Relationship and family issues

Emotional abuse and pregnant

replies: 2

I have been married for a year now.. seen the red flags but ignored them. Was in love. We got married.i got pregnant immediately and the emotional abuse started from the time we were on honeymoon... He has anger bursts which just come at one little d... View more

I have been married for a year now.. seen the red flags but ignored them. Was in love. We got married.i got pregnant immediately and the emotional abuse started from the time we were on honeymoon... He has anger bursts which just come at one little disagreement... Had the baby now,and I don't want him to witness the verbal/emotional abuse I receive every week or 2.. yes I'm very emotional and cry quickly.. yes I'm not a perfect wife,but I always try my best to be.. but this abuse from a loving wife is unjustified.. my partner even says he won't find anyone like me again.. but after so much counselling,nothing's changing much.. my question is- when is the best time to divorce when you have a new born??

Struggle with anxiety of being an entrepreuner

replies: 3

My Husband and I are two very different people who love each other the biggest issue is that I have a big family that he cannot handle and just wants a life with me and my daughter.

Partner ended the relationship due to her mental health

replies: 1

My partner has made the decision for us to seperate due to her mental health, as she doesn’t want to drag me down. There are no hard feelings towards her, she’s in a bad place and completely burnt out, I just wish I could support her and make things ... View more

My partner has made the decision for us to seperate due to her mental health, as she doesn’t want to drag me down. There are no hard feelings towards her, she’s in a bad place and completely burnt out, I just wish I could support her and make things better. We’ve been together for 12 years and have 2 kids, this is the most challenging thing I’ve ever had to go through and I feel like it’s only just begun. I can’t help but blame myself somewhat, even though I’ve been there for all of her battles and super supportive, is there more I could have done? I want my kids to be happy and her to be happy more than anything. Because we are co parenting under one roof I have to mask my feelings to try preserve hers, as a big part of the separation was that she didn’t want to feel accountable for potential self destructive behaviour. She is trying her absolute best, I know she is. This just sucks.. No questions, just wanted to vent

Intimacy issues with boyfriend

replies: 1

We (29F, 35M) have a loving, stable relationship. We’re best friends, communicate well, and are very affectionate. We met in a share house, quickly connected, and became official after about six weeks.The main issue is a significant drop in sexual in... View more

We (29F, 35M) have a loving, stable relationship. We’re best friends, communicate well, and are very affectionate. We met in a share house, quickly connected, and became official after about six weeks.The main issue is a significant drop in sexual intimacy after the honeymoon phase. We now have sex about once or twice every two months, and we’ve also stopped making out. This has been confusing and painful for both of us.I’ve become self-conscious about some weight gain and have blamed myself, though I know there are likely multiple factors. He also previously said he doesn’t masturbate or “can’t.”Possible contributing factors include:High stress, anxiety, and low moodHis long-term debt and job dissatisfactionLiving in a stressful share house with a toxic housemateAdjustment issues from never living with a partner beforeEmotional stress and self-image issues on both sidesI also have personal trauma I’m working through in therapy, and I earn more than him, which may affect our dynamic.A few months ago, I asked him to see a doctor. He delayed this for about two months, but has since gone and is undergoing tests (bloods, sleep study) and was told issues like mouth breathing and allergies could be relevant.Recently, he told me he thinks we should break up, saying he doesn’t feel like we’re in a “real relationship” and doesn’t feel sexual desire for me. This was very painful and unexpected. We both cried and had a very emotional conversation.He also said he still finds me attractive and later disclosed he has masturbated and watched porn, which surprised me.After discussing it further, we agreed to try for more time and explore solutions, though we both feel unsettled.From my perspective, key steps would be:Moving out of the current share houseImproving his financial and mental wellbeingCompleting medical testing and follow-upsStarting couples therapyPossibly individual therapy for him (though he is reluctant due to cost)He later said the main issue, from his side, is that my emotional stress has been affecting his sexual desire, which I hadn’t clearly heard from him before and found very painful.I feel very confused and deeply sad, and I’m unsure how to move forward. I care about him deeply and thought we were building a long-term future together.

Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops

replies: 6

My parents are weird about food. They get angry when people eat from McDonalds and my mum says they are poisoning themselves and are stupid. My mum won't shut up about her weight and thinks that everyone is thinking about it when nobody gives a crap.... View more

My parents are weird about food. They get angry when people eat from McDonalds and my mum says they are poisoning themselves and are stupid. My mum won't shut up about her weight and thinks that everyone is thinking about it when nobody gives a crap. Only my dad says things to her about it, and I try to get him to stop. My mum is allowed to eat lots of junk food, but if I eat any junk food at all, she thinks I shouldn't even though she eats so much more of it than me and she holds on to what I eat even if I just eat something small and makes a big deal about it. When my nephew comes over, my mum makes passive aggressive remarks about me to him all the time and I keep nicely asking her to stop and telling her that I don't like it and every time she says she won't do it again not because she regrets it, but because she's trying to get out of it and then she soon does it again. She knows what she's doing but won't stop. Today, she asked me what I was eating and I said I was eating vegetables with cheese and she said to my nephew "Earth Girl eats a lot of cheese" which she knew I wouldn't like her saying. I told her she was being passive aggressive and she said "Okay, I won't do it again. It was just a joke." I told her it was still passive aggressive and my sister said that she was just trying to say sorry (which she wasn't, she was trying to get out of it), but since my sister is allowed to argue with mum all the time in front of me, but I'm not allowed to do that, I just said okay. When my sister and nephew left, I said to my mum can you please try harder to not be passive aggressive because you never stop and she said "Okay, I will. I sort of thought we already talked about this." I said I wasn't allowed to say my piece and I explained to her that she wouldn't like it if I said to my nephew in front of her, "Grandma eats so much junk food" and she said "No, I would not like that" and then I said then stop doing it to me and then she said "Well, that was rude too" and then I said that I was RETALIATING because I have heard this crap from her for years and I never say anything about what she does and she says stuff that is just as mean and stuff that is meaner than that about me all the time and that I hated her and I've been wanting to say that for years, but I've held it back all this time. It sounds bad to say that she eats a lot of junk food, but it's okay when she says things meaner than that about me all the time and she's not even doing it out of retaliation, she just does it because it doesn't hurt HER, but when you retaliate, then she thinks you're the rude one. I've been putting up with this for ages. She gets mad at other people for being fat or eating any junk food and she puts people down for it even though she does the same thing and often worse and you're the one in the wrong if you finally say anything back.

Sexless marriage, can I save it?

replies: 11

Hi all,I'm new to forums, so please be patient if I mess up the etiquette or formatting etc.I find myself in a situation within my marriage that I could never have imagined even 5yrs ago. We have been married for 34 yrs (myself M 65yo, her 61 yo)& we... View more

Hi all,I'm new to forums, so please be patient if I mess up the etiquette or formatting etc.I find myself in a situation within my marriage that I could never have imagined even 5yrs ago. We have been married for 34 yrs (myself M 65yo, her 61 yo)& we had always enjoyed an intimate & sexually satisfying relationship.Around 5yrs ago everything came to a dead stop, no intimacy & no sex despite frequent attempts on my part & constant rejections. I was aware that menopause symptoms had been fairly noticeable so I tried to be patient & supportive hoping things would return to some sort of normal & switched focus to seeking intimacy rather than physical sex, but I found that even an embrace or touch of any kind (not sexual) caused her to recoil rather than reciprocate. We last had physical sex 3 yrs ago when I reminded her it had been 2 yrs since our previous tryst. She laughed at me at the time & I was genuinely hurt by that. Several weeks later she seduced me totally unexpectedly, but it was obvious to both of us it was done as a guilt trip more than anything.Now a further 3 yrs down the track I find myself becoming bitter & angry at her dismissive attitude. Around 9 months ago she had a coughing fit that unfortunately resulted in a prolapsed bladder which she is waiting to have surgery on (hopefully soon). I suggested maybe we could engage in some mutual non-penetrative activity but she blankly refused. This medical condition has now become the excuse she needs to justify her position, even though the rot had set in 5 yrs earlier.I'm sorry for the long winded post but I'm at my wits end. I'm even considering visiting a sex worker or finding a casual hookup, but I know this is only postponing the problem & I still love my wife despite all this & don't want a divorce although that is starting to look like the only final resolution.Hoping someone on here might have some similar experience & clear headed advice as my head is all over the place right now. Thanks for listening.Sad:-(

Father dies and feeling nothing (cold as ice)

replies: 4

This is the first time I have posted in 8 years and I'm in a much better place than I was back then through lots of hard work and life changes such as surrounding yourself with the right people no matter how small that circle is and yes it generally ... View more

This is the first time I have posted in 8 years and I'm in a much better place than I was back then through lots of hard work and life changes such as surrounding yourself with the right people no matter how small that circle is and yes it generally gets smaller as we get older. I feel like posting again and getting a few thoughts off my chest. To anyone reading this to you can overcome anything with the righty support around you, doing positive things and trying to be a good person. I just found out a few weeks ago my father had passed away. we hadn't spoken in about 15 years anyway so he wasn't a part of my life anyway. when I got told I was shocked but felt no emotion whatsoever. Does that make me a bad person or cold hearted? I don't have hate for any of my family except my sister she is the only one I speak to and love out of everyone and I'm a 41 year old man now with my own life. I'm not looking for sympathy as we all have our own stories and experiences but since I left home when I was 16 I have struggled immensely mentally. More so it really started to hit me when I was 23 as the seeds of depression and anxiety had been planted when I was young and what myself and other 2 siblings experienced growing up. I guess through my experiences it has made me cold hearted in regards to if someone is negative or toxic family or not they will not be in my life. I will not continue to be hurt physically or mentally by anyone especially as I have my own life now. The only question I have really is I don't understand how someone can have 3 kids out there and even as they face death feel no remorse or empathy or want to make direct contact on the way out. My phone number hadn't changed from when he told me 15 years ago I'm busy call you next week same old spiel from the man who helped bring me into this world. Just showed me he was a coward whilst living and before exiting this world. He was married to a controlling and evil scientologist who may or may not have told him to forget his 3 kids existed. You know there is a problem if all 3 kids move out before they are 16 the home obviously isn't a happy place. This grinds my gears more so because my partner and I now who is the best thing that's ever happened to me are trying to have just one child through ivf as we both have our own health issues and we have failed 3 times already. we would be amazing parents and would love that child through any circumstance which is what or my siblings never received. That frustrates me if I'm being honest and all I want to know is why you never wanted to know about your 3 kids? Cowardly act from the ultimate coward even at the end. I am very empathetic I actually cry in movies that have family situations or close loving relationships or just emotional moments just ask my partner every time I'm gone haha the waterworks are on. But with people who I feel nothing for I or who have hurt me i can go the opposite so I hope that is a normal feeling. Sometimes I feel darker thoughts towards people who have harmed me but I am much better at controlling those these days through the immense counselling and medication and support from my now partner. i guess our experiences as children make us into who we are as adults good and bad and i still hear the voices in my head and picture things that happened like it was yesterday but you get better at controlling and accepting them in time. I hope all the parents reading this understand what you do today will impact on your kids for the rest of their lives so be careful what you say and do and how you act because time doesn't erase just allows people to potentially control better.

Half a decade break up

replies: 1

Hey everyone,I am new to this and gathered I would give this a go. About 4 weeks ago my girlfriend of almost 5 years broke up with me, this was due to an intense mental health crisis I responded to poorly. You see I live with type 2 ASD and BPD, 2025... View more

Hey everyone,I am new to this and gathered I would give this a go. About 4 weeks ago my girlfriend of almost 5 years broke up with me, this was due to an intense mental health crisis I responded to poorly. You see I live with type 2 ASD and BPD, 2025 I spent in and out of psychiatric hospitals getting treatment. End of OCT 25 there was a rift in my family home, my mother's dog got rough with my cat, which we caught on our cat camera. I instigated a conversation with her during a home visit (I was in a psychiatric hospital at the time), this blew out of proportion due to her own instabilities and she evicted my partner and I from my family home. My partner had to reconnect to her narcissistic mother for help as my mother wanted everything out within a day or two - I was unable to be discharged due to my condition. This situation broke my foundation and shattered my sense of self, my partner and I both went down hill and situations got worse moving into her mother's home. I got extremely unwell to a point my personality snapped and I feel into a distructive decision that in a normal day to day is not part of something I do. I created an inappropriate add on a site for a massage service and interacted with different people, one in particular I provided my personal mobile to- it got out of hand quickly and lead to a few days of chats, photos and making plans. This was found while I was in the shower after a late night at work as we both leave out phones open to one another. I cheated during what was my lowest point and have been in and out of termoil since. She was my life partner and my mental health got to a point that ruined the one thing that made me happy. I did seek help during this and even before it got to this point, unfortunately the help failed to support me and I was left with myself. I did however book a psychiatrist session before anything was out, I was a week away from receiving that help. I still underwent it and it has made such a huge difference on my life...she tried me on a new medication that I have needed for so long. I have been struggling with this knowledge as we cannot take back certain actions. My now ex was my whole world, going through life without her is the hardest thing I have experienced. I have trouble making friends and the area I live is her hometown. My strongest struggle is not having someone to talk to everyday, living alone and losing my biggest support.

Navigating grief & disappointment

replies: 1

My childhood dog was euthanised last week, it was the hardest thing ever and I feel guilty, have regrets, and have been so sad over it. I knew it was coming as she was very very old, but it was still unexpected. My family and I were there for it, I h... View more

My childhood dog was euthanised last week, it was the hardest thing ever and I feel guilty, have regrets, and have been so sad over it. I knew it was coming as she was very very old, but it was still unexpected. My family and I were there for it, I had messaged my boyfriend letting him know what was going on, and he said sorry this is happening etc etc but he was out with friends so couldn’t call me or message. I asked if he could stay at my house that night for comfort and he said ok, but then texted me later saying he was too tired to drive to my house and because he was going on a weekend trip with his friends the next day he needed good sleep to drive. I said it’s fine but obviously felt disappointed but not angry at him as I understood he needed good sleep before driving. The next day though, he didn’t message me at all and left with all his friends, then didn’t have wifi for 3 days, so I did not hear from him all weekend. I felt a bit hurt he didn’t check in with me before he left & the day after I had to put my dog down, or even just a hey I’m leaving now I love you/hope you’re doing ok…. He got home today, and I let him know I felt a bit hurt that he didn’t check in with me, and he said he had absolutely no time whatsoever…. And to trust him that he genuinely had not even one second to talk to me. I am struggling to see his point of view, and I can’t see how he couldn’t find 2 minutes to check in with me the morning before his trip. (He didn’t leave till midday). Anyway he said he “doesn't regret anything” because he “didn’t do anything wrong” but I still feel a bit let down, and I’m not sure how to navigate this on top of the grief I’m feeling over losing my dog. (btw I’m not a crazy girlfriend who expects him to message me everyday, sometimes he doesn’t text me for 2 days because he is busy with work and I literally don’t care, but the fact I had lost my dog I felt I needed him but he wasn’t there for me made me sad)

Estrangement of parents and their adult children

replies: 9

We must remain general on this issue as all families have different dynamics. It's been suggested on several social media platforms that this is a trend, that cutting off parents has a more immediate effect than it did a few generations ago. This "tr... View more

We must remain general on this issue as all families have different dynamics. It's been suggested on several social media platforms that this is a trend, that cutting off parents has a more immediate effect than it did a few generations ago. This "trend" is done at times with no reason given often by the adult child and the ramifications can be enormous especially so when grandchildren are in the mix, the grief and loss is unimaginable. Human communication has likely changed. For a person to cut off a loved one and not explain the reason could be caused by- They know they wont get the person to see their side, to listenThe damage has been too great so discussion wouldnt be successfulThat the "crime" is too impacting to negotiate. That cutting off is used as a weapon to hurt or revengeThe person that is removed would be devastated and its normal to think of yourself in such situations but the person that removed you is also grieving. In fact there's grief with everyone including the grandkids. What is known is that the adult children are adults and they have the right to remove what they feel is a toxic parent or person. The parent often claims "grandparents have rights" (to grandchild access) of which they dont. This leads me to mention what parents can do, the only way to maximise the chances of reunification. Stay awayno more than one contact yearly eg xmas (in my experience birthday cards can create anger)Limit your discussions with outsiders on the topicSeek comfort/clarity through therapyExpand your activities for distraction and a lifeTry not to include your partnerThere is a substantial risk of further resentment if a parent thats been cut off treats their spouse as a team against the child. A spouse can be loyal without involvement and there is a better chance of the family healing with the spouse visiting and keeping up to date with their childs life. This parent could explain how the other parent thinks and reacts. If the spouse is involved more than that eg they choose to be cut off to remain loyal to their partner that means they are acting as a deputy that denies them of their own decisions. They give up their individual judgements and relationships for loyalty. I'm suggesting that isnt always productive. We should acknowledge that family division can also be caused by a personality disorder (as in my case) or mental health issues as well as a myriad of common reasons. If its obvious to one party there is something wrong with a person with a destructive attitude and they are in denial, that can result in the "no hope" scenario. The person removed often will declare "I didnt do anything wrong" as their sole defence and not mention at all the discussions for them to seek professional help. For some it's the end of their world, understandable, seeking therapy even if you believe you are right is an excellent way to seek clarity when clarity is not possible from their silent child. Also, be patient, get an active life and fill in your schedule. If you put pressure/obligation on an adult child thats decided to sever a relationship with you your chances of repairing it is lower. Thoughts? TonyWK

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

All discussions

Emotional abuse and pregnant

replies: 2

Struggle with anxiety of being an entrepreuner

replies: 3

Partner ended the relationship due to her mental health

replies: 1

Intimacy issues with boyfriend

replies: 1

Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops

replies: 6

Sexless marriage, can I save it?

replies: 11

Father dies and feeling nothing (cold as ice)

replies: 4

Half a decade break up

replies: 1

Navigating grief & disappointment

replies: 1

Estrangement of parents and their adult children

replies: 9

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

Emotional abuse and pregnant replies: 2

Struggle with anxiety of being an entrepreuner replies: 3

Partner ended the relationship due to her mental health replies: 1

Intimacy issues with boyfriend replies: 1

Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops replies: 6

Sexless marriage, can I save it? replies: 11

Father dies and feeling nothing (cold as ice) replies: 4

Half a decade break up replies: 1

Navigating grief & disappointment replies: 1

Estrangement of parents and their adult children replies: 9

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

Emotional abuse and pregnant

replies: 2

Struggle with anxiety of being an entrepreuner

replies: 3

Partner ended the relationship due to her mental health

replies: 1

Intimacy issues with boyfriend

replies: 1

Passive aggressive, never takes accountability or stops

replies: 6

Sexless marriage, can I save it?

replies: 11

Father dies and feeling nothing (cold as ice)

replies: 4

Half a decade break up

replies: 1

Navigating grief & disappointment

replies: 1

Estrangement of parents and their adult children

replies: 9