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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Breegirl Physically leaving husband - how?
  • replies: 7

Hello I have posted on here on another thread talking about leaving my husband. I had cheated on him which he knows about, we were trying to work things out, I fell out of love along time ago and had tried leaving him twice before but he has a strong... View more

Hello I have posted on here on another thread talking about leaving my husband. I had cheated on him which he knows about, we were trying to work things out, I fell out of love along time ago and had tried leaving him twice before but he has a strong personality and I just stayed for convenience and the kids. I don't want to stay anymore! I spoke to him last night, told him it is over, and that I will leave - he then tells me he wants to take our son and I can have our daughter (that broke my heart) I know it is out of anger and hurt, he then turns it round onto me saying how selfish I am, to try harder and appreciate what I have. I need a few days to rest and rebuild my strength, but I don't know how to get it through to him that it is over, who moves out? Who stays? Do I just get a rental now and move in so he sees how 'real' I am??? I just want to move onto the next phase of this, I hate being in this stagnant place and my 8 year old daughter knows and her anxiety levels are high, all the more reason to get it done ASAP Thank you for listening to my vent, just in a confused place

RosyRose AVO against controlling ex-partner
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I'm reaching out to see if anyone has had a similar experience or can offer any advice. I've recently taken out an AVO against my ex-partner who started stalking me after our breakup. In our relationship he was very controlling, with him... View more

Hi everyone, I'm reaching out to see if anyone has had a similar experience or can offer any advice. I've recently taken out an AVO against my ex-partner who started stalking me after our breakup. In our relationship he was very controlling, with him being verbally, psychologically and on one account physical abusive. Despite showing no interest in me during our relationship, he fought aggressively to get me back whenever I tried to end things. He would get new phone numbers to harass me after I blocked him and even showed up at my door unannounced. Within just five months, I found myself back with him due to his relentless harassment. When I finally broke it off for good, he made it extremely difficult to get rid of him. He followed me to dance events and repeatedly initiated contact despite my clear instructions not to. I often threatened to call the police to get him to back off. During the relationship there was also an issue of him intentionally getting me pregnant. I never wanted anything but an abortion. He refused to use protection, which was always a significant point of contention for me and made me very angry. Some weeks after I blocked him and broke off for good, he sent me an email outlining a detailed plan to get engaged, married, have kids, and buy property together—all within six months. This email came even after I had warned him about calling the police if he didn't stop contacting me. A couple of weeks later, he followed me to another dance event, which was the final straw. His behaviour was incredibly creepy, and I went to the police to get an AVO. He didn't show up at the court hearing and seems to be ignoring the AVO altogether. Now, I'm scared because I know he is very narcissistic and won't take this restriction lightly. I'm worried about potential repercussions since he cannot "lose" or be limited in his movements without reacting. I'm considering removing the AVO, but the police informed me that it can't be revoked through them and would need to go through the court, which could take up to 18 months. Has anyone been through something similar? Do you have any advice on how to handle this situation?

Tillie2 Same sex relationship and ASD and ADHD & PTSD
  • replies: 1

Hi all I have been with my wife for almost 13 years and for the most part has been a wonderful journey. She had a late diagnosis of ASD/ADHD/PTSD after a pretty big burnout. We have had ups and downs during the past 2 years with her discovery that sh... View more

Hi all I have been with my wife for almost 13 years and for the most part has been a wonderful journey. She had a late diagnosis of ASD/ADHD/PTSD after a pretty big burnout. We have had ups and downs during the past 2 years with her discovery that she is not broken and not having to mask up, we have been to counseling. Me on the other hand is struggling to find my way, I have a narcissist mother, feel emotionally disconnected from family and friends and really just can’t find my mojo for much at all really these days, this impacts our connection greatly. Emotionally I am struggling to just get through my days. I have just started talking to a psychologist so I’m hopeful they can help me combat my inner self demons. I guess what I’m asking is when do you know you are done in a relationship.. even though I love her greatly we just can’t seem to get that once truly connection back again and maintain it

JenG My partner has a porn addiction
  • replies: 3

I have just discovered that my boyfriend of 2 years has a porn addiction. My partner and I have only been dating around 2 years now, he’s the kind of person that I love with all my heart and I know he loves me too. We get along so well and it’s too d... View more

I have just discovered that my boyfriend of 2 years has a porn addiction. My partner and I have only been dating around 2 years now, he’s the kind of person that I love with all my heart and I know he loves me too. We get along so well and it’s too difficult to think of life without him in it - the person that I will marry. Our life is virtually perfect - except for the fact that we only have sex once every 2-3 weeks. This is something I’ve talked to him about before as I am always the one trying to initiate but he rejects… this HURTS. We’ve talked about it 4/5 times maybe but last night I snapped and told him to figure out why he doesn’t want to sleep with me and how it shouldn’t be so hard to have sex with the person you love. He finally admitted that he thinks he may have an addiction to porn and that because it’s affecting our relationship that he needs to figure it out. We’ve talked it through a bit but there’s so much I want to know and even more that I don’t. I obviously can’t turn to anyone I know, but I’m a deeply emotional person. He told me how awful it felt for him and that he can’t stop but I know it sounds bad - I don’t know if I can trust that. I’ve made so many ideas for our future and planned to have him in it, I mean it when I say he’s the love of my life but I need some support. I WANT to be able to handle this and help him but it’s hard. I have researched and I know the steps to recovery but I really need someone to tell me everything’s going to be okay. I need someone to tell me he’ll get better and that our future together isn’t going to crash and burn.Please tell me it works out for porn addicts and their relationships.

Guest_12727891 Marriage breakdown
  • replies: 1

The other week I asked my husband to get some medical help and he took it as me ending our marriage. He packed all my stuff up and I had to go live with my daughter , I feel I'm going crazy but there's no going back he has turned everything to be my ... View more

The other week I asked my husband to get some medical help and he took it as me ending our marriage. He packed all my stuff up and I had to go live with my daughter , I feel I'm going crazy but there's no going back he has turned everything to be my fault and now I'm suicidal

white knight How to defend yourself mentally- what's best for you?
  • replies: 0

Similar topics are getting popular on this forum so I thought I'd present a guide that everyone can use. As every person is different, the friends and the foes, you can choose your best avenue to take that best preserves your mind and prepares you fo... View more

Similar topics are getting popular on this forum so I thought I'd present a guide that everyone can use. As every person is different, the friends and the foes, you can choose your best avenue to take that best preserves your mind and prepares you for a brighter future. So there is various degrees of judging a situation from leaving the conflict never to communicate again to trying forever and tolerating any toxicity that comes your way... and every degree of in between. One problem is that many of our conflicts involve blood family, people we grew up with and that word "family" has people bound like a magnet to there members to an extent whereby disowning them (not a good term) is not thought of maybe until there is dramatic non control. I suggest as we cant choose our blood relatives, that as we are mentally challenged, that we need to protect ourselves more than others do. We need to get to the resolution quicker. Allowing matters to fume with no result can be intolerable. Family members at times behave in a way that they test the tension greater knowing that you abandoning them likely wont happen and that is reflected in their desire to elevate not reciprocate. Whatever you decide remember- you have choices just like they do, you can choose to think about matters, offers, conflicts, you do not need to respond to demands. And demanding questions can be answered by "I dont know (yet)". If you dont know then you shouldnt answer until you do even then you might decide not to answer. Exercising your rights trumps their demands. Most of us crave for basic empathy not sympathy. Our empathy for others does not have to disappear because we are restricting access to these foe. Neither do we need to show such empathy, just feel it. If confronted with "you dont care about me" honesty is good "well I do, why do you think otherwise? But that doesnt mean I shouldnt move on from a situation I find no resolve from. unless you have an answer I havent thought of"? Leaving a relationship is easier to live with if you dont wish harm to come to them. I'm estranged from my mother and sister but I dont desire for them to come to harm. To seek your resolve whatever that might be and know you did your best is to rubber stamp your actions. Your levels of actions by others as "unforgivable" is for you to set. Your frequency of meeting them is also yours, never, once a year or phone calls only. Your choice for your health. TonyWK

Guest_37600340 Insecure girlfriend
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am really struggling. My partner has been through such a hard time. She was in a relationship with an extremely controlling narcissist who was also violent. She has come out of this relationship and was struggling big time. But she is incredibl... View more

Hi, I am really struggling. My partner has been through such a hard time. She was in a relationship with an extremely controlling narcissist who was also violent. She has come out of this relationship and was struggling big time. But she is incredibly strong and resilient. She has two children to him and one of them has severe ASD, ADHD, PTSD and has extremely bad behaviour. He’s around the same age as my son but they are very different and I find myself struggling to put my son with him as I don’t want him to be exposed to those habits and behaviours. This alone has added a challenge to our relationship. She also has extreme insecurities where 1-3 times a month I get accused of something. Not once has it been something that I have done. But she will hear a story from a friend about their partner or her family or a reel on social media and this leads to accusations towards me. at the start I was handling it ok. But after 3 years I’m tired and constantly anxious and feeling like I am on egg shells. I’ve given her my phone password, social media account passwords and deleted anyone that she thought was a threat. I thought this might help her to feel better. It keeps coming. its really hard. If done research, I’ve listened to a ton of podcasts, we’ve seen a gynaecologist to see if it was hormonal. She is finally seeing a psychologist and so am I to see if I can improve anyway that I can and on things that I can do better in. I’m just exhausted and feeling helpless. thank you

SilvaLady Family
  • replies: 1

I have diabetes and mental health issues. Am taking medication for my diabetes, and am generally good diet. But my sister in law can be quite controlling about my diet. I know she is trying to help me, but it can be quite difficult at times and frust... View more

I have diabetes and mental health issues. Am taking medication for my diabetes, and am generally good diet. But my sister in law can be quite controlling about my diet. I know she is trying to help me, but it can be quite difficult at times and frustrating, am not how to deal with this issue.

beyond_confused Found my partners hidden Viagra and currently loosing my mind over it!
  • replies: 3

Has anyone ever found a secret stash their partners sexual enhancement pills in their partners cupboard? Did you ask them about it straight away or did you wait to see when the next time they used one to see if it was with you or someone else? I felt... View more

Has anyone ever found a secret stash their partners sexual enhancement pills in their partners cupboard? Did you ask them about it straight away or did you wait to see when the next time they used one to see if it was with you or someone else? I felt something was off yesterday so I searched for answers and I found them hidden, there's currently three pills missing and I'm loosing my mind as to what to do about it. Any tips or advice would be great... thank you!!!

Goofy Porn addicted husband spent 22k on prostitutes
  • replies: 2

5 years ago I found out my partner of 20 years has a 35+ year porn addiction and had seen 2 prostitutes. Despite evidence he denied he had seen them, said he just booked them but couldn't go. That there were only were these 2. He then proceeded to th... View more

5 years ago I found out my partner of 20 years has a 35+ year porn addiction and had seen 2 prostitutes. Despite evidence he denied he had seen them, said he just booked them but couldn't go. That there were only were these 2. He then proceeded to threaten to kill himself despite it being me that had been treated appallingly. We had councelling. He lied all through it. Never admitted what happened. A couple of years later I was fed up with no progress. I said get help or I'm leaving. He went to a counsellor. He NEVER mentioned his sex issue in therapy. I found out that he had spent over 22 thousand on prostitutes and continued to see them the whole time he was supposed to be dealing with his issues in therapy. He lied to me, his own therapist, and in couples therapy. He still said he never went to visit them. Later he said he visited 1 but never had sex. All he has ever done is lie and not address the issue. I had enough. Last we I asked him to move out. For a trial separation. If he doesn't work on this in therapy it will be permanent. My therapist and friends think that as he's had over 20 years of not going to therapy when asked it doesn't seem likely he will now. I agree. Unfortunately his behaviour has greatly contributed to mental health decline for me. I have severe stress, anxiety and depression. My therapist recommends I get a job because she's seen it so many times that husbands just disappear leaving partners penniless. I have been out of the workforce for over 18 years raising kids. I can't seem to get a job. My anxiety is so bad I can't even drive right now. I feel like I need time to sort out my mental health now he's gone but I can't afford to take that time because I could end up homeless at any point (he has engineered it so EVERYTHING is in his name) I have no assets, no employment references and I'm sure you've seen the rental market right now. So what yo do? I need recovery time but I need work. Anxiety makes it impossible to get work, not having work makes anxiety worse.