Sticky Situation

[Mr_Worry]

Not sure where to post this exactly crosses a few areas….

I've had the same job for 10+ years, promoted to ok salary pre inflation, secure, stable, good at it, but it has few transferable skills. I’m not ambitious, role models advised if you find a good job stick with it. 

My partner recently secured part time work after unemployment, overworked and under supported. Our relationship is great and fulfilling apart from one issue. We want a small house, garden, pet, occasional trip…but they don’t want it in this country.  

They want to move overseas to where they lived before we met here, feel isolated/trapped, no future here (I agree especially with house prices) and missing out on things over there, wants to be closer to certain places/family.  I am too frightened to do this.  

I'm afraid we’d end up unemployed and out of money.  Visa rules etc. mean no ability to ‘test the waters’. 

I don't have the qualifications for roles over there (require years of study whilst still working to get).  I could apply for some jobs but, 80%+ cut out. Never needed qualifications, and even then don’t have experience. Forcing myself to study unwillingly wouldn’t be good, and qualifications don’t guarantee employment.

It's unfair to keep them here, I should be brave, I will regret it if we don't try...Yet it’s a large risk and cost. But then I think in the long term, what is a few years of struggle to get a life we want? Yet if we fail, we could ruin our finances for nothing. 

I'm not a risk taker, I am a big regetter, not being bold, watching so many people leap frog at work.

Seeing so many jobs I'm not qualified for is demoralising - worked for 10+ years and have no skills or experience to show for it. It’s exposed my hesitancy, complacency, lack of drive. I feel like I'm holding everything back.

I’m stuck in my own inertia, wanting to do something yet too afraid to do it.  Not wanting to regret not trying, but not wanting to take the very real risks, fear of making the wrong choice, knowing 'no choice' is a choice for stagnation. It’s unfair to both of us, and I don't know how to get out of it, I hope for a nugget of information that could tip the scales, none come and restrictions on time / resources are very real. 

It’s having physical effects - feeling overwhelmed, teary, heart racing, panicked, on top of the stress of day to day life I've always struggled with. 

I don't know what to do....

[Sophie_M]

Hi Mr Worry, 

Welcome to the forums and thank you so much for reaching out. It sounds like things are a little overwhleming at the moment, and you’re coping with a lot. We’re sorry to hear you’re feeling this way and we hope there's some comfort for you in reaching out. Well done for opening up here.

We can hear that you have a lot of anxiety at the moment about making the right choice for yourself, your partner and your future. Please know that you are not alone with these feeling and we are always here to talk anytime. It sounds like you are dealing with physical anxiety symptoms that can be really uncomfortable, we hope some of the resources below may be able to provide some relief:

• When your inner critic is giving you a tough time 
• The Beyond Blue Heads Up page on working with a mental health condition  
• The Beyond Blue Heads Up resources on taking care of your mental health.  

If you want to talk this through with a Beyond Blue counsellor, please give the helpline a ring on 1300 22 4636 or use the webchat to speak to them, they can be really helpful for those times when you are feeling overwhelmed.

Thanks again for sharing. Our community is really kind and understanding, we think they’ll have some really helpful advice and perspectives.  

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[Mr_Worry]

Thanks for the direction, it does seem to be clear anxiety symptoms, mixed with depressive symptoms over regrets etc. On reading those resources I fear there is nothing I can really do apart from try to manage the symptoms (already eat well/exercise often...but work and chores deny me any other time to do anything else suggested), lifestyle change is not really possibly with my limited resources, and of course that doesn't resolve the situational cause which will not change or reduce and indeed seems to be getting worse the more I research into everything I find myself wanting. 

I found this line interesting...

"Anxiety and depression don’t usually go away on their own. You’ll need support to help you feel better, and to stop you from feeling worse." I guess I just need to find external resources to resolve the situation, the cause, not the symptoms, no idea what they might be though.