to hide from them, therefore im always walking on eggshells around them. I just dont know what to do anymore. I see people my age on social media having fun with their friends and it makes me wonder why i cant be like that. Pls if anyone has some advice pls share.

Elle81 Feeling A Little Lost
  • replies: 2

Where do I start because I don't have one big issue but a couple of small ones that just seem to escalate in me. I feel my marriage is lacking love & affection (i feel more like one of his employees), we have 3 young children who rely on me for every... View more

Where do I start because I don't have one big issue but a couple of small ones that just seem to escalate in me. I feel my marriage is lacking love & affection (i feel more like one of his employees), we have 3 young children who rely on me for everything & I feel so overwhelmed to the point where i will leave to have a breather but then cant think clearly & feel so much guilt, I had to give up my very successful career and I struggle with asking my husband for money (no shared accounts) as prior I've always been very independent. My husband also frequently uses the excuse that he is the one working & making the money to get out of supporting me around the house with the kids, pets and general maintenance...it's all lumped on me. My health is declining, I'm not sleeping. I always have the attitude of just get on with it and I'm very patient with my children but I'm suffocating. I can't seem to find time for myself my hubby leaves at 5am and gets home at 8pm -9pm from the restaurant we have no other family support moving here from overseas and I also have only met a few school mums but haven't build solid relationships yet.If anyone has any ideas on how I can reorganise my life, I'm all ears.

Kez77 How long do you keep trying to help
  • replies: 2

So my partner has taken himself of meds and is just nasty and scary. I have supported him through the hard times and his out rages, verbal and physical abuse and has been months and still no change since his change in meds from addiction 30 years ago... View more

So my partner has taken himself of meds and is just nasty and scary. I have supported him through the hard times and his out rages, verbal and physical abuse and has been months and still no change since his change in meds from addiction 30 years ago and now back on what was working for him and taken himself off his mood meds and now just nasty and angry and will not listen to me or family that needs help for they have seen the change in him. I have supported through the 3 months thinking will change but it isn't and he doesn't want to accept needs help just blames me for everything, just goes to work comes home and hides in spare room and says nothing. Feels like he hates himself so much for all the nasty things has said and done to people and me that is just easier to pretend. I know he has bipolar issues and I have videoed situations so can show him and hoped he would see but just seems to make it worse and I am at the end where I don't know what more to do to help. I know he needs it and I am here still for I love him and know he loves me and when normal we are great but just don't know how to get through to him. I have asked us to go to doctors together and to get therapy together and is now like living in a life where just scared for don't know when will lash out or who I am living with anymore just constantly nasty and negative to me and even our cat is like is just always negative and nasty and just the look of his face I don't know who he is. I do everything I can to make all happy and normal and just get abused and then he runs and hides in spare room. I just don't know what to do anymore and we have a house together and all so isn't a easy split and that's the last thing I want for I am so worried for his own safety and at times my own. Any one have any ideas how I can help him?

HRW1998 Boyfriend watching the same girl in porn videos
  • replies: 3

My partner has been watching these overweight girls on TikTok that are naked or in sexy clothing in the past and I saw them when I went through his phone and confronted him, he said he didn’t know why he was doing it.we have had some issues with him ... View more

My partner has been watching these overweight girls on TikTok that are naked or in sexy clothing in the past and I saw them when I went through his phone and confronted him, he said he didn’t know why he was doing it.we have had some issues with him lying to me about talking to other girls as friends and he has stopped but I struggle to trust him because he lies to me even about small things. I don’t care if he has female friends but I have issues when he lies about it. I recently went through his phone and he is watching the same girl, overweight and naked in her videos dancing and doing other things. I personally am not overweight but am not super skinny. It has given me a lot of anxiety about what he actually finds attractive and why he watches these videos. He watched them on days when we have spent the whole day together and I don’t understand why he is doing it. It makes me really insecure and I know I shouldn’t go through his phone but I am looking for advice on trust and any reasons as to why he does this.

GabbiC Marriage of 23 years completely broken down
  • replies: 1

Hello online forum:My story: I am a woman late fifties whose marriage of 23 years has completely broken down. We have adult children so there is no children to worry about (although of course I still worry about them) I am struggling with how to move... View more

Hello online forum:My story: I am a woman late fifties whose marriage of 23 years has completely broken down. We have adult children so there is no children to worry about (although of course I still worry about them) I am struggling with how to move on and what to do. Basically my husband has been shut down for years, this has been physically, sexually and emotionally and I have been effectively living on my own for most of this time pretending that things are ok. Fast forward and we are now 'separated under the one roof'. Communication has become toxic and high conflict. There is now blame and resentment which is destroying my soul. I also know that it takes 2 for a relationship to work.. but fundamentally there is no love. I know what I need to do, I.E. sell the family home etc... But am only on a small salary and worked so hard all my life to pay the mortgage etc... how will I be able to get into the property market.. but of course, living like this is unbearable. I feel like will I ever find love and joy in my life, I have so much love to give and want to receive love and am crying when I write this.Sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense.. My emotional health is taking a toll.TY for listening.

purrfect Struggling 5 months post breakup
  • replies: 2

Hi all. My bf broke up with me 5 months ago and I’m still struggling to recover. Most mornings I wake up and think about him and everything that went wrong. I also think what am I doing here, what’s the point, and feel very fearful about the future w... View more

Hi all. My bf broke up with me 5 months ago and I’m still struggling to recover. Most mornings I wake up and think about him and everything that went wrong. I also think what am I doing here, what’s the point, and feel very fearful about the future without him. I don’t understand the fear as I know I’m not in physical danger and that I should feel more calm now that I don’t need to worry whether or not he wants to be with me anymore (as he’s obviously made that decision clear to me). I’ve tried keeping up exercising and making friends but my energy has dropped and I feel like I can’t be bothered anymore.

Fka Loss of relationship, job, moved out of ex’s house, loss of animal
  • replies: 3

So a few months ago I ended things with my abusive ex and I moved out and went back to my parents, he kept my dog and I lost my job due to my mental health causing me to not put in as much effort. I’ve been at a loss since then, my ex was a horrible ... View more

So a few months ago I ended things with my abusive ex and I moved out and went back to my parents, he kept my dog and I lost my job due to my mental health causing me to not put in as much effort. I’ve been at a loss since then, my ex was a horrible and cruel person and our relationship was turbulent everyday ended in tears however the first year and a half was perfect and I believed him to be the one. We were going to get married etc. I understand he was not right for me which is why I ended it however it hurt so much to have put so much effort and love into someone my whole heart and to end up with nothing. I’ve lost all interest in my hobbies, I can’t find joy or fun in anything I sit in my room all day everyday I have an incredibly high amount of anxiety, I never really had any friends or much family support so it’s really just me in this, I’ve had issues finding a job as I’m disabled and been rejected from everywhere. I’m at a complete loss and if it doesn’t change I don’t know what will happen. Each day feels harder than the next

blues23 Feeling I guess / unwelcome
  • replies: 2

Long story short. I had a catch up with my dad & rest of my family ( sister & her children) my dad said hello said he was sore i asked if he gone to the dr he then swore at me and said what a stupid fn idea that was I immediately moved away from him ... View more

Long story short. I had a catch up with my dad & rest of my family ( sister & her children) my dad said hello said he was sore i asked if he gone to the dr he then swore at me and said what a stupid fn idea that was I immediately moved away from him and sat at the other side of the table and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the time he was there ( this is about 2 hours as I didn’t want to encourage his behaviour ( this happened a few weeks back to where I mentioned 1 thing and he swore at me again and I froze him out( i did same thing today ) my dad is fairly old nearly 80 but I honestly feel he wants nothing to do with me he doesn’t ask about my life never calls ( only when he wants something off / out of me only then he’s nice ,communicative . I’ve kinda lost the ability to put up with his behaviour anymore) I feel sad as I want my child to have a grandparent ( my mother is not really involved with my child as she was very abusive to us kids growing up / yet my dad forces me to go see her with my daughter at least 3 times a year which if we don’t I get treated badly by my dad and sworn at some more .im very much thinking of cutting contact to only birthdays & Christmas my dad doesn’t speak to my sister like he does to me and goes to her house ( he refuses to go to my house like ever has come once in as many years ( we both live within 10 min of each other so it’s not the distance factor ) my sister’s children have noticed the difference in communication between what my sister gets and the way our dad treats me and the refusal to visit at my house and this has gone on for years and years my sister says it’s just him being old I think it’s a little more than that , am I being unreasonable if I stop this relationship? I love my dad as does my child and I feel bad if I do stop it due to my child missing out on a grandparent. And I also feel bad as if I don’t see him anymore I may regret it as time goes on