Husband cheated, new mum to 4 month old

[newmum07]

Husband and I have been married for 5 years, we have a 4 month old daughter. 
I discovered 3 weeks ago that he has been unfaithful to me for the last 2 years and this has absolutely crushed me. It was one woman and he says they never actually had sex but they did “other stuff”.  
I never thought this would happen to me because he was cheated on in a past relationship, so he knows the pain. 
He is wanting to rebuild, we are talking more than ever, he is helping more around the house and with our daughter. He seems genuinely sorry and remorseful. He has been open to talking about everything, answering every question I have about her, even repeated questions. We are seeing a marriage counsellor and he is open to telling anyone I want to, no matter the cost for him. 
I’m looking for similar stories. I still have days where I’m absolutely shattered and other days I feel more hopeful for our future.

I know I love him, he’s my best friend but I’m so broken and don’t know if I can ever trust him again. I know it would be potentially easier to leave him now as my daughter won’t know any better. I fear that he will do this again and cause worse pain when she is 5 or 10 years old. 

[Harlow88]

I am so sorry to hear this, and I had to reply. 
You mentioned you feel it would be easier to leave him now, and you fear it would happen again in 5-10 years. 
If it did happen, would you wish you could go back to right now and leave?

I can see how much you love him and that’s beautiful. But, he’s been cheated on too and knows how it feels. How could he possibly do this to someone else?

Hes being great because he feels bad. But what caused him to do this in the first place?

How did you find out, did he tell you or did you stumble upon it?

2 years to be cheating is such a long time. And during this time you welcomed a child. 
He did this while you were pregnant!

Im sorry to be so blunt and I really don’t want to hurt you.
I was with a very poor excuse of a man for 6 years and all I wanted was someone to tell me what to do, that’s what I’m trying to do here. I want you to see and know your worth. And you don’t deserve this. 
Your beautiful baby doesn’t deserve this. 
You are so much stronger than you think!

I hope this has helped and I’m sorry you’re going through it. 
Congratulations on your new baby and I wish you so much strength and happiness xo

[Mels1e]

I just found out my husband meet up with someone to pay them for sex. He claims he didn’t go through with it but I don’t believe him. I also found out he had his own tinder account. We’ve got 4 kids, our eldest is 5 and our baby is 9 weeks old. I’m shattered and I don’t know what to do. 
is the marriage counseling working? I’m so lost as he’s my best friend also and I’m very private with things that go on between us to family and friends so I feel like I’ve got nobody. 
I’m sorry you’ve gone through this too. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

There is a lot of confusion for you at this time and that is normal as the stakes are high. Ending the relationship is a right you have and in facing that pain you think of the ways not to face it, to return to the trust you once had, but alas, it is highly unlikely you will ever feel the same. But is all lost?

Your husband has risked his marriage but as bad as that action was, he should never risk his fatherhood not your child's future with him. Often we talk in "my child" / "my daughter" sense, whereas she's both your child. Children are resilient, more so than their parents, I would not be basing any decision on how your child will be at a future age. 

I commend you both for seeking help and together with his remorse it is admirable. What he has done is inexcusable to most people but I remind you that you are not "most people", you are you and your choice to forgive albeit with huge confusion is a choice, your right to go either way. In some ways that choice can leave you more hurt because his choices has resulted in forcing you to make your decision you never believed you'd ever have to make.

I will make one suggestion- that time is actually on your side. If you take a few weeks/months to decide then your confusion will reduce as you come to your decision, whatever that decision is will be the right one - for you. 

Good luck with the counselling, 

TonyWK