Living with in laws and kids

[Nicki321]

Hi we are a family of 4, we have 2 kids 6 and 8 years old. We recently moved in with my husband's parents to save money. We own investment property and now renovating for sale which should be finished by March and settle close to end of the year. I thought this would be temporary but we have been here for six months and it would be for another year. We live in their living room with blinds and curtain to block the entrances, it is 4 of us in one room. I hate being here, and I hate the fact that I will be here another year. It makes me sick in my stomach. I am trying to teach our boys to be respectful and tidy up as much as we can but it seems like my husband just chilling in his house. He left things around and not caring of helping his family. I hate his mum who is being dramatic when the boys cry, expressing love verbally but doing nothing for them at all! She is not working and using my father in law for everything. It seems like only me and my father in law that work around the house, I also work 3 days and deal with house work and boys school. I already feel like single mum, I hate thinking of the boys growing this laziness and disrespectful for the house and not helping. I lose interest in my husband, we argue a lot and I don't feel like talking to him and we barely have alone time together. I feel angry, depress and trapped in this situation I don't even know how to get out of this. 

[therising]

Hi Nicki321

I reached the conclusion a while back 'One person's version of inner sanity can vary greatly from another person's version of inner sanity. To each other they may appear insane in regard to how they see, feel and experience things'. If what your husband finds to be perfectly sane and more than reasonable involves doing next to nothing, accepting little responsibility, being doted on by his mum perhaps, not having to listen to the struggles and feelings of others etc, this is something that would drive me insane (if I was you). I don't think I could handle it. I think I would be fighting to keep my sanity, literally fighting (verbally). I can imagine 'I can't do this for much longer' would be one of the things to come out of my mouth. Another thing would be 'We need to find a different way of managing'. Chances are your husband's going to fight for what makes him happy, what's easiest for him.

I'm wondering about how well you get along with your father-in-law. Does he feel for you and the challenging situation you're in? Does he sympathise with you? Is he somewhat of a visionary and can possibly see a different way of managing living there? Is he just as fed up as you are, with your husband's behaviour and lack of consideration? Could he turn out to be a really good and helpful ally? On the other hand, is he someone who's more inclined to accept his lot in life and not want to rock the boat, so as to avoid conflict?

While I imagine you may not have worked a mental health budget into your financial plan, maybe it's time to consider it if you can afford to. If your boys are fine with the living arrangements then it's about you taking a break maybe once every couple of months. Could you afford a few days or a week away from the place on occasion? If the boys are suffering too, then maybe a day or 2 here and there is what's affordable in that case. If you can afford to do this but your husband says 'No, I don't want us to spend the money', if it was me I'd be saying to my husband 'I consider it as an investment in maintaining my mental and emotional health and this marriage. Without this investment, without the break, I can see this marriage ending and we sell the house not fully renovated'. At such an incredibly testing time, is your husband passing the test/s or are you the only one working hard to graduate or develop through this challenge?