adult son is depressed and drinking heavily

[Nesta]

My adult son (33) is separated from his wife and he has a 2 yr old daughter. He is suffering from severe stress and as a result of this stress , it has caused him to become legally blind! (well documented, stress and blindness) He cannot drive nor work because of this. On top of this, his ex wife is withholding his daughter. 

This is where his problem is ....He cannot see his daughter and it's causing him severe anxiety . He dearly loves his daughter and misses her so much, ( it's been 18 weeks since he has seen her) . he is in discussion with lawyers etc, but it all takes time. I feel sooooooo sorry for him . He drinks to ease the pain of not seeing his little girl. He is now living with us as he cannot see to get about and we drive him to appts. etc. 

I just dont know what to do. He says things like......

He wants to 'unlive' He doesn't want to be here anymore..Hes in pain, he misses his little girl...

its all a vicious circle...

Advice please

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

That's so sad and I'm in awe of you caring for your son.

I've experienced the pain of not seeing my young kids in the late 1990's after separation although I did see them every fortnight. My motivation to continue on was that I pledged to myself I would be the best part time dad ever... 

In your sons situation I am quite certain the family court will permit visitations. Do you know why the mother wont allow him to see his child as this is most unusual without reason? 

He is the father, 50% parent, he is entitled by law to see his child so that is certain. Can you ask his lawyer to seek a temporary court order forcing the mother to provide visitations?

The only thing I can suggest is to remind your son that his daughter needs him and I reminded that myself in my self discipline ways back then. 20 years later I walked my daughter down the aisle and realised how important I was all along.

Please update and repost when you desire to.

TonyWK

[Nesta]

Thanks for this Tony...it's all so stressful and hard . I have just now logged into this site as since I last posted, my son has become legally blind . This has added to his sorrow, as he cries he will no longer be able to see his daughter's face. Whilst they have separated, they haven't attended family court yet to determine access . His former wife is manipulative and toxic and has convinced other family members he is not stable. So terribly sad that she can tell so many lies and gets away with it.  We will continue to support our son however, it's so hard to access help for his mental condition as there are long waiting lists to see anyone, (we are willing to pay privately) . Thank you again Tony for your words. 

N

[white knight]

Hi

What an incredible mother you are. These challenges are high for you and you need to look after your own mental health however you do it, breaks from home to the beach and your son can listen to the waves, read some poetry while there, positive poems or just a drive to a botanical gardens to listen to the birds. This "living" is needed to recharge batteries for both of you.

I'm thinking other ideas mike mens sheds or local groups. My wife plays guitar and has a small singing group for example. Just because he's blind doesnt mean all things are restricted, being there might open up conversations. Mens sheds are amazing what good comes out of them and they attract the older and more caring men.

CRADLE HIS HEAD

Of all the things that hurt our soul

There's a feeling of a hollow heart

When our child slides down a slope

we grieve alone in the dark

Our efforts come home to roost

When we see them smile 

All their restrictions vanish for a second

then we know its worth our while

Gather your energy to result in that giggle

And feel grateful he can feel fun

cradle his head in yours as he cries

the comfort of his mum...

TonyWK