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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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wendlle Husband won't take ownership of his affair
  • replies: 3

There is a lot of context but I'll be quick as possible.We were separated for a few years, both single the entire time and still communicating.In January he started seeing someone that he knew as a teenager (they dated and were intimate as teens) he ... View more

There is a lot of context but I'll be quick as possible.We were separated for a few years, both single the entire time and still communicating.In January he started seeing someone that he knew as a teenager (they dated and were intimate as teens) he was seeing her for 2 months then something sparked in us and he came home and we got back together.We have two kids aged 5 and 8 for reference also. It has been 3 months and I just found out he has been sexting her the entire 3 months he has been home, he has also gone to her house numerous time. I don't believe he has had sex with her on these visits, this is more emotional.The texts were really disgusting and involved photos on her side where she is naked and worse - very sexual like porn. My husband was fully responding to them all. He is refusing to take full ownership of this, I want us to work it out and move forward but he just keeps saying "I don't think this will work" he won't share his password with me so I can build trust with him which just makes me think there are more secrets to come. I'm so lost and lonely and sad, I've never felt so betrayed before but I don't want to lose him again.He says he has cut all ties, but without his passwords I'll never know. Says he loves me and not her and basically says it like "if i wanted to be with her i would be, but i'm here" like i'm supposed to be grateful he is here even though his mind has been on his ex.We have been married for 12 years and together for 17 - he has been with this woman for 2 months.What gives????

Jessksch I felt stressed and just so upset my partner doesn't ask about my day?!
  • replies: 1

So I know my fiance is kind, is very loyal and honest towards me and respects and treats me as an equal. However, today I was going through a very stressed out situation and when I came home he just talked about his work and not once asked how I was.... View more

So I know my fiance is kind, is very loyal and honest towards me and respects and treats me as an equal. However, today I was going through a very stressed out situation and when I came home he just talked about his work and not once asked how I was. When I do talk about my day, he stays quiet and changes the topic and doesn't engage with me. I have talked to him how this bothers me, he always talks about his day, never about how I'm feeling, how are things going for me? Etc... When I talk about my day, he either changes the topic or, he talks about how much worse he has it than me. We get along amazingly otherwise, but he's also not physically affectionate in any way but I can go without it really. We are planning a future together and have been together for over 10 years, it just has gotten worse and worse as he's going through a stressful period (I try to cheer him up all the time, ask about his day, he vents to me every day on his way home about his work, I buy him snacks, settle things he can't while he's at work etc...)... When he got home today I didn't talk much and he seemed a bit annoyed, but I just couldn't deal with talking to someone who deosn't care to listen to me. The problem is, nobody ever does, and I engage with people, ask questions about their day, how something made them feel etc...so I am always the one people come to to vent, but when I want to talk about something, nobody wants to listen. I just want him to realize on his own that this doesn't make me want to talk to him. I told him thousands of times already and I kind of checked out, but still think it's rude of me to just be mean and not ask about his day. I can really use advice, because we have been through so much together and this is just something little that has been gnawing at me so much

Elham Heartbroken
  • replies: 1

Hi family I am kinda heartbroken as going through divorce and only lived together for two months, there is a feeling of anger and loveso many factors but how to move on as i think about her 24/7

Hi family I am kinda heartbroken as going through divorce and only lived together for two months, there is a feeling of anger and loveso many factors but how to move on as i think about her 24/7

MeccaAddict I don’t want to be married anymore
  • replies: 9

Hello,As the title says, I don’t want to be married anymore & I don’t know how to do this. On paper, life seems perfect. We both have great jobs, a lovely house, 2 amazing kids (3&7) and we are actually good friends. I feel absolutely no spark anymor... View more

Hello,As the title says, I don’t want to be married anymore & I don’t know how to do this. On paper, life seems perfect. We both have great jobs, a lovely house, 2 amazing kids (3&7) and we are actually good friends. I feel absolutely no spark anymore. I had an affair last year and whilst I have ended it and have no feelings for the person anymore, I know in my heart that I no longer love my husband. He’s a good man however we have no chemistry. I don’t even think it’s an issue for him that there’s nothing there between us anymore. He’s just happy and content plodding along, focusing mainly on the kids and work, whereas I feel there’s got to be more than this.We have been together 12 years and even looking back to when we met at 23, I feel he was a safe choice and there was not a lot of passion (albeit more than now, but certainly lacking compared to previous partners) between us but I overlooked it as he was just such a nice guy.I’m 35 now and have grown up and know I want more but the thought of being the one of blow up my family kills me. I wish all day long he’d fall out of love/realise he doesn’t want to do this but I don’t think he will. The decision will fall on my shoulders.I was out with my sister last week and even she said to me ‘your husband is such a great guy, you guys can never split up.’ And I know she means well, but the guilt that I don’t want him anymore kills me.It also kills me that I’d blow up my kids lives (in particular the eldest child) who would be so sad being away from mum/dad with shared custody.Do I just suck it up/sacrifice my happiness? I feel my mind is made up but I’m staying because I don’t know how to do this.

Justsad Sad and lonely
  • replies: 2

Im a 42 yr old single female living by myself and wfh. I have depression, anxiety and PPPD. Wasted my youth on abusive partners which has caused me to have zero trust in men.I am incredibly lonely, depressed and angry on the wknds and feel there is n... View more

Im a 42 yr old single female living by myself and wfh. I have depression, anxiety and PPPD. Wasted my youth on abusive partners which has caused me to have zero trust in men.I am incredibly lonely, depressed and angry on the wknds and feel there is no point to life. All I do is work hard during the week to pay for a crappy unit to then have a lonely depressed wknd. I see no point in life and am also embarrassed that im alone. The pain is unbearable thunk I just want to vent. Thanks for reading.

Moving forward happy Feeling paralysed and unable to do anything
  • replies: 1

My partner and I have been fighting recently, mostly over my 9 year old son. I think he’s too harsh, so I defend him, then I’m belittling him, but I can’t stand by and watch him scream and yell and search for reasons to be angry at him because I don’... View more

My partner and I have been fighting recently, mostly over my 9 year old son. I think he’s too harsh, so I defend him, then I’m belittling him, but I can’t stand by and watch him scream and yell and search for reasons to be angry at him because I don’t think he’s that bad. He does the usual stuff a kid of his age does but overall he is a really good kid and I don’t feel he (or anyone for that matter) deserves to be screamed and yelled at. I’ve tried a million ways to explain this to him but nothing works and he’s at it again, two minutes later. Then when we start fighting I’m finding myself feeling really down, down to the point I’m not doing anything I know I should be doing, I almost feel as if I’m paralysed, I look around me and know I have to get up and take care of things, or go to school or work, make certain important phone calls, pick up my son from school and I just can’t do any of it. I have no motivation what so ever and it’s frustrating, I just feel so lost in it. I know other people fight with their partners and they still get up and do the things they need to do for the day but I can’t and I dont know how to stop doing this to myself. I just feel so overwhelmed and lost.

Bee1998 Heavily grieving the loss of my beloved Grandmother, and my partner hasn’t been very available
  • replies: 1

I lost my Grandmother one week ago, on the 9th of May. She had been diagnosed with bowel cancer about a year and a half ago, and two weeks ago, she fell over on the tiles at home and hit her head. She was admitted into hospital, with bleeding to the ... View more

I lost my Grandmother one week ago, on the 9th of May. She had been diagnosed with bowel cancer about a year and a half ago, and two weeks ago, she fell over on the tiles at home and hit her head. She was admitted into hospital, with bleeding to the brain. Only a few days later, she passed away suddenly while in hospital. This has been the hardest loss that I have experienced by far. I was crying and worrying about my Grandma passing since I was a child, for my entire childhood. I am now 26, and it has been so difficult time in my life. My grandma wasn’t just a grandma, she was my absolute everything. She was the person who guided me through my entire life. She was my teacher, my parent (she practically raised me, as my mum was abusive, and my father was absent), she was my superhero, and the superglue to our entire family. She was my best friend. I went to see her in hospital the day of her passing. This was the first time I had seen anyone deceased, and it was an intense moment for me. For the entire week after she passed, I couldn’t stop crying. I would wake up early every morning, and the minute it sunk in again that she was gone, I would burst into tears. I live with my partner, and I have felt as though he hasn’t been overly supportive of me during this extremely sensitive and difficult time for me.He was supportive in the fact that he came with me to visit my Grandma on the day of her passing, but since then, I haven’t felt any form of love from him. Every day, he has been very distant. He hasn’t been spending any time with me (apart from going to buy groceries). He just sits in a seperate room and plays chess. I also haven’t felt any love from him. He hasn’t been affectionate in any way. Also, just two days after my Grandma’s passing, he was asking about sex. And the days following, he was asking me to perform sexual acts on him, despite knowing / seeing how heavily I had been grieving. We were also meant to be going to Rhode Island in America together at the end of June this year, as he needs to go for work, and invited me to come with him. I have never been overseas, and was looking forward to going with him. Just yesterday, he mentioned that it might be best for him to go alone (given the circumstances). I found this odd, because shouldn’t it be my choice whether I feel up to going or not? This has brought a lot of mixed feelings and anxiety for me, as he cheated on me during his last work trip to the United States.

Jessksch Dealing with Depression at work...taking a sick day once a month to deal with stress?
  • replies: 5

So I have been at my job for over a year now, and maybe each month I take one sick day and only work part-time anyways (I know I am very lucky in this case, especially how things are today). Lately they have been putting me on getting things complete... View more

So I have been at my job for over a year now, and maybe each month I take one sick day and only work part-time anyways (I know I am very lucky in this case, especially how things are today). Lately they have been putting me on getting things completed before a certain time frame , so there is a bit of pressure on me, but it has been fine for months and I like that there was a bit of challenge for me. This week has been horrendous though: I have seen a few people in the year crying and being upset in the bathrooms ( about 6 people since this year) and on Mon morning already was someone called in and came out of the main office crying. Then we had a meeting that we were too slow in doing our work and need to prioritize speed over quality of work. Now, this hit me hard as I like giving my best quality of work for individual clients and it was helping them in the long run. It involves health so I want them to get the best of health as I can offer. Since that Monday, I kind of lost it today; the manager and supervisor were also under pressure and kept putting things in front of me, I put things in sections I knew I was rightfully doing, they assumed it put it there so I didn't have to handle the situation, but when I explained it, they were "fine" and put it back. No apology. This aggressive assumption that I was incompetent, as well as how things started this week really set me off. I took off work for tomorrow as when I got home all I could do was fall asleep. I feel so guilty now, since I asked two weeks ago for a day off and they gave it to me for a long weekend, and now I am asking for a day off to rest when things are busy. My head is hurting so much at the moment still and I think the stress of this week alone has made me physically sick with a sinus infection. I guess I kind of needed to vent to people who could understand. I am seeing my psychologist tomorrow for a talk and keep up with my mental health plan.

Guest_41540877 Lonely
  • replies: 1

My husband is an interstate truck driver. He works huge hours and not home alot. I understand his work and why he does it. But when he's home he does some work out in the yard or cleans his truck then he sleeps. That's our lives in a nut shell. We sl... View more

My husband is an interstate truck driver. He works huge hours and not home alot. I understand his work and why he does it. But when he's home he does some work out in the yard or cleans his truck then he sleeps. That's our lives in a nut shell. We sleep in separate bedrooms. There is no intimacy, besides no sex there is no loving intimacy. We never do anything together. I don't ask for much. Today I suggested a couple of drinks on the back verandah and just chat. That ended up with- let's watch a movie with him falling to sleep 5 minutes in to it and me going outside with the dogs.

Sparks16 Feeling very confused
  • replies: 3

Hi everyoneHave posted on here over the years with various things but looking for some advice from people who may have had a similar experience or have some insight to help.Background - been in relationship for 7 years later this year, not married.2 ... View more

Hi everyoneHave posted on here over the years with various things but looking for some advice from people who may have had a similar experience or have some insight to help.Background - been in relationship for 7 years later this year, not married.2 kids togetherRelationship not great and hasn't been for years, sleep in separate rooms no intimacy, nothing for years but trying to work through it and make it work for the most part.Got into a massive fight in the car the other day that got physical.I was driving and accidently took a sharper turn than I meant causing my girlfriend to spill a hot drink on her freshly lasered skin on her face.I instantly felt terrible and looked to pull over once It was safe to do so but before I could she started screaming obscenities at me and punching me in the side of the head telling me I did it on purpose.Gashed my arm trying to protect myself, I managed to pull over and grabbed her arms to stop her hitting me eventually.Miraculous I didn't crash the car or at least run up a kerbAll this happened while my 3 year old daughter was in the car.She has gotten physical probably a dozen times in the past, I for one have never laid a hand on her.In the aftermath I am the one who gets called the abuser, the narcissist and blamed for it, 5 days of silent treatment etc.Would this be grounds for most people to leave a relationship? Constantly being accused of being the abusive one but am failing to see how this could be the case when I feel im the one who is being hit, put down, belittled, controlled, manipulatedAny advice or insight would be greatThank you