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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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DaveKay Need some perspective - wife has asked for separation
  • replies: 20

HI community I'm 47 with 3 kids (11, 8, 6) and a marriage (12 years) that's been on the rocks for a while. My wife has asked for a seperatation, and I'm after some perspectives from anyone who has gone through something similar. As background context... View more

HI community I'm 47 with 3 kids (11, 8, 6) and a marriage (12 years) that's been on the rocks for a while. My wife has asked for a seperatation, and I'm after some perspectives from anyone who has gone through something similar. As background context - wife has been unhappy for quite sometime, and has previously asked to seperate. Her reasons are that I am too difficult to live with, and that I scare the kids when I yell at them. I get where is she coming from, and I've tried my hardest over the years and months to settle that down. A lot of that stems from me being the primary income earner (working long and hard hours) and then carrying a big household load as well (cooking, shopping etc). Wife does most of the running around, appointments etc. The house gets crazy chaotic most times, and it just happens that my dad-yelling is much more aggressive that her mum-yelling. That's just for background and context. I know I can be a real knob sometimes, so here we are... She's asked me to move out of the house so she can stay with the kids. My primary resistance is that I cannot afford to fund a second residence without significant impact on the kids (ie remove from private schooling, reduction in costly extracurricular activities). My second resistance that the kids quality of life will suffer as a whole, though wife thinks they'll be happier with me not being around so much. I said I don't plan to be kicked out of my own house, and she seems determined to leave with the kids. The frustrating this is that she believes there are rental options for $150 a week (ie cheap!). Lol & sigh. I don't have feelings for her anymore, but I am determined to hold things together for the good of the family, and for sheer practical reasons. Her idea of good is not being around. Any statement I make about finance/cost is seen by her as financial blackmail. I am really hurt and angry. I've busted my butt for the family, and carry so much of the income generation and household chores. I'd love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar scenario- how did you manage the cost of a secondary residence?- how did the kids cope with separation?- is there a good side to any of this? Thanks, all!

Andrew82 Defeated and broken
  • replies: 1

So my wife has bipolar and not recently diagnosed ptsd , from something that happened to her when she was 5 , for the last 3 months was in hospital trying to get better , she was discharged but not fixed or better , and now after 10 years of marriage... View more

So my wife has bipolar and not recently diagnosed ptsd , from something that happened to her when she was 5 , for the last 3 months was in hospital trying to get better , she was discharged but not fixed or better , and now after 10 years of marriage has decided she can’t have a male in her life and has taken my daughter and said we have to get divorced, I am absolutely gutted and have no fight left in me , after months of going to visit her in hospital and taking in my daughter for visits and looking after my daughter on my own I have now lost both the most important people in my life not to anything I did but to her condition, she has stated that there is no hope for a happy ending as she has now signed up for ndis and can’t walk outside alone in fear , I don’t blame her at all but I’m so lost and feel like I have nothing left to fight for or to keep going , can’t stop crying , any advice at this point would be much appreciated sorry for a long story

Guest_73735492 Looking for help with wife's family
  • replies: 3

Recently married for second time. (55yrs old)- to a wonderful women. Before we got married- i knew she still maintains care of her parents (both 85) - I agreed to stay in her home and help as well- I live a mile away in a house i purchased- Before th... View more

Recently married for second time. (55yrs old)- to a wonderful women. Before we got married- i knew she still maintains care of her parents (both 85) - I agreed to stay in her home and help as well- I live a mile away in a house i purchased- Before the wedding- she still lived in parents house with her older adult children as well. Her parents don't need 24/7 care- they are both able to get around and for the most part healthy- We are a mile away- We live this "hybrid" marriage in that- she still feels the need to sleep in her home 3 days a week- I don't mind for most part- but it gets a little overwhelming for me to have to share the time- it's part of her guilt with her parents- Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

Semiconductor 25 year old virgin male who has never had a girlfriend. I feel like a pathetic loser.
  • replies: 41

I'm a 25 year old male. I've never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl or been on a date and I am a virgin. I pretty much have no experience when it comes to romance or intimacy. I feel very lonely, unwanted and unappreciated. I am an introvert by nature... View more

I'm a 25 year old male. I've never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl or been on a date and I am a virgin. I pretty much have no experience when it comes to romance or intimacy. I feel very lonely, unwanted and unappreciated. I am an introvert by nature and I'm very shy. I'm not the most attractive guy out there, but I do have a good heart and would like to be with someone. I'm quite straight laced and I'm not the party type. I consider myself down-to-earth, polite, kind, considerate, intelligent, tenderhearted, respectful, responsible and genuinely sensitive. I'm not interested in one-night stands or cheap hookups. I value committed, authentic romantic relationships. I've only known heartbreak when it comes to women. I've really liked several girls over the years and ended up heartbroken either because they didn't feel the same way, they already had boyfriends or I asked them out and they rejected me. There are times where I feel that I cannot relate to most people my age because I just have not had the same experiences as them. I dread conversations about sex or relationships with my friends. It feels pretty crappy to wonder why everyone manages to get a girlfriend while you’re left in the dust, even when you put yourself out there. It really does makes you feel less of a man. I'm also extremely worried that because I have literally no intimate experience whatsoever with anyone, girls will not want to get involved with me because of it. I feel like most girls wouldn't want to be with a man that doesn't have any romantic experience at the age of 25.

TedG Oh, what a tangled web I wove: lost my best friend (happens to be a woman) to my hiding my love.
  • replies: 1

(I’m new to this site, first post and have read comparable circumstances. No idea where this might lead. Thanks) Now found out for my hiding love for her from her, not just once but several times, to the point of (understandably) she sees me as havin... View more

(I’m new to this site, first post and have read comparable circumstances. No idea where this might lead. Thanks) Now found out for my hiding love for her from her, not just once but several times, to the point of (understandably) she sees me as having been a stalker. And that was awful for her; to have me, her best friend (yes, she declared that often to others) behave as I did. To be clear she set boundaries. Re-stated time and again that she was not interested in me as a partner, nor any partner for that matter. We’ve known each other for 35 years, she first getting to know the mother of my two sons. The old story parents with young kids get together. We’ve lived (in separate houses) in a housing co-op for many of those years; doing stuff together as we worked well together. We are both community activists and achieved a lot and met new friends; friends to us both. We went on holidays together. She again called out my deception a few months ago and things went down from there. Co-incidentally a mutual male friend (of 35 years too) returned to where we live and started catching up with her and having a nice time. My jealousy erupted; not explosively but destructively. Now from having declared she was not interested in any partner is now declaring him to be her partner. All this challenges my self-worth, and how to relate to our mutual friends. Although I’m doing my best to give space to her, easier now I’ve my own home away from the co-op, but we still have need to communicate. on some activities. Not with standing her lack of interest in me as a possible partner, she’s declared my deception and untruthfulness as the last straw. But I know her well enough and if I was in need, she would be the best friend she could be. Yes, I need help and I’ve been enquiring about local councillors. Trouble is I do not know what I want help with. I can not ever see me stopping loving her; she has been such a help in my life. I could focus on addressing my integrity, in being truthful and being willing to accept the consequences. Now 70 and retired puts me in an interesting situation. I’ve much scientific writing that I want to complete; so at least I have satisfying things I can do. I go to several choirs a week; been doing so for 15 years. A good outlet, but not a strategy to meet a possible partner. Anyway I have shattered self-confidence. And I drink too much and take meds for anxiety.

Dray My sons ex is trying to cut me out of the grand childrens lives
  • replies: 1

My son was given sole custody of his children as his ex was narcsissistic and only focused on hurting my son and not enjoying and doing whats best for the children. She also beat my son up and subjected the children to inappropriate material and purg... View more

My son was given sole custody of his children as his ex was narcsissistic and only focused on hurting my son and not enjoying and doing whats best for the children. She also beat my son up and subjected the children to inappropriate material and purgerised herself in court. She attempted to appeal and lost . Then all of a sudden an allegation came out of nowhere of the inappropriate nature against my son and she immediately got the kids back while it is investigated. 3 months on and no charges and no intentions of charging apparently due to no evidence. prior to this I had a very active role in the grandchildrens life. The ex has cut the kids off from their brother, and all of my sons family. She is a pathological liar. I have spent thousands to make sure that I get to see the children. They spent the first few years of there lives with me. I feel so gutted. And my son is absolutely gutted. He always bent over backwards to accomodate what she wanted, but not once did she return the favour. I must mention that my children were abused when they were little and I did everything in my power to make sure that the perpetrator spent many years in jail and we had intensive councelling. I feel that making the accusation would be the only way that she could ever get the kids back in her care and has run with it. All the evidence is pointing to the same. inconsistencies in stories. There has been mentions of possible coaching by the mother. I am trying to have faith in the justice system, but its so hard. If my grandchild is being abused, the police have potentially put them straight in the hands of someone that can do it freely. And not allowing me to even speak with them is absolutely killing me.

aussieboy2024 Echoes of Departure
  • replies: 1

Yesterday marked the end of my six-year relationship. What I anticipated would be an ordinary day took an unexpected turn, leaving me feeling numb and bewildered. When I sought to discuss it, she declined, expressing her unhappiness and need to depar... View more

Yesterday marked the end of my six-year relationship. What I anticipated would be an ordinary day took an unexpected turn, leaving me feeling numb and bewildered. When I sought to discuss it, she declined, expressing her unhappiness and need to depart, yet affirming her love for me. The transition from years of daily conversations and waking up together to a sudden halt is profoundly challenging.

imhereIguess_69 Bad Wednesday Night
  • replies: 3

had an a bad night last Wednesday. I went to a university party with a couple of my friends. It started out pretty decent, but then we met some girls and all three of them took a liking my friend and a guy we had just met.I tried talking to them, usi... View more

had an a bad night last Wednesday. I went to a university party with a couple of my friends. It started out pretty decent, but then we met some girls and all three of them took a liking my friend and a guy we had just met.I tried talking to them, using all the approaches that had worked previously in the last couple of months. It didn't work, they just brushed me off with one word answers at best, ignored me at worst. With my friends though (who were interacting similarly to me), they were all up close and giving them fairly long, enthusiastic responses. Idk, it just made me feel like shit.I did manage to add two out of three on snap, but when I snapped them (on Friday), they unadded me pretty much right away. Apparently though, my friends were still having conversations with them on Friday. I have no clue why they didn't even bother to make an effort with me, but they clearly were into and very interested in my other mates. This scenario has happened in the past, but I've tried pushing it away. I have no explanation for this. It makes me feel hopeless and miserable.

RJ86 Need support or advice please
  • replies: 1

Hi all. I'm really struggling with a lot right now. I'm here in Australia from Ireland. I met my Aussie bf online and he talked me into getting a working holiday visa to come here. So I did and we've been living together almost a year now and everyth... View more

Hi all. I'm really struggling with a lot right now. I'm here in Australia from Ireland. I met my Aussie bf online and he talked me into getting a working holiday visa to come here. So I did and we've been living together almost a year now and everything has just fallen apart. Our plan was for me to get a partner visa but I've struggled to find any work besides pet sitting. Employers who did respond said it was because of the 6 months work limit on the visa. So I was relying on the partner visa to have full working rights. A few weeks ago my bf told me he doesn't want to go the partner visa route because I haven't been able to find work. He started being moody all the time and sometimes barely talking to me and just on his phone or computer. He said he was going to move back home to save so he could come to Ireland in a year or so. But then 2 days ago told me he's going to get a place with his sister once I leave. So I just broke down and told him I was done. That he clearly had no plans to come to Ireland if he wasn't moving home to save etc. I also found out at this time that my granny was in hospital on her death bed. He didn't say much but the next day said he wanted to break up. So he's done. Today my granny died. She never wanted me to come to Australia because she was worried she'd never see me again. I'm just in shock and devastated that I spent the final year of her life here, trying to make a life with someone who has now decided he doesn't want me. I have no friends or family here. I'm all alone. I won't make it home in time for the funeral. All I've been doing is crying. I'm a mess. I've decided to go home in about a week to give me a chance to pack and try sell some things I'd bought to make this apartment feel homely for us. But I don't want to go home, because there is nothing for me there. I live in a small town in Ireland and rarely leave my house because I know too many people. I know I'm going to fall into a deep depression and I'm scared. At least in Australia I'm more confident and less paranoid to go outside and live. I'm feeling a lot of anger towards my ex right now, that he acted like he loved me so much just to discard me now. But we still have to live together until I leave so we're mostly being friendly and I'm just staying in the bedroom to cry. I can't apply for a second year visa because I'm too old so I have no option but to leave the country. I'm just so sad right now and I feel like my life has fallen apart in two days.

Travis1988 I need help
  • replies: 1

Hi, my name is Travis I have suffered from RJ OCD for many years. But my current relationship is getting bad because of myself.My girlfriend ex boyfriend is 10 years younger then her he is her first Australian boyfriend. She is half chinese half indo... View more

Hi, my name is Travis I have suffered from RJ OCD for many years. But my current relationship is getting bad because of myself.My girlfriend ex boyfriend is 10 years younger then her he is her first Australian boyfriend. She is half chinese half indonesian. She is only around 4,11 tall. Her ex boyfriend was taller stronger and good looking. She told me 4 months in our relationship he had a big long pp. And he was handsome they was in a relationship 4 years lived together. And before him she was single over 1 year. She dated a malaysian boyfriend 2016 then met her young australian boyfriend 2018. The one who she dated 4 years. Then we met 6 months after they broke up. But she told me she met 2 other australian guys in this time period but nothing happened with them. I have seen the photos of her special tall handsome australian boyfriend. He still has pictures of her on his profile. I think of what it was like when they first met and how excited she must of felt. When I asked her about it she get angry and ego and showed me photo them kisses and together. She told me the malaysian ex had a small penis also. I just want to feel like her australian ex boyfriend is not lucky special big. And that she had a young good looking australian boy before her that she made him jealous and he was better and better then he was. Anyways I really need help to stop my brain from thinking and asking questions that her ex was smaller. And her ex before was better and he is not special. If you read this far thanks