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Disloyal husband

Community Member

I recently found out my husband had organised to meet up with someone and pay them for sex. He was also on tinder even though we’ve been together for 15 years and married for 7. He claims he didn’t go through with it but I’m so broken I don’t think I believe him. Even if he didn’t the fact that he’s been sneaky like this behind my back is heartbreaking. I feel like the trust is broken, but I have nowhere to go. I keep things between us private from family and friends out of fear of judgment. I’m so lost I don’t know what to do. 

1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome


Regardless of the reasons he gives for betraying you, you have every right to feel personally hurt and abandoned. During any discussions try not to allow excuses that we read here often, from the person doing the betrayal by explaining things away, as if a bunch of reasons can justify it. Be firm, he broke trust- end of story there. The fact he claims "I didnt go through with it" is irrelevant imo and up for scrutiny.


"I dont know what to do"- yes it is a dilemma and the right thing to do is totally on your making the choices you want, nobody else. You will get many comments like- "If it was me I'd leave him", that is them, not you. By all means listen but it your choice not theirs.


You have time, you can sit back and observe, listen and judge for yourself if you want to continue with this marriage or not. In the meantime think about financial plans if you decide to leave. There is two types of partner I've found - one can hold conversation and mutually decide to separate and together plan for that so both parties benefit with a smooth transition and the other type that will resent you and begin a fight for assets, custody of children and so on. So be prepared for that.


I'm sorry you have endured this experience and although it is the beginning of the revelation, try to remember that life is what you make it and many couples out there go through these ordeals only to come out the other side wiser and happier- I'm a prime example. 


We are here if you want to comment further- even ongoing if you need