Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

CathyC Escape or survive a loveless marriage?
  • replies: 54

I'm 45 and my husband is 49. We've been married 11 years, with two kids aged 8 and 6. We haven’t had sex in more than 6 years. We’ve slept in separate beds for at least 5 years. There is zero affection or physical contact. (Before we had kids, no rea... View more

I'm 45 and my husband is 49. We've been married 11 years, with two kids aged 8 and 6. We haven’t had sex in more than 6 years. We’ve slept in separate beds for at least 5 years. There is zero affection or physical contact. (Before we had kids, no real issues.) Over the years I have tried to address this many times. My husband was diagnosed with depression and low testosterone, but stopped taking his medication as he insisted it didn’t work. I’m not sure if he is still depressed - he seems content to live in this loveless and sexless marriage. I begged him to try counselling, which he did for a few sessions about 2 years ago. Then I joined for 2 sessions - before he refused to go back. He didn't tell me - he just didn’t go back, despite me asking him to go several times. In the sessions I attended, he asked me not to nag him about our relationship and give him space. I did this and nothing happened. He has never once in all these years instigated a discussion of these issues. At least on three occasions, having lost patience, I told him I wanted a divorce. He just says ok, then jumps into action, looking for somewhere to rent, etc. After me venting, he agrees to couples counselling - but never goes through with it. He just carries on as usual until the next time I get angry or upset. Apart from this, he has not lifted a finger to save our marriage. He just says we should stay together ‘for the kids’. I really don’t matter to him at all. In my darkest moments I feel he also wants to stay together because I brought a lot more into the marriage financially (he had nothing). I can barely stand to be in the same room as him now and avoid conversation. It’s hard to describe just how humiliating and lonely it’s been. He knows I’m very unhappy, but never asks me about it. Instead, he commonly treats me with disdain, rolling his eyes or dismissing anything I say. The therapist even pulled him up on this, but he doesn’t get it. If I raise I’m unhappy in any way whatsoever, he’ll turn away, raise his hand up to motion me to stop speaking and yell, ‘Get a divorce then.’ I'm being forced to accept this loveless, sexless marriage - or else. I’m heartbroken because I really wanted my kids to have a stable, ‘normal’ family life. I never wanted a divorce, but what choice do I have? How do people stay married just ‘for the kids’? I’m so very lonely and tired of keeping up appearances. I’ve kept all of this to myself all these years and it has truly become unbearable.

AnnieK Porn Addicted Partner
  • replies: 10

I have just discovered my husband of 40 years has been addicted to porn for about 9 years. Can you imagine. This is a man I loved and adored.I am shocked, so devastated and am only managing my life day to day. I knew something was terribly wrong when... View more

I have just discovered my husband of 40 years has been addicted to porn for about 9 years. Can you imagine. This is a man I loved and adored.I am shocked, so devastated and am only managing my life day to day. I knew something was terribly wrong when intimacy stopped. I feel like a fool to believe all his excuses from work load, tired, prostate issues even the death of a family member. My life as I knew it has been destoyed. He gas started counselling and wants to be a better man. All help out there is for addicts ! Where is help for the spouses suffering such trauma. Please help me.

shope93 Why are women allowed to tell men to kill themselves?
  • replies: 5

I've been pushed to the absolute limit. Now I'm going to ask these hard questions. Why do women get away with telling men to kill themselves? I put up with being told I'm a useless, weak and pathetic man and I should die. Is this a normal thing? Why ... View more

I've been pushed to the absolute limit. Now I'm going to ask these hard questions. Why do women get away with telling men to kill themselves? I put up with being told I'm a useless, weak and pathetic man and I should die. Is this a normal thing? Why am I automatically a bad person for being male? Why is this happening? Is there no hope left for us?

Bula97 Break up in process of grieving low self esteem
  • replies: 2

Hi there, um I literally don’t know where to start off right now but here I go I’ve been in a long term relationship I can say it was good at the start but then some twist and turns got in the way. When I was with my ex I thought this is real this is... View more

Hi there, um I literally don’t know where to start off right now but here I go I’ve been in a long term relationship I can say it was good at the start but then some twist and turns got in the way. When I was with my ex I thought this is real this is my new chapter and it was gonna work well it didn’t it’s been 8 years since we’ve been together or more I’m not sure but I’ve finally pulled the strings and told myself it’s time that I move on and distance myself from him as it wasn’t working out anymore I didn’t feel the love or the spark and neither did he. I felt used betrayed and worthless knowing now I haven’t seen him for weeks it’s good but in the way it’s like a hard grieving some days it’s hard I joined a gym to help but I feel like I’m not pushing myself enough but I don’t know why! I feel like I’m trying to just do things to keep my mind occupied and not be either stuck in the room some days or just completely shut everything out I don’t know I feel extremely tired and I hate it I hate the way I am and that I’m doing this to myself I just need advice or any support to keep me motived and to keep pushing because I wanna make it to the end and actually completely change.

unkown87 Messed up
  • replies: 3

Needing advise and help in anyway possible. I’m married and I have been seeing this guy for 2yrs he is also married. In a nutshell he can’t have sex with me cause of guilt but has done everything else sexually with me. He wants to leave his wife as h... View more

Needing advise and help in anyway possible. I’m married and I have been seeing this guy for 2yrs he is also married. In a nutshell he can’t have sex with me cause of guilt but has done everything else sexually with me. He wants to leave his wife as he said he is not in love with her anymore. I’m feeling really rejected and not good enough at this point and I feel as though he takes what we have for granted. I dunno what to do anymore as I’m madley in love with him and have never felt this way ever about anyone. This is my situation I a nutshell but any Advise on that so far will be helpful

Sadmilitarywife Husband away on extended army course
  • replies: 2

My husband is in the army reserves and left a few days ago for an extended course. He is non contactable for the first week and it’s tough. We have been together over 20 yearsI work full time, am managing everything on my own, am keeping busy during ... View more

My husband is in the army reserves and left a few days ago for an extended course. He is non contactable for the first week and it’s tough. We have been together over 20 yearsI work full time, am managing everything on my own, am keeping busy during the day and am doing okay during the day.The nights however are getting tougher and tougher. You can’t “keep busy” when it’s time to sleep.My sleep is impacted, and some nights I cry a lot. About 2 months before he went away, we had been in a huge fight and I still have unresolved pain from this. We had made such amazing progress in our relationship and we are really stronger than we had ever been. It’s like the light had been turned back on.The timing of this non contact now, is making this extremely difficult. Has anyone faced this type of challenge? How do manage the extreme loneliness at night when you should be sleeping?Is it something I just have to ride out, and wait for a turning point?

Guest_28102579 Husband hates my mum, new partner, most people
  • replies: 1

Looking for help. My husband and I have been married for 8 years now. 2 kids together. The relationship has most been rocky for the first 7 years or marriage but over the last year he has changed so significantly it’s like I’m married to a new man - ... View more

Looking for help. My husband and I have been married for 8 years now. 2 kids together. The relationship has most been rocky for the first 7 years or marriage but over the last year he has changed so significantly it’s like I’m married to a new man - in a great way! the thing is I used to share all my issues I was having with him with my mum, and rightfully she could’ve easily cut him off and treated him badly for everything he did to me. But she didn’t she stuck by me and supported me. now she has a new partner, who she said has made her truly happy but he has turned my mum into someone I don’t know at all. And over the last year has shown us his true colours. Drunkenness, rude behaviour to my husband, stinginess at family gatherings, chain smoking etc. I don’t want my kids around that. I have told my mum I don’t like him and she has not taken this well. And honestly my husband is more hating him than I am to The point he refuses to go to any family gatherings, will not allow our children there and has also vocalised that he now thinks my mum is ‘low class’ for staying with someone like this. My mum says he makes her happy so I accept that. But she cannot accept that I will not engage with him anymore or go over and sit outside while they chain smoke. My husband makes this very hard for me too as he get riled up when I speak about them. am I in the wrong here? Should I just accept my mums choice into my life too? I feel pressured because my husband feels so so strongly as well. So confused about what to do it’s tearing me apart.

Bailey13 Wanting to hear from survivors of infidelity
  • replies: 25

Hi, I have been on the receiving end of a cheating husband (married 10 years, 2 kids). I know the majority will say reconciling will never work but I'm not ready to write it all off. I'd love to hear from anyone who has stayed in their relationship a... View more

Hi, I have been on the receiving end of a cheating husband (married 10 years, 2 kids). I know the majority will say reconciling will never work but I'm not ready to write it all off. I'd love to hear from anyone who has stayed in their relationship after being cheated on and how they are coping or managed to find peace, if that's even possible. My husband is very determined to rebuild or marriage. I sway day to day from feeling positive to not comprehending how it could possibly work. I'm feeling really stuck and scared of making everything worse either which way I turn. I don't want to fully invest myself back into our relationship unless i can cope with the lies and infidelity creeping up on me all the time. I trust that he loves me and would never do it again, but i don't trust myself to be able to get over it enough to not allow my hurt and sadness to interfere with our marriage. Anyone been or in a similar situation with some advice for me?

forever2007 Struggling with a decision
  • replies: 9

Going through a hugely difficult and confusing time, have been for a while, and I feel that I'm getting pulled in different directions to make a decision. I mean, how do you make a decision on whether or not to separate from your spouse? We have a te... View more

Going through a hugely difficult and confusing time, have been for a while, and I feel that I'm getting pulled in different directions to make a decision. I mean, how do you make a decision on whether or not to separate from your spouse? We have a teenage daughter who doesn't want to be in the same space as her father, and I'm struggling with feeling like I have let her down, and she tells me I've let her down, quite repeatedly. I'm told repeatedly that the situation is my fault, that I have caused it all. This comes from my eldest daughter fairly regularly as well as name calling. She has left the house and is staying with family, but the situation is causing me major stress, and anxiety with my heart constantly racing so much so that I feel that I should probably go to the emergency department to have it checked out. Because of childhood issues (my father was abuse towards my mother which eventually resulted in him being forcefully removed from the house) I shut down when things get hard, I retreat into myself and I find it difficult to speak to people about the issues that should be discussed. To make it even harder everyone provides their opinions on the situation and what I should do. But I'm scared to...pull the plug, I'm scared of disappointing everyone around me which is exactly what I'm doing. I feel like I have abandoned my daughter. I feel like I've failed her. I feel like I can't come back from this. I miss my daughter. The pain I feel within me is unbearable to the point that I need to shut it out by just listening and watching mindless tv shows, things where I don't have to think. I'm scared to make the decision to leave my spouse because where does that leave me. I know that couples separate, it's a fact of life, but it doesn't make it any easier to actually do. Our trouble as a couple has always been how involved his mother is in his life, how much she inserts herself into situations, which took me a long time to come to terms with because I'm not that type of person I guess because of childhood issues where I never shared anything. But watching how my brother shares with our mother I came to realise it's what people do except for me because I don't want to disappoint anyone or make them upset or be judged so I don't share. I never wanted this life for my kids but if I leave the only place I have to go is to my mother's place and how long with that be for? She has preconceived ideas of how things should be, what I should in the situation, but she sees it from the hurt of her situation 30 years ago. I feel anxious all the time now and have taken solace in long baths and showers and being at work. The guilt I feel in my situation is enormous and the panic that sets in every day is unbelievable. Our current family situation is because my spouse called our daughter some names, told her that if she didn't want to live with us she should move out. I had warned him to be careful and not say something he'd regret and now it's all about how he apologised and regrets the words, that our daughter should be able to get over it and move on, that he'd been called worse things when he was a kid - to all these things I said that just because it happened to him doesn't mean he had to repeat it to his kids. All our daughter needed was that nudge, the words of 'you can leave if you want to' and she did. My mother tells me that I should be all about my kids, but I keep telling her that I have two kids. I want (wanted?) to try and see if the situation is resolvable but my spouse cannot seem to speak to me about his feelings or thoughts, tells me he's hurting too but deals with it in his own way. What I'd like to do is put everyone in the same and have them have it out but what does that solve? Nothing. How does one make the decision to leave their spouse? Do you write a pros and cons list? Sorry for the possibly incoherent post but my brain feels a little fried these days and I cannot seem to come out of the fog that seems to be super thick these days.

Guest_41525091 Short temper after diagnosis
  • replies: 1

I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADHD and possibly autism and am struggling with my temper I have always had a short fuse but now it’s even shorter (almost non existent)and it’s ruining my relationship with my husband and my kids (one ... View more

I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADHD and possibly autism and am struggling with my temper I have always had a short fuse but now it’s even shorter (almost non existent)and it’s ruining my relationship with my husband and my kids (one is AuADHD) I am really struggling