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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest_35028450 Talk
  • replies: 2

Having issues in my relationship, feel like I need to talk to someone about them

Having issues in my relationship, feel like I need to talk to someone about them

Elf911 Lost in emotions of dealing with a narcissist father of my children
  • replies: 6

I have been feeling lost lately, I have done mediation once already but he didn't do anything that was agreed. Now he plays the victim. I have been more then flexible with all requests to see his children but it is beyond a joke now, 4 children, 2 di... View more

I have been feeling lost lately, I have done mediation once already but he didn't do anything that was agreed. Now he plays the victim. I have been more then flexible with all requests to see his children but it is beyond a joke now, 4 children, 2 diagnosed ASD/ADHD and youngest with anxiety. It is a struggle to explain to them why their father is the way he is. He is also entangled in a 4.8million dollar legal case that they are trying to bunkrupt him for. It so hard to explain any of this to my children. They don't understand he is no good for their well being. It would make my life just that little bit easier if he would disappear. I spent too many years under his control to watch my children be emotional manipulated by his narcissistic ways.

d0wie Difficulty dealing with mother who won't respect my/husband's boundaries
  • replies: 1

My mother's relationship with me has been rocky since I got married 3 years ago, and has been particularly strained over the last 6 months or so. It has significantly worsened as I make my boundaries known, and she would not respect them and keep pus... View more

My mother's relationship with me has been rocky since I got married 3 years ago, and has been particularly strained over the last 6 months or so. It has significantly worsened as I make my boundaries known, and she would not respect them and keep pushing me to do what she wants. For example she has teamed up with my brother to tell me false outing plans to test how I would respond as she thought I was being “difficult” (when actually I was pregnant and so limited in what I could do). She has also rallied in my relatives, and together challenged my husband in public over a decision she wasn’t happy with. This really infuriated my husband. The absolute last straw for him was when my mother called his mother an old person (translated loosely from Cantonese, but in its context was said with a negative connotation) despite my mum being older than her anyway, when she found out she was preparing postpartum soups for me and was likely jealous of this. And on top of all this, she talks behind our backs to my brother, and has said she feels like my husband has “stolen” me away because I stand up for my own boundaries now, unlike when I was younger. I am now at a point where I am unable to move on from the hurt from various incidents. I have tried speaking to her, but this is futile as she constantly says the fault is mine - "You're crazy", "you're over thinking things", "you only think the worst of your mum", "it didn't happen in that way" and I feel like I've been gaslit big time. She has recently said to me ‘blood is thicker than water’ to try and tell me to let go of all the things that happen within our family, but I am sick of being a doormat all my life. She occasionally also guilt trips me by saying “I won’t have long to live”, “I miss the old you” and speak about all the great things she did for me in my younger days. My husband also feels like he has put up with her for long enough. He has always been respectful to her, even though she can be difficult to deal with. But when she's unhappy with something, she lashes out at him/his family, and he's had enough. To protect my mental health, I have distanced myself from her. But is this the only approach to this? Am I in the wrong for standing up for myself and my husband? I still love my mum and I don’t want our relationship to be this way, but at the same time I don’t know what else I can do, if anything.

Lucy2388 Hi, silent treatment and depression
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’ve been married for 14 years. When me and my husband fight generally it’s because of something I’ve done to hurt him, I tend to get quite loud and reactive, as I feel he is always telling me that I’m doing something wrong, or not considering hi... View more

Hi, I’ve been married for 14 years. When me and my husband fight generally it’s because of something I’ve done to hurt him, I tend to get quite loud and reactive, as I feel he is always telling me that I’m doing something wrong, or not considering him. We separated a couple years ago for a few months and when we re connected I made all these promises to change. Unfortunately I have not been consistent and recently been diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD. My husband when we fight is never to blame, never apologises or engages in my feelings or allows for me to explain anything. Instead he will walk off not speak to me and sometimes I get louder as I am begging for him to speak to me. Then I get mad and sometimes say hurtful things. I’m in that boat again now and I haven’t raised my voice once, left him to his own devices in the hope he will just move past it however he hasn’t. He has ignored me all day and barely said a word to me. This is all due to me not spending time with him last night because I fell asleep, as I took a break off my meds and it made me very tired. (His suggestion) as the meds were making me ill. He had told me to focus on myself for the day and when I did he turned against me. He always says I don’t love him or care for him and my past relationships I did more for them than I did for him. I don’t know what to do anymore I am numb, and everyone is telling me to call it quits as I’m getting older and need to enjoy my life. However I can’t seem to let go. I have one teenage child and don’t know how I would cope. He also smokes pot daily and says it’s because of me. To escape his reality. I don’t get it I don’t know how to fix it and I’m just stuck in this cycle weekly. Please help any suggestions would be great. I just don’t believe anyone can help me as I feel I’ve tried everything

NickB Addicted to Medication.
  • replies: 1

I'm addicted to my medication. Some pills from a psychiatric doctor that I take every day. Now someone has broken into my house and has been stealing my medication. I don't know what I should do. My families support is non existent.

I'm addicted to my medication. Some pills from a psychiatric doctor that I take every day. Now someone has broken into my house and has been stealing my medication. I don't know what I should do. My families support is non existent.

ganey Moving on after six years
  • replies: 2

I (29F) got married not because I was in love but thinking he is a good man and will take care of me and respect my family as his own. Before my husband i was in a relationship with my ex for six years. it was a serious relationship but my parents es... View more

I (29F) got married not because I was in love but thinking he is a good man and will take care of me and respect my family as his own. Before my husband i was in a relationship with my ex for six years. it was a serious relationship but my parents especially my dad was so against it i had to end it. When i approached my dad saying that i loved that man he got so angry and said "if i see this man i am gonna punch him so hard". These were the exact words that came of of his mouth. i was heartbroken, i could never share this to my ex. As much as i loved my ex I just felt i had to end the relationship because my family was my first priority. i just stopped thinking about every thing. my future, my career just to escape the feeling of heart break. it was as if i was just living , life will take me wherever it wants. it was around the same time when I was approached by my now husband and only a a week later we started seeing each other. For the first few months i used to think "i dont know this person (my husband)" why am i with him. He was a gentleman he respected me and my family, my dad liked him so we shortly got married after 6 months of seeing each other. My husband used to be very possesive back then. i disconnected with all my male friends after marriage. we did fight and everytime i showed how angry i was with how things were, he would be even angrier. and once he got angry he would go mad. he is still the same till this day. i feel like i have suppressed my feelings and myself in a way that does not make him angry. i am six years younger than him and i have things that i want to do but just have to keep it to myself because he thinks its childish. I love going to hiking and swimming, but i haven't done so in these six years because he doesn't want to or he has not interest in it. I used to be very socially active and had many friends but now i dont have any. I used to be so independent before, i worked two jobs, made decisions on my own but now I have become to indecisive and lost my confidence. I just want to be free like before. Recently i got the news my ex got married. I am very happy for him honestly. he found new love and moved on, not like me who ran away. my ex getting married was liberating for me. the feeling of guilt got away from me. suddenly my brain started thinking again, its thinking what my life would be if i was with my ex and its making me crazy. I feel so bad towards my husband and angry of how I have ended up becoming after marriage.

Guest_94500681 What to do when a friend doesn't message back as often
  • replies: 1

So, I've had this friend for about 2 years now and always have a great time talking to them. Recently, she moved to the other side of the city, about an hour drive, and it's made seeing her difficult as we don't share days off work. We still message ... View more

So, I've had this friend for about 2 years now and always have a great time talking to them. Recently, she moved to the other side of the city, about an hour drive, and it's made seeing her difficult as we don't share days off work. We still message every day and organise to hang out whenever we take time off work or if she's down to visit her grandparents, I'll sometimes get invited to come over and play games with them. When she lived close by we messeged constantly and got to see each other all the time, but since the move, she's gotten a boyfriend and barely manages to message me at all, with a full day being the longest I've gone without a reply. I know it could be longer, but it just feels like ages. To give an example of how it goes I'll message at 7am, she'll message back at 9pm that same day, then I'll respond a few minutes after and won't hear from her again until, like, 5pm the next day. I've spoken to her about how long it takes to reply and that It feels like I'm being forgotten and that she never has time to message back, despite being active on social media. She responded, saying that she knows she's gotten pretty bad at responding and is sorry that it keeps happening and does value our friendship, while also saying she'll work on it and try to respond more often. This lated for about a week, then she goes right back to messaging me days later. Now, I totally understand that she can be busy at work or might have something going on at home or is going through something she doesn't want to talk about. Those are totally valid reasons for taking a long time to respond. I just wanna know, what should I do?I've thought about not messaging back for a full day to see if she'll notice or telling her again how I'm feeling, but I also feel that she'll tell me she'll work on it and it only lasting for another week. I just feel like I'm a bad person who's pushing their friend to talk to them because they're lonely and impatient. She's a good friend and I genuinely do care about her, but I also understand that I have to respect whenever she chooses to messsage me back.

Isitme Overthinking is killing my relationship
  • replies: 4

I have a bf of nearly 12 months and we pretty much live together. But I am a chronic overthinker and it really gets to him and makes so much mess between us. I have childhood trauma and also trauma from a DV relationship. I get jealous when he does f... View more

I have a bf of nearly 12 months and we pretty much live together. But I am a chronic overthinker and it really gets to him and makes so much mess between us. I have childhood trauma and also trauma from a DV relationship. I get jealous when he does fun things with other people. I want to be with him all the time and his moods ect effect me. I am so over it. I am waiting for therapy but I need help. Has anyone got any strategies or ideas that could help me?

Mychange Can my relationship heal after I was physically violent
  • replies: 1

Hi There, I was in relationship with an amazing woman for 3 years,during that time i was physically and emotionally abusive,we have been apart because of my abuse for over a year,but I am still in love with her,I have started to see counsellors and a... View more

Hi There, I was in relationship with an amazing woman for 3 years,during that time i was physically and emotionally abusive,we have been apart because of my abuse for over a year,but I am still in love with her,I have started to see counsellors and am learning the tools to deal with my anger and guilt and shame I have,was hoping to chat with other people who have been in a similar relationship to gain more knowledge and strategies to understand moving forward? Thanks

HGC Daughter growing up with emotionally volatile mother
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I posted a few times over the years. In short, my wife has is very emotionally volatile with extreme bursts of temper mingled with days or weeks of self-pity and depression. She has seen a psychologist previously, but I think they never reall... View more

Hi all, I posted a few times over the years. In short, my wife has is very emotionally volatile with extreme bursts of temper mingled with days or weeks of self-pity and depression. She has seen a psychologist previously, but I think they never really got to the point of discussing the true root causes of her anxiety. She stopped going and continues to deflect all of the issues with her anxiety to other people's actions. I've resolved I can't really help until she admits some level of fault. Now we have a tween-age daughter, and she isn't coping well at all. I have developed resilience and strategies to deal with the chaos, but my daughter hasn't. Every single day there's a giant argument about something, usually completely ridiculous things like "why didn't you wash this cup? You have no respect for anybody!!" and so on. Plus, also saying things like "She won't listen to me because you taught her to disrespect me". My wife is a well-intentioned person, but she's also completed unhinged. I am firm but fair (I think) with my daughter and can negotiate better outcomes with her. But I am not happy, and the constant conflict is depleting. I'm sure lots of others are or have been in this scenario, what did you do? Thanks for any advice.

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