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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Olliepop Text message pressure!
  • replies: 1

So the Christmas period for me, brings alot of pressure during the day, and leading up to Christmas even more so. Yesterday, my husband and my son went for a drive to visit his family etc, and i was at work very very busy. In my brain, my husband and... View more

So the Christmas period for me, brings alot of pressure during the day, and leading up to Christmas even more so. Yesterday, my husband and my son went for a drive to visit his family etc, and i was at work very very busy. In my brain, my husband and son are okay, my husband loves to text, alot. and i fell behind in the many messages and pictures of things he was sending me. By the time i finished work, and handled all the staff who required my attention i replied, and he was very short. I tried calling as i was wrapping up the office, he didnt answer, then i called again no answer, then i sent a message im calling to see if you want anything for dinner on my way home? he replies, not yet. so in my mind, i was hoping for some fun at home, walk into the door and they are planning something for my day which was huge, i walk in to silence from my husband and my son his usual self. I look at my husband and hes livid, im like are you okay? then long story short, he was upset i didnt reply to his messages, i looked at them but didnt reply.. and it was not good enough that i didnt reply no matter how busy i was.I was in shock. So i apologised, as thats how he felt, and he continued to ignore me for the rest of the night, we made dinner separately, i was very tired so went to bed on my own, and this morning i get another text from him good morning, i reply and he said oh i wasnt sure if you would reply.starting on the jokes.. and again, i said i was busy if you realised how my day was you would realise how silly this looks, and he stated again... to open and not reply to many messages,is no excuse no matter how busy you are. Im really confused.. firstly, he knows where i am and what im doing.. when he was in my position with staff and working, i never got upset he didnt reply, and also may i add what we text about isnt life threatening. But my husband, he likes to text, ALOT!.. and we have had a few fights in the past where i ask him to refrain from so many messages and text fights as id rather deal in person, because most of the time he doesnt hear me in his messages. As i work with family, his indirect stab was him assuming i wasnt on my phone thinking i was around my family as he thinks they put me on edge, when they dont, but he just keeps assuming. Is this a little uncalled for from him?Im so tired, and this must reply attitude for texts is crazy.But does my husband have a valid point? i would assume he would call me if it was so important.

blues23 Toxic family dynamic
  • replies: 4

I really don’t know where to start , my father wants me to bring my child to see my mother ( this happens 3x4 a year birthdays, Xmas ect ) my mother has a long history of being abusive and just down right nasty to myself & my siblings a lot happened ... View more

I really don’t know where to start , my father wants me to bring my child to see my mother ( this happens 3x4 a year birthdays, Xmas ect ) my mother has a long history of being abusive and just down right nasty to myself & my siblings a lot happened when I was growing up a lot of it sad , abusive , due to my mothers behaviours . i have told my father I don’t want to go and visit my mother anymore with my child due to the very real reality of history repeating itself, I’ve had to make up lies so that we don’t have to visit I have to go out of my way to not feel guilty for not visiting and making my fathers Xmas miserable I’m trying to to protect my child from my mother as I don’t want history repeating itself and it will I know my mother . It’s almost like I’m leaving an abusive relationship all over again as my father won’t accept no for an answer and bully’s me into going to see my mother with my child so he can have a peaceful Xmas and whatever . How do I escape this situation? I’ve tried the truth , I’ve tried making up excuses, I want a relationship with my father but I’m starting to feel very trapped by his inability to accept my choices and it’s really making me feel guilty.its almost like I have to run away again when I’m a 40 year old woman .

Guest_97885543 Am I being dramatic
  • replies: 1

Been with partner for over 20 yrs. Should have seen it from the start when he was jealous. I had some guy friends and he hated them, he wanted to hang out with my girlfriends and I when we were having "girl time" because he said we should be able to ... View more

Been with partner for over 20 yrs. Should have seen it from the start when he was jealous. I had some guy friends and he hated them, he wanted to hang out with my girlfriends and I when we were having "girl time" because he said we should be able to do what we do in front of him. We ended up moving away and he was still jealous..if I want to go for coffee its fine but if its like lunch/dinner, a bbq/party etc he will get all sooky and we end up fighting. Been happening our whole relationship. A couple of yrs ago our teenage daughter had some online stuff that broke us. Now he is really controlling with her. Not allowed to have a boyfriend, gets angry if she wants to hang out with her friend as he's worried she's doing the wrong thing. I have mentioned the way he is is wrong but he turns it around on me. Says I don't show him affection. I think I hold alot of resentment towards him for the way he is. I grew up with a abusive step father who didn't let me do anything. I also had an abusive first boyfriend who isolated me from everyone.My partner is not physically abusive but I feel like he is controlling. There are so many other things I could talk about but it would go on forever. He puts it all back on me. Says he loves us more than anything and doesn't want to see us hurt etc and then tries to make out like I don't love him as much as he loves me. He chooses not to have friends. He has acquaintances. He has really bad social anxiety as well so we don't do alot. I just want to know I'm not crazy. This is not right right? My 16yr old and 11 yr old can see his behaviour is not right. I don't know what to do.

IreneM Bereavement and Fear of further physical attack
  • replies: 1

My husband has developed dementia although he will not acknowledge it. Part of dementia is anger, he is unduly angry about something and he gets aggressive wherever he is, even at home. This can involve shaking your fists in the air and talking abuse... View more

My husband has developed dementia although he will not acknowledge it. Part of dementia is anger, he is unduly angry about something and he gets aggressive wherever he is, even at home. This can involve shaking your fists in the air and talking abuse even whilst asleep. One night I got hit very hard in the side because he was angry whilst asleep and in his efforts of expressing his grief to someone in his dreams he hit me really hard in the rib cage. I am on life support and as a result of this hit have become medically unstable. Few months ago I accepted the reality that the person whom I married is no longer there. It is just an angry person with completely different beliefs that he wants to push onto other people, but I won't let him push it onto me and he no doubt finds it frustrating, which fuels the anger more. Interested if there is anyone else experiencing similar issues. Take Care

AshamedHubby Married and having fantasies about massages
  • replies: 1

Good evening. I am 43 and married, I have three daughters and a loving wife of 15 years. Recently I have been fantasising about a happy ending massage. I find it thrilling to text, organise and barter but never follow through because I don’t want to ... View more

Good evening. I am 43 and married, I have three daughters and a loving wife of 15 years. Recently I have been fantasising about a happy ending massage. I find it thrilling to text, organise and barter but never follow through because I don’t want to cheat. In my mind I know this is wrong…. Can anybody lend a thought to help me stop this.. I know it’s not healthy and want to stop.

Poppy81 Jeolousy and depression
  • replies: 10

I have been fighting the green eye monster for over a year. I am in a 10 year same sex relationship/ married. My partner went through menopause and completely blew of sex for a year 2years ago and then 1 year ago made a new best friend from work whic... View more

I have been fighting the green eye monster for over a year. I am in a 10 year same sex relationship/ married. My partner went through menopause and completely blew of sex for a year 2years ago and then 1 year ago made a new best friend from work which further drove a wedge between my wife and I. I feel like this person has replaced me. I feel like an emotional affair is going on and my wife wont even have a discussion about it becoming avoidant. Just over a year ago her friend was drunk calling her and i got angry as we were on holiday, then my partner deleted all messages from this person and when asked why was told i knew you didnt like me tslkibg to her so i didnt want you to know. We have had constant arguments over this person and I feel like it is ruining my relationship. My wife says I am allowed to have friends and I agree with this but it is the type of friendship that I don't like as it has affected my relationship with my partner as she has become distant. My wife just says we'll things change. I am stuck with this person in my life and it is driving me crazy as my wife has not made any attempt to soothe my insecurities about their relationship. I know it is not her job to make me feel better but I just can't shake this gut feeling that they will turn into something more. We have 3 kids together and this is just shaken me to the core and have discovered thst we no longer are able to communicate properly, we just argue about it so it has become a no go topic. When i 1st tried to address the issues I was met with being shut down and my feelings on the matter were brushed aside and was told that she doesn't have a problem, it is just my problem. Fast forward a year and they are close as ever and I am not allowed to talk about it as she says I just want to put it all behind us, she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I am having a lot of trouble moving past it as they are always texting goidmorning to each other babe, and asking how they have slept. I feel boundaries are being crossed especially since the focus is no longer on us. How do I overcome this horrible feeling I have? I am really struggling and I was suicidal 1 year ago, have seeked psychologist as I have CPTSD and gave been trying to work on myself. I have gone from having the best relationship of my life to complete disregulation. I feel like I am going crazy!

Daisy G Single parenting: mental health & loneliness
  • replies: 1

I’m a single parent to three boys/young men. My ex husband, their father, cut ties with our sons 5 months after we separated. It’s now been over 5 years. I was a stay at home mum, so I had to work 2 jobs to keep all the wheels turning. My youngest so... View more

I’m a single parent to three boys/young men. My ex husband, their father, cut ties with our sons 5 months after we separated. It’s now been over 5 years. I was a stay at home mum, so I had to work 2 jobs to keep all the wheels turning. My youngest son has autism, and was 8 when this all happened. All three boys struggled with depression and abandonment for at least 12 months. I realise I’ve not stopped these last 5 years, I work and come home and be mum. I’ve realised how isolated I now am and feel incredibly lonely. I know I’ve done a good job raising my sons on my own, and I can recognise that, but now I’m being hit with feelings of guilt. I’ve missed 5 years of their lives, because I worked 50+ hours a week. My youngest is almost 14 now. I wax diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ptsd during the last year of my marriage. I struggle to make friends now, because I don’t feel like I have anything to offer, let alone dating. Am I alone in feeling this loneliness, or is this common amongst single parents with no contact from the other parent?

Elf911 Narcissistic parent of my children
  • replies: 25

I'm looking for unbiased opinion on a topic. My ex partner, father of three of my children, we have been separated for 18 months now and he want to reconcile without even sitting at a table to explain how it all ended in the first place. For thirteen... View more

I'm looking for unbiased opinion on a topic. My ex partner, father of three of my children, we have been separated for 18 months now and he want to reconcile without even sitting at a table to explain how it all ended in the first place. For thirteen years we were together, he took control of every aspect of our lives, right down to the coin to spend on food for our kids, I was totally under his thumb. For a long while it was easier for him to do so with small children to care for but it went beyond control, he made me question my own sanity and safety with him on more than one occasion. Now out of this relationship and try to maintain communication for my children's sake of having a father, I see all the lies and manipulation that I previously had rose coloured glasses on for. Now since I mentioned lawyers for parenting agreements he is sending messages to ask me if we can fix things. In my head I can not see a future where 1. He is not completely transparent and submissive as I was in the past as I'm have gained my independence and am never giving it up again; 2 that will ever agree to give up the things that lead us to break up, eg gambling and search for money; 3 I in my right mind cannot really expect him to change as so, I don't want a puppet to love with strings attached and in so couldn't ask him to be a different person. So how do I get what I need from him; closure and commitment to our children, without that narcissistic personality in the mix. He likes playing games and seeing a person's reaction. Do I be straight and tell him I will never entertain the idea of reconciliation and what dame the results of his reaction as I know it will be negative or play this slow and ask for commitments such as therapy and time before his actions inevitable show his intentions and throw it up as you weren't able to for fill what you were asking as an equal in this relationship therefore it can not happen. Either way my children will suffer as they already are because of his actions. I am stuck in a hard place.

B-STAR Strange After pay Transactions
  • replies: 2

Hi All, I am currently investigating strange Afterpay transactions on a joint account. My partner in the last recent years is spending about $15K per year on afterpay but I don't know what it is being spent on. The join account still has transactions... View more

Hi All, I am currently investigating strange Afterpay transactions on a joint account. My partner in the last recent years is spending about $15K per year on afterpay but I don't know what it is being spent on. The join account still has transactions for Supermarkets and other bills and insurance. She obviously becomes defensive when bring it up. She does get packages but the funny thing is I am not seeing new clothes furniture or anything like that in the house. My initial thoughts where therefore it must be gambling related. However my research has told me that Afterpay can not be used for gambling. On average the After pay amounts can be anything from a few dollars to $50 per payment. The other clue is that a lot of these transactions often land on the same day adding up to a few hundred dollars. Does anyone have any idea what these transactions could be paying for or funding?

PsychedelicFur Isolating because people and the world are too much
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone, I feel like my only option in this world is isolating because I'm too difficult and traumatised to connect with others. I'm so wounded and Neurodivergent that I have to isolate myself because people are triggering and so many people don... View more

Hey everyone, I feel like my only option in this world is isolating because I'm too difficult and traumatised to connect with others. I'm so wounded and Neurodivergent that I have to isolate myself because people are triggering and so many people don't like me.