Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Littlemantate Emotionaly drained
  • replies: 1

My wife of 28 years recently moved to Australia to commence work. I remained in my country to sort out our house and ready us financially for immigration. During the time that we were apart, my wife befriended an older gentleman. She told me about hi... View more

My wife of 28 years recently moved to Australia to commence work. I remained in my country to sort out our house and ready us financially for immigration. During the time that we were apart, my wife befriended an older gentleman. She told me about him and described him as an old man. 2 days before I arrived, she called me to tell me that she had purchased a piece of furniture and that she was thinking of asking this friend to help her get it home. I said to her that I was not comfortable with this and that she should wait for me to sort this out. She insisted that it would be fine and after a bit of pushing on her side, I relented and said to her to decide and that I trusted she would make the right decision. Unfortunately,her decision was to get this person to help her. When I called, he was sitting in the house having a cup of tea. I'm not sure that my wife saw the expression on my face when I witnessed this and to make matters worse, she was a little dismissive. I called back a little while later and this time they were walking at local track. This angered me considerably but I thought that I would discuss it with her when I arrived. Two days after arriving, I broached the subject and unfortunately, my wife became quite angry with me, suggesting that I didn't trust her and that I was being overly consumed by the situation. I explained that she invited a male that I had never met into our home that I had even been in yet and that I felt that her judgement was wrong. She became extremely angry at this to the point that I apologized for raising it as an issue. I felt emotionally betrayed by this and it was made to seem that I was being inconsiderate. A week later, I met this male for the first time and my intuition was that he was physically attracted to my wife and he was not the old man that she had described him to be. I confronted her again about this, explained my feelings and fears and once again was blasted and was called emotionally unstable. I, since have not being able to rein in my emotions. I am experiencing severe emotional exhaustion and anxiety to the point that I am feeling paranoid. Just looking for some advice.

Mum2Boys Peaceful parenting - how?
  • replies: 2

How do you parent together with different ideals? My husband is FIFO 2/1. I pretty much have to run the show. I am against smacking and he has followed that. Our boys are 8 & 12. Everyone says they are well behaved and well mannered. Good boys and ye... View more

How do you parent together with different ideals? My husband is FIFO 2/1. I pretty much have to run the show. I am against smacking and he has followed that. Our boys are 8 & 12. Everyone says they are well behaved and well mannered. Good boys and yes they are. My husband says he gets into trouble when I step in. I do as I believe he is harsh. The kids can’t just be kids. Like yes if they are told to say stop being annoying they should (they eventually do when I tell them). Problem is he doesn’t even let them be kids. All I hear is “I would have had a flogging”. He never seems interested in doing what they want to do like get involved and mess around have fun. This in turn grumps me and of course it shows. I just don’t know how to parent with him for no arguments. I love him but resent him also. If we go out for dinner, if I didn’t start the conversation with the family we would be just sitting there. My boys are my world so I do all the things with them. Be silly, do funny dances, ride rides I don’t want to. Husband just thinks they are bad. We just had a holiday and he said “the boys have tried to ruin every day). This is eating me alive as how have they? What for messing around being boys? Everyone says how well mannered and good they are but he just nit picks on the “I told you to stop”. I really don’t know how to parent on the same page as I see him as a fun sucker. No patience and like the kids have to be perfect. My 8 year old said “Daddy should be swimming with us and bonding” of course hearin my boy say that then makes me resent my husband. I am so lost at the moment. Please help

OdysMum27 Supporting Sister
  • replies: 10

My BIL has done something stupid and been arrested, not yet sentenced. I desperately want to support my sister and her children through this, however I am aware of my limitations due to my history of depression and anxiety. I don't want to make thing... View more

My BIL has done something stupid and been arrested, not yet sentenced. I desperately want to support my sister and her children through this, however I am aware of my limitations due to my history of depression and anxiety. I don't want to make things worse for our family by having a major depressive episode, I am also trying to work through my feelings and reactions to this. Any suggestions on how I can be supportive would be greatly appreciated.

Guest_71003231 I want to leave my new husband because he takes my money as a joke
  • replies: 2

Quick background. I come from nothing and have received very little. Still I have committed most of my adult life to financial stability. I have raised 2 kids single, built a career and purchased house, gained savings etc. Then I fell in love and 2 m... View more

Quick background. I come from nothing and have received very little. Still I have committed most of my adult life to financial stability. I have raised 2 kids single, built a career and purchased house, gained savings etc. Then I fell in love and 2 months ago got married. He is opposite to me. Partied every spare cent of his life away, lives $$$ money week to week with I'm learning shit work ethic. He treats my belongings i have worked hard for as his own but not very respectful. Being married i thought he would start to contribute more but any large spends that are required for our now large family (he has 2 kids also) is 100% all of the time my responsibility. Like he doesn't even feel bad about it, infact he doesn't even mention it. Now I'm freaked out. To the point I think I want a divorce asap. He has snapped at me any time I mention pre or post nuptial BFA's. I don't want to risk everything I have worked too hard for and what I always considered would be passed down to my 2 children to be taken by a financially immature man. What can I do. Has anyone been in this situation? Is he legally even entitled to anything if i pursue divorce very early on? Like I said it has been only 2 months. Thank you

Guest_10071 Feeling trapped and can't do anything about it
  • replies: 1

So, previously I've written here about how I'm not happy in my marriage.Well, This past weekend I broke down.I'll admit, her behavior has changed recently.The verbal abuse has calmed down a lot. She hadn't yelled at me or anything for a few weeks. Is... View more

So, previously I've written here about how I'm not happy in my marriage.Well, This past weekend I broke down.I'll admit, her behavior has changed recently.The verbal abuse has calmed down a lot. She hadn't yelled at me or anything for a few weeks. Is this because of Christmas/New Year holiday period? I don't know. Is it sustainable? i don't know.This past weekend, she was talking about a holiday for us both for November and she wanted to go to Flight Centre to book it in. I wasn't keen to book anything because I don't know whats going to happen in the next couple of weeks/months. So she got annoyed that I didn't want to book it in. We got home and didn't talk to each other, staying in separate ends of the house. I could tell she was crying, but I couldn't comfort her. I froze, i felt a black hole in my head and in my chest. like i didn't want to be there.Eventually she came out and saw i was upset. she started getting angry saying things like how I wasn't allowed to be upset because I'm the one who didn't want to book a holiday and I 'got what i wanted'. she kept asking me whats wrong. eventually all i could say was 'I'm struggling.. mentally' and completely broke down. Her attitude changed after this, saying shes sorry she hasn't noticed. sorry that shes made me feel this way. she then said 'I can't do life without you' and a whole lot of other stuff. She keeps asking me to make an appointment to see a doctor, but I don't want to..I still don't know how i feel, except that now I feel the pressure that I need to stay with her, regardless of my own happiness, because if I don't, she'll end up doing something dumb.

Goofy Porn addicted husband spent 22k on prostitutes
  • replies: 4

5 years ago I found out my partner of 20 years has a 35+ year porn addiction and had seen 2 prostitutes. Despite evidence he denied he had seen them, said he just booked them but couldn't go. That there were only were these 2. He then proceeded to th... View more

5 years ago I found out my partner of 20 years has a 35+ year porn addiction and had seen 2 prostitutes. Despite evidence he denied he had seen them, said he just booked them but couldn't go. That there were only were these 2. He then proceeded to threaten to kill himself despite it being me that had been treated appallingly. We had councelling. He lied all through it. Never admitted what happened. A couple of years later I was fed up with no progress. I said get help or I'm leaving. He went to a counsellor. He NEVER mentioned his sex issue in therapy. I found out that he had spent over 22 thousand on prostitutes and continued to see them the whole time he was supposed to be dealing with his issues in therapy. He lied to me, his own therapist, and in couples therapy. He still said he never went to visit them. Later he said he visited 1 but never had sex. All he has ever done is lie and not address the issue. I had enough. Last we I asked him to move out. For a trial separation. If he doesn't work on this in therapy it will be permanent. My therapist and friends think that as he's had over 20 years of not going to therapy when asked it doesn't seem likely he will now. I agree. Unfortunately his behaviour has greatly contributed to mental health decline for me. I have severe stress, anxiety and depression. My therapist recommends I get a job because she's seen it so many times that husbands just disappear leaving partners penniless. I have been out of the workforce for over 18 years raising kids. I can't seem to get a job. My anxiety is so bad I can't even drive right now. I feel like I need time to sort out my mental health now he's gone but I can't afford to take that time because I could end up homeless at any point (he has engineered it so EVERYTHING is in his name) I have no assets, no employment references and I'm sure you've seen the rental market right now. So what yo do? I need recovery time but I need work. Anxiety makes it impossible to get work, not having work makes anxiety worse.

violetlily12 Partner doesn't want children- I do.
  • replies: 1

Hello all. I need some guidance on my situation. I'm 32 and in a very healthy and happy relationship (since 2021) with a 43 year old man. When I entered this relationship, he said he definitely wanted children. As of last year, he admitted to me that... View more

Hello all. I need some guidance on my situation. I'm 32 and in a very healthy and happy relationship (since 2021) with a 43 year old man. When I entered this relationship, he said he definitely wanted children. As of last year, he admitted to me that he didn't want any more kids. he has 1 child from a previous relationship. I feel torn. I love him, he is the best partner i've ever had and yet I do want to experience being a mother. Please keep in mind that there's things holding me back from leaving- I am dependent on him. I have severe trauma from domestic abuse in my 20's - I suffer with severe panic attacks and anxiety. My parents live in NSW, i'm in Queensland and have lived with my partner since 2022. I am at a loss. breaking up would devastate me and I truly feel like he is the love of my life, despite not agreeing on having children. Do I stay with him and never experience what it is like to be a mother, or do I do something that could potentially be a mistake and lose someone I love?

CrazyInLove Saving My Marriage
  • replies: 16

Hi there, I have been with my husband for 13 years and he has been distant and detached for a few months now. We have tried to talk a couple of times, but he only opened up a little bit. Last night he came from work and told me he needed to find his ... View more

Hi there, I have been with my husband for 13 years and he has been distant and detached for a few months now. We have tried to talk a couple of times, but he only opened up a little bit. Last night he came from work and told me he needed to find his identity and stability, and that he doesn’t really see a future with me. We openly talked for hours and cleared up so many misunderstandings that happened over the years, but he is telling me it is too late. I thought I was doing my best to always support him through some very challenging times, but he thought that was making him feel dependent and worth even less, and feeling down because he is unable to support us, and I should be with someone else. I have always been the main income earner and comfortable with that, while he has changed a few careers and worked mostly at entry level, and he is still working out what he wants to do, but now feels extremely bad about not being financially stable and able to support us. He has supported us in many other ways which I often tell them and thank him for it. He has always wanted kids. In the past I did not want children which has changed recently. I felt so insecure financially and with work for years, and now I’ve been quietly hoping it is finally the time, have even saved up to be able to take time off work, and have been trying to find a good time to talk to him about it in the past few months, but the time never came. He has struggled with finding his feet over the years, from being a teenager through to now, but things have never reached this level.I love him so very much and I am so committed to do whatever it takes to be there for him and with him. I suggested we talk to a third party to work it out, but he is not willing to speak to anyone. After hours of talking last night and telling me that he wanted to work on himself, loved me, but felt like there was no future, he still came to sleep in our bed but did not touch me. This morning he told me he felt the same, but wanted us both to stay in the house and share responsibilities while he wants to work on himself, find out what he likes to do, find a better job and start contributing to the bills, and see how he feels later and then maybe there is a chance to work on our relationship.We are booked to visit our families overseas next month, but he told me he is no longer going and I should go alone.I have no idea what to do. I love him so much. I'd appreciate any experiences and opinions you have. Thank you.

edensgarden Girlfriend been MIA for three weeks with her depression
  • replies: 2

Hi yall first post here I've had my far few of struggles these past months but meeting the love of my life changed that my girlfriend randomly deactivated her accounts an unfriended me on one three weeks ago It could be from her seeing me being deact... View more

Hi yall first post here I've had my far few of struggles these past months but meeting the love of my life changed that my girlfriend randomly deactivated her accounts an unfriended me on one three weeks ago It could be from her seeing me being deactivated on one of my own accounts but idk. Its been eating me up alot not knowing if she's found somebody else or its just the depression talking I really love this girl she's had so much struggles with her transgender identity and ive remained by her side for months reassuring her shes loved an pretty do I wait it out?? will she come back??

At_Crossroads Marriage Dilemma, Stay or Go?
  • replies: 2

My husband of 24years & I broke up 6 months ago. I requested the split after becoming frustrated with 1. his financial mismanagement (high debt, self-employed, unreliable income, required me to work full-time to support, took out credit cards without... View more

My husband of 24years & I broke up 6 months ago. I requested the split after becoming frustrated with 1. his financial mismanagement (high debt, self-employed, unreliable income, required me to work full-time to support, took out credit cards without me knowledge), 2. Our housing situation (lived in a partially built house that we were owner-building for over 10 years with 3 kids - couldn’t afford to finish it and he seemed to lose interest in trying). 3. His dedication to his parents & siblings taking priority over me & the kids and their lack of support/respect towards me as well, and his refusal to stand up for me against them - telling me I was overreacting. 4. His alcohol addiction was getting very bad. 5. When discussing our wills, he wanted to exclude me from inheriting a $400K property he inherited from his father, and instead leave it to our kids if he passed first, which would leave me with an unfinished house, 500K debt and not many assets to sell. He also refused to sell same property when he inherited it to fund finishing the house. I gave him 3 years to find the money by starting a new business at the property and after 3 years, all profits had gone back into upgrading equipment at the business and we had no money left and no work coming in. Since the breakup, he has given up alcohol, quit his business, found a good job with good pay, accepted now that he was blindsided by his family and he’s going to finish building the house. We’ve done a property settlement. I got the $400K property. He kept the unbuilt one & took over the debt. He wants to stay together. He’s a nice guy. We do get along well. But I’m not sure whether to stay. I’ve met someone else but I’m not sure whether they are compatible with me. They make me laugh, that’s about it. What to do?!!