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Newly single

Mrs Chloe
Community Member


I’ve been separated from my ex husband a year ago, but not divorced yet.

A mutual church friend of ours from 20 years ago found out about what happened and messaged me. He said he was sorry for what happened but, we found ourselves engrossed with each other. We couldn’t stop messaging each other until we eventually succumbed to our feelings.

Now we’ve been dating in secret for a month. There are many reasons why we agreed to keep it a secret for 2 years before we go public. One is that we need to both get divorced first. Our preference. 
Now I can’t help but think about him 24/7. There aren’t enough “I love you’s” and “I miss you’s” that can get my mind off him. Sex of course is amazing. But because we’re both busy single parents, seeing each other needs a lot of planning.

I’m used to my old relationships where I can see my bf anytime I wanted to. This situation might be infatuation but it makes me not function at times. That “Crazy in Love” song by Beyoncé is exactly me. 🤪 Happy to discuss what you think is happening to me. Help! 

7 Replies 7

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome


In a word you are in LOVE. It is an amazing force that can change your life. I suggest you make serious forward plans to both divorce your spouses and move forward- is there a reason why you cannot? Is your religion stopping you?



Thanks for reading my post Tony 😃

He will start his divorce process soon but I on the other hand, need to settle my 2 houses with the ex before i can start the divorce process. So those things take time. 
we agreed to give ourselves 2 years before going public, so hopefully by then we are both divorced and our ex’s have their own relationships.

He is a traditional guy and what I observe is that he doesn’t like our common friends thinking that he’s dating a woman who’s still technically married. And I can also imagine myself in that situation. 
I was thinking why he rushed to date me in secret when we’re not ready to go public. The only conclusion I can think of was that he wants to ensure I’ll not end up with somebody else, if we wait til we’re both divorced. As in, he ‘bags’ me first. 

I've re-read both of your posts and it seems the only real "problem" is coming to terms with your happiness and new found love. 


After 3 long term relationships including one marriage (2 kids) I set myself up in a cabin in the hills never to be involved with another partner unless she was my soul mate. Could I find her? Well turns out my best friend for 25 years, a lady I'd matched 23 years earlier with my ex brother in law was coming for dinner in my cabin. Previously she'd discussed dating online with zero success. While she travelled to my place I went online to see her profile as a discussion point- and looking at her picture it dawned on me- is she my soul mate? Well she was and we married 18 months later, that was 13 years ago.


When falling in love our greatest enemy is thinking too much, working out this or that, while all we have to do is run with it. So I suggest you enjoy this time in your life, reject any guilty feelings you might have and keep working out your schedules to get together.


It might be after a few more weeks you might tire of this situation and move in together, it depends on your patience. Either way love doesnt come around very often in life so good luck.



What an amazing story Tony.

Yes you’ve hit the bullseye. I’ve been betrayed and gaslighted by my ex of 20 years. I lost hope on an honest guy existing and that guys just want to play games. This man changed that opinion of mine. And now I have to adjust my behaviour and believe things that he says are true- unless otherwise proven not. Trust- something I need to get back in my life.

Coming from a man’s perspective, I value your opinion as it validates that men also want to be in love and be loved. 

What a wonderful reply,  thankyou.


I've worked with men all my life and overall, sadly, I'm not impressed. The reasons are many but what I concluded is that if you seek a man as a partner and get a good one- don't let him go!




Focus on your opportunities

Then, it'll be alright

Squeeze his hand tighter

Then run into the sunlight


We wonder if we're worthy

That guilt is true blue

But others lead their lives the way they please

And now that time's for you.





Hi Tony


just letting you know we broke up 😞

my Aquarius man was too busy for me and took me for granted. I have a feeling he was still dating someone else behind my back .

onto another journey in life.. 

Dear Mrs Chloe


I'm sad for you, everything though has a reason and better now than down the track. Keep positive, you are worthy of that special man and my poem above will be more apt than on this occasion.


Yes, you deserve the right guy.


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