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I don’t know what to think anymore (relationship)

Community Member

Long story short my partner and I have been together 3 years but have been friends for about 6. I genuinely love with with all I have but lately he’s been distant. We spent most of our relationship long distance but together now. But in the 4 months he’s been here he hasn’t really hugs or kissed me in any way and it’s usually me to him. He’s back visiting family and I have hardly heard from him since he’s been back (it’s the second time in 4 months he’s been back).  I found out from my sisters today that he’s made a few comments in the past that they weren’t to please with. But now I just don’t know how to feel or think 

3 Replies 3

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi nixxyboo


I think sometimes it can be hard to get an accurate sense of where someone's coming from until some revelations start coming to life. While your sisters may have been able to help you gain some sense of where he's coming from, based on what they've revealed, it may be something that needs to come straight from him so that you're not left wondering.


Can be so many different reasons as to why someone can appear disinterested or emotionally detached

  1. It can be hard for them to establish strong emotional attachments to begin with. Whether that's a result of past trauma or it comes as a part of high functioning autism, to name a couple of examples, it can pay to wonder at times
  2. The connection is not a strong one to begin with, out of choice on the part of the other person. For example, a narcissistic person chooses not to be strongly connected to someone unless they've got something to gain. In other words, there are motives behind their behaviour. A self serving person typically likes to keep their options open, as opposed to making a commitment
  3. The connection has been lost over time, which can come about through a variety of circumstances
  4. Some people's 'love language' is very different from others. While I used to be a bit of a huggy kissy kind of gal, at 53 my love language is more so now 'acts of service'. Anyone who knows me knows I love deeply through how I serve them. For them, even though I'm not a big hugger, they're never left with any doubt when it comes to how much I truly love them
  5. Mental health issues, such as with depression, can help explain why some people just can't feel the love at times

So, while we could imagine one reason for someone appearing disinterested, it could come down to a whole other reason. I suppose there's only one way to find out for sure, what it's all about, and that involves talking to him about it. If your sisters have provided you with a clue, could be worth exploring that possibility when it comes to questioning him. 


I hope you find your answers and they come to put your mind at rest. ❤️

sorry I haven’t gotten back to you sooner.  Little update the relationship ended 3 days ago. 

Hi nixxyboo


No worries about not getting back sooner, not a problem. I'm hoping you're not suffering too much and have a lot of support around you through such a challenging time. I only wish he'd have made things easier for you, instead of leaving you guessing.