Hi, welcome
Such a difficult position for you both and I can understand the stress he is going through similar to when my blood clot in my leg travelled to my groin on the way to heart and lungs at which point could have been catastrophic. My tolerance for anything and everything was low and the person that cops it the most is the spouse. Which means its not your fault.
Erectile dysfunction has many ways now to correct it. Talk to your GP with or without your husband. Gaining knowledge from your side can be the way to go as when the topic rises you can pass on to him the accurate information and he just might accept such treatment easier when in the mood.
There are many anti depressants available some of which can be compatible with him. They all need 6-8 weeks to begin working so that means 3 months for each trial and that might not fit in with his tolerance/endurance levels. Stopping "cold" medication usually has side effects. He really needs to accept that there is a accepted way of managing medications at home and not swing away from conventional management of which doctors, far well adverse to handling them- instruct us correctly.
That leads me to the most difficult problem you have- his reluctance to seek medical help. Although a common thing for males it is still very unacceptable and the spouse wears the penalty. My first wife had an issue of stubbornness and eventually I had to get a doctor to visit us at home which surprised her. Nevertheless she had an issue and it was addressed. Perhaps a change of tack- "darling, if you wont go to the doctor yourself, can you do it for me"? Also in conversation build up you past when you achieved so much as a team, then tell him you both can continue as a team to face any issue but you both need to get that regular medical help or that teamwork doesnt go anywhere.
Finally, seek out couples counselling. Again there is imo a better technique- if he wont attend, go alone. This can result in 2 things- you'll benefit in ways to approach him about seeking medical support and he might want to go after a while. It is important in my view that you dont let out details of your solo meetings, if he wants details he can attend at the next meeting.
I hope you are ok. We are open 24/7/365. Post and wait for a reply.
TonyWK
