I feel for you so much as you find yourself within such a challenging and testing time in your life. When facing a challenge or being put to the test, there are definitely times where I can be left thinking 'Oh, god, no...not you again' when it comes to facing the people pleaser in me. 'I thought I'd dealt with you' can be the next thought.
I think there can be certain parts of us that can stick with us forever. How to manage those forever facets becomes the ultimate test. They can lie dormant until triggered to life by certain people or circumstances. I've found every facet seems to have an opposing one. On one hand we can face the adventurer in us that can inspire us to adventure, on the other there is the home body. On one there can be the pessimist that can lead us to see everything in a negative light, on the other there's the optimist. On one we can be facing the fierce warrior in us, on the other there is the pacifist in us and on it goes. I've found the opposite of the people pleaser in me to be the upstanding and intolerant part of me that can displease people at times. While it's hard to be conscious of what part of me is in play at times, when consciousness does kick in the question becomes 'Which one is driving me, my decisions, my perspective, my inner dialogue etc?'. The next question can be 'Which one needs to take more of a back seat when it comes to a sense of drive?'.
I think when we're able to tap into the intolerant upstanding part of us it can definitely require management. At it's best it sets boundaries, dictates a higher level of self respect and self esteem amongst other things. At its worst and most destructive it can lead us to burn bridges that may need to remain intact, lead us to say things that are regretful, take us to high levels of destructive and self destructive rage and so on. In one way or another, it can be an incredibly powerful part of us. If you were to carefully and thoughtfully tap into the intolerant part of you, what would it say about the situation you're facing? If you were to channel the sage in you at the same time could it all sound a little like 'You shouldn't be tolerating a destructive lack of communication. You made a deal with yourself never to tolerate it ever again. Stay calm and reconsider your boundaries'? If you need a solid guide, a relationship guidance counselor could be worth considering, whether on your own or together with your partner. Either way they may help with establishing a sense of direction throughout this challenge.
