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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Quiettall Rejection of my attempts to contact family
  • replies: 5

Just before Christmas 2013 my daughter had her second child, which was my 2nd grandchild. I was so excited for her but only found out after I hadnt heard from her for weeks, through her Facebook postings. This was even though I had emailed, texted an... View more

Just before Christmas 2013 my daughter had her second child, which was my 2nd grandchild. I was so excited for her but only found out after I hadnt heard from her for weeks, through her Facebook postings. This was even though I had emailed, texted and posted to her regularly leading up to the birth encouraging and supporting her and suggesting I visit her as soon as the baby is born. I'm in Brisbane and feel as if she and her brother have deliberately cut me out of their life. The only reason I can put this down to is that when their mother and I divroced back in 1991, their mother threatened that she would make sure I had no further relationship or contact with my children. I was not abusive or anything like that. I still remain caring and constantly reaching out to the kids, encouraging them, telling them how proud I am of them.It is so devastating being deliberately cut out of their lives and particularly my 2 grandchildren. I have only seen my grandson twice in his ten years, both times because I made the effort to fly down and spend time with them.

becky_1992 Cruel ex partner
  • replies: 3

Hello, I was in a 2.5 year relationship with a man who ended our relationship by telling me he never loved me and would never marry me. I feel hurt, angered, upset and betrayed as when we first met, he portrayed himself as a family man to me and I th... View more

Hello, I was in a 2.5 year relationship with a man who ended our relationship by telling me he never loved me and would never marry me. I feel hurt, angered, upset and betrayed as when we first met, he portrayed himself as a family man to me and I thought our goals aligned. He said some very cruel things like even at the start of our relationship he was ‘excited but not in love’ and even during sex he never felt strongly about me. I’m devastated. I contacted his two ex partners and was shocked to learn he said the same to them, almost the exact words. ‘I will never marry you and I never loved you’. He was with them both for 3 years each. I feel so broken, upset and fragile. Im not sure how to move on from this immense pain I feel.

mark8661 Cause for concern
  • replies: 3

My partner is going overseas for 5 weeks with her daughters. Originally, it was ment to be her and her 2 older daughters, however the ex husband has decided he wanted to tag along.It caused alot of stress for my partner to make the decision and she e... View more

My partner is going overseas for 5 weeks with her daughters. Originally, it was ment to be her and her 2 older daughters, however the ex husband has decided he wanted to tag along.It caused alot of stress for my partner to make the decision and she eventually caved and said yes to more so please her daughter. The ex husband broke up with his partner to go on the trip.He cheated on my partner twice in the past and they have been separated for 6 years. I don't trust his motivations in wanting to go, as he has said he didn't want to miss out on the trip with his daughters who are 25 and 22. I am being assured there is nothing to worry about, however the bpd and overthinking in me is another story. Am I right to feel anxious about it?

Georgyp Being Brave
  • replies: 3

Hi all,I have been with my partner for 10 yrs, and it has not always been easy. I have suffered terribly with hormonal issues for a good part of those 10 yrs , undiagnosed until recently. I tried antidepressants and every natural remedy under the sun... View more

Hi all,I have been with my partner for 10 yrs, and it has not always been easy. I have suffered terribly with hormonal issues for a good part of those 10 yrs , undiagnosed until recently. I tried antidepressants and every natural remedy under the sun to try and have some consistency with my moods. Anyway, long story short, i have felt misunderstood and blamed for my outbursts for years, I have asked for my partner to read or listen to podcasts that explains my hormonal disturbance, so he may be more understanding and not say things that trigger reactions. I asked for a separation the other day as i can no longer cope with trying to make an effort and receiving nothing in return, Im just so heart broken.I understand he has probably had enough but at the same time I feel so let down that i didn't matter enough to him to try and help and understand me. I am a nurse and a very loving caring person and only wanted to have that reciprocated from him. I still love him and I know the decision to seperate is probably the right one, but I am really struggling to maintain my courage and brave face, thanks for listening

izzy12345 Jealousy in My Relationship
  • replies: 2

Hi all I'm looking for some advice over a conversation my boyfriend and I had earlier today. I can't helo but feel a little bit like a 'crazy' jealous girlfriend. On Tuesday by boyfriend told me he was going to go to the pub with his friends on Frida... View more

Hi all I'm looking for some advice over a conversation my boyfriend and I had earlier today. I can't helo but feel a little bit like a 'crazy' jealous girlfriend. On Tuesday by boyfriend told me he was going to go to the pub with his friends on Friday. I asked him with with and he told me just old school friends. So I was like ok cool. Thursday rolls around and I ask my boyfriend again who exactly he is going to the pub with and he gives me a list of names. In the list there are two girls that I don't know. There are only about 6 people going. For some context, my boyfriend got around a far bit in high school and I know he hooked up with a lot of the girls at his school (no hate!). So I did ask him if he had ever gotten with either of the girls who were going to this pub and he said yes. He had hooked up with one of the girls two years ago. This immediately made me feel very stressed out. I feel uncomfortable that he is going out to the pub in a small group with a girl, that I don't know, that he's hooked up with before. Is that crazy? The other thing that made me uncomfortable was that he purposely kept this from me. If I hadn't asked he never would've mentioned it. He said that he purposely did not tell me because he knew it would make me stressed out, and he didn't want to stress me. I understand where he's coming from but still I would have preferred to know up front. Is that crazy? It's not like I'm gonna stop him from going or anything, the situation just makes me feel very anxious. I don't want to blame him or make him feel guilty. We had a look discussion about it and he claimed that it is simply not a big deal to him. Like I said, he was got with a lot of women so hook ups just aren't a big deal to him. Of course I understand where he is coming and I don't want to make him feel guilty for his sexual history. All of it happened before he met me so I simply can't hold that against him. This whole situation just makes me very really uncomfortable and I'm not sure how to best communicate this to him without him feeling like he has being attacked, or has done something wrong. Thank you for reading. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

PepTalk9 Losing friendship
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I have been friends with Michael for about 13 years, been friends through university and onto our lives after. He has always been a good friend but has always talked about others behind their back even people he would consider friends and has... View more

Hi all, I have been friends with Michael for about 13 years, been friends through university and onto our lives after. He has always been a good friend but has always talked about others behind their back even people he would consider friends and has at times did not respect my opinion or me. I have known his family for roughly the same time, his parents and his sister have not been the closest. The issue arises as i have been invited to his sister wedding but after she asked Michael if i should come and not because she wanted me there, i felt pressured to say yes, she asked me in person. I have always had severe anxiety and depression and it has taken me alot of time and effort to get my life together, like getting a job, getting into a relationship etc and every step of the way Michael and to some extent his sister (i dont see her often) have made remarks like "i cant believe you have a girlfriend" or "a job" but have said it repeatedly to the point of making it sound like mocking and not genuine excitement, i have asked them to stop but its obvious the lack of respect is there.My family have gotten involved and have advised that if i go to the wedding they will lose respect for me and if i dont i will lose a social circle. I do have to note the wedding is in a week.I do want to note that after an incident that happened early this year i have been distancing myself from Michael but not to the point of cutting them out of my life all together due to my anxiety and depression i have not made any friends and the friends i did make were through Michael. I guess the crux is my anxiety is going crazy on the idea of starting new in my 30's after ending a friendship of more than 10 yearsI normally see my psychologist for these issues but given the time frames now, ill see her in a month I hope this has made sense

Liya_85 Relationship
  • replies: 3

I was seeing a guy last year in October. He is going through a divorce and has a child.And he is going through a lot mentally and he is getting help. I accepted him whole heartedly and continued seeing him.Because of my poor actions one night I lost ... View more

I was seeing a guy last year in October. He is going through a divorce and has a child.And he is going through a lot mentally and he is getting help. I accepted him whole heartedly and continued seeing him.Because of my poor actions one night I lost his faith in me. I admitted that it was my fault and I will learn to handle situations differently and more with calm mind. Learning his ways and how to be with him I gave him his space, respected his boundaries and decisions and chose to wait for him. with his mental condition and trauma now he says he is having issues to accept relationships and commitment and now he doesn’t want me around at all. to add more why he is pushing me away, he says we are two different people, we have different goals in life and I have trust issues. I cleared things and corrected him saying I do not have trust issues. I believe when two people are together they do have the right to ask certain questions. I’m lost and heartbroken. I know we have so much love, care and respect for each other and my heart won’t let him go. I’ve tried to make him understand that we don’t need to be in a relationship right now and asked him not to push me away. I don’t know what else to do. All I can do is pray for him and us.

Guest_4482 Out of the blue
  • replies: 2

My husband and I just had a massive argument. It caught me by surprise as I thought we were rock solid. The crux of the argument was he feels like he can't make me happy. I'm always angry and sad and he says he must be the cause of my misery because ... View more

My husband and I just had a massive argument. It caught me by surprise as I thought we were rock solid. The crux of the argument was he feels like he can't make me happy. I'm always angry and sad and he says he must be the cause of my misery because he doesn't make me happy? I actually adore him. He's so unique and special and I'm so grateful for him. I tell him this. A lot. I'm not a material person, this is my second marriage and what matters most to me is love not money or possessions. He says I'm always stressed and miserable so I must think he is the cause. I don't think that. I've told him that. We both lead very busy lives and live modestly. I'm just tired, stressed about life and exhausted. He's always been the one thing I was sure of. Now I'm wondering if he doesn't want to be with me. Earlier in the argument he basically said sell the house and was ready to leave. By the end of the conversation he said he loved me. We have been together 10 years, 3 children. I'm hurt by some words he used. I felt he really meant them then backpedalled. I know I can be miserable and grouchy. I own that. This argument has really hurtful though. He has a lot going on with his family, and his job. Which would have amped his emotions but he said basically he wanted to end it all , us and his life because I make him miserable. I actually thought I was a supportive and caring wife. I genuinely didn't see this coming. I don't know what to do. I love this man. I appreciate him and I see his trauma and current issues out of his control. I want to be there for him. Why does he feel like I don't just because I'm struggling with my own issues day to day? Unrelated to him- which I've communicated to him. Help- any advice. I welcome all ideas and constructive criticism. Thankyou

Vhnice06 Recovering from narcissist abuse
  • replies: 12

Hi beautiful people I’m finally here after 4,5 years realising on how bad is becoming my mental health situation and every aspect of my life on dealing with the verbal and physical abuse from my ex partner . It’s been an on and off relationship that ... View more

Hi beautiful people I’m finally here after 4,5 years realising on how bad is becoming my mental health situation and every aspect of my life on dealing with the verbal and physical abuse from my ex partner . It’s been an on and off relationship that traps me on every situation . I’m here by myself without nobody I can talk or express my feelings , just trying to reach out for people that understand what I have been going through without judging me because of how “ weak “ I have been . I just really want to have a group support that allows me encourage myself every time I’m feeling “ like I need him back “ . Thank you so much

cheesy24 growing up with abusive father.
  • replies: 1

I was born in Africa and i didn't know my father until i was 6 years old. My upbringing back home was great, it was full of love and fun. After coming to here I quickly understood that the person my mother use to tell me about was not him. When I was... View more

I was born in Africa and i didn't know my father until i was 6 years old. My upbringing back home was great, it was full of love and fun. After coming to here I quickly understood that the person my mother use to tell me about was not him. When I was around 8 years old is when the abuse really started to take off, not on just me but it trickled down to my mother as well. He would get drunk often and see us like burdens on him and verbally and physically abuse us (me mainly). I became the outlet for his anger and frustrations in life and would get blamed for things I had no part in. Imagine your father gets into an accident at work then comes home and whips you and slaps you because he was thinking about you. every time he'd come home, i would be fearful thinking about what's going to happen today ect. The abuse started to get worse when i was obviously struggling in school because i knew no english at all when i came here and the english i knew were just swear words i found funny from movies ( i didn't know what they meant). I would get parent/teacher interviews in primary school and would get home and start getting belted with the metal end of the belt while being called all these names, being told i was stupid and that I was lazy. It went like this for a long time and when i got to high school I got absolutely no support from them, I would get sent to school with no food not lunch money while my little siblings did. In my mind it made me feel like nobody cared about me and everything that i had been told about myself was true. this really hurt me to my core and i started to believe all of these things. The abuse really had very bad effects on me because whenever there is a conflict I am involved in, I will turn into that little boy that was terrified of his father and not stand up for myself. When i was about 18 i got fed up with everything and I left the house and this is when i started experimenting with drugs and alcohol. I won't blame that on him but he had a big part to play in it. I had a conversation with him recently about all the things that he use to do to me and said I have already forgiven you so i don't really care but his response was "I am not sorry for anything I did in the past to you, look now you are big and strong". when those words left his lips it took every ounce of strength in my body to not take his head off, all those years of abuse and neglect were about to be unleashed on him but somehow I stayed cool and told him the reason I am big and strong now is so nobody can do what you did to me when i was a little boy. He followed up by saying he could still hurt me and I told him if he ever put his hands on any of my little siblings or mother like he did me, I would go to jail for 20 years and your children would be raised without a father. I probable shouldn't have said that but i was very emotional at the time and it came out. He was drinking while i had this conversation with him but i think the best thing for me to do is completely cut him off from all aspects of my life. I don't even want to look at him because it makes me sick inside.