Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

PS- Young partners different support needs
  • replies: 2

hello. It appears that my partner (21M) and I(22F) have different support/communication styles when it comes to the big topics. I need to talk things through, a lot. Even when I tell myself that its fine and we have moved past it, somehow the topic w... View more

hello. It appears that my partner (21M) and I(22F) have different support/communication styles when it comes to the big topics. I need to talk things through, a lot. Even when I tell myself that its fine and we have moved past it, somehow the topic will appear at the front of my mind and I just need to say it out loud. It will be three days later and logically we have covered the issue at hand, but then the smaller issues or more hidden issues come up and I gotta talk about them as well. I could just talk and talk all day. I am going though a really stressful time in my life right now and feel that every second or third day its another issue on my mind that I need to get off my chest and feel supported with.However, my partner isn't as talkative about these issues. When I'm having a bit of an anxious episode or a cry, he comforts me (or tries to) by physical touch which is nice but I need someone to talk back to me. He tells me he loves me, that I will get through this, that I'm strong, etc, but it's not what I want. I don't even know what I want him to say, I just want to know that he has thoughts on the topic, that he is thinking about it. I guess in short I don't feel like I'm getting the right support from him, but I don't know what to do about it. I assume people have been in similar situations and were able to overcome them.

Blue1999 Husband is not getting the boy he wanted
  • replies: 3

My husband and I have a 20+ year old age gap. He’s in his 50’s and wants a son. Many of his friends have 2 or more sons and he envies that. We have a 10 year old daughter together. I have had difficulties conceiving after having my daughter and was d... View more

My husband and I have a 20+ year old age gap. He’s in his 50’s and wants a son. Many of his friends have 2 or more sons and he envies that. We have a 10 year old daughter together. I have had difficulties conceiving after having my daughter and was diagnosed with low ovarian reserve in my early 30’s. My husband begged for a second child and wanted me to agree to the donor egg route, using his sperm. He said he wanted our daughter to have a sibling, and it didn’t matter whether we were having a boy or a girl (that was a lie). I ultimately agreed as I’m a single child so I felt the loneliness of growing up without a sibling. We went through ivf with donor eggs and the baby within me was the only embryo that survived out of a cohort of 10. Through NIPT test results last week, we learned that we are having our second girl. Since learning of this my husband has been really disappointed. His first reaction to the news was that he won’t be buying any more girl toys as our second daughter can use what her older sister has. He has also stopped asking about the baby or my pregnancy symptoms. I’ve been taking time off work since my embryo transfer and haven’t gone back as I’m feeling nauseous and weak all the time. It makes me sad that he’s feeling so disappointed. I feel excited about my baby regardless of the sex and can’t wait to meet her. The fact that I’m not genetically related to my baby doesn’t change that. I feel sad that he doesn’t see things this way (and this child is genetically related to him!). I wonder whether he will get over it and come to realise how special this baby is? Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

Loveanimals Why does my twin sister hate me
  • replies: 15

I am in my late forties. I have a twin sister whom I have never got along with. She has always been a bully and a control freak. We have an older brother. As kids they used to play together and leave me out. They used to enjoy making me cry. I often ... View more

I am in my late forties. I have a twin sister whom I have never got along with. She has always been a bully and a control freak. We have an older brother. As kids they used to play together and leave me out. They used to enjoy making me cry. I often was left alone. Parents were not great (understatement). Mother passed away five years ago. Dad is in his eighties and is not very well. Brother lives overseas and I have nothing to do with him. She has taken it upon herself to take control of all of Dad's affairs. Money being the main issue. He is doing ok but she is hassling me to see him more and do more for him. I try to organise things but he is busy doing is own thing! She gets frustrated as she has created this co -dependant relationship with him....nothing anyone does or says is good enough for her. She is creating problems where there aren't any. I have learnt that Dad has paid for her new car. Dad wanted to give me some money and she told him I didn't need it?! I earn one third of what she does! I actually think she is taking money from Dad and I would never know as she is in control of his bank accounts. I saw her this morning at Dad's and the aggression coming off her was so toxic. I have no idea why. She scares me because she is such a horrible aggressive person. I have had decades of her horrid behaviour and I am totally sick of it. I always come away feeling absolutely awful. I have rung Lifeline many times due to her. I know I have to totally avoid her. That is obvious. I suffer as I do not know why she does this. She has attacked me verbally, physically..my whole life. She shows no care towards me whatsoever. I guess I just spend my life hoping she will change. Wondering what I have done wrong. Then getting angry and upset. I wish I could kick her out of my life but that won't be so easy. I love Dad and want to see him. He is being controlled by her I think. I am so lost and sad. Please help. Thankyou.

Lostdad Serial cheating/commitment/self love
  • replies: 2

Have been found out for cheating esp with other men. Last straw has have been found out before.did addiction counselling and psychology etc but nothing worked permanently. Have been married to wife for 30 years and never wanted to marry anyone else. ... View more

Have been found out for cheating esp with other men. Last straw has have been found out before.did addiction counselling and psychology etc but nothing worked permanently. Have been married to wife for 30 years and never wanted to marry anyone else. Adore my late teen and early twenties daughter and am scared of losing them forever as I move out tomorrow. I don’t know how long for. Til I sort my self loathing, cheating, not caring for myself (massively overweight and heart and other health issues I don’t commit to solving properly. i don’t need to be told im a monster or lazy etc I know that. Any advice on how to turn myself around in my mid 50s when I have no job

margaret1 Teachers bullied by 'colleagues'
  • replies: 71

If you’re a teacher being bullied by HOD/ Principal/ colleague I think this may help you. It helped me a lot. I couldn’t understand why when I was such a good teacher I was having such ridiculous, hurtful, nasty, petty, time wasting, health destroyin... View more

If you’re a teacher being bullied by HOD/ Principal/ colleague I think this may help you. It helped me a lot. I couldn’t understand why when I was such a good teacher I was having such ridiculous, hurtful, nasty, petty, time wasting, health destroying problems at work. Anyway here you are; this is why we get bullied: Teacher bullies in schools “fear exposure of their perceived shortcomings, such as inadequacy and incompetence, and these people bully not for fun but in order - they think - to survive. Competent colleagues fuel the bully's fear that shortcomings in their capabilities will surface, so they tend to select targets who fulfil some of the criteria below. Being competent, that is being good at their job, often excelling; being willing to go the extra mile and expect others to do the same; being successful, tenacious, determined, courageous, having fortitude; being imaginative, creative, innovative; being able to master new skills; thinking long term and seeing the bigger picture; being helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience; being diligent and industrious Being Popular with colleagues, pupils, parents, Being regarded as an expert and the person to whom others come for advice, either personal or professional, having a sense of humour, including displays of quick-wittedness Having strength of character displaying integrity, honesty,intelligence and intellect; having a well-defined set of values that they are unwilling to compromise; being trustworthy, trusting, conscientious, loyal and dependable; a sense of fairness: willingness to tackle injustice, low propensity to violence and strong forgiving streak, refusing to join an established clique; being sensitive, having empathy, concern for others, respect, tolerance, being slow to anger, showing independence of thought or deed, refusing to become a corporate clone and drone, having high coping skills under stress, especially when the injury to health becomes apparent

BG89 Wife with bpd wants to separate, I'm heartbroken and need help
  • replies: 14

I am currently in the process of being separated from my bpd wife but I'm still deeply in love with her and this process is leaving me completely heartbroken. She is my best friend and the only person iv ever loved and while she has hinted at this be... View more

I am currently in the process of being separated from my bpd wife but I'm still deeply in love with her and this process is leaving me completely heartbroken. She is my best friend and the only person iv ever loved and while she has hinted at this before we have never broken up but now she has sead we are and I'm having trouble accepting it. We have been together nearly 6 years married for nearly 4, have 3 kids and in the last 6 months she and the kids moved to new Zealand to what we planned was to start a new life, while I was stuck in Australia during covid to finish up my work then rejoin them. Over that 6 months she has become a completely different person made all these plans and decions without telling me or talking to me about it then when I finally got to our new home last week she told me we are separated and wants a divorce. Im absolutely shattered I'm crying all the time csnt eat mutch or sleep mutch and I'm loosing all drive to do anything, also to make it worse she is being up and down about how I'm coping which depending on her mood she is eaither understanding or extremely angry about it. Some of her reasons seem to change daily but the main ones are she has discovered over the last 6 months she would prefer to be alone as being married is adding to mutch stress for her to deal with and is she can't love me like I deserve and I should find someone else and be happy, I told her I don't want anyone else I want her, iv all ways worked hard to be there for her with the roller coaster ride of bpd and iv never judged or held it agents her even thow its cost me job progression due calling in sick alot to help her or leaving work early to help her, friends and some family Iv been trying to talk about it with her a few times and she doesn't want to work it out or keeps telling me I'm forcing her to stay with me when I ask how do you think the kids will handle all of this.

Hate Nobody cares
  • replies: 2

Our family is heading for a financial inevitability where we will have to sell our house. Even mentioning a budget gets my wife and 2 daughters upset. They seem to shop as entertainment and it is central to their lifestyle. I am considered grumpy or ... View more

Our family is heading for a financial inevitability where we will have to sell our house. Even mentioning a budget gets my wife and 2 daughters upset. They seem to shop as entertainment and it is central to their lifestyle. I am considered grumpy or petty of i mention we are running a deficit of 3000 a month. We have 20k left max. We have a 9000 mortgage every month. Nobody cares

Tammie Husband abandonment
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have been struggling lately. One afternoon I came home from work and found a letter on the bench saying my husband of 16 years couldn't be with me anymore. The next day he told me he was in love with someone else and told me who it was. I asked... View more

Hi, I have been struggling lately. One afternoon I came home from work and found a letter on the bench saying my husband of 16 years couldn't be with me anymore. The next day he told me he was in love with someone else and told me who it was. I asked him how could he say he loves me and slept next to me days leading up to this and he said he did it to make me feel better. The following day I came home and he wasn't there, so I went for a drive and knew where she lived and found his car at her place. Just like that he was gone and wouldn't reply to any calls messages. He never checked on me, we lived on a property and i was by myself. I didn't see any changes in him and had no warning signs, i found out later that he had been cheating on my for 2 weeks prior. I was in absolutely shock and couldn't eat or sleep, I lost 10kgs in 8 weeks. I have never felt the pain of abandonment, the break of trust and the feeling of both being good enough. I got the house ready for sale by myself and put it on the market without any help from him. 8 weeks later the house was under offer, 4 days before Xmas. I had new years by myself and woke up feeling so overwhelmed that I nearly took my own life, that gut wrenching call to my mum asking for help. I got professional help not long after and it helped, life was starting to become abit easier. There are days like today that I struggle to find my purpose in life and wonder when will these issues stop or how to stop them from popping up. I have to live with this for the rest of my life and would love to know how others have dealt with these problems and how to overcome them please. Thank you, this is just the start of my journey and didn't want to bombarded you with all the story.

Aleesha Scared of being pregnant. Help
  • replies: 1

I am married and adore kids but the thought of being pregnant freaks me out and gives me anxiety and it’s making me avoid this next step. I have tried counselling and that wasn’t helpful. I have started reading books to inform me, but I still can’t s... View more

I am married and adore kids but the thought of being pregnant freaks me out and gives me anxiety and it’s making me avoid this next step. I have tried counselling and that wasn’t helpful. I have started reading books to inform me, but I still can’t shake this uneasiness away and it’s making me worry. What can I do to prepare myself, or do I just need to throw myself right into it?

Guest_71772299 This guy is always in my mind
  • replies: 1

HelloI really want to tell this to someone so I get it of my chest… Some months ago I met this guy at a church group. At first I didn’t really notice him.After seeing him a few times in this church group I notice he was staring at me from afar.occasi... View more

HelloI really want to tell this to someone so I get it of my chest… Some months ago I met this guy at a church group. At first I didn’t really notice him.After seeing him a few times in this church group I notice he was staring at me from afar.occasionally he would come and say hi. My conversation skills are not great plus I’m a really shy person so it’s hard for me to keep a conversation going with a new person. I followed him on instagram and he followed me back.he looks at my stories every time I post one. now he is always on my mind.morning, afternoon and night. I have no idea what to do about it……