Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

o0 3ree6ixty 0o I feel like a horrible human being about what I said about my ex-girlfriend
  • replies: 1

So for some back story me and my ex-girlfriend have been dating for 3 months and this is my first relationship and my ex we will call Taylor (not her real name) is 15 and I am 16 we both work at a McDonald’s together so we see each other quite often,... View more

So for some back story me and my ex-girlfriend have been dating for 3 months and this is my first relationship and my ex we will call Taylor (not her real name) is 15 and I am 16 we both work at a McDonald’s together so we see each other quite often, I suffer from social anxiety, depression, and adhd I have a big problem with filtering some of my words, now that we have that covered, we broke up around 3 weeks ago and she broke up with me in the middle of my shift and she gave me the excuse of that it wasn’t working out for her and that the relationship wasn’t what she expected it to be and that’s it she said sorry and left (by the way I didn’t Evan hear this from her I originally heard it from one of our friends) and so I was heart broken I had to go home early, so now to what I did I went to work the next day still heart broken and I was talking to some of my guy friends who happen to in relationships with some Taylor’s friends, I said to my guy friends a lot of graphic and vulgar things about her and as soon as I said those things it felt like a bullet when straight through my head and instantly regretted everything I said and so a few days past and I get a message from her she is pissed as she should be and we got into a huge argument about basically talking to our friends at work about the relationship at work when basically every one at our so work new that Taylor wanted to Break up with me before I did and so I apologized and said that I made a mistake and that I am human and I make mistakes and that I regret everything that I said and that I really want to be friends and I have given her around 2 week before communicating with her and I simply asked her how she had been and she said very defensively why are you suddenly hitting me up and I said because I still care about you we were in a relationship and I still care for you and ever since that she as been ghosting me online and at work I need some advice

Lw32 Don't know what to do
  • replies: 11

Im really struggling & i need someone to talk too. My husband and I have been together for 13 years & we have 3 kids together. Our relationship has had its ups & downs but the past year has been pretty rocky where I've been noticing a change in his b... View more

Im really struggling & i need someone to talk too. My husband and I have been together for 13 years & we have 3 kids together. Our relationship has had its ups & downs but the past year has been pretty rocky where I've been noticing a change in his behaviour & actions that come across as him not being as invested in me or our relationship, he says it's not the case but when his actions dont align with what he says I get upset & Im really struggling because he often denies that hes doing anything wrong. Hes got these new connections/friends that he's made through work & has suddenly been frequently going out for drinks with them & going to events with them & is spending less & less time with me. He doesn't think of me & how lonely I am. He's fine leaving me home alone with the kids all the time & leaves me to do everything on my own & only thinks of me when he wants something like a lift home. I feel like he has this new life that I'm not apart of, and he's only nice to me when he wants something. Like dinner, a back rub or to be taken care of him when he's sick.I love my husband so much. And i know he loves me too cause when we're good, we're good. He can say all the thing i want to hear ( I love you, i care about you, ill never break up with you) he holds me in his arms to watch something or when we go to bed & i do everything i can for him to show i love him but then when he does something that upsets me & makes me question if he cares.. He says he does but then he doesn't really show it.He sometimes struggles to understand me & my emotions when I'm upset especially if he thinks he's being hard done by. He invalidates my feelings, ignores my feelings and makes me feel worthless & not worth loving which is the opposite of how I need to be supported & I have expressed this to him many times but when he is annoyed he is a different person. He can be so cold, heartless and stubborn towards me & I need him to show he cares about me so bad.Last Friday, he finished work early to go drinking again, a time when we had plans to talk about us. I desperately needed him to come home & want to repair our relationship from a previous fight. Instead he went drinking with the boys, lied to me that he'd be out of there by 4:30pm. Purposefully rejected my calls & msgs at 6:50pm. Got blind drunk & got his cousin to msg me to pick them up at 11pm.It feels like he's always choosing to do the thing that he knows will hurt me because he doesn't care about me & only thinks about what he wants in the moment.The next day he was apologetic asking me to forgive him but I was so angry & hurt, I couldn't just say ok & get over it...He thinks I should just accept & get over things straight away but the feeling of hurt doesn't just go away instantly.A day later & he's now turning things around on me saying he doesn't know if he wants to be with me because he says im always upset. Like I'm the problem. He says it's getting harder to love me. Even though when he was apologising the day prior he was saying he loves me & doesn't want to lose me & that it would hurt him if I decided to leave.I feel like it's not fair. He's done & said so many hurtful things lately & though leaving has entered my mind out of hopelessness, me wanting to be with him has never changed. And I've never said something that would make him question if I love him or want to be with him. Because there is no question. Him, this marriage & our family mean everything to me.I dont feel like me getting upset at the feeling of getting less of him, makes me the problem, especially not one worth being broken up with... It hurts that he's blaming me. I'm dying inside because my security in this relationship has been taken away unfairly. Im finding myself putting my feelings & the support i need aside begging him not to do this, to not mean the thing's he's saying & he says he's just so tired & frustrated but that he hasn't fully said he's ready to walk.I don't know what to do. I'm crying & hes giving me indifference, I can't sleep & unable to eat, i can't turn my head off. I'm feeling so depressed & so alone & it makes it worse that he's just ok with it.

Kylie_2022 Not in love
  • replies: 4

3 weeks before Covid lockdown started my husband came home after a few drinks with mates and wanted to end our marriage. Bringing up a few things from the past. This really blew me away because at the time of these moments in our life we worked throu... View more

3 weeks before Covid lockdown started my husband came home after a few drinks with mates and wanted to end our marriage. Bringing up a few things from the past. This really blew me away because at the time of these moments in our life we worked through them and it wasn’t a big problem?my husband was unemployed at this stage as he had lost his job 6 months earlier. After this evening, nothing made sense so I started to investigate logging on to his Facebook (I know this is not the right thing to do) I couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. After a few days I logged onto his account as he was acting weird. And sure enough he was messaging another woman (a woman he used to work with) I put the kids to bed before confronting him. He asked if I wanted him to leave, I said if you walk out now then it is over forever. Covid hit and we were locked down on and off for 18 months. I struggled with mental illness (along with so many others) his affair lasted 6 months but apparently it was not a physical affair? So over the past 18 months we have had counselling, I feel this helped him more than me as I feel I have lost all my feelings for him and I have been honest telling him that I’m not in love with him anymore. I know I should walk away but I just can’t or I don’t know how to leave.

Franz A triangle
  • replies: 2

Hi EveryoneI have an awkward situation that is trying me.I have been married for 35 years and retired for 7.My mother in law developed a terminal condition 5 years ago and has lived far longer than expected.We spent years looking after her at her hom... View more

Hi EveryoneI have an awkward situation that is trying me.I have been married for 35 years and retired for 7.My mother in law developed a terminal condition 5 years ago and has lived far longer than expected.We spent years looking after her at her home before she recently went into care. She lives in regional NSW and our usual home is in SydneyI had thought the deal was that when this happened, we could resume our normal life, but now my wife still wants to visit her every day, meaning she is away for weeks at a time. I spend time in town for my independent activities and friends but then miss the daily emotional and physical relationship, we stay in regular contact and have short holidays together. I periodically spend time there, but it is very limiting as I do not have my own wheels.I love my wife, but sometimes I feel like an acting extra, a quasi nomad balancing an independent identity against keeping my marriage, in an unwanted competition with a third party.

Jimmy-2023 Break up
  • replies: 6

Hi I have just broke up with my partner of three years, how do you work out how much of their criticism of my personality is accurate. I am feeling shell shocked by the things she thinks about me. I want to recognise the truth without punishing mysel... View more

Hi I have just broke up with my partner of three years, how do you work out how much of their criticism of my personality is accurate. I am feeling shell shocked by the things she thinks about me. I want to recognise the truth without punishing myself

jd03 Plz help :(
  • replies: 1

Hi all. I’m back (again, unfortunately). This time is bad though. On Sunday night, I was really depressed about assignments and having gone home at lunch time to mum swearing and cursing because she couldn’t clip the dog’s nails. I couldn’t his distr... View more

Hi all. I’m back (again, unfortunately). This time is bad though. On Sunday night, I was really depressed about assignments and having gone home at lunch time to mum swearing and cursing because she couldn’t clip the dog’s nails. I couldn’t his distressing as it felt personal. But anyway I went to my room and cried about this for a while and then was so emotionally drained that when I went back home for dinner I didn’t really talk. While we were having dinner, I finally worked up the courage (after many months of staying silent) to ask mum if she could chew with her mouth open. I thought this was reasonable. Anyway, I got yelled at/lectured for a solid half an hour, where I was basically made to feel like my problems didn’t matter, everything was my fault and I had ruined the night. I think dad even said something like ‘if we have to be paranoid about everything we do around you we may as well just all neck ourselves.’ He said many things like this that really hurt me. After multiple years of living with this I have lost sight of whether saying things like this is reasonable or not, but my partner assured me that the things they were saying was not fair. But this was my breaking point. I had to sit there and cop a lecture for asking mum to chew with her mouth shut. The next day, after much crying, I went home and it was the exact same conversation: ‘you caused quite the chaos last night…it went on for 2 hours after you left…I had actual things to complain about when I was a kid.’ Things like this. So the day after was no better. Now two days on, we have another similar conversation. At this point, I’ve been avoiding my parents and not really talking to them. We had another conversation tonight where I explained to them that I was really depressed and it broke me being told that my problems didn’t matter and I ruined everything over a question I thought was reasonable. But no…’you didn’t even say thank you for dinner, you just walk through the door and complain.’ And stuff like that. ‘You only ever see things from your perspective. Do you know that other people have issues too?’ So yeah. I have no idea what to do or what you’d call this. To me, it seems borderline emotionally abusive and if anyone, dad really cannot see my perspective because any time I go to say something my opinion is wrong. I’m really stuck because I work for my parents and live at home and I can’t move out yet, but home is becoming unbearable. I feel there’s no easy way out

Myer How can I help my adult son who I hurt so much?
  • replies: 13

The relationship between my adult son and I were never be good since he turned to 15 years old. He is adult now and had lived with me until 3 weeks ago. He had a big argument with me and told me that all his problems were caused by my yelling to him ... View more

The relationship between my adult son and I were never be good since he turned to 15 years old. He is adult now and had lived with me until 3 weeks ago. He had a big argument with me and told me that all his problems were caused by my yelling to him every day when he was little. He has not grown to a mature adult as my yelling caused him long term depression. He often acted like a boy, not a man. He had not been happy for years and wouldn't be happy for the rest of his life as it is too late to do anything about that. He told me he hated me and didn't want to see me for the rest of his life. He moved out to somewhere very far 3 weeks ago. I became a single mother when he was 6 years old and my another child was 3. I had to work hard to support 3 of us, never had any helps from their father at all. I had a full time job. The work place was 90 minutes away by public transport. I had to leave home early and got home late as I either did over time or the trains were delayed. I was frustrated, stressed & depressed from my work, travelling to and from work and two children not doing what they supposed to do almost every day. I do remember I yelled to them a lot. I couldn't control myself back then. But I never knew my yelling brought them life long impact until he told me so before he moved out. I apologised again and again before he moved out. I told him I would do anything, everything to help him to get better. He said it's too late. I feel his pain now and am so sorry. I texted him on Christmas eve, apologised again, told him I do love him and would be there for him whenever he needed my help. He didn't get back to me. I don't blame him. He is the one suffering from depression caused by me. And it is all my fault anyway. I don't know what I can do to help him if he doesn't want speak to me or see me? I love my children so much and never and ever wanted to hurt them. But I did hurt them and I didn't even realize that for all those years until he told me lately. I am so sad and frustrated now. I worry him so much. I've been trying to convince myself 'He is fine. He is able to take care of himself. Don't worry about him too much. He might call you one day and ask for help when he needs'. Another me saying 'He moved out when he was angry at me. He had depression. His depression could possibly get worse. And no one is with him. He needs help'. Can anyone please give me some suggestions? What should I do? Thank you in advance.

ssSushiCat I feel so so alone... i have no one to turn to ..
  • replies: 1

I am not sure whether this is the right forum to post this in but i just need to type this somewhere. I feel so, so very alone. I am going through a very rough patch in my life. And i can't trust, even my closest, friends to be there for me. I can't ... View more

I am not sure whether this is the right forum to post this in but i just need to type this somewhere. I feel so, so very alone. I am going through a very rough patch in my life. And i can't trust, even my closest, friends to be there for me. I can't trust my family (they are part of the reason why im here). And i am too afraid of more rejection to reach out to someone new. I have ADHD (and possibly some autism as well) and and l my life i was constantly judged and punished for things that i can not control. My interests and behaviours were considered weird and no one ever listened or tried to understand when i tried to explain myself. Growing up i was always made feel like i was a burdain by my parents. Home never felt like home. I felt like a random stranger there. I had friends but even they didn't 100% get the things that were going on. I always felt like i was alone. No matter how many friends i had or how many people i talked to i was alone. My life was kinda getting better and I thought that maybe resently my family started to understand more. I finally allwed myself to belive home is home. (Big Mistake) But after another really bad argument it completely completely crashed any trust and hope i had left in them. All the feelings of crashing loneliness came back. And i actually have no one to talk to. I've lost my family as people i can trust and the one friend i do trust doesn't reply when i need them. I don't know what to do. I just feel so alone. I have lost the support system i had. And i am too afraid of more rejection and being a burdain to reach out to new people. Idk what to do and where to go at this point. I am at a very low point in my life. I noticed this is starting to affect any new possible friendships i might have. I am so aftraid of more rejection. I am so aftraid of more loneliness. I started to pull away from the new social circles i joined. I feel like thouse people allready hate me or will hate me, (even though thats probably not true). I don't want to talk to open up to people aanymore. I don't think i have enough mental resource to handle more rejection. And i don't have the support system to go to when/if that happens. Sorry if this is kind of a ramble...

Bee1998 Not coping well at all right now
  • replies: 5

Just two days ago, I caught my partner looking at porn on his computer while I was sitting in the lounge room opposite (I could literally see it on his screen through the gap in the door from where I was sitting). This really upset me, because he kno... View more

Just two days ago, I caught my partner looking at porn on his computer while I was sitting in the lounge room opposite (I could literally see it on his screen through the gap in the door from where I was sitting). This really upset me, because he knows how strongly I am against porn, and how upset and insecure it makes me feel. This triggered a fire inside me that same night, so I decided for the first time in our 4 year relationship to go through his phone. (I have had a gut feeling for a long long time now that something wasn’t quite right. Turns out, just a few months ago while he was away on a work trip in the US, he pursued another female. He claims they did not do anything physical, but I have the messages between them, where he was telling her how much he liked her and couldn’t stop thinking about her. She proceeded to tell him how in love with him she was, and basically was begging him to leave me and stay in America with her. I am struggling to cope with all of this, especially as I have just moved in with my partner only 2 weeks ago into a rental. I don’t want to leave him, or the house, but I am starting to feel unwell and don’t know how to move on from the pain this has caused. I also found out just tonight that he had messaged her last week, which has made the whole situation so much worse.

white knight Dominating relationships
  • replies: 1

A former supervisor told me once, in response to his boss yelling at him in the office- "you can say something to an employee in a calm quiet tone, if it's the right words used you can have more impact than if you yelled at them. If you yell, they on... View more

A former supervisor told me once, in response to his boss yelling at him in the office- "you can say something to an employee in a calm quiet tone, if it's the right words used you can have more impact than if you yelled at them. If you yell, they only recall the volume of voice not the message". So right. Yet, some of us have tolerated that yelling from others and it's common- why? There is several reasons for someone to raise their voice- they are frustrated with youhave narcissistic tendenciesthey have tried soft speech and it doesnt workthey need to own youthey have a distorted view of what a parent should bedeveloped a dominating attitudehave a mental health issuethey need to justify their positionSo there is some situations that justify yelling and yelling is a proper response then. But most of the yelling events are not justified and can result in lifelong effects upon a child. Eg I'd be playing in the corner with my matchbox cars at 11yo. Suddenly "Tony" would be belched out as loud as she could "you haven't made your bed". Looking back had she said quietly "Tony you haven't made your bed 20 cents off your pocket money" that would have hurt far more than the yell. You can imagine 20 years later at a SIL's house she had a dog called "Toby" and Toby liked escaping from the backyard hence "Toby" yelled out at the top of her voice made me jump a metre in the air!. So today some 50 years since teenage years I'm constantly reminding people when they begin to raise their voice "can you lower your voice please there's no need to raise it". It can even occur when someone gets excited on the topic they are conveying. Yelling is often associated with seeking dominance. Dominance is a form of bullying. This is not associated with arguing imo two people arguing and both yelling is also natural but one person standing, yelling and the other sitting is a dominating stance. Subtle actions can be intimidating also. I have male a relative that relays his conflicts with other people, he'll pierce his lips, point at me, come real close and "so I said to him get out of here now or I'll... (violent threat)". He was surprised when I stopped him there and calmly told him he trespassed my personal boundary. Anyone that feels dominated has the right to object to such treatment. Calmly tell them that you will continue the conversation when they are willing to sit down, share a drink and talk like calm adults "in the tone of voice that I'm talking now". Lead by example. TonyWK